The Body in the Basement - Alex Broun

14EILEEN RELUCTANTLY COMES FORWARD AND TAKES THE PHONE.EILEEN: Hello darling. What have I told you about calling us at this time ?/We’re in the middle of dinner. And what if we were entertaining ?Very awkward. You know we’ve asked you to be more considerate./When do we leave ? Next Tuesday. Why ?/ You and Rodney want tocome with us, what a lovely idea. But sadly that won’t be possibledarling. They’re fully booked./No completely. Somebody else tried tobook last month and they told them to (YELLING) “piss off.”/Nodarling, there’s nothing they can do. They only have a certain numberof seats that’s why they toldf that couple to (YELLING) “getlost.”/Yes it is going to be wonderful. Don’t worry. We’ll send you apostcard./ Why don’t you try Bali ? I hear it’s very cheap these dayssince all those people got blown up./ (MAKING HISSING ANDPOPPING SOUNDS) What’s that darling ? Sorry I can’t hear you. Ithink the paella’s boiling over. (MORE HISSING AND POPPING)Gotta run. Love to Rodney. (ANOTHER HISS AND POP) Bye bye.EILEEN HANGS UP THE PHONE. SHE GLARES AT MAX.MAX: Sssss –EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:Don’t you dare say it.You know I find it very hard to lie.Who are you ? John Howard.And we do hear from her so seldomly.You mean - you. She rings me three times a day. Every day.MAX: What did she want ?EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:Oh nothing.Sounded like something.Well it wasn’t. Now eat up – your Tortilla is getting cold.Darling please – I want you tell me what she said.(DEAD PAN) Oh I love it when you get aggressive. She wants tocome on the trip.Really ? How wonderful.Are you kidding ? I don’t want her tagging along – whining up anddone the Costa Blanca.