Downloaded - The Austin Chronicle

Sarah Childs won a restraining order in Denham Springs, La., in December,forbidding the town from shutting down her “Christmas” lights decoration. Thelarge outdoor display (in a neighborhood with traditional Christmas displays)was the image of two hands with middle fingers extended.Three-STar room ThaT’S a DumpThe usual 20,000 or so visitors every yearto Belgium’s Verbeke Foundation art parkhave the option (365 of them, anyway) tospend the night inside the feature attraction:a 20-foot-long, 6-foot-high polyester replica ofa human colon created by Dutch designerJoep Van Lieshout. At one end, of course,another body part is replicated (and gives theinstallation its formal name, the HotelCasAnus). The facility, though “cramped,”according to one prominent review, featuresheating, showers, and double beds, and rentsfor the equivalent of about $150 a night. The30-acre art park is regarded as one ofEurope’s “edgiest” art destinations.Compelling explanaTionSGiuseppe Tedesco took the witness standin Newton, N.J., in December and swore thatall six shots that hit his girlfriend, AlyssaRuggieri (one of them fatal), were “selfdefenseaccidents.” After she discovered his.25-caliber handgun in the sofa cushions, hesaid he reached for it and in the struggle wasshot in the hand, but he still managed to gripthe gun tightly, and the pair tumbled downsome stairs. During the struggle, “both”hands shot Ruggieri twice. Despite their injuries,they both maintained their vice-like gripson the gun, he said, and “they” shot Ruggieritwice more. The final shot, he said, camewith Ruggieri holding the gun point-blank athis face, and when he pushed it away, “they”fired another shot that hit Ruggieri in the temple.(At press time, the trial was continuing.)The issues director of the fundamentalistAmerican Family Association told his radioaudience in November that God’s feelings willby Chuck Shepherdbe hurt if America stops using fossil fuels forenergy. “God has buried those treasuresthere because he loves to see us find them,”said Bryan Fischer, who described Americans’campaigns against fossil fuels as similar tothe time when Fischer, at age 6, told a birthday-presentdonor that he didn’t like his gift,“and it just crushed that person.”Retrials and appeals are sometimes grantedif a convicted criminal demonstrates thathe received “ineffective assistance of counsel.”Among the reasons that the lawyer forconvicted Joliet, Ill., quadruple-murdererChristopher Vaughn offered in his Novembermotion was the ineptness of other lawyers(but not himself). Specifically, he argued, thelawyers for the convicted wife-killing policeofficer Drew Peterson put on such a disgustingcase that they gave all defense lawyers abad name. (The website LoweringtheBar.netpointed out that Vaughn lawyer George Lenardhimself violated a lawyers’ “kitchen sink”standard by overlisting 51 separate reasonswhy his client deserved a new trial.)ChuTzpah!Mauricio Fierro gained instant fame inDecember in São Paulo, Brazil, as the reportedvictim of a car theft (captured on surveillancevideo) when he dashed into a pharmacy.He went to a police station to file a report,but encountered the pharmacy owner makinghis own report – that Fierro was actually robbinghim at the moment the car was taken.More surveillance video revealed that whileFierro was standing outside the pharmacy,wondering where his car was, a man ran byand stole the stolen cash. Fierro then immoderatelycomplained to the police even moreR o y T o m p k i n sabout São Paulo’s crime rate and lack ofsecurity. Afterward, Fierro admitted to a localnews website that in fact he had stolen thevery car that he was reporting stolen.The ConTinuing CriSiSFormer undercover cop Mark Kennedy filedfor damages in October against the LondonMetropolitan police, claiming post-traumaticstress syndrome based on the department’s“negligence” in allowing him to have such arobust sex life on the job that he fell in lovewith a woman whose organization he had infiltrated.Kennedy’s wife has filed for divorceand is also suing the department, and 10other women (including three of Kennedy’sformer lovers) have also filed claims.In a 3-2 decision, the Board of Adjustmentin the Seattle suburb of Clyde Hill ruled thata homeowner must chop down two large, eleganttrees on his property because theyobstruct a neighbor’s scenic view of Seattle’sskyline. The board’s majority reasoned thatthe complaining neighbor (who happens to beformer baseball all-star John Olerud) wouldotherwise suffer a $255,000 devaluation ofhis $4 million estate. (Olerud was ordered topay for the tree removal and to plant theneighbor two smaller trees in place of themajestic ones).people WiTh iSSueS1) New York’s highest court ruled inNovember that subway “grinders” (men whomasturbate by rubbing up against women ontrains) cannot be charged with felonies aslong as they don’t use force to restrain theirvictims (but only commit misdemeanors thatusually result in no jail time). 2) Police inPhuket, Thailand, announced that their allpointssearch for a public masturbator whoharassed a restaurant’s staff had producedno suspects – although a spokesman saidthey did find “a few people (nearby) who weremasturbating in their vehicles, but none ofthem were the man we are looking for.”perSpeCTiveUpdate: Four months have passed since“News of the Weird” mentioned that at least60 North Carolina prisoners have beenimproperly incarcerated – they are legallyinnocent based on a 2011 federal appealscourt decision. (Still others are at least owedsentence reduction because they had beenconvicted of offenses in addition to the incorrectone.) A June USA Today story revealedthe injustice, and the federal governmenttook until August to release holds on theinmates, but since then, only 44 of the estimated175 affected prisoners have been correctlyadjudicated. USA Today reported inDecember that the recent delay has beenbecause of the obstinacy of some NorthCarolina federal judges, including casesinvolving citizens by now wrongfully locked upfor more than 18 months.Visit Chuck Shepherd daily atwww.newsoftheweird.blogspot.com(or www.newsoftheweird.com).Send your weird news to: Chuck Shepherd, PO Box18737, Tampa, FL 33679 or weirdnewstips@yahoo.com.©2013 Universal Press SyndicateVINYL/CD/DVDbuY aND traDeNew aND uSeD2209 South First Street462-6008•endofanear.coma u s t i n c h r o n i c l e . c o m JANUARY 18, 2013 T H E A U S T I N C H R O N I C L E 47