Camp Rover

By Jeffrey B. AronsonThis is a somber day; as I complete thiscolumn on April 18, snow continues to fall.Between the cold, snow and mud, it has been atough spring in rural New England. However,this is nothing compared to the spring of 2001in rural England. Thousands of British farmerswill lose over 1 million animals to the battleover foot and mouth disease. WhereasAmerican farmers might have tilled the familysoil for a few generations, English farming familieshave often worked the same land for 200 -300 years. In a Boston Globe interview, WillCockbain, a sheep farmer in Cumbria, said “ifthings go wrong, it’s like you’re letting downyour ancestors. I’m tough, but I’ve been intears a couple of times over this. It isn’t justabout my family. It’s about a way of life. Thefarming life in Cumbria is getting wiped out.”The average farmer in England makesabout $10,000 per year, yet little of that comesfrom actually raising or growing a product.Prices in England have dropped so much thatproduction costs outstrip sales. Farmers inEngland, as in the United States, rely on subsidies;in England, they’re recognized for theirenvironmental maintenance - repairing stonewalls, fixing dikes, burning off heather - thatpreserves the stunning English countryside.The rural tourist industry earns about $15 billionannually in England alone.The virulence of foot-and-mouth disease,which does not threaten humans, does threatenfarming and the rural tourist industry. Majorstretches of walking trails have become off-lim -its, and off road organizations in Great Britainare canceling events. With the major LandRover shows usually held in May and June,Land Rover enthusiasts face a bleak summer.We should be thankful that the severe restrictionson foot and 4 x 4 travel have not beennecessary yet in the United States, and hopefulfor the fate of our rural cousins in GreatBritain.I thought of their plight as my ‘66 Series II-A SW renewed its annual acquaintance withfirewood. I hauled several cord of wood from athin forest area of the island to my rentedhouse. When fully loaded, low range gearingprevented me from tearing up the thin, muddyforest surface and permitted me to leave anWales Tounobtrusive footprint.Fortunately,most of the woodwas old, dryspruce, whichburns likeChernobyl butdoesn’t weigh verymuch. I folded upthe rear jump seats,removed the partsand tool boxesfrom the car, thenstacked the woodin the Rover. It tookseveral trips totransport it to itsnew home, where Icut it to size withthe chain saw, splitit and stacked it forthe season. Thefinal stackingrequired backingup onto a slickrock face to reachthe flat spot on which to stack the wood; as themud at the foot of the hillock was quite soft, itrequired a deft touch not to dig up the surface.A hallmark of the Series Land Rover wasalways its utility. The same vehicle that couldhaul farm supplies and firewood could alsotransport 7 people; 12 if you bought a 109”.Without question, the Land Rover demanded aspirit of compromise from its owner. No onewould ride in great comfort. It helped if allpassengers were on good speaking terms witheach other. Still, few other contemporary carscould accomplish so much and last so longunder hard use.One day I received a call from an islandbuddy. His Gen-X daughter had set her heart ona car and he wanted me to look it over. Thedaughter had fired up the interest of heryounger stepsister and four teenage friends.Could I accompany them and look over the carwith her? Let me get this straight - did I want torelive high school fantasies and be the only guywith 6 lovely girls? Yes, actually! I quickly sweptout the rear of the car, checked the duct tapeon the seats, hosed down the floor mats, andremoved evidence of previous agricultural andmarine work from therear.Remember themovie Bedazzled?Remember howBehind TheSteering WheelBrendan Frazer’sW e s t f odreamrlives dfailed him- despite havingElizabeth Hurley ashis personal devil?Just as in the movie,this dream life dissolvedin front of me.The car that had captivatedthe Gen-X purchaser,and herfriends, was a late‘90’s Geo Tracker,white with a robin’segg blue soft top andmatching blue paintedwheels. And Californiastrips along the side,in matching violethues. Istared, revolted,but as I lookedinto this youngwoman’s babyblue eyes, I sawthat the Geohad alreadystolen herheart, that onlya cad wouldeven think ofdissing this car.From my perspective,GeoTrackers beginas junk and godownhill fromthere; what ifthe car turnedout to be worsethan I thought?The daydawned gloomyand rainy. Westopped for some breakfast and the 6 girlspoured out of the Rover - right in front of alocal policeman who graciously chose not tocount seat belts. A hard rain forced the backwindow to stay strapped in place during the 30minute drive to the Geo. Ms. Gen-X could barelycontain her excitement. As I drove on, I realizedthat I had now reached a point in life atwhich not one parent thought it dangerous -even inappropriate - that their stunning daugh -ters, 6 of them, should accompany me, withouta chaperone, on a trip to the mainland. I hadmorphed from “young buck” to “Uncle Buck.”Whatever the initial lure of the Land Rover,it evaporated completely when the girls spiedthe Geo Tracker. After all, here was a colorcoordinatedcar with a radio/CD player. I puton a monkey suit and began the inspection. Istared at a clean, but not steam-cleaned,engine bay. The oil looked clear and all thefluid levels seemed appropriate. The brakes,clutch and transmission worked smoothly andwithout bite. The tiny chassis resembled that ofan electric train but it had no serious rust. Thestarter groaned a bit, but the motor soundedfine. Devastated, I was forced to pronounce itfit. The girls leapt in for a test drive just as therain stopped; with the top down and the radioblasting, the Geo proved irresistible and Ms.Gen-X paid the sum of a perfectly serviceableLand Rover for the car. She made arrange -ments to pick it up in a couple of days and Idrove them back to the island in the LandRover.________ P _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Land Rover once ran a print advertisementin the UK showing a new Land Rover ownerwaving good bye to a weepy salesman. The gistof the ad was that you should be profuse inyour mutual salutations as, given the life ofLand Rovers, you might not see that salesmanfor another 10 years. It pointed to the dilemmafor Land Rover; under proper care the carscan last so long that repeat sales might notoccur for many years. With traditional car dealersemploying stereotypical car salesmanengaging in stereotypical sales practices, adecade-long absence seems quite desirable.However, if a car dealer exists to sell cars, well,the problem is obvious.A good example occurred once when LandRover North America placed a thumbnail-sizedphotograph of a Series I in the front of thatyear’s sales brochure, featuring the Discovery,Defender and Range Rover. A customer oncecalled a dealership and requested “a car justlike the one on Page 2.” When the sales guideturned to that page, he found the photo of theSeries I. It was several years before Series vehiclesappeared in Land Rover publicationsagain.Indeed, for a while it seemed as thoughLand Rover sought to emulate the Kremlin ofthe Soviet Union and rewrite the history of thefirm. All references to off-road prowess left thecompany’s advertisements; instead, youwatched a Land Rover tackle a beach parkinglot and transport a wet dog from the middle ofa road. Zowie! Suddenly, the world turned andthe challenges of the Land Rover Trek competitionsare the center of attention. Staytuned..Land Rover may be heading in the rightdirection after all.________ P _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _At RoverFest 2000 and at the BritishInvasion, the 4 x 4 Center of Williston, VT,organized popular trials courses. With manyfamilies in attendance, lots of cars stuffed withfamilies wended their way up and down theslalom courses. If you’re a kid, that stinks -only the adults could drive. If you can con yourfolks, have them send you to Scotland’sGleneagles resort. The $80, 45-minute JuniorOff-Roading course in Perthshire lets kids drivemini Land Rovers on garden paths and a circuitof obstacles. Instructors carry remote con -trols to prevent accidents. Sounds like heavento me!________ P _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The Wall Street Journal reminded us thatformer Prime Minister John Major once pro -claimed that Britain would remain a land ofdog lovers, “invincible green suburbs” andwarm beer. Sadly, warm beer seems to befalling victim to American trends. The Journalreported that Worthington Ale now admonishesimbibers to “Drink ice cold” right on the bottle.T&R Theakston Ltd., renowned for suchtraditional tipples as Old Peculier, is rolling outan ale called Cool Cask, served at 50 degrees,compared with a typical 54 to 56 degrees fortraditional British ales. Far bolder, GuinnessLtd. promotes an alternative version of its stoutcalled Guinness Extra Cold, poured from thetap at a tongue-numbing 39 degrees — aboutthe same as U.S.-style lagers. Mick Lewis, thechairman of the North London branch of theCampaign for Real Ale, huffed that “You mightas well just serve water.” Jackson considers“those horrible frosted glasses” favored byAmerican bartenders as an abomination. “Insome of the more backward parts of America,”Mr. Jackson reports, “it’s damn near frozen.”After my travails with the girls in my QE I, Imight have to visit a bar and test his observations.© 2001 Rovers North Inc • 1319 VT Route 128, Westford, Vermont 05494-9601, USA • 802.879.0032 • e-mail rovers@together.net • www. r o v e r s n o r t h . c o m