Methods-of-Self-Care

everything I had believed formost of my life. Unlearningtoxic ideas about people andabout yourself takes timeand it takes patience whenyour logic doesn’t match yourfeelings, or experience.I also thought too much selflovewould make me stagnantand lazy. I’ve often been veryhard on myself. I’ve alwaysbeen a go-getter, a creator ofprojects and goals. I often, andunfortunately, find my selfworththere and when I don’tmeasure up, whether thatbe through procrastinationor lack of time, I would takemyself to town. I would (andwill) speak negatively, wordslike “God, Kara get your shittogether. You had all thattime, why didn’t you do it.You are pathetic. You arewasting your talent. You area fraud. You can do this,but you’re not, why the fucknot, you are ridiculous” andthere is this part of me thatthinks this rhetoric will teachme, that it will be the rightkind of “tough love” to finallyshow me, that I will get fed upand CHANGE. Except, I doget fed up, but I simply shutdown. I get so paralyzed that Icannot do anything and I endup feeling more shitty aboutmyself and the cycle beginsagain. In those moments I amnot caring for myself. I’m notlistening to what I need, orwhat I want, and it very rarelyproduces a solution.At the beginning of this year Istarted to police how I spoketo myself when it came to mywork and my work ethic. Iadded smiley faces to notesI’d write myself, I told myselfit was okay that I was tired orthat I didn’t want to work onsomething, I started to speakto myself with the tendernessthat I speak to my friends.What’s funny too is that thishas been the most productiveyear of my life. I stoppedshutting down when I gotoverwhelmed, I was eitherable to speak to myself withfrankness and kindness and“Self care is the things Ido and things I don’t do.”re-focus or I stepped awayand relaxed. I also stoppedblaming myself and my “badwork habits” for my anxiety,I acknowledge that it is aseparate entity out of mycontrol. They work togethercertainly, but my “laziness”was not the reason for myanxiety.Self care, and the methodsthat facilitate it, are uniqueto every person. Self careis a practice, just like artmakingor athleticism, it hasto be exercised and it hasto be customized. My selfcare manifests as radicalgentleness in the way I speakto and think of myself, in todolists, in late night cleaningsessions, long showers,glasses of ice water, crying,going to bed early, etc. Selfcare is the things I do and it’sthe things I don’t do. I don’tdrink espresso because itmakes me feel more anxious,I don’t keep people in my lifethat exhaust me, I don’t stayout late consistently etc. Forme, self care is both radicalgentleness (to myself) anddefensive boundaries (to theworld).Self care is an action, onethat does not berate whenfeelings don’t coincide withthe feeling. But, often — andquite wonderfully — they canchange. Self care changes theway you see the world andyourself. You deserve to treatyourself with the kindness andthe care you exercise towardothers.Take care (of yourself), babe.