Methods-of-Self-Care

“Caring formyself resistseverything I’veb e e n t a u g h tabout notbeing worthyenough.”to be honest with them abouthow emotionally available wecan be.Women are socialized toassume the role of caregiversfrom an early age. We’resupposed to play houseinstead of office. We’re meantlove our dolls and stuffedanimals instead of our legosets. We’re expected to putothers first, magically intuitand take care of the emotionalneeds of others. Some babesadopt this role naturally — theway that they love is warriorlike.There are some of us whoadopt this begrudgingly or notat all.The care that they give is aweapon against everythingthat tells us that womenshould be catty, in competitionwith one another — that we’reall after the same slice in thepatriarchal pie. They carethat they give to the men andchildren in their lives enablesa new generation of babybabes to grow up and allowsthe men to unlearn the societal standards of harsh masculinity.But it leaves little room for the affection and tenderness toextend to oneself.If you fire everyone else’s oven there aren’t going to be anyflames for your own. Tempering the nurturing urges we feelcompelled to, inwardly or as a symptom of gender binary, andredirecting it towards our own babely selves is rebellious.Feeling like we’re worthy of our own attention and gentlenessis radical. Extending the compassion we extend to others isa middle finger to those things we were taught in preschool.Taking selfies isn’t vanity, it’s self-celebration. Talking abouthow rad you are isn’t bragging, it’s truth-telling. Being proud ofhow hard you hustle and your ability to overcome is just realtalk.A great babe I know (shoutout, Julie Lalonde) once taught methat the key to true self care is taking the time to get to knowyourself enough to know what your non-negotiables are. Doyou need 10 hours of sleep a night? Never do anything thatcompromises that. Do you need a green juice every morning tomake sure you’re all veggied up before your day gets hectic?Stock up on produce and wake up 15 minutes earlier. Doesa coat of lipstick and a blowout recharge you? Put it in yourbudget. Is seeing a therapist every few weeks the key to yourmental health? Call a community health clinic. Is your onehourjog an essential part of your day? Make a sweat date anddon’t break it. Does an orgasm every night help to soothe youranxiety and bring on deeper slumber? Figure out one or twoor even three things that keep you feeling invincible and dowhatever it takes to do them on a regular basis. I swear thatyou’re worth it.