The Body in the Basement - Alex Broun

22EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:Stop being so flippant. I just need to know about things that effect mysafety. Especially in countries where people get blown up on trains.(STANDING) I wonder if it’s too late to change our trip. I think theyhave a seven day Swiss Alps adventure that sounds good. Any trainsblow up there recently ?Eileen. It doesn’t affect your safety.Not what the passengers on that train said as their seats disappeared uptheir behinds.It was one bomb on one train and it was just because a terrorist groupwanted Spain to pull their troops out of Iraq which they did when theGovernment changed so there shouldn’t be any more bombs on trainsnow.PAUSE. EILEEN LOOKS AT MAX.EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:Okay – now in that sentence – the totality of which I did notcompletely catch – but what I did catch – was in that sentence therewas a number of rather emotive words. These words were – terrorist,Iraq, bombs, trains, Spain. Did I mention terrorists ? I thought I wasgoing to the Costa Brava for a fiesta followed by a Siesta in a Villa insleepy, succulent Spain – now I discover I’m off to one of the world’s“hot spots” to chance my life with a thrill ride on a booby trapped trainwith terrorists from Iraq.The terrorists aren’t from Iraq darling. They’re from Spain.And that makes it better. The fact that it’s not Osama bin Laden who’llbe blowing me up. It’s his brother - Sanchez. I’ll make sure toremember that as my head is being separated from my shoulder blades.Please darling, you really are over reacting.How can I be over reacting ? In eight days I’m going to be sitting on aseat that a few days earlier was sent on a one way trip to the moon –complete with its passengers bottom half. I am not over reacting !Please, calm down. Come and sit down. Come.MAX USHERS EILEEN OVER TO SIT DOWN.MAX:EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:Have some Sangria.No, no more Sangria for me. Chianti, only chianti.Have some Tapas then.No, no Tapas. A doughnut. A nice juicy jam doughnut.