lost-where-i-belong

Contents3: Introduction5: Prologue6: Chapter 1: Moving South of the River30: Chapter 2: The Comedown Commences49: Chapter 3: Stranded In The Subways, And Venturing Visual70: Chapter 4: Floudering In Folkestone104: Chapter 5: Spreading My “Folded” Wings120: Chapter 6: “Lions Are Made For Cages, Just To Look At In Delight”149: Chapter 7: Hypomania and High Dives194: Chapter 8: Soulful, Sleepless, and Stretching Out Further247: Chapter 9: The Road To Ramsgate Commences2

IntroductionAh hello!You’ve chosen to have a gander at my insight into my crazy, chaotic,sometimes melancholy, and above all rewarding insight into how I haveended up in a spiritual haven near the sea.The one way to help me understand more about things I have done orexperiences I have been through is to write them down and reflect on them.That was certainly the case when re-living my university exploits in my lastwritten “adventure” though maybe it was a bit too lengthy?I was always going to write a follow up, and having recently moved to alovely new home by the seaside, away from the constraints of living with parents ,I thought it would be a good time to re-live the four year period from 2009-2013.A look back at what it was like reverting back to how things were before universityand how after a year of uncertainty, I eventually “found my calling”on a work placement that not just shaped my radio ambition but alsogave a spiritual sense of warmth, that I long for in day to day life.It’s been quite a journey, with physical and emotional transition periods,struggling to blend in with people due to long distances, and even goingthrough minor episodes, many of them bursting into tears all of a suddendue to finding the silliest things too emotional to deal with.But that’s what I’m like as a human.The ultimate sign of knowing I have a great love for something is if I end up sobbingunstoppably, whether it’s at a hilarious joke on a Frankie Boyle DVD,or the stirring strings of a Jazztronik record.3

I chose the name “Lost Where I Belong” from a song by Andreya Triana,who I’ve only discovered in the last year or so, but was released right in the midst ofmoving back to Canterbury and mirrored my own situation perfectly.It was the place I had lived the longest in my lifetime, but I have never reallybeen able to fit in, or embrace the city with genuine passion.The choice of title may be rather lazy, but it the same method didn’t stop“Take Me Out” from becoming a successful Saturday night TV show,even if it did take at least three series to have me converted.Actually, there’s no way this written account will be at all successful.But I hope it will give you an entertaining if at times confusing insight intothe occasional highs, and inevitable wobbles I have gone through, and how ithas lead to friendships dissolving and reconciling, and discovering moreabout what I am like as a person.Whether it’s my spiritual sense, or my political sense which I have certainlydeveloped further since leaving university, and the inevitable comedown.A comedown partly hampered further by a backward-thinking coalition government,it’s only made me feel more stronger and given me a determined state of mindto defeat their stupid and unexplainable “Big Society” utopia.My spiritual sense?Well, I guess I’ve never really grown up and in the many photos that make upthe biog, there a hint of youthfulness when I’m smiling and it comes acrossas somewhat childlike.And most importantly of all, there’s absolutely no harm in being afraid,or opening up in public that you’re not feeling yourself.Like my last biog, this will be frankly honest, no words will be minced,and some of those words may be a little colourful, just in case you’re easily offended…4

PrologueIt was a Wednesday afternoon in May 2011.Just days before my birthday, but I was barely in a celebratory mood.I was in a very small radio studio in a very big secondary school in Folkestoneand I was at my wits end.Just minutes before I was meant to present live on air I had a panic attackand the “supportive encouragement” from deputy station manager and formeruni student Sami (who I’d previously had an implausible crush on) wasn’t helping.“To be quite honest, there’s not a lot of radio work going anyway,and in the state you’re currently in, there’s little chance of getting any at all”.I ended up being driven back to Folkestone Central station where I got the trainback to Canterbury and the second I walked into my house I started screaming,and doing violent things to soft objects, saying out loud that I was convincedI didn’t have a future in radio, all because I didn’t fit in with the sycophanticoutside world, or have the communicative skills to get that foot in the door.To put things into perspective it was also a gloomy time in the bigger world of radio,not least because earlier that same week, talkSPORT had won Best Stationat the Sony Radio Awards.I spent the next couple of days either in bed crying, or indulging in chipsin beach cafes or supermarket cafes.I knew I was dreadfully depressed now.Until I spotted an e-mail in my inbox from the Student Radio Associationmentioning that an independent production company called Folded Wingwere offering work placements, and I thought, why not apply myself?...5

Chapter 1 – Returning South Of The RiverThe day I arrived back in Canterbury after (almost) four years livingjust outside London wasn’t as tearful as I thought it would be.Not least because the day was lightened up by venturing for a meal at Zizzi’sin the town centre that evening.Though I shouldn’t have made the mistake of going with Dad to the Orange StreetJazz Club again that night to see the freeform nonsense of an act called “Outhouse”.I had already seen them the previous summer, and I guess the headinessof my final year at uni, erased the memory that the act were the musical equivalentof a kid messing about with a piano at a village hall fete.I was still getting my fixture of more melodic jazz and soul on the radio from therecently re-launched Jazz FM, which hadn’t yet gone national on DAB, but wasstill available online, so Peter Young and Robbie Vincent kept me entertainedat the weekends.Even if by then Robbie Vincent’s running gags reminiscent of Steve Wright(which weren’t even funny first time round) were becoming unbearable.My worrying concern was how do I fill my time the rest of the week,and are there any radio opportunities around Canterbury I can engage in,paid or unpaid?Approaching radio stations for work experience, and writing letters was alwaysa struggle, not helped by the consolidation going on in the commercial landscape.Two weeks after moving back to Canterbury, Invicta FM the local commercial radiostation for Kent of 25 years transformed into Heart, along with stations in Sussex,Hampshire, Dorset and even as far as Chester.Breakfast, afternoons, drivetime, and weekend mornings would remain local,but everything else was networked from the Leicester Square studios.6

It gave the competing KMFM an excuse to celebrate on air hoping theircompetitors fortunes would fare the same as on AM almost 10 years earlierwhen Invicta Supergold turned into Capital Gold and lost a large number of listeners.Their hopes however were unfounded, and Heart ended up gainingeven more listeners, and whilst it may not be my choice of listening as a station,it was a lot more solid than Invicta had ever been in the last 10 or so years.I tried writing to Heart and KMFM for work experience and regarding KMFM,I got told that it wasn’t possible on their front as redundancies were taking placeand further downsizing was on the go.Despite having a station in the network for Canterbury, the output camefrom Ashford, as did the content for the Dover and Folkestone stations.It was discouraging to quite a point, and not being strong enoughto take knockbacks, I found it hard to try writing elsewhere.On the lighter side of things, the annual Radio Festival was taking place in Nottinghamat the end of June, the city where Kate my sister had just finished her second yearof her BA in Psychology.I wouldn’t be attending the festival itself, but the day before, the websiteJinglemad.com would be holding a special “Jingle Day” event at The Cape, a pub rightin the heart of Nottingham city centre.The event would involve a pub quiz hosted by Simon Hirst, breakfast presenterat the then “Galaxy 105” in Yorkshire and the biggest radio anorak known to man.And the nicest, most honest guy in radio you could possibly meet.7

Hirsty would also be interviewing Sandy Beech, a top jingle producer whoran the company Music 4, making the cheesy songs for The Chris Moyles Showon BBC Radio 1, which was still a regular listen in the mornings.However it didn’t feel the same listening away from uni surroundingsand my listening habits of “the saviour” started to wane by the end of the summer.The following Monday would also be hosting an event aimed directly at people ofmy type who were trying to find that foot in the door, called what else?“Foot In The Door”.I had heard about this via an e-mail from my uni radio lecturer Matthew Linfootand it would be like speed dating, with aspiring radio people going round tablesand talking to experts in presenting, journalism, or independent production.This sounded like a fun event, but I was put off when reading the event details statingthat you would spend 15 minutes at a table until a klaxon soundedand it would be time to move onto the next table.Just the thought of the shrill jarring noise was enough to put me off, which had methinking whether my skin was becoming thin on returning to Canterbury.The jingle event on the other hand would be for definite and I would travelto and from Notts via coach on the Sunday and Monday respectively.Before that however I had to sort out a weekly appointment at the Job Centrewhich was a depressing process, not helped by going in there on the dayafter Michael Jackson died.I imagine you’d be asking where I was when the news broke out, and it involveda phone call from Chris, Phil and Pete at their Becmead house which they weresoon to move out of.They told me they’d heard about it on Sky News, and with me refusing tobelieve any of the shit that goes out on that manipulator of a news channel,I put the phone down and went to bed.8

But with 5 Live switched on whilst lying down, the news was soon confirmed,and the world started mourning for the sake of mourning.I could see it coming from a long way quite frankly, and if the quality of hismaterial from the last 15 years was anything to go by, it was no major loss.The rest of the media were treating the event like a member of the royal familyhad died, especially with Greg James then on Radio 1’s Early Breakfast Showtelling listeners that they were “waking up on this tragic day”.Oh for fuck’s sake, get over yourself.Chris and Pete themselves were meant to start hosting their first Friday breakfast showon Hayes FM, a community station in Middlesex but opted to abandon theirrunning order of forced innuendos in favour of a music-lead show to pay respect.I’ll try not to go into too much detail over the hysteria that followed,but it was summed up by again, Sky News when they surprised some MJ fanstouring in Los Angeles by giving away free tickets to Jacko’s funeral.Returning to the Cape Pub in Nottingham, and although Jingle Day was fun,it was a rather melancholy experience as a whole.Not least as I was travelling there and back by coach and it meant going throughCentral London, which having departed from the city just weeks ago caused meto get a little teary, especially when travelling past Finchley Road tube station.I also felt rather lost in an array of radio insiders, and left out as a whole, but on theplus side my team managed to storm the radio themed pub quiz by quite a length.Not least as I was lucky to have the legendary Aston McNeil, an enthusiasticfountain of knowledge, and a one-time contestant on the Weakest Link who thoughtthat the member of the “royal family” who appeared on A Question Of Sportwas Ricky Tomlinson.That caused me to laugh endlessly for 20 minutes when seeing it first time round.9

Both myself and Aston along with many attendees were ridiculed in a special montagewith the voice of Peter Dixon which over “O Fortuna” bellowed“ROBIN BLAMIRES, One bottle of WKD Blue and he’s anyone’s!”The interview with Sandy Beech was also entertaining where we got an exclusive play,from Sandy’s MacBook of the theme for “Scott Mills: The Musical”, due for airon BBC Radio 1 the next day to coincide with Mills’ Edinburgh stunt for 2009.There was a lot of other revealing stuff, some of which that’s too explicitpossibly libellous, to be written down here.Stood with Sandy himself.I enjoyed it, but I got the idea that some of the jingle purists that were present,who longed for JAM jingles to return to Radio 1 and 2, were less than impressed.10

As someone who loves jingles and radio identification, I get very frustratedby the nostalgic old farts, (sorry, c***s) wanting radio to return to its condescendingcheese-filled past, and think that 1Xtra and BBC 6 Music are a waste of the license fee.Oh, fuck off.Fuck right off.Again, that’s an issue I’ll touch up on later.I stayed the night in a dank hostel and returned to Canterbury on Monday morningwhile the rest of the festival carried on.It wasn’t a pleasant experience from what I heard, not least because Global Radio,owners of Heart and Capital chose to pull out for no disclosed reason.On chatting with a BBC producer at a later festival, I found out that the venueswere very claustrophobic, and the warm weather was also a hindrance,which may have been why since 2010 onwards, the festival has taken placein the nicer surroundings of Salford Quays near the newly built Media City,round about October/November time.The rest of the summer was spent signing on, and struggling to let go of fouramazing years.Which wasn’t helped as I was typing up my recollections of just that in the prequelto what you’re reading now, and involved a lot of listening back to literally,four years worth of material recorded from Smoke.The rest of my time was spent watching, and absorbing comedy panel showson television, including Mock The Week which had returned for the summerin what was to be Frankie Boyle’s final series.I must have bored practically every mealtime at my house during the last four yearsrecalling my favourite “Scenes We’d Like To See”.11

If that wasn’t enough, Charlie Brooker was gaining further notoriety hosting his ownpanel show, though more of a discussion/tangent show “You Have Been Watching”,a show that was basically Newsnight Review with swearing.A highlight of the first series was the joint ridiculing with Frankie Boyleof “Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men” series on Bravo which promptedDanny Dyer himself to quit presenting via his column in Zoo Magazine.Brooker: “How did Cockney actor Danny Dyer injure his jaw last week?”(BUZZ)Boyle: “Talking like a c**t”(You Have Been Watching, Channel 4, 21.07.09)Brooker felt bad when addressing the reaction on his own showbut Frankie Boyle certainly wasn’t sorry.Radio wise, it took a total of four months to listen back to everything I had doneover four years, whilst writing down my recollections, but I will not be doingthat with all my CSR audio when writing this.Well certainly not the early days, oh no. Heady days they weren’t.I suppose it would be a good time to explain about CSR, a station that had beenbroadcasting online and on FM in Canterbury for two years, formed from themerger of UKC Radio on the University of Kent, and C4 Radio from CanterburyChrist Church University.Contrary to popular belief CSR stood for “Community and Student Radio”as opposed to “Canterbury Student Radio” and allowed members of the communityover 18 years old to join and host shows.This seemed like a good opportunity so I e-mailed in a show proposal with an idea,not too dissimilar to what I had been doing at Smoke Radio for the last four years.12

My first visual experience of CSR was at the 2009 Lounge on the Farm festivalwhere they had an outside broadcast from a disused pigshed.It looked like fun, but my shyness got the better of me when it cameto approaching them and asking how to get involved.I wasn’t alone at Lounge however as a few friends from college were presentincluding Laura, a really delightful woman still living in Canterbury,and Paul, as pictured below, a fellow Chelsea supporter who had progressed fromthe HND Media Course into the world of post-production in Central London.Musical highlights included The James Taylor Quartet and a wicked DJ setfrom Mr Scruff lasting 6 hours.It was a good job he had an amazing set of visuals made up of his witty drawingsto help it all flow, but seriously, it was an amazing set from a man who is up therewith Joey Negro as one of my favourite dance music producers and disc spinners.13

The rest of the summer was rather empty save for an anticipated visit to Londonin August for radio student and first honours achiever Emma Picton’s 21 st birthdaywhich took place at Club NME at Koko where we got backstage accessdue to Emma’s involvement in producing their podcast.I stayed the night at Emma’s nice flat in Somers Town before heading to the Indigo2the following night for Incognito’s 30 th anniversary gig, joined by Stephen, a matefrom Scotland who I’d known during my time in London through a shared love ofrare grooves, though he was doing far better than me, as a studio director for CNN.The radio bug had bitten Stephen again, resurrecting his Grooveline show atX-Stream East, a community station in East London which went out for an hourevery Tuesday night.Before him was a show called “The Get Up” a mix of “grown up pop music”hosted by a strangely familiar voice, that of Sarah Thompson a student from“my old year” at uni, who had shed her “Lamby” moniker and was exploringeven further in music, with a warm and witty on-air presence.I immediately gave her a call on her mobile after hearing her one Tuesdayand it was great to hear how she was getting on, also producing documentariesfor Radio 1 and 1Xtra.I cannot think of a more talented and delightful person to have emerged frommy radio course and I would be seeing Sarah a lot more over the coming years.On the same night as the Incognito gig, was the launch of The X Factor series 6,and it was clear that following a strong line-up for the 2008 series giving us JLS,Alexandra Burke and er, Diana Vickers… this was going to be a tough one to follow.Not helped by the success and hysteria of the recent series of Britain’s Got Talent,it prompted Simon Cowell to abandon the traditional audition room, in favour ofthe “first auditions” being performed to live stadium audiences.At first it worked pretty well with “Jamie Afro’s” rendition of “Sex On Fire”being one such highlight.14

But good times don’t last and the series prompted a fair bit of debate on Facebookover the autumn, mainly over the success of two annoying Irish twins.So September time, and I was told by one fellow radio student that this wouldbe the exact time the comedown would begin, knowing that we would not bereturning to uni.As a matter of fact I was back in London that week to meet up with Phil Harrisand Irish housemate Barry who had just moved to their own pad in Clapham,leaving Stoobs to “clear off to Cambridge” and Chris to move in withhis partner Aoife in their own flat in Ealing.Joining myself, Phil, and Barry was Sami who at the time I still had a littlecrush on, but we were sensible about it, and I was able to take the stick.Deep down I was rather jealous of how they were getting on, with Philmoonlighting at LBC and Somethin’ Else, and Sam still AP-ing at talkSPORT.Both of them were asked by Matthew Linfoot to give an introductory talk tothe new Westminster students arriving, to explain about the toughness of theindustry and redundancies.Earlier that summer Sam was made fully redundant from her presenting roleat Mix 107 in Bucks which shut down abruptly in July after over 15 years on air,on both AM and FM.Chris meanwhile was working full time at the Odeon in Marble Arch with Pete,whilst doing the odd overnight shift at Classic FM.Both Chris and Pete had resurrected their partnership at Hayes FM with theirFriday breakfast show going down well with management.It was more structured and feature lead than it was at Smoke, but they hadbeen offered to take the paid breakfast slot Monday-Thursday full time.Unfortunately Pete’s Odeon commitments prevented them from doing so.15

In the bigger world of radio, major changes were afoot at Radio 1 in the daytime,with Jo Whiley making the move to weekend afternoons after 8 years on weekdaymid-mornings.Taking over the Live Lounge was the questionable choice of Fearne Cotton,a woman who like Anthea Turner has never really fitted in outsideher (“denial”) comfort zone of children’s television.On a more positive note the movie sycophant Edith Bowman was also bootedfrom early afternoons to weekend breakfast with Greg James getting promotedto a higher profile slot which would involve not just movie reviews but alsothose of video games, and the ever popular “10 Minute Takeover”.Even greater changes were to happen at BBC Radio 2 where after pressure fromthe right wing press, Sir Terry Wogan revealed that he would be stepping downfrom his breakfast show after 38 years on and off, with Chris Evans taking the helmfrom January.Personally I found this a rather exciting prospect, and the new-improved Evanswould be sure to shine in the slot he definitely deserved.It was a move that was meant to happen the year before, but was unfortunatelyovershadowed by Sachsgate, meaning Wogan had to spend another year rambling onto his ageing audience, who Radio 2 hoped would follow him to a new Sundaymorning show in the new year.It would be a different sort of show, with the aim of capturing the old fashionedBilly Cotton Band Show-esque music hall radio show from the Radio Theatreat Broadcasting House.2010 was going to be interesting on the radio dial, if not in real life,I just didn’t expect it to be as drastic as what followed.16

Occupying myself day to day at home could be mind-numbingly dullat the worst of times.But a colleague of Mum’s from the Kent Autistic Trust called Des had set up a socialgroup in Ashford, later moving to Canterbury which took place every monthfor people with Asperger’s Syndrome aged 16 or over which I started attending,continuing to do so until mid 2012.It was where we could take part in conversational exercises involving imaginarysocial situations, and each say what was on our mind, with no-holds-barred.Anything that was discussed wouldn’t be mentioned outside of the group,though Des didn’t mind me joking with Mum about his inability to remember names,or being a Spurs supporter.By the end of September I was London bound to Westminster’s now departedIntermission bar for the nominations of the 2009 Student Radio Awards.Still as raucous as ever, and very much in a celebratory mood, including aparticularly lively Nick Bright, just months away from achieving fame at 1Xtra.17

It was just myself, Phil Landers and Stewart present out of the alumni,but it was good to see the likes of Rob, Matt, Bedders, Nicola and TV student Rumer,on the right below, who I mistook as Jade much to my embarrassment.On a visit back to Harrow later in the month I was lucky enough to be in both girls’presence, and Jade (with red hair) took the mix-up with good humour.18

The gongs Smoke got nominated for were “Best Station”, “Best Marketing and Branding”,“Best Outside Broadcast” for “Smoke’s Summer Send-Off”and Best Technical Achievement for our improved O/B equipment.The awards were due to take place on November the 5 th but were laterpostponed to November the 24 th which I was a little gutted aboutas it would be after graduation.By now I had signed up for CSR in which the induction was gradualbut showed a hint of promise.It was all run voluntarily by university students from Christ Churchand the University of Kent, and had one paid member, a media co-ordinatorwho looked after not just CSR, but the Inquire Newspaper.That being Jamie Stevens, a nice laid back fella who had previously workedas a journalist at Sky News and KMFM, who gave a talk to new members onwhat could be said and what couldn’t be said on air with regards to legal issues.This was around the time Jan Moir struck up a fuss with her rotten article aboutthe recently deceased Stephen Gately in the Daily Mail, and Jamie wasn’t afraidto express his feelings, referring to the columnist as “a bitch” during the lecture.It was at this meeting that I met the head of specialist music and head of programming.The latter being a Religious Studies student called Alex who I found rather pretentiousand full of himself, and the former being Andrew who hosted a show called“Soundscapes” on Sunday nights that explored many leftfield acoustic music genres.Andrew had an air of Gilles Peterson about him, not least becausehe happened to be an Arsenal supporter too.It would be Andrew who would be overseeing my studio training whichwould involve me recording a 20 minute demo and that was arranged for November.19

The rest of October consisted of many other outings including Beverley Cravensinging live not too far from CSR’s studios at the Canterbury’s Gulbenkian;She promised that she’d wait for me…A radio reunion at the Shunt Lounge near London Bridge…(Myself, Caroline, Ross Powell, and Jane SY Lee from Oz)20

And a Halloween do in North London.The real prince of darkness.The day of graduation finally arrived on Monday the 9 th of November wherealong with my mum and dad, we headed on the train to the Barbican Centrewhere the ceremony was taking place.Before it all happened, I spent a fair amount of time lining up to have my officialscroll photo taken, though I’ll spare you from seeing the rather contrived end shot.Just about everyone from my year on the radio course was present, including Deniswho had made the trip over from Ireland.There were a couple of absentees however including latecomer Eric, and Steven,who saw the whole thing as a waste of money, but would be joining us for drinkslater on that evening.The ceremony itself featured special guest Nick Davies, the author of “Flat Earth”who I vaguely remembered from his appearance on Charlie Brooker’s “Newswipe”earlier in the year.21

Though my mind had gone blank through nerves whilst waiting in the auditorium,and myself, Denis and Chris joked that it would be Nick Griffin appearing on stage,following his controversial appearance on Question Time a few weeks earlier.There were no major slip ups during the ceremony (save for the odd mispronouncedsurname, including my own) but it was an amazing afternoon.Here’s a few shots of what took place;Stood with proud parents.22

With my “radio wife” Sami.Sharing the achievement with TV students Matt and Rupert.Myself and Mum and Dad then went for a meal at Sergio’s in Great Portland Street,which I chose to visit as it was the very restaurant Trevor Dann and John Revel met atto discuss the possibility of Chris Evans joining Radio 1’s Breakfast Show in 1995.23

Having devoured the garlic bread starter, I was too full to finish my spag bol,but it was a lovely place overall and the ideal warm up for the post-graduationbooze-up at Covent Garden’s Roadhouse.Joining us were Steven, Sean Curran who’d moved back over from Ireland,and Danielle who having had to drop out the year before was re-doingthe advanced module with the year below.It’s fair to say she wasn’t enjoying it as much as with our year, as there was a lot ofbickering and arguments behind the scenes with the specially set up station“This Is Wireless”.Even lecturer Dave Sharp was worried about how things were going.As expected, a few of us did a few musical turns with the live karaoke band includingDenis who gave off an entertaining rendition of “Honky Tonk Women”.That was followed by me giving an even worse rendition of the Doobie Brothers“Long Train Runnin” which I have since removed the video footage,but a still shot exists;24

A few years later at a charity event in Canterbury’s Dane John GardensI saw a fella provide another rendition of the same 70s flare-flapper and Iwent up to him afterwards saying that he did a much better job of it than me.Overall it was the ideal finale to three amazing years with such amazingand talented radio people.There wasn’t any time for a comedown to start yet however, as just two days laterI was back in London for a “Gradiversary” as organised by non-radio uni friendsPippa and Holly.They had graduated the year before and would go on to be very supportive overthe next couple of years when things weren’t too good.It ended up being just us and photographic science student Martin at the Red Lionin Soho, but a fun time was had.25

Mainly involving a few jokes about Holly’s resemblance to Frances Dodge fromITV’s late 80s summer Saturday morning show “Ghost Train”.A reference that only I seemed to get.Two weeks later it was the postponed Student Radio Awards and having despisedthe concoction of posh mushy peas the year before, I opted to give the meal a miss.I was sat up on one of the balconies with Matty and Manish, Keeley and Joefrom the third year, and Alice Bowring who had returned from Bath followingher departure the year before.The ceremony went relatively well but was ruined by the fact that LSR from Leedshad brought an air horn with them, and a mini panic attack ensued.It resulted in me running to the lounge outside the auditorium whenever LSRwere up for awards, (including Best Station which they won) but luckily the staffof the Indigo2 were understanding.26

As for Smoke, we ended up receiving two Golds for Best Outside Broadcastand Best Marketing and Branding.The latter caused station member Sophie Clipsham an excuse to laugh in the faceof Chris Chilvers who had been ever critical of the re-brand during our final year.One of the stations Smoke had beaten for the Outside Broadcast gongwas Canterbury’s CSR who were up for their Lounge on the Farm coverage.I bumped into Andrew who revealed that the pilot for my show had been successfuland on a visit to the Dophin pub in Canterbury later that week told me would becommencing on Sunday nights between 8 and 10pm in December, directly followinghis own show “Soundscapes”.I would be calling the show “Blam Jam”, and I suppose I tried too hard to make itdifferent from Soul Expression, when it wasn’t necessary.Similar to a situation from almost 10 years earlier when ITV’s “The Premiership”took over even more unsuccessfully from Match Of The Day.The aim was to fit in with the rest of the station, a sort of wannabe XFM by mixingEarth Wind and Fire, with Florence and The Machine and this early into my CSR life,it felt awkward.I commenced my first show on Sunday the 6 th of December from Studio Redon the University of Kent campus, a rather dinghy room in the basement ofElliot College, with a tiny lobby and a main studio.It wasn’t as cramped as the infamous Studio 4 at Westminster, but I would havepreferred to broadcast from the nearby Christ Church campus, who at the time hadn’treally sorted out their own studio.Features included “The Wordless Wonder” involving an instrumental track,“The Kickback Track” with an extended soul tune played in full from start to finish,and the “Silver Soul Plus 10”, a hastily titled item playing two tunes from one yeareach week from 1975 up to 2010.27

The first show got a fairly good reaction from both Westminster students,and a few people listening in Canterbury who phoned in.And just to give an idea of how mangled up the music was, the first tune wasLeroy Burgess’s “Barely Breaking Even” albeit preceded by Paolo Nutini’s“Pencil Full Of Lead”.The one from the Scottish singer was the complete opposite of how I was really feeling.I was happy on air, but deep down uncertain, not helped by barely knowinganyone else in the station.Not being in the studios on a day to day basis like I was at Westminster playedpart of the problem, and the fact that I wasn’t a student at UKC or Christ Churchmade it even more tough.Especially as I only did one more show in ‘09, due to them shutting the studios downat Christmas without telling me in advance and me being able to say goodbye.As for my Westminster alumni friends, the bitterness of the Student Radio Awardslead to a bit of friction between myself and Chris, and Pete to an extentwhich nowadays we can laugh at, but in our post-graduation comedown, it felt rotten,and was only the beginning of quite a difficult “wilderness period”.But it wasn’t just in my own year that relationships were starting to feel strainedas an anonymous commenter on my blog wrote “Don’t bother coming back to HarrowRobin, you’re not welcome”.I’ve no idea who wrote it, but it lead me banning anonymous commentson my blog from then onwards, and caused me to feel very anxiousover the Christmas period.28

Minor mirth was provided by being allowed to head home early from the holiday house,and spend time on my own at home with chicken, pasta and peasin front of the television.Not least the Doctor Who Christmas special where David Tennant made his departurewith a return appearance for John Sim as “The Master” looking almost exactlylike university lecturer Dave Sharp with his dyed blonde hair.Ugh, it was unsettling to watch with that in mind.In the long term however, I was lonely, anxious and close to tears,as a very bleak and uncertain 2010 was waiting in the wings.29

Chapter 2: The Comedown CommencesMonday the 10 th of January was a big day in the bigger world of radio.Chris Moyles was back from his festive break on Radio 1, and more importantlyChris Evans was commencing his tenure on breakfast at BBC Radio 2.Starting off with Moyles, the Saviour had returned with a new set of jingleswhich compared to the previous year were more ambitious and solid soundingwith an orchestral feel to them, similar to the soundtrack of Lord Of The Rings.Not least as they were recorded with a real orchestra at Abbey Road.One of the talkover beds reminded me of the Yorkshire Television ident jinglefrom the late 80s where the golden chevron emerged from a pool of “liquid gold”.But aside from that it was still the same programme and starting to showsigns of age.Over on Radio 2 Chris Evans arrival was far more confident, helped by a brilliantproduction team including Moria Stuart making a welcome return as newsreader,and the amazing Helen “Hell’s Bells” Thomas as producer.When it comes to radio producers, I would love to have Helen telling me what to do,and her enthusiasm cannot be matched.It was enough to have you forgetting about Terry Wogan’s emotional departurethe month before, in fact, Terry’s occupance of the slot overall,and the Tog-Meister was even happy to participate in the TV trail for Evans’s show.Drivetime on 2, saw the arrival of Simon Mayo, a presenter who for all his radio(and occasional TV) credentials, I’ve never really got.Launching with a re-done version of his Harry Belafonte inspired “MAAYO!” jingle,the show felt like the radio equivalent of Blue Peter, light hearted but a bit too reverent.30

A lack of originality was evident with features such as “Homework Sucks”which used as its theme what else, the original Grange Hill theme, and the showas a whole used Jools Holland and Prince Buster’s version of “Enjoy Yourself”as its opener and closer, which again had already been used on Radio 4’s“I’ve Never Seen Star Wars” with Marcus Brigstocke.The lyrics of the song had me thinking, maybe in the last few years I had enjoyed myselfa little bit too much, and now I was about to pay the price.Adding to the anxiety, it was snowing yet again and as was always the case,the general public had no idea how to deal with it, other than to sendphotos of themselves twatting about to be shown on Sky News.With most of my uni friends (or those I thought were my friends) living in Londonand me being stuck in Canterbury I was beginning to feel very left out, not just fromeveryday activities but shared interests, especially those in popular culture.Not least with the arrival on E4 of a popular show that had caused a stir in Americaand was marketed as a “darker High School Musical”.Yes, the abomination that is Glee.I’m sure we’ve all been through the phase where the one person you have affection for,loves something that you absolutely detest, and Sami was tweeting and postingabout the series on Facebook like mad.Ironically, that very pilot episode was broadcast in America on the same night myselfand Sami presented our final show together on Smoke Radio.After trying to watch it myself, failing, and screaming into my pillow,I logged out of Facebook, logged out of Twitter and didn’t update my blog(then updated on a daily basis) for a whole week.31

I barely switched on my radio, and didn’t watch a great deal of television,resorting to the DVD of “Spaced” that I had purchased this time last year in London.And it was definitely reminding me of the sort of life in North LondonI wished I was living, no matter how surreal the sitcom was.I nearly didn’t present my show at CSR that Sunday, and when I did,the first song I played was “Let’s Call It Off” by Peter Bjorn and John.I had also developed a habit of playing Lemon Jelly’s “Nervous Tension” every week,and saying some bollocks on air about wishing the voice on it was Holly Willoughby.Musically the show was still all over the place trying to blend in soulful rare grooveswith upfront indie tunes, not helped by an over-indulgence of late 80s fusionfrom the GRP label, that I had gained in the latter days of university,mainly from listening to Robbie Vincent’s Jazz FM show.It didn’t help with my parents moaning at me about my risqué links,which were rather forced at the time in all fairness, but they just wantedto pick up on what I was doing wrong, rather than encouraging me.With the show broadcast on FM as well as online, they were able to listen,but soon abandoned the habit very shortly, after I got frustrated with their endlessunconstructive criticism.With my sadness at major low, I gave in and sent a text to Sami,and got a phone call from her later that night that reduced me to tears.I was a crestfallen wreck for no good reason, but I was told that no onewas to blame for me being down and all of this was a combinationof a lot going on around me.32

To put things in perspective from a cultural sense, Justin Beiber was gaining popularity,Jason Derulo was number 1 in the charts, and Ian Wright and Melinda Messengerwere hosting a news magazine show on Channel 5.Live From Studio 5 anyone?There was also the launch of a new Saturday night show by the name of “Take Me Out”as hosted by Paddy McGuinness.A show that I later grew to enjoy, but at the time it was quite simply “no likey” full stop.And possibly worst of all was Sky 1’s “Pineapple Dance Studios”narrated by Michael Buerk (?) and introducing the world to Louis Thpenthe.Even those deprived of a Sky Plus box (including my house) couldn’t escape the inanity.I was convinced that everything around me suddenly became vacuous and unbearableon the turn of 2010, and I wasn’t going to fit in.I came out of social networking hibernation, and in good time as well as it would soonbe Chris Chilvers’ 22 nd birthday and he would be celebrating with a night outin Central London.The day before however I was in London for a mass job interview for an admin positionat the Department of Work and Pensions of all places.I wasn’t successful but it was good experience.The birthday outing was also enjoyable if only temporary where I stayed overat Chris and Aoife’s rather nice flat in Ealing.Looking at their DVD shelf it was easy for me to tell which ones were Chris’sand which ones were Aoife’s, and the section including Withnail and Iand Dead Man’s Shoes, proved that Aoife was the more cultured of the couple.33

The night started off at the Spoons in Holborn progressing to the Zoo barin Leicester Square where as well as the usual uni radio peeps, we were joinedby Chris’s mate Adam AKA Bog.The song of the night was almost certainly “Empire State Of Mind” by Alicia Keysbut without Jay-Z, a song that was repeatedly sung on the nightbus back.A month into my CSR tenure, the programming bods were worried about meetingthe speech to music quota as stipulated in their OFCOM agreement,and it meant changes to the schedule.Andrew’s Soundscapes show was cut by 50% to an hour at 10pm on Thursdays,and my show was promoted to the 6-8pm timeslot where it’s stayed ever since.I felt a lot more confident in that slot, but still didn’t know that many people withinthe station and found it hard to blend in, what with most of them being students.There were a few community members at the weekend including hospital radio veteranGavin Blunt who presented a very structured, feature lead show on Saturdaysby the name of “CUE” and he was preceded by James Waters, a manic,almost borderline Smashie and Nicey esque presenter formerly of SGR Colchester.A station in his words that’s “now named after an organ in your body”.Myself and James would become very good friends later on in the year, but witha very conservative committee ruling the roost at the time, it would be a while yet.Maybe that’s a bit unfair though as my Blam Jam show was nominated forBest Newcomer in the upcoming CSR awards that spring.34

In trying to fit in with everyone else, I gave Glee another go and some of thesong arrangements were pretty good, notably Matthew Morrison’s mash upof “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” with Gary Puckett’s “Young Girl”, and Jane Lynch’srendition of Madonna’s “Vogue”.But about 7 episodes in, I’d worked out that the series was a one-plot donkey,that always involved a member quitting the Glee club only to re-join at the endof an episode, and cheerleader coach Sue Sylvester seemingly turning nice,only to turn back into a bitch.I opted to turn my back on the series and it felt so good.Even more so when Charlie Brooker finally laid into it on his TV show,frustrated at the idea that the series was based on so-called “outsiders”when real outsiders in a high school would set out to devise a massacre of the school,instead of engaging in gormless renditions of REO Speedwagon songs.Essentially it had quickly become the parody of what it was trying to send up,and following a move from E4 to Sky, the phenomenon gradually faded post 2010,in the same way that Jessie J suddenly became irrelevant post 2011.I also tried getting back into radio habit of listening to Moyles, again falling rather short.Most of the old features were getting tired, notably Carpark Catchphrasewhere the running joke had developed of Roy Walker being some sort of crooner,and new features such as Tim Westwood’s “Where Am I” were just dull and annoying.Not even the arrival of new sports reporter Tina Daheley, or the excitementof “McFly Day!” could lift things up, and I was starting to find the showbecoming a victim of the mediocre radio it regularly laid into.35

I knew I needed to get more industry work experience in radio and perhapsapplying for placements at independent production companies would be an idealplace to start.One of them I applied for was Somethin’ Else, one of the biggest indiesnot just in radio, but also in online and brand promotion where a lot ofWestminster students had already taken placements.They produced the legendary Gilles Peterson show for BBC Radio 1,and had also started producing a soul show with Trevor Nelson for Radio 2that had been going since 2008.Dave Sharp, one of my lecturers at uni had previously worked there asa broadcast engineer and sure enough I was invited to spend two weeks with themin early March, albeit slightly shortened due to me being informed about iton the Monday I was meant to start.I commenced my placement on the Wednesday and was sharing it with anotherman whose name escapes me, but had already done a placement at Wise Buddah.Most of the work involved writing PRS info and notes for shows such asGilles Peterson, Trevor Nelson, and Selector, a syndicated show broadcaston the internet, and on radio stations around the world hosted bya young confident presenter by the name of Goldierocks.AKA Sam Hall, Goldierocks is in my eyes the very best in a presenter who cansell themself as a brand, though both Sam and the British Council had their sightsset elsewhere from Somethin’ Else, which became apparent later in the year.Add to that the duties of making tea, which I can’t say I’m a dab hand atas I don’t drink tea or coffee.I forgot the golden rule of work placements, that unlike myself,many radio people love a cup of tea more than anything.36

It was an odd placement, as I never really knew if I fitted in.Despite being in familiar company with Westminster alumni Jon from my old yearand Phil Harris now employed full time, I thought I was looked down onand not used to my full potential.I kept my mouth closed at the time, but it felt like I had been thrown inat the deep end of a swimming pool with the inability to swim.I didn’t even get to sit in on any radio shows, but I was invited to help outwith a web interview for Orange with the rapper Bashy, in a building not too farfrom Radio 1’s then headquarters in Yalding House.The worst moment was when I was asked to get a specific measurement of nails,and it resulted in me going from one hardware store to another from Old Street,all the way down to Clerkenwell where I found the correct size.Knowing now that in Clerkenwell, the fact that I was just meters away froma far more welcoming radio indie has me feeling rather sad.A similar sort of scenario to “An American Tail” when both Fieveland his missing family are within each other’s space, but they don’t know it.We’ll go onto that later on however.Being in London also allowed me to attend certain functions with uni friendsto mixed results.One being Pete Cooper’s 29 th birthday in Ealing which I wasn’t feeling at alland lead to more arguments with Chris over petty radio politics and so on.A not so high speed railway train journey back to Canterbury replaced by busfrom Ashford didn’t help either.37

By now Chris and Pete had moved to a Saturday evening slot on Hayes FMafter the sports show, with Chris flying solo on Friday breakfast.Chris later got the weekday breakfast gig as a whole from Monday to Friday earningsome extra money at that.A more entertaining outing came in the form of what was to becomea big screen cult classic.Aoife had managed to get two tickets to see “The Room” at the Prince Charles Cinemain Leicester Square, a film notorious for being so poorly made with plotholes,continuity errors, and a character who mentions she has breast cancer,only for it never to be mentioned again in the film.All under the eye of the mysterious lead actor/director/producer Tommy Wiseau.Sadly Aoife was double booked on the night itself so Chris invited me to go with him,and having watched the film beforehand, I knew this would be a treat.This was pretty much a participation movie, in the same vein as the Rocky HorrorPicture Show, only with heckling at the movies flaws and throwing plastic spoonsat the screen, in response to the framed photos on the movie’s set.The enjoyment of it all meant it wouldn’t be my last visit to such screenings,where almost anything could happen.By the time my placement at Somethin’ Else finished, I left thinking“thank fuck that’s over” which thankfully was one of the only times I had leftnot under a cloud, but hardly boosted to take my radio abilities to the next level.This was one of the very few broadcast-related work placementswhere I came out of it feeling not one tiny bit inspired or motivated.38

As for making contacts, hardly getting the opportunity to do so with thembeing on a different floor to where I was made that idea obsolete.I still wasn’t sure what it was I wanted to do in radio, and this was even moreevident with a venture I was attempting on the Audioboo website showcasingmy abilities at radio comedy.My very little abilities.They were two minute Chris Morris-esque “On The Hour” knock-offs under the name“Humidity News Headlines” and oh god, they were so awful I have deleted all tracesof them from existence.Dreadfully contrived sketches (with even worse impressions) bad scripting,and a dose of smugness, it was my attempt of giving a witty look at the week’snews stories and failing.If anyone has a copy of my spoof news podcasts, you’re holding onto bronzedust.But if one good thing came out of my placement at Somethin’ Else it was arranginga dinner outing with Sarah Thompson who herself had spent time therethe previous summer, and our outing was confirmed for the end of March.It took place at a lovely Italian restaurant in East London where Sarah told meabout her radio goings-on.By now she had moved away from X-Stream East which was very poorly runby the sounds of things, to the more professional surroundings of “Roundhouse Radio”from the legendary Camden venue home solely to 18-25 year old presenters.Now re-named “The Filthy Disco” Sarah was set to go further with Student Radio Awardand Sony nominations waiting in the wings.39

Fellow X-Stream presenter Stephen had also jumped ship, returning to Reading’sBlast 1386 with Grooveline in its old two hour timeslot on Friday afternoons,albeit pre-recced from his lounge in North London.In fact I met up with him as well towards the end of March in a spur of the momentpub meeting during one of my many stays in London, which involved me walking pastthe Somethin’ Else building on my way to Central.Stephen was one of three Scotsmen I would be seeing that day, the others beingSteven McIntosh at an Italian restaurant in London that evening before goingto see his dad Jerry Sadowitz performing live at the Leicester Square Theatre.Whilst it was an enjoyable performance, I wouldn’t do it again as at one pointhe squirted a water pistol into the audience which had me a little on edge.It was still bloody funny, and just about everyone in the public eye got the bruntof the foul-mouthed magician.Around the same time was the CSR awards and elections where Andrew Venningwas promoted from head of specialist to station manager.I was rather weary as to how he would take the role, with his closed/subdued mannerand dry sarcasm.It didn’t help that at the awards themselves he won Best Newcomerfor his “Soundscapes” show beating my own show in the same category.Still not knowing where to fit in, I ended up leaving under a metaphoric cloud.On the plus-side the ever pretentious Alex was ousted as head of programmingand in his place was a really nice woman by the name of Lucie Harvie Austinwho had a Denise Van Outen air about her.40

By Easter time I took a break from the show on the Sunday itself and sent an e-mailto Dave Sharp asking about what route I should take in radio and my concernsabout CSR.I was nearing a point where I wanted to leave, and would give it until the summerto make my final decision.Dave being a lecturer in radio at Christ Church as well as Westminster had tried toapply as an external director at CSR but even he felt disillusioned by its current state.The response I got back from Dave agreed that CSR did indeed need a lot of help,to try and break away from their “student-only” comfort zone.But in terms of furthering myself, Dave suggested that the only real route forprogression in his opinion was for me to go back into academia, and maybe enrolon a post-graduate radio course in the long term.I was disappointed that Dave didn’t come up with any practical suggestionsand I assumed that he never really understood how good I was when it cameto the production side of radio.But then again neither did I, and I wasn’t sure how to sell myself to other peoplein writing, as it was actually demonstrating my abilities or simply havinga conversation with them that managed to get it all across convincingly.Home life was also hard, and I could sense my parents wanted me to move outjust as much (possibly more) than I did.Any chance of me moving out however was about as likely as Chris Moylesdeparting from Radio 1’s Breakfast Show.As far as Blam Jam was going, the Easter break allowed me to think things throughand on my return, it was now a solid soul show.No more Vampire Weekend or Dizzee Rascal, the soul train was back up and runningand the show gradually started to find its feet.41

Hosting the show on Sundays meant I was at an advantage of missing the results showof the latest offshoot in the Lloyd-Knobber talent show franchise, and quite franklythe most sickening; “Over The Rainbow”.None more so for its heavily staged elimination routine, where the losing Dorothywould hand back her red-ruby slippers to Lord Webber, and be hoisted above thestudio on a giant cardboard half-moon, as the remaining contestants serenaded herwith the song that made up the show’s title.Not long after I was invited to be in the audience for a show that was possiblyeven worse.Chris had blagged tickets to a new BBC Three comedy sketch show (allegedly),called “Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show” and I tagged along with Pete and Aoife.Lee Nelson was the comic creation of Simon Brodkin who Chris had interviewedon Smoke a couple of year earlier, and it was basically a parody of the “chav”albeit five years out of date when Matt Lucas and Catherine Tate had done it to death.The show was made by the same people as Harry Hill’s TV Burp, which made senseas Brodkin also used to be a doctor, yet wasn’t smart enough to note downthe difference between being funny, and being hatefully annoying.The recording took place at the Riverside Studios in Hammersmith where thefar funnier “Russell Howard’s Good News” was being filmed at the same timeas also produced by Avalon.“Highlights” included a filmed sketch with “Jason Bent” an obnoxious footballerand Lee’s “nan” rapping to House Of Pain’s “Jump Around” whilst a fat man by thename of “Omlette” was having cream licked off his stomach by a dog at the same time.This would be the nearest I would get to being in the audience for Top Of The Pops,what with the addition of dry ice, and I was pleased when they had to film it again,but without the dog-licking for continuity purposes.42

Not to mention appearing on screen with with Chris and Aoife to my left.Whilst the filming itself was enjoyable, it was embarrassing to watch when it went outon telly in July, with a level of crass humour that could even make Keith Lemon wince.To be quite honest, when we got back to Chris’ flat we had a gander at the latestepisode of Charlie Brooker’s “You Have Been Watching” on 4OD which I foundfar more entertaining, as did Aoife.I had no idea that three years later, Aoife herself would appear on the critic’shilariously superb dissection of the history of video games on Channel 4.Brooker was the one man I could turn to, as he seemed to share my bitter viewon the outside world, but could emphasize on it in a far funnier way than I could.His comment on adverts, particularly that for “webuyanycar.com”mirrored my then present state and certainly hit home;“I don’t even hate it, it makes me feel sad and alone!”(You Have Been Watching, Channel 4, 13.05.10)With Brooker’s telly success however, and an impending marriage to formerBlue Peter and once-and-never-again Xtra Factor host Konnie Huq, he would soonbecome the very victim of what he hated, though still managing to provide the laughs.43

I would be back in Ealing not too long after as I was allowed to stay the night afterseeing John Bishop performing at the Apollo on his “Elvis Has Left The Building Tour”.It happened to be the night before the general elections and as you’d expect myselfand Chris got into quite an argument about our political lineages, which greweven more apparent after the infamous result and subsequent consequences.A far worse offender for political aggro on Twitter (or maybe it was my jealousyas he was the boss of Sami at talkSPORT) was James Masterton, a man with afantastic knowledge of pop and the charts in particular, but a staunch Tory supporterwho would post petty tweets with the hashtag #labourfail or #libdemfail.Knowing the political leanings of talkSPORT however, it shouldn’t have comeas any surprise.With little positive people around me to look up to or help me out,it was a struggling time.Though radio wise things were struggling for Chris and Pete as their Saturday eveningshow on Hayes FM was dropped due to being too entertainment lead, which aftera speech heavy sports show, the station manager thought was too exhaustive.Chris carried on hosting breakfast until August, bowing out with an indulgent disguisedas “educational” finale filled with the expected stream of “soft rock” that Chris lovedto the same extent that I loved late 80s jazz fusion.By mid-May, things were on the up in the short term as it was my 25 th birthday,which I celebrated by seeing George Duke performing live at Ronnie Scotts,followed by an attempt at a Central line pub crawl with Chris, Phil Landers, Spikey G,Edward “Tudor” Burke, and latterly Jake and his partner Jenna.Myself, Chris and Tudor ventured back to Ealing later that eveningwhere we had a gander at a special DVD I put together with an old Blamires staple.An episode of The ITV Chart Show from 1991, edited together with LWT continuityand ad-breaks from around the same time.44

Each ad-break contained an ad for Carling Black Label starring Steve Frostand Mark Arden, and having viewed all of them, I was pleased that Tudorand surprisingly Chris were able to get the jokes.It was an amusing end to one of the more entertaining nights in Ealing.Sadly it was to be my last, as Chris and Aoife amicably split up that summer,due to personal differences.Chris moved to my birthplace of Forest Gate in East London while Aoifewent round the world filming a series of impressive video game vlogs.The rest of May as usual was pretty busy with Joe Haddow’s own birthday celebrationsjust days after mine.Following the chaos on Hampstead Heath the year before, we celebrated in a pubnear Archway, where radio producer Sam Gregory (left of me) was also presenton what was exactly a year since him, Joe and myself were inducted into theSmoke Radio Hall of Fame. (Though Joe’s mysteriously absent in the image below)45

By now Joe had moved from a stint with George Lamb at 6 Music, back to BBC Radio 2,BAing on the Chris Evans Breakfast Show which had just received an impressive setof RAJAR figures for its first quarter on air, higher than those of Wogan.The station itself was making waves that year with a new jazz show presentedby Jamie Cullum (more on that later) and best of all, the hiring of Tony Blackburnto take over the reigns of Pick Of The Pops, from the ever stale Dale Winton.The man credited for transforming the credibility of Radio 2, Jonathan Ross howeverwould be stepping down from his Saturday show in July that year, eventually replacedby Graham Norton, who also took his Friday night TV slot.As for Evans, it was a fantastic show for Joe to be working on, and to listen to as well,and senior radio lecturer Dr Matthew Linfoot shared similar thoughtsat the Smoke Radio Awards which I was invited to the following week.This year they took place at the William IV restaurant at Kensal Green where I wasthe only alumni present, but it didn’t mean I felt alienated from the new team,having met some of them earlier in the year.By the way, the guy on the far right isn’t Justin Lee Collins, but a weighty Oli P.46

The highlight of this year’s awards involved a live contest for the “Worst Drunk” awardputting previous winners Sophie Clipsham and Nicola Clark head to headin a shot contest that got a bit rough round the edges.Clipsham took the crown as the ultimate drunk although Nicola ended upfeeling the worst by the end of the night.This year’s inductee into the Smoke Radio Hall of Fame was an interesting surpriseas it was Matthew Linfoot himself, as inducted by Dave Sharp.After a drunken after-party I made a short visit back to halls with the then-first years,before waiting in the Harrow Bus Station to get back to my hotel, where the speakerswere playing Beethoven’s “Symphony No. 7” or as I knew it, Doug Stanhope’s musicfrom Newswipe.The end of May saw another stop off in East London where on the Whitsun BankHoliday I took the Sunday off from my radio show to attend an engagement partyfor two students from my old year on the radio and journalism courses respectivelywho had just got engaged.Unfortunately they split up by the end of the year.The day after, I was Greenwich bound for the final day of the Beer and Jazz Festival,featuring a stellar line up of Omar, followed by Incognito, in the first ofwhat would be many gigs I would be attending from them this year.I was joined yet again by the Soulful Scotsman who was in high spirits in spite ofthe fact that his home nation would be absent from that year’s World Cup,set to commence in South Africa shortly.This was the year where it was impossible to escape the rasp of the vuvuzelas,and the England team as a whole were beyond bloody useless.Goalkeeper Robert Green’s incompetent hand was the death knell so early onfor a depressing tournament, rounded off by a deserved beating at the handsof Germany.47

It was easy to blame another disallowed goal for our defeat, but ultimatelywe were shit, and coach Fabio Capello refused to acknowledge so.I was actually on the radio that evening just hours after the match itself,but I soldiered on, giving yet another spin of South African trumpeterHugh Masakela’s “African Breeze” that helped me through the tournament.I had to control myself for different reasons that evening, as one of CSR’soriginal presenters and a former fellow student at college Stuart Nutten had diedthat month after a sudden heart attack from an undiagnosed condition,at only 28 years old.CCU Media student Stuart had hosted a show called “The Time Tunnel”in the station’s inception playing vintage 60s soul and folk, and I opted to paytribute by playing Stevie Wonder’s “Finger Tips” which worked as the perfectwarm up to the great man’s Glastonbury performance where he re-enactedthat very song with the addition of helium.With the Lounge on the Farm festival nearing, and me being involved in thebroadcast this time round, I was starting to find my feet on Canterbury’s airwaves.48

Chapter 3: Stranded In The Subways, and Venturing VisualIt’s all well and good finding the tantrums of Jim Royle hilarious.When you have to live with exactly that at home from a near stunt doubleas your own father, it can get more than a little awkward.Being back at home with my parents was without doubt the toughest partof departing from an independent life at university.Especially having to deal with my dad’s very short temper when it cameto misunderstandings, or my failure to understand his so called “simple instructions”and him refusing to let me get a word in edgeways because he thinks I am “shouting”.When any other human being would just identify it as my voice slightly raised.But nothing could be worse than an incident in July 2010 when I had reachedboiling point with my dad not letting me get a word in, and the only wayto make sure I could, was for me to cover his mouth up with my hand.Forgetting that only two years earlier my dad had a heart attack,I was in big trouble and could have killed him.He didn’t speak to me for almost an entire day and I felt really bad,wishing I had taken the opportunity to just walk away from it, go to my bedroomand beat up the nearest soft object I could find.But then again, if that had happened, I may not be here now writing this,in my own abode by the sea.Such outbursts were very rare but despite being able to deal with himbetter than I can, even my mum knew that her husband could sometimesact like a stubborn little shit for no good reason.49

Yet all three of us had agreed to spend a few days together that summer in New Yorkat the end of July/beginning of August where the plan after that would befor Mum and Dad to head over to Chicago, whilst I got a plane journey home.Which was fitting enough as the following weekend would be a pub crawl visitas organised by Denis who was making a short stopover from Cork to reunitewith his radio buds.The visit would also allow us to meet up with Kate, who was once again helping outas a counsellor at Camp America, which my younger brother Olly was also doing,though in a different part of the states.A few weeks before that however was the 2010 Lounge On The Farm festival,my second in attendance and the first as part of CSR FM’s outside broadcast team,broadcasting from the pigshed once again.We were quite close to the Cowshed where the cattle had been cleared outto allow for the likes of Example and Toots and the Maytals to play live that weekend,and had quite a cushy set up near the studio itself.As I had already paid for a ticket, I was allowed to be more flexible work wise,but very keen to be involved wherever I was capable.50

Not least in assisting with the madman that is James Waters, a proper radio nutwho soon caught on to the fact that I had a crazy music knowledge and a love ofold radio jingles from the 80s.It prompted me into bringing in my CDs with Radio 1’s 1987 jingle packageand namechecks for Phillip Schofield and Whitney Houston that got many a spinning.Getting James’s co-presenter each day to read the Lounge line upover Bruno Brookes’ chart bed was a highlight.Other highlights included then head of daytime Rupert Bhatia’s repeated useof the phrase “It’s A Beautiful Thing” on air, Head of Marketting Rhiannawearing a large frilly dress, and Andrew Venning prompting the teaminto singing an impromptu rendition of Hot Club De Paris’ “Shipwreck”.Which sadly I missed out on, but luckily I was right up the front of the stageto see the band themselves.Credit also had to be given to our technical team lead by Chris who had awicked sense of humour, and James Stokell, a complete nutter but amazinglycompetent with manning O/B equipment.51

Our coverage ended up winning Best Outside Broadcast at this year’sStudent Radio Awards but unfortunately the dignity was ruined by the cocky bastardthat was Rupert Bhatia saying on stage that it felt a lot better after not getting itthe year before.Resulting as you’d expect in a cacophony of booing from the audience.Overall the event as a whole gave me confidence and helped me to blend inwith the rest of the CSR team, and may have been the first thing outsidemy own show that I enjoyed with the station.A lot more than my own show to be honest.Elsewhere I was spreading wings outside of radio, and managed to get an interviewfor a possible placement at ITV Meridian in Maidstone working on the South East partof the regional news programme that since 2009 was now presented from Hampshirewith Fred Dinenage being beamed to the South East.I was just excited about visiting the Maidstone Studios as a whole as they hadproduced many programmes I used to watch when I was little such as Motormouth,Art Attack, and on a more infamous note, Catchphrase.The visit involved an informal interview with Nashreen Issa one of the reportersand overall editor Robin Britton.I even got to have a proper look round the studios on my interview itself, includingStudio 2 where shows like Motormouth, Catchphrase and more recently Ministry ofMayhem were recorded, and saw the set pieces for Basil and Barney’s Swap Shopwhich at the time was airing on the CBBC Channel.I didn’t get the news placement as hoped for, but Nashreen was so impressedby my television knowledge and overall enthusiasm that she invited me to come infor a few days in the Autumn to shadow the team on the technical side of things.This was going to be quite something.52

Before that however, and not too far ahead in August, I had managed to getanother placement with the help of Kent Supported Employment, undertaking adminand office tasks at Enterprising Opportunities in Herne Bay.The HR manager Rebecca seemed like a really nice woman, hailing from New Zealandand I was looking forward to working with her and her team after I returnedfrom New York at the beginning of August.Oh my, this was quite an eventful visit…I thought the outing would provide an opportunity to meet up with fellow uni studentOli P who was interning that summer at the monster of a radio station that is Z100.That would have been possible if Oli hadn’t defriended me from Facebookfor no good reason beforehand.Success was going to his head, and his ego was getting bigger than his stomach.I tried not to let it turn my holiday into a downer.Having been to the city twice on two college outings around 2004, I had enjoyed the cityin winter surroundings, though being in their in bright sunshine and high temperatures,may have added to the stress of being there with my parents.Not least a dad with a short fuse, who can’t accept that I don’t understandhow to use a subway ticket machine.It lead to a massive row that got us separated from Mum, and travellingin the wrong direction away from our hotel, and towards the Hudson Bridge.We made it back safely and tried to stay calm for the rest of the visit,which was a little more enjoyable, if not as adventurous as my college exploits.53

One thing we did do that I hadn’t done before was visit a Broadway musical,in this case a stage adaptation of The Addams Family starring Nathan Laineof “The Producers” fame.It wasn’t the best stage play I have seen (certainly not successful enough to makeit across the pond) but an entertaining night out nonetheless, and it amused meto see Grandma Addams walking on the stage singing “Maniac” from“Flashdance”.Other enjoyable outings included a visit to the Rockefeller Centrewhich provided one of the rare moments where all of us were smiling.54

I also had a few interesting chats with some of the city’s residents includinga woman who worked in a bookshop and took interest after I bought a biographyon the notorious right wing Fox News presenter Glenn Beck,called “Common Nonsense”.“Don’t you like him?” asked the woman at the counter with great interest,also asking me if I had seen the hilarious parodies of the broadcaster’snonsensical theories by Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.I mentioned that we had a similar dissection of him back at home fromCharlie Brooker who picked on him on his show, but my real interest in Glenn Beckwas the fact he used to be a Top 40 radio presenter in America, including a stintas morning show host on a station in Houston called KRBE-Power 104 in 1989.It made me laugh as the jingles were later resung for Invicta FM in Kentin the early 90s, and whilst we had Glen Thompsett on breakfast,the state of Houston had Glenn Beck.I’d definitely recommend buying “Common Nonsense” for a frank and honestanalysis of the prick himself.I left New York on the first Monday in August getting the plane back to London,surprisingly with no anxieties whatsoever.Prior to my Herne Bay placement, I had quite a full week lined up in London,starting off with a catch-up with Joe Haddow the day after getting back.That weekend I stopped off over at Pippa’s house in Archway where both herand her housemate Holly managed to provide a nice stopover in between thechaos of what was to happen.The first night wasn’t too bad, a gig at the Jazz Café from British jazz soul outfit“Down To The Bone” whose arrangements had me in tears.That doesn’t happen often at a gig, and it was one of the best I went to in 2010.55

Saturday saw the awaited pub crawl as organised by Denis and attended bya fair number of the usual radio peeps including Chris, Steven, Caroline, Gulshana,and Tudor who had brought his really nice partner Aryldi with him.The day started off well, but towards the end my emotions were running highand I ended up in tears over my woes about being unable to find work in radio whicheveryone had done successfully.Or that’s what it felt like.I was bluntly told by Chris to drag myself out of 1994 and start living in the real worldof radio and stop moping about the many takeovers that were happening to stationsbeing brought by Global and re-branded as Heart.Others were slightly more sympathetic and understanding that I found it hard,and maybe I was limiting myself to the limited world of commercial radio,where it was clear that the BBC and independent producers had a more creative future.56

Thankfully on returning back to Archway, Pippa, Holly and Holly’s then partner Jamesmanaged to add light and provide amusement, helped by watching another episodeof Charlie Brooker’s “You Have Been Watching” about Crime Dramas.This was shown very late on E4 earlier that week due to being postponedfrom its original broadcast in June because of the Cumbria shootings.And what with the fuss over Raul Moat being at its height, there’s no way it wouldhave got a terrestrial transmission, but the show itself was entertaining, not leastfor a rather disturbing scene with Angela Lansbury doing something in a bathtubI’d rather not mention…After a fairly successful two weeks working in Herne Bay, I was back in Londonfor Caroline’s 22 nd birthday which coincided with the new series of X Factor whichI saw snatches of before heading yet again to an Incognito gig at Ronnie Scotts.This was the infamous series where Katie Weasel blagged her way throughthe finals, and the nation raged when Cheryl Cole didn’t put Gamuthrough to the live shows.Hosting my radio show on Sunday was an advantage as the time it took meto walk home from the studio, meant I arrived just as the results themselveswere announced, meaning I avoided many a group performance by the finalists.As for the Incognito gig, I thought it was a bit too formal a venue, as much as I loveRonnie Scotts, and the staff didn’t seem to like it when we started dancing.I met up with Joey again the following morning for a coffee in Central Londonwho revealed the Cog would be performing on Terry Wogan’s Sunday morning showat the Radio Theatre pretty soon and could possibly get tickets.Only that the performance was on that very Sunday morning, and it upset methat one of the producers of that show was another Westminster alumni,Ricky Marshall who unlike Joe, I’d heard little from after my manic episode.57

It wasn’t too bad however as at the end of August I would be seeing the Cog again,this time at the Hampton Court Beer and Jazz Festival sharing the billwith The Brand New Heavies who were equally superb.I even got a really nice photo with the Cog’s main man, Bluey.The very photo that happens to be my phone and tablet background.The fortunes of Wogan’s Sunday show on the other hand fared not too well,where from the first show it couldn’t tempt my mum, a fan of Terry’s breakfast show,away from The Archers omnibus and Dersert Island Discs on Sundays.She welcomed Chris Evans into her daily routine without any issues, though wasn’tso keen when the show was occasionally devoted to his love of cars.Wogan’s Sunday show ended up being relaunched the following year,produced independently by Wise Buddah, and returning to the old studio formatwithout the audience but retaining the live guests and the rather nice JAM jingleat the beginning.58

In commercial radio meanwhile things were rather depressing and even more sofor an old friend from university, that being Tim Pryor.Now enjoying the high life as a presenter at BBC Radio Jersey, Tim had previouslybeen a Broadcast Journalist at North Devon’s Lantern FM and later at sister stationGemini FM in Exeter.Both had been rebranded as Heart after Tim joined the BBC, and in June of 2010it was announced that they were to merge together, moving to Exetertherefore seeing the closing down of the former Lantern FM studios in Barnstaplewith all the on-air staff laid off.I revealed the news to Tim via Facebook, the morning it was announcedand despite residing in Jersey, shared the sympathy of his North Devon colleagues.It prompted him into revisiting an infamous farewell e-mail he wrote two years earlierwhich told many things straight about the worrying future of the stationunder Global Radio which ended up being far worse than he predicted.I won’t re-write the letter in full, but it included a brilliant observation on the strapline“More Music Variety”, questioning how it “wasn’t supposed to be ironic”.The last day of Heart North Devon that Friday in August was an emotional affairwith the final record before switching to Exeter (via London) being “Eternal Flame”by The Bangles, the first ever song to be played on the original Lantern FM,18 years earlier.It’s easy to get nostalgic in these circumstances, but the way the staff were laid offlike that was nasty, and Global’s dominance was only going to spread furtherwith the announcement that Capital FM would become a national brand from 2011.Taking over stations in Yorkshire, Nottingham, Hampshire and Glasgow,Capital would provide a hit music format aiming to compete with BBC Radio 1.59

GMG’s Smooth Radio would also be streaming as a national station from Octoberwith Simon Bates taking over breakfast in January after a lengthy spell at Classic FM.The goings lead to more petty arguments on Twitter and Facebook with certainindividuals, but it soon faded out not long after.Certainly as I would be meeting up with them on a return to the Roadhousein Camden where Irish housemate Barry was celebrating his birthday.Chris, Phil and Stoobie showed up, as did Sami who I hadn’t seen since graduation,so essentially this was our official grad reunion.Steven however was absent and Chris believed it was because he didn’t wantto get any stick defending Chris Moyles who that morning gave a 30 minute ranton not being paid.At this point I thought Moyles was over-egging his Radio 1 sell by date,and although he’s known for speaking his mind, I thought this issue was onebest left outside the microphone.60

The night before, I attended a CMP reunion which for some reason I was invited tobeing a radio student, but it was good to catch up with not just the studentsbut a couple of the lecturers including the legendary Adam Hodgkins,sat next to me who used to present a witty eclectic show on Smoke Radio.I also had a nice chat with Graham, another lecturer in great length about therenowned broadcaster Charlie Gillett, the finest specialist music broadcasterI had grown up listening to in London first time round, who sadly passed awayearlier in 2010.I would definitely be seeing the CMP lot a fair more times before the year was out,especially as Holly would be heading over to New York for a few months in 2011Back at CSR things were going well with my show Blam Jam, where it wasstarting to develop a more coherent structure.Halfway through the first hour I would introduce “The Sticky Jam” which was similar tomy “Bubblegum Soul” slot at Smoke where I would play a pop song with hints of soulsuch as early Take That, or a garage track along the lines of Sweet Female Attitude.61

Also introduced was the “A-Z Double Jam” where two bands beginning with a specificletter of the alphabet were played back to back, and once the alphabet was completedit became the plain old “Double Jam” with either two tunes from one artist,or two tracks tenuously linked by a theme.By the end of the year I started taking the news at 7pm from the IRN feed via Skywhich also helped to provide structure.Not least as I would normally precede it with the library track “Industrial Report”as used by Steve Wright on Radio 1 in the mid 80s.I did take one week off in October as I made my way to Salford in for the annualJingle Day, timed once again to coincide with the Radio Festival.It was an enjoyable afternoon, but a rather moderate turn out, which proved thatthose who made the mouthiest comments on the website were afraid toactually show their faces, and defend their dated viewpoints.The good guys such as Aston, Big Dave from Sheffield and Chris Stevensa jingle producer who had returned from TM Studios in Dallas to GMG Radioshowed up, with many a colourful alcoholic drink lifting my spirits up.Myself and Chris had a chat about Glen Beck, after mentioning the Century 21“Steamroller” jingle package he used on the station “Power 104” and both of usagreed that he was more than just a prick.Big Dave meanwhile would be sticking around the following day to attend what for mewas the rather scary Foot In The Door event, taking place once again.62

I didn’t attend the Radio Festival itself but went to the pre-drinks event at theLime Bar where I met up with a few familiar faces including one Trevor Dann,former Radio 1 Head of Production during the Bannister era, and outgoing CEOof the Radio Academy itself.Quite a scary shot, and there would be more of that to come on future outingswith said producer.I had to make an early train journey back to Canterbury on the following Monday,due to a petty jobsearch appointment, but I was back in London that eveningfor a recording of Richard Herring’s “As It Occurs To Me” podcast.As a response to the watered down comedy that the BBC had been providing postSachsgate, the comedian had started recording a weekly podcast giving a comediclook at his own life and topical events in the news with the help of Dan Tetselland “TV’s Emma Kennedy” and guitarist Christian Reilly, where nothing was cut outor edited, even when things went wrong.There had been two series already, and I was attending the second of three“autumn specials” ahead of a third series due to take place in 2011.63

I had been longing to attend to a recording of the podcast, but it was what took placebefore the show in the warm up that turn out to be the highlight, namely a rantabout The Apprentice as Herring was due to be a guest on “You’re Fired”the following week.It was basically a dig at Lord Sugar’s attempts to be a comedian, and onwelcoming his set of potential incumbents, the Amstrad impresario muttered;“Now I’ve seen your CVs. On paper you look very good, but then again,so does fish and chips...”This prompted Herring to go off in a rant about the inaccuracy of that commenton the suggestion that fish and chips looks good on paper, but the secondthey’re off the paper you suddenly don’t like it.It works a lot better when hearing the rant itself due to its improvised style,and Herring later mentioned on his blog that he was disappointed it went downreally well, as it wasn’t part of the main sketch show.Thankfully the warm up was also released as a download, and I began makinga habit of reciting said routine to quite a lot of friends many times.That’s not to say that the podcast as a whole was average, quite the oppositewith a lot of juvenile (but not Bo Selecta juvenile) gags about farting,not least an unfortunate experience that Herring had in a taxi in Ipswichwhere despite a sign in the cab warning passengers not to soil inside the vehicle,the driver proceeded to float an air biscuit.Another sketch ridiculed the Belvita “breakfast biscuit” ads starring Capital FM breakfastpresenters Johnny Vaughan and Lisa Snowdon getting their head round the productswith the dreadful line “what’s next, marmalade for lunch?!”They made the identical Halifax “Isa Isa Baby” ads look almost bearable.Herring’s thoughts behind the sketch were his disappointment for a man who usedto be really sharp on The Big Breakfast to lower himself from a great height.64

I managed to get a photo with Rich and Emma after the show, though I had met Emmaa couple of weeks before at the Anifest event in Canterbury, where both herand Phill Jupitus shared their favourite Warner Bros and MGM cartoonswith a lively audience.At the same event I also met the real Emily Firmin, best known for appearing in sepiawith Bagpuss.65

The above photo caused a Radio 1 producer friend to feel jealous, though I felt the sameon revealing he had met puppets Cosmo and Dibbs from the BBC’s pre-school series“You And Me” when he was younger.That series was more my genration than the Smallfilms saga.My London outings also involved visits to see more coarser comedians,namely one Frankie Boyle who’s November ’10 date at the Hammersmith Apollo I hadbooked since September 2009.Having seen Jerry Sadowitz earlier in the year, I knew it wouldn’t be as spitefulbut the man himself proved hilarious, especially when discovering some fellasin the front row who had travelled from Burnley;“What do you get if you cross a bloke from Burnley, with another blokefrom Burnley?...Two c**ts”It was one of those moments where I wished the pause button wouldwork in real life, as I needed time to get myself back from laughing so hard.Though Boyle himself returned to television in the same month with his Channel 4 series“Tramadol Nights” proving that what he may have for cutting stand-updoesn’t necessarily extend to comedy sketches.Staying on a visual note, my placement at ITV Meridian began in the last full weekof November where I spent three days researching, editing and shadowing.It was an enjoyable experience and I was pleased the staff seemed fascinatedby my love of television and knowledge of the history of ITV in Southern England.Not least presenter Sangeeta Bhabra who came over to Maidstoneas she was presenting a grant to a local charity, and was really delightful.66

Co-presenter Andrew Pate also made a visit, but Fred Dinenage was absent that weekbasking in the success of his recent MBE award.I wasn’t too gutted and it was my most enjoyable work placement that year,re-enforcing my abilities with video editing and getting a buzz out of seeing materialI had put together being broadcast on television.The day after my placement had finished I had a meeting at Christ Church Universitywith Dave Sharp who on a meet up in September, told me he was to quit as a lecturer atWestminster to launch a radio station in Folkestone from their Academy.Earlier in the year, another Academy FM had launched in Thanet mainly made upof presenters from TLR, a local station in Thanet that launched in the late 90s, laterswallowed up by the Kent Messenger Group to become one of the KMFM stations.Dave wasn’t impressed by the Thanet station’s commercial style, without commercialsbut reminiscent of a tinpot local radio station in the 1980s that lacked any shadeof ambition.With the Folkestone station, his aim was to provide a more contemporary soundingoutput, that reflected the community aspect of of the broadcast area and actuallygot pupils from the Academy on air, trained up with industry standard skills.I had been asked by Dave in September if I wanted to apply for the role ofDeputy Station Manager, but declined thinking I didn’t have enough experience.Was I right to let self-doubt get in the way of a great opportunity?Well not necessarily, as the position had since been filled by noneother than Sam Impey,who would be quitting her job at talkSPORT to start at the Academy in January,prior to the station’s launch at the end of March 2011.Surely this was a cause for optimism.67

The good news was that Dave still wanted me to be involved and I arrangedto meet up in January when he started his role as overall Station Manager.Before that we were faced with another snowstorm at the start of December,but unlike in January, I was in a much better state.Not least because at CSR I was nearing the anniversary point of my show celebratingwith an hour of tunes from Joey Negro who himself had beenmaking music for 20 years.Despite it being a year, I had only done 44 shows in total, and the wait in reaching52 would be even longer, due to taking a break from mid-to late Decemberto prevent trying to come in when the studios were shut down.The last show was an end of year review, coinciding with the final of X Factor whereMatt Cardle won with his rather uninspiring Biffy Clyro covercomplete with the rushed inappropriate key change.My top tune of 2010 was the Joey Negro “Sunburnt Mix” of Matt Bianco’s“Half A Minute” which achieved the impossible of being better than the 1984 original,and had got more of its fair share of spinnings on Blam Jam.Christmas that year wasn’t as traumatic as the year before, but in terms ofuniversity relationships, they were starting to strain, to the point of falling outwith people on Facebook and Twitter over really stupid issues.I even went through a mass unfollow phase at one point, as just about everyonewho was more than 25 miles from me was unintentionally winding me up.I won’t go into detail as I doubt anyone would want to re-live the distressand misunderstandings.68

In short, times were changing, tastes were changing and being away from each otherover a lengthy period of time essentially meant that none of us could really keep up,and, well, over time such circumstances lead to all of us going a little cranky.Not just with radio related squabbles, but differing thoughts over issues such asthe student protests in London, after the coalition government passed a billto increase top up fees to nine grand.Our old friend James Masterton on Twitter mentioned on the day itself thatNick Clegg was standing up for “what anyone with a brain can see is right”.I just thought how lucky Sami was that she wouldn’t be working with that idiotfor much longer.Home life was made a little easier though as Kate had got a job working asa support worker for the Westminster Society in London, looking after peoplewith learning difficulties in a residential home.With 2011 approaching I was confident that I could continue to improve myenjoyment at CSR, and possibly gain new abilities in Folkestone with two peoplefrom my Westminster past who I thought I knew really well.The question was, did they know me really well, and want to nurture my abilities…?69

Chapter 4: Floundering In FolkestoneI was firmly in belief that 2011 would be my “tipping point”.Everything seemed hopeful in the cultural world, Doctor Who would besplit into two series this year, Big Brother had departed from Channel 4,and in its place with regards to hysteria were structured soap operassuch as The Only Way Is Essex, and Geordie Shore….Maybe my optimistic hopes weren’t as cracked up as I was hoping them to be.I made my first visit to the Folkestone Academy early in January whereDave showed me around the facilities, and I have to say, I was very impressed.There were two studios with dimmed lighting that had been missingfrom the CSR studios, and they looked really comfortable to present in.They were positioned next to a rather tiny office in a very big buildingwhere Dave and soon-to-arrive deputy manager Sami would spend most of theirtime, occasionally assisted by director Dave Atkey, a former Radio 1 producerfrom the 80s.I was genuinely excited and thought, “maybe I could move my soul show herefrom CSR”.My hopes were also raised not too long after at Chris Chilvers’ 23 rd birthday doin Central London where Phil Harris told me that Sami was really looking forwardto working with me again.I made my return the following Tuesday, and it’s fascinating how in the space of a day,you can turn from an optimistic individual, into a depressed lump.I’m not sure what it was but Dave and Sam seemed to show little enthusiasmover the upcoming launch of the station, although it’s understandable that thestresses of dealing with pupils coming in and wanting time in the studio weremore than a little frustrating.70

Both Dave and Sam shared a sarcastic sense of humour which being common in radio,was the main source of struggles I had when it came to blending in with thebigger world of the industry. Well, what I knew of it so far.I have an optimistic viewpoint of life, Deal with it.But what really got to me negatively was their lack of enthusiasm to nurture meinto the station via the areas of radio that I genuinely enjoyed.Already the task of station branding was handed over to a friend of Dave’swho presented at BBC Radio Kent and was a whizz at station imaging at what wasthen Choice FM in London, using the voices of one of their presenters Pandora,and that of Westminster alumni Nick Bright who by now was presenting on 1Xtra.And regarding the male voice, he was still a nice guy.So if branding was out of my hands, then could I still move my soul showover to the station?Well, yes, if I was happy to make my show more “accessible” and more mainstream,what with Dave asking me if I played Amy Winehouse, Adele etc.I was starting to wonder if in the five years I had known Dave, if he had everactually listened to my show on Smoke or what I was doing now on CSR.Or if he had even heard anything radio related I had done at all.I came to the conclusion that maybe he didn’t like me as much as thosewho he taught in my year before I joined them in their final year,and was less enthusiastic to develop my abilities.Open-minded was certainly not the case, and I soon grasped that he had a veryfirm idea of what he wanted his station to be.71

Fair enough, it was good to get children involved in something that they wouldn’tnormally have the chance of doing at secondary school age, but to stiflethe community members who wanted to get involved with their own shows…I began to feel uncomfortable, and more thankful that I still had the show at CSR.There were one or two high points that day, mainly made up of schaudenfraude.In this case a series of videos that had just been posted of Sky Sports presentersRichard Keys and Andy Gray making sexist comments and undergoing actionsof a similar nature.On watching them in the office, Sami’s response was quite simplya knowing “Uh, Oh!”Ironically after their sacking from Sky, Keys and Gray transferred to Sami’sold stomping ground of talkSPORT presenting a mid-morning show.But that was the height of witty office banter, and any other attempt to spark upconversation fell flat like Nigel Farage in a curry house.If ever my extensive knowledge of radio came up, it just got laughed atin a non-ironic way by operations director Dave Atkey if he was present,in a “yeah you know he’s an anorak!” sort of manner.There was certainly no sense of chemistry between me and the staffin that really cramped office, but I kept my thoughts to myself when on site.I didn’t have any problems with the pupils at all, in fact, they may have beenthe only people in the station who appeared to get me, and ask me for helpif needed.Which they didn’t do that often as most of them were really goodin a radio environment.72

But the worst part of that traumatic day was at lunchtime, when the studioshad to be locked up, and all of us, myself, Dave and Sam went for lunch in theAcademy’s refectory, surrounded by children eating spaghetti hoops, chipsand unpleasant looking salads.It felt very uncomfortable and not even the free lunch of cold pastawith vegetarian diced meat was enough to lighten me up.If anything, it had me longing for the pasta bar and creamy penneand mushroom lunches I indulged in at the Harrow campus lunch room.Choosing to travel to and from Folkestone by bus only added to the agony.I had no idea where I stood with the new station, so much to the point thaton my visit the following week I had a panic attack, and Sami ended updriving me home to Canterbury.I recovered via more comforting pasta dishes, and listening to a torrent ofdigitised audio tapes from the Marshall Cavendish “Story Teller” magazinesfrom the 80s which I used to enjoy when I was little.Especially the Sheila Hancock narrated story of “Gobbolino The Witch’s Cat”.Television provided a mirror on my woes as Charlie Brooker was back with a serieson BBC 2 by the name of “How TV Ruined Your Life” (“don’t say it didn’t, it did”)looking at a different cause of distress each week including aspiration,false portrayal of love life, and progression of technology.It was darker than most of his previous “Wipe” series and the fact that he was nowmarried to Konnie Huq may have reduced his cutting review style as had previouslybeen evident.Though underscoring the swipes as always, was a random but well-chosen selectionof music ranging from a Roots Manuva track, to an old piece of 60s library musicthat could also be heard via his Spotify account, and remains my favourite Spotifyplaylist to this day.73

Brooker was also part of a new Channel 4 series “10 O’Clock Live”co-hosting with Jimmy Carr, David Mitchell and Lauren Laverne.All great as individuals, they didn’t really manage to blend in well on this attemptat replicating The Daily Show in America, which just before Christmas had criminallybeen dropped from More4.It wasn’t the fault of the presenters, but the struggling format where the onlygood bits were David Mitchell’s monologue/rant in “Listen To Mitchell”(surprisingly ditched from series 2) and Charlie Brooker’s weekly dissection.Three series in at the time of writing, it’s still struggling define itself,when it could have easily been improved in weeks.After e-mailing my worries about the Academy, I was told that I didn’t have to gointo the dining hall at lunchtimes and could pop along to the nearby Sainsburys’to buy a pain aux raisin if I fancied.I was also allowed to try piloting for my own daytime show, which I gradually settledinto over the next few months, despite having to use the bastard playout systemthat is Selector, as opposed to the more flexible Myriad which we had at CSR.Even Smoke Radio back at Westminster Uni soon switched from Selector to Myriadresulting in more positive results on a technical level.Speaking of which, one of Westminster’s alumni was back in London,and someone who I hadn’t seen for almost 5 years, Tim Pryor was at TVCin West London shadowing at 5 Live.I asked if I could meet up with him one evening, and we ended up in a pubin nearby Shepherd’s Bush.It was good to hear how Tim was getting on and he gave me good advice towardsmy current situation, of making myself stand out and trying to get acrossto those in Folkestone how good I could potentially be.74

Though Tim himself was rather undecided from his visit on whether he wouldwant to join 5 Live behind the scenes on their upcoming move to Salford,or stay in the Channel Islands presenting on BBC Radio Jersey.At the time Tim was presenting a weekend breakfast show, including a heavilyreligious show on Sunday mornings, and was longing to move to the sportsdepartment, which eventually paid off later in the year.Shortly after, I attended my first Radio Academy evening in Central London,an event called “Radio Talks Dirty” looking into the art of a voice over artist.And it was quite a line up, with a panel featuring Laura Shavin from Radio 4’sThe Now Show, Dave Wartnaby, a voiceover on many independent stations(with an interesting past as “Flynn” from the CBBC gameshow 50/50)and the big voice of them all Peter Dixon, who was very kind to have a photowith me at the end of the night.“IT’S TIME, TO FACE, THE CAMERA!75

It made me laugh when Dave Wartnaby talked about his early days in radioat Ten 17, a station in Harlow set up in the 90s by Essex Radio, which Davedescribed as when “The Radio Authority decided that, ‘Tiny little towns shouldhave stations too, so we’re going to punish you by giving you the licensesand they won’t make any money, so they’ll die in 15 years”.Which was true in the case of Ten 17 who in 2010 ended up mergingwith Essex FM, now known as Heart Essex.I had a chat with Dave in the pub after the event and he was rather shocked athow many of his voiceovers for Essex FM and Vibe FM from the late 90s I couldremember off by heart.The panel was chaired by Jon Holmes from Radio 4’s “The Now Show”and an alleged “comedy” show on BBC 6 Music on Saturday afternoons.The Radio 2 listening audience shared similar thoughts after a disastrouscover shift for Chris Evans later that year alongside Miranda Hart.Though a stand-in slot for Graham Norton on his own, the following yearfared slightly better.76

Having already jokily called me a “c*nt” at the Student Radio Awards some yearsearlier, I got called “an anorak”, (but in a friendly jokey manner unlike an exRadio 1 producer in Folkestone) when clearing one of the speaker’s blank mindsabout who owned a radio station he previously worked at.Genuinely miniature in height, as ridiculed on The Now Show.Jon happened to be an alumni of CSR FM when it was C4 Radio as a studentat Christ Church in the mid 90s, and there were changes afoot as followingthe departure of Jamie Stevens, we had a new Media Coordinator in the form ofMel Lewis, who had recently won Best Female at the 2010 Student Radio Awards.It took a bit of time to get to know her at first as she had her quirksbut I knew that she would be one to watch.With an obsession with Justin Beiber, and similar sexual preferences,she was everything Sami wanted to be in radio, but had actually achieved.The Elections took place in March where Andrew Venning stood downas station manager and taking his place was first year Ryan Bartrop,a producer on Lucy Harvie-Austin’s daytime show, and quite a whizz as a club DJ.77

Also new to the committee were Daryl Smith as head of speech,and his mate Shona bagging the Head of Specialist, and she seemed to haveno issues with my show as it stood.For want of description, Daryl bore a striking resemblance to Stephen Merchantand Shona resembled Sarah Millican, but when it came to distinctiveregional accents, I was to be disappointed as both hailed from Norfolk.Though both had great taste in comedy with Daryl being a stand up himself.Certain committee members retained their posts including Gavin Bluntas head of web, and James Stokell overseeing outside broadcasts,and James had managed to get back on air himself, as part of a show on Sundaysbefore my own with the name of “3 Students and a Radio Show”.James’ co-presenters Helen and Georgie were amused at my suggestionthat the show should be re-titled “Two Students and an Idiot” though theymade sure James got the stick he deserved with his hyperactive on-air style.Folkestone was gradually improving, with my dummy shows taking placeevery Friday where it was normally just Sam present as Dave was lecturingat Christ Church.It fitted in well as I could get a high speed train from Folkestone to Londonevery Friday afternoon where for a six week period I attended a Transitions courseat the National Autistic Society’s Essex Road offices.I almost came close to getting a voluntary position at a London charitybut unfortunately they ceased business just before I was able to start.One training session came off the back of a St Patrick’s Day pub crawl for two thirdyear students at Uni, them being radio student Nicola, and a really niceTV student Beth, who I didn’t know too well at the time, but knew her boyfriendJames “Bedwetter” Bedwell who became head of marketing for Smokethe year after I left.78

St Paddy’s birthday girls Nic and Beth.It was an enjoyable day out, leading us from Leicester Square back to the Undercrofton the Harrow Campus which in all honesty had got worse in terms of layout,with the leather seats replaced by wooden chairs.I was already in quite a buzz as that Friday would be Red Nose Day, though the nightitself was already overshadowed by a 24 hour panel show marathonwith David Walliams a couple of weekends earlier, and the pub crawl itselfcoincided with Chris Moyles’ attempt at breaking the record for the longest everradio show on Radio 1, also being live streamed on the Red Button.Despite Moyles’ show being in decline, this to all its credit was a fantastic livebroadcast with highlights including a guest appearance by Davina at midnightwith a random “Golden Hour”, and a double-headed show with Benji B,with some fantastic rare groove tunes being played.Despite having to be in London the next day, I was up watching until 6:30am.It was such an addictive broadcast not just from a radio point of view,but far more so than a lot of television at the time, and still to this day.79

My personal highlight was at 6:30am itself on the Thursday, where they markedthe 24 hour mark by playing Fluff’s intro montage from Pick Of The Pops,which had me in tears.And right at the end we got to see Fearne Cotton in a swimsuit.Overall it was a fantastic live broadcast, raising a total of over two million pounds.Shortly after Jo Whiley made a long awaited exit from “Wireless One”after 18 years to take over Radcliffe and Maconie’s evening slot on BBC Radio 2who in turn moved to 6 Music weekday afternoons taking “The Chain!”and Gordon Burns with them.Although I’m not a fan of Jo Whiley, she brought consistency and a good audienceto that timeslot on Radio 2, and Radcliffe and Maconie were far better suitedto 6 Music, given an extra hour and their dry wit blending in nicelywith the likes of breakfast presenter Shaun Keaveny.Though not dry wit that made you feel excluded as a listener, or a colleaguein the case of what was going on in Folkestone.Despite that, it was no dispeller for the buzz ahead of Academy FM’s launchthat would be at 12pm on Thursday the 31 st of March in what was just partof an amazing week of outings.First up on the Tuesday was a visit to the Apple Store on Regent’s Streetfor a Q&A with the cast of Friday Night Dinner, a sitcom I had developed a love foron Channel 4 starring Simon Bird from The Inbetweeners, and penned byRobert Popper who co-created the equally superb and clever Look Around You.It was a family sitcom, inspired by Popper’s own experiences growing upin a Jewish family, who every Friday their boys would return for the traditionof Friday night dinner, resorting to their old ways as squabbling siblings.80

A few critics slated the series for being too similar in premise to Simon Amstell’sBBC 2 sitcom Grandma’s House from the previous year, though the key differencebetween that and Friday Night Dinner, was FND had something in the way of laughs.My description may not do it justice, but in an age of declining sitcoms,this for me was the best one of the genre on television in the last five years,even (just slightly) surpassing The Inbetweeners.Though like The Inbetweeners it also had a great incidental soundtrackas curated by former XFM DJ Marsha Shandur.A sort of less-sycophantic Jo Whiley, though she did have some great podcastsinterviewing her favourite comedians and comedy writers that askedthe questions the listeners and fans wanted answered.Digressing, Boyd Hilton from Heat Magazine was the host that evening,and then Channel 4 comedy controller Darren Smith was sat on the front row,and asked out of the blue if the cast would be happy to film a second series.Which they said yes, though it wouldn’t be transmitted until Autumn 2012.I was also gutsy enough to ask a question, wanting to find out if there were anyscenes of plotlines that felt a bit close to home during the filming of the series.The whole interview can still be downloaded from iTunes, where I can be seenin the front row laughing like a hyena, on the mention of the Dad’s catchphrase“SHIT ON IT!”81

I asked the actor Paul Ritter afterwards if people came up to him in public saying it,only to be told I was the first!cI managed to get a few photos with the rest of cast, including Mark Heapwho played the rather disturbed neighbour Jim.If you’re wondering about my facial expression, it was homage to ITV’s Ghost Trainthat he used to appear in on Saturday mornings as part of double act “The Two Marks”where the presenters would go into a break by waving their hands at the cameraand exclaiming “Ooh-waaah!”82

My obsession with Ghost Train almost mirrored that of the father in Friday Night Dinner,with regards to science, as I was ordering old issues of Look In magazine on eBaythat contained features on the late 80s summer Saturday morning show.That’s how much of a nostalgic lull I was in at the time.Anyway, best of all that evening was getting to meet the lovely Tamsin Greigwho played the mother, and was also achieving success with Matt Le Blancin BBC 2’s “Episodes”Wednesday I was back in London again for another Channel 4 show,this time an audience recording of “Stand Up For The Week” at Koko in Camden.Made by the same team as “Live At The Apollo” the show was now into its second series,with Kevin Bridges promoted from sports correspondent to main host.Highlights included Rich Hall’s rant on global issues, and Jack Whitehall givinga justified ridiculing of Katie Price and her standards on “privacy”.I.E not letting a camera crew into a dentist appointment, but happy for explicit photosof her to be displayed on the internet.83

I didn’t stay for the whole night as it took about four hours to recordand needed to get the train back ahead of the launch of Academy FM the next day.I wasn’t actually on site when it went live itself, but would be attending adrinks reception that evening and luckily I didn’t miss Group 115, a sort of Glee clubat the Folkestone Academy who gave a reprise of “Empire State Of Mind”which they launched the station with at 12pm.Why they didn’t change the chorus to “In Folkestone” escapes me.They also did a great rendition of “Rolling In The Deep” by Adele which actuallymade me think about the lyrics, and maybe they were directly representingmy current situation.Deputy manager Sam Impey was the first presenter on air and would hostthe breakfast show between Tuesday and Fridays, due to her commute hometo London at weekends.84

Most of the other presenters were students that Dave Sharp taught at Christ Churchas well as the Academy pupils themselves, and there were pre-recorded showsfrom Westminster students such as Oli P, Frank McWeeny, and Matty and Manish.Dave even presented himself on mid-afternoons for the first couple of months, thoughhe didn’t think he wasn’t that good, despite a dry, John Peel sort of wit about him on air,whilst giving sincere interviews with local business people in Folkestone.On arriving at the Academy that launch evening I got to know a few of the presentersincluding a few Christ Church students who I went for drinks with at the nearbyShepherd Neame pub later on.We were also joined by Dave, Sami, Dave’s wife Helen, and Grace, a lively womanin her early 30s who presented a local bands show on Friday.I didn’t get many photos, but I reckon the facial expression on Sami’s face says it all.“Bollocks, I’ve got to work with Robin again…”85

The Christ Church students in particular were very critical of CSR, saying that it feltcliquey and biased to the University of Kent, not helped that there was not yet any wordon the Christ Church Studios.It was only the beginning of what would become a lull of confusion and I was worryingif I fitted in either at CSR or the Academy.The following day I got a phone call from Dad mentioning that he’d seenan e-mail mentioning that the manager of CSR had resigned.I thought this was an April Fool’s joke but I later found out that Andrew Venninghad stood down a month earlier than the scheduled handover due to deadlines.Now however was not the time to worry about station politics, as I was making myway down to Totnes to stay with Celia and Alan two of Mum and Dad’s friendswho were kind enough to pay hospitality whilst I attended a performance atDartmouth’s Flavel Centre by the established television theme composer Ed Welch.The man best known for the themes to Blockbusters, The National Lottery Live,and Catchphrase, the composer gave an amusing and informative talk about hiscomposing career, the difference between a signature tune and an incidental score,and a few live renditions accompanied by singer Diane Carter.Diane performed songs as previously written for programmes made by theJim Henson Studios in the 90s, and the more recent Thomas And Friendswhich Ed had re-written the theme tune for, replacing the more iconic themeknown by viewers of the original series.It was interesting to find out that Ed had also composed a song for the final seriesof Noel’s House Party in 1998 for the NTV feature “You’re On Your Own”,where each week an unlucky punter would be sent on their ownto spend the week in a sewage plant, or somewhere equally unpleasant.86

They would be serenaded with a song that Noel would pretend to play on theGreat House piano, accompanied by a different singer each week and we weretreated to a montage of those who had done so including Bob Monkhouse,Barry Manilow, Lily Savage, and Vanessa Feltz much to Ed’s disapproval.It was an amazing night, and I was grateful that Celia, Alan and their friend Kathystuck around with me in the foyer whilst waiting to meet the man himself,who was kind enough to have a photo taken with me holding a VHS tapecontaining what for me has to be his best signature tune.“If you see it, say it!”Ed was impressed that I had travelled all the way from Canterbury,to a sold out venue made up mainly of South West residents, though one of themwho I spoke to had a daughter studying at Christ Church in Canterbury.It amused me that Ed had penned the original Lottery theme tune,and he could sell out a one night event, yet original Lottery host Anthea Turnera year ago had only sold two seats for a two night “Perfect Housewife”theatre show that had to be pulled.87

Ed however was a local celebrity in the South West of England, being the residentcomposer for the then ITV franchise TSW from 1981 to 1992.He had also composed a campaign theme in 2005 for the Totnes Lib Demcandidate who lost to Tory Anthony Steen, a man who didn’t shed any smileswhen mentioning his name at Celia and Alan’s place, not least because he madethat stupid comment in the expenses scandal saying it was all an issue of “jealousy”.One politician who was mentioned quite a lot that weekend was then Health SecretaryAndrew Lansley whose plans to privatise the NHS resulted in him being the subjectof a viral video with the refrain “Andrew Lansley, GREEDY!, Andrew Lansley, TOSSER!,The NHS is not for sale you grey haired manky codger”.That became an earworm for the rest of the month.Further humour came from the car journey to the Flavel, listening to The Now Showon BBC Radio 4 where they included a pisstake of Trumpton over the fire service cuts;“Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, FIRED!”(The Now Show, BBC Radio 4, 01.04.11)Another highlight came via a BBC Four documentary about Top Of The Pops in 1976to coincide with a run of weekly repeats of whole shows on the same channel.Alan was making sarcastic comments throughout namely in responseTony Blackburn’s stupid long held belief that punk was “meaningless”.Though it’s understandable having to grow up hearing Blackburn himselfon the radio on a day to day basis during the 1970s.Overall, it was nice to spend the weekend in Devon and get awayfrom my frustrations in Canterbury and Folkestone.88

Though another place that was far from frustrating was London, and the followingweek I ventured central to meet up with writer and self-proclaimed nostalgia nerdLouis Barfe who on Twitter had recommended a revue at the Leicester Square Theatreby Glen Richardson and Paul Putner.I’d heard of Paul from his appearance as “The Curious Orange” in Lee and Herring’s“This Morning With Richard Not Judy” and since then had appeared in many“fat” roles in many a TV sitcom.As a solo performer however he was just as good, and the revue itself was made upof many television related gags such as a man who when he coughed sounded like thetheme to “Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em” and his laugh resembled “Blankety Blank”.An affectionate tribute to another television composer, the late Ronnie Hazelhurst.Other amusing sketches included Putner playing a karaoke singer performing“Light My Fire” and struggling to look interested during the long keyboard solo.But the finale made me laugh recreating the end credits of Top Cat with a plastic bin.The telly-in jokes continued with Putner pretending to fall face first from inside the bin,reminiscent of a recently unearthed video on Youtube of Bobby Davro havingan unfortunate, yet horrific accident with a pair of stocks, in a last minute stunt,now shown as part of a BBC Health and Safety training session.The inclusion of Jim Bowen, Keith Chegwin and Lionel Blair singing“Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life” added to the surrealism.And on that very subject, I had booked a visit to the nearby Cineworld for Mayto see a special Time Out screening of “The Life Of Brian” with an interviewwith Terry Jones beforehand.It was a film that unbelievably I had never seen before but was excited about.89

Telly wise I was very much engulfed in the new series of Doctor Who,the second with Matt Smith in the lead role and I’d more or less got usedto the series’ surreal, blink and you’ll miss it, storytelling style.Though the new series sadly coincided with the death of Liz Sladen who had entranceda new generation of viewers as Sarah Jane Smith, and a well-made tribute was shownafter the first episode, on the CBBC Channel.Home life in Canterbury however was still hard, not helped by a visit to myMum’s sister in Suffolk at Easter where my lack of tolerance with Dad playfullymucking about in the car caused an unwanted outburst.But there was more to it than just plain old mucking about I was under a lot of stressand increasing anxiety, which not even the forced splendour of the upcomingRoyal Wedding could not dispel of.It did mean however that we had a street party on Norman Road where I got morethan a bit boozed, and caught up with some old friends of my younger brother andsister from when they were little.I never had any real friends growing up in Canterbury, but Will and Beatrice as picturedabove have been supportive of my exploits as of recent.90

Though having said that, I was reunited with more Canterbury friends,via Sittingbourne as in early May I attended a gig at the Maiden’s Head pubwhere Lee and Stuart from my Media course at college, along with their mate Aaronon drums were playing as part of their newly formed band “Ted Dibiase and TheMillion Dollar Punk Band”.Their performance consisted of anarchic but amusing songs about plastic surgery,slavery in Indian sweat shops, and a ditty in tribute to Lee’s hero Paul Gascoigne.It was one of the warm up acts to an act from Basildon by the name of“K*nt and the Gang” which consisted solely lead singer “K*nt” who had made a namefor himself on the internet performing crass but hilarious songs of a juvenile nature,and showcasing his love for Carol Vorderman.I had been introduced to the poet of poor taste by CMP alumni Holly at a visitto her house before Christmas where K*nt had released a new version of his song“Use My Arsehole as a C*nt” as a parody of Nick Clegg, aiming for theChristmas Number 1 that year and reaching number 66.91

Seeing him perform live was even more entertaining where he performedhis Royal Wedding version of the song “Fucksticks” ridiculing the Royal Family,and opening the show with my favourite song of his “Perverts On The Internet”.Oddly enough it’s the only time I have ever heard him perform that song live.Spot the real K*nt in this photo…The performance went really well and pretty soon after, it was announced that K*ntwould be back at the Maiden’s in December as part of the tour for his new album.Back at the Academy I had started hosting a two hour show on Wednesday afternoons.I was allowed to make use of my irreverent but sincere presenting manneralthough I had to stick with the hourly structure of reading traffic updatesand playing out Community Contact packages.The inserts were topped and tailed with a jingle involving a crowd of peopleshouting “Community Contact!”It was no Dallas vocal shout, from what I was used to hearing on the radioat an early age.92

The show quickly got extended to three hours after Dave Sharp finally realisedthat I was actually rather competent at presenting on the radio.Well, probably not as competent as some of the pupils, and they were really good.Two of them were a couple of nice lively girls called Mel and Becky who hada great chemistry on air and would soon progress from hosting the lunchtimerequest show, to their own mid-afternoon show.Others even had the guts to send up Sami’s ever-stilted presenting style.I was also pleased with what was happening at CSR so much to the point that I startedputting my Blam Jam shows onto Mixcloud, a site that you could upload radio showsand Mixcloud would take care of all the PRS muddles.However it wasn’t a concept that the then CSR management could get their heads roundand an e-mail was sent out to all members one Monday in mid-May telling people not toupload their shows, unless it was just the links of a daytime show that could be podcast.There was no greater kick in the balls, and I went from being really happy,to really deflated in a short space of time, with an air of anxiety floating.Every visit to the Academy by now had started turning into groundhog day,with me constantly moaning about my woes at CSR, and struggling to blend inwith the rest of their members.On a recent outing in Central London, Matty one of the Westminster studentssuggested that Academy FM was a Smoke Radio reunion what with him and Manishhosting a pre-recorded weekend show, Sami on breakfast, and Oli P andFrank McWeeny with an Anglo/Francais hip hop show.The comment stuck in mind and made me realise that yes, it was very much like Smokefrom when Sami was co-running the station around late 2007, as I was being pushedaside from the areas of radio I enjoyed the most such as station imaging, given verylittle feedback or encouragement to what I did do, and it felt like no one gave a tossbehind the scenes.93

I was trying unsuccessfully to re-ignite my radio past, and on arriving at the studiosthat Wednesday afternoon, I was feeling very crestfallen and under a lot of pressure.Sami was worried that in my present state I wouldn’t be able to present my showthat afternoon, and after being told that it was hard enough trying to get into radioas a whole, I lost it, and starting flapping my arms about in a panic.I was driven back to Folkestone Central station where I travelled back homeand I was in tears and even wrote a status on Facebook that sounded severe.“So, having Asperger's gives you a massive talent for remembering things and storinginformation, but prevents you from having good social skills, being brave enough to speak topeople, and indulging in nonsensical sarcastic banter.I don't know why I even fucking bothered wanting to achieve a career in radio.”The response I got from it was sympathetic and helped me feel better,but despite my birthday coming up that Sunday, I decided I needed to get awayfrom anything radio related as a whole, and took a three week absence from CSR,and an indefinite leave from Academy FM.I even turned down an invite at the last minute to the Smoke Radio Awards that month,as I knew Dave Sharp would be in attendance, and it wouldn’t be fair to ruineveryone else’s night by moping about my woes at the former lecturer’s own station.On a lighter note, there was a video highlight at the awards themselvesthat I later found on Youtube with the outgoing committee ridiculing their ownadministrative flaws in a parody of The Apprentice.Something I could not imagine any of the self-satisfied committeesduring my time at the station being willing to send up.Mum and Dad tried to cheer me up by arranging a birthday barbecueat their Spanish friend Concha’s house, who had been really nice to mein difficult times including after my outburst that Wednesday.94

We were also joined by my cousin Laura who was just finishing her American literaturedegree at UKC, and her lovely boyfriend Josh.Instead of hosting my radio show that evening, I was sat in my room watchingthe Disney film “Pinnochio” which I will admit was very comforting afterwhat I had been through.Almost any Disney film from that era can provide that sort of therapywhen things get too much to handle.In addition to that I was heavily addicted to the current series of South Parkwhich had recently become my favourite American TV series,in fact the only one I watched on a regular basis. “Breaking” what?...It had certainly come a long way from the rather childish plotlinesof the earlier series, into a lean mean satire spitting machine.Though at times it could be rather affectionate, as an episode parodyingthe Royal Wedding with Kyle’s brother Ike proved to be rather cute,which in my melancholy state resulted in me “happy crying”The best however was one rather close to home called “You’re Getting Old”where on the turn of 10 years old, everything in Stan’s mind turned into shit.Literally.The episode turned out to be the mid-season finale where Stan’s depression andsevering friendships mirrored my own dissolving ties from university,soundtracked brilliantly by the Fleetwood Mac song “Landslide”.“# Well, I've been afraid of changing'Cause I've built my life around youBut time makes you bolderand children get olderI'm getting older too”95

Many fans of the show were worried that the episode was a reflection ofhow Matt Stone and Trey Parker felt about the show overall, but it turned outnot to be, when returning in the autumn with a follow-up which hilariously,(if not that accurately) parodied Asperger’s Syndrome.Back in May, the week after my birthday saw quite a few visits to London,two of them returning to the Leicester Square Theatre.Monday was the first episode of the third and what was to be the final seriesof the Richard Herring’s Chortle Award winning “As It Occurs To Me” podcastwhich was a sensible time to end, whilst listeners were still enjoying it.In the absence of regular Dan Tetsell, there was a guest appearance forcomedy performer Ben Moor who happened to hail from Whitstable.On speaking to him after the show I found out he went to the same grammar schoolas my younger brother (albeit 25 years apart) and brought up his appearanceon Blockbusters in 1987 where he was impressed that I had met the manwho composed the show’s theme tune.I would be back for the final AIOTM in mid-June, but I’d be seeing the lead performeron the Wednesday for the DVD recording of “Christ On A Bike: The Second Coming”,a stand up show ridiculing the bible.I was sat in the front row, so if you watch the DVD you can see megormlessly laughing at regular cutaways.Andrew Collins was also present to record a special DVD edition of thenow-also-defunct Collings and Herrin podcast, and there was a rather amusingmoment when just before the second half of the main stand-up act,Collins tripped over a pyro that was meant to go off in the second act.96

It didn’t explode luckily, and I joked with Collins after the recording thathe could have almost ended up like Anthea Turner, in an infamous incidenton the BBC’s Saturday morning show “UP2U” in 1989 where a missed cuecaused a pyro to explode and set her alight, sat next to the device in Earl’s Court.Like the Bobby Davro incident mentioned earlier it was also shown as partof a BBC Health and Safety training seminar.It was one of the last public appearances for Collings and Herrin, as they split upover Collin’s return to BBC 6 Music on Saturday mornings later that summerwhen instead of retaining Rich, he brought in Josie Long as his co-host.Herring’s former comedy partner Stewart Lee meanwhile was providingthe laughs on telly, with a second series of his “Comedy Vehicle” on BBC 2which was even better and more intimate than the first.It prompted me to buying tickets for his “Carpet Remnant World” tourway ahead in December.97

My third visit to London that week was on Friday, starting off with an NAS boat outing,followed by another Westminster CMP reunion with Pippa, and a few other students.It was an attempt to recreate the fun of the meet up the previous autumnbut in my current state I just wasn’t feeling it.Mainly because Holly was absent due to a work attachment in New York,and both her absence and the very crowded Friday night pub atmosphere in Sohocaused me to feel uncomfortable and get an early train back to Canterbury.Pippa could understand why I was feeling down and reminded me that whilst atuniversity I had an amazing talent for audio production that couldn’t be matched.It turned out she wasn’t the only one who thought the same, as I had receivedan e-mail from independent production company Folded Wing saying that theyliked the application form I had sent them a week ago for a possible work placement,and wanted me to come in for an informal interview the following Tuesday.The form itself was actually enjoyable to write, asking to say down in detailwhat radio programmes of recent you liked, and what music you were enjoyingand what production areas of Folded Wing interested you the most.The timing of the interview fitted in nicely, as I could go straight from theirClerkenwell offices to the Cineworld in Central London for the screeningof “The Life Of Brian” that I had booked in April.I rang up Dave Sharp for advice the day before, as he had worked withcompany director Karen Pearson at Somethin’ Else, and Dave mentioned that Karenwas a tough person to work for with a strong belief in outstanding radio.The latter part may have been true and yes, things were run tightly,but a tough person to work for?What a load of complete bollocks.I think he was trying to discourage me on that part.98

Karen wasn’t actually present on my interview itself, but when arriving at theClerkenwell offices, I was welcomed by Eliza, a really nice woman from the North Eastwho was a production assistant and introduced me to the team who also seemedreally nice and approachable.The setting was really cosy, with bright yellow walls and felt a lot more personalthan what I had experienced at Somethin’ Else.And on that note I also met Sam Hall AKA Goldierocks who since late 2010had switched from Somethin’ Else to Folded Wing for production of her Selector show,which was now being syndicated around the world with different presenters.One being a version going out for a brief period on Academy FM as hostedby Sam Impey, but oh my, to compare Goldierocks with Sami is like comparinga throughly-made Italian banquet with a Tesco Value lasagne.My interview with Eliza went really well and within a matter of weeksI was offered a work placement at Folded Wing commencing in late June.I would be returning to London a few times before then, including a performanceat the Kings Cross Theatre of the music for Oliver Postgate’s animated series,curated by Johnny Trunk who had recently made a documentary for BBC Radio 4on library music.The best bit being a “live voicing” of an old episode of The Clangers with slide whistles.It reminded me of Radio 4’s “I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue” re-enacting“When Harry Met Sally” with a Clanger in the role of Sally Albright.I also attended another screening of “The Room” in Leicester Square with Lucy,a TV student from Westminster who was now working with Adrian Chileson ITV’s flagging breakfast show Daybreak, where from what I heardhe was just as miserable off camera, as he was on.99

As a matter of fact I was sort of moonlighting on the small screen,as Simon Parkin, former CBBC presenter and now ITV Meridian weathermanhad just joined Twitter and was asking viewers to send in their photosof the weather in their hometowns.With my room at the top floor of the house, I took great advantage and sure enoughmy picture was shown on Meridian Tonight.I sent an e-mail to the team in Maidstone and they were pleased with the upcomingplacement I was about to take in London, understanding that I was better suitedto hands-on production rather than journalism as a whole.All this gave me the confidence to return to CSR where on my first proper weekendback I was helping out at UKC’s Artsfest, where the campus was showcasing live bandsand performances from local acts.We had been warned beforehand not to get involved with “Alternative Artfest”a rival event set up by a former CSR head of speech, in protest of what he thoughtwas a lack of innovative acts that year at the official Artsfest.100

My main role was co-presenting with James Waters which went fairly well,save for the dodgy innuendos that Waters subjected me to in good humour.Some of the presenters hosted not just from Studio Red but on the main stageintroducing the acts, where I was particularly impressed by head of speechDaryl Smith, whose stage presence reminded me of Jools Holland on “Later”.Overall it was the first event pulled off by the new committee and once againI felt settled into the station.As for my Folkestone exploits, they were put on indefinite hiatus whenDave messaged me saying that he could no longer pay for travel expenses,and I thought it was best not to return to a station that had already resultedin two panic attacks.To be honest I wasn’t even sure if his heart, and certainly Sami’s were even in it,not least when I saw a status on Facebook posted while on-air reading;“The large latte I had over an hour ago doesn't seem to be doing anything.Zombie FM - Bringing you all the best in monged out bollocks.”That made me so angry, and had me thinking“Sam, Don’t be so bloody ungrateful.There are many people who dream to have a position like yours on the radioso why not enjoy it, have some respect, and downright dignity”.If I had the guts, I would have written that on her Facebook wall,or at least sent it as a private message.Joe Haddow later told me that a former colleague at production companyWise Buddah had done something very similar on Facebook, and ended upgetting a serious verbal warning from Mark Goodier himself.101

The week before I commenced my placement with “the queen of podcasts”,I was present for the final episode of “the king of the podcasts” As It Occurs To Mewhere I even made an appearance myself in the regular Q&A section askingthe audience what had occurred to them.The finale involved a parody song to the tune of “Cumpkin In The Wind”as performed by the show’s resident musician Christian Reilly,and Herring getting covered in a real-life “Cumpkin”.I won’t explain what that involved for reasons of decency, but it all came about froma joke right at the start of the first series over a mis-pronunciation of “pumpkin”.Proof that all the best comedy ideas come by accident.And thanks to Emma Kennedy, the show had also engraved the phrase“cock juggling thunderc*nt” into my subconscious.I managed to get some photos including another with Emma,Emma was amused when I told her that the podcast (and especially her poo anecdotes)reminded me of the tape recordings I used to make with my brother and his mates,that were heavily inspired by Lee and Herring.Only even more puerile.102

A couple of years later however, Emma would go on to star alongsideRichard Aoyade as one of the voices in the acclaimed CBBC sitcom “Strange Hill High”.A series that blended in CGI animation with vinyl puppets, and was thoughtful enoughto dedicate the first episode to Gerry Anderson who died in December 2012.I also got one with Dan Tetsell and Christian Reilly who was pleased that I liked hisparody of “The Record Breakers” theme tune in one of Herring’s earlier Radio 2 series.“#If you’re the bleakest, the weakest, if you’re really crap,if you’re the tragic, no magic, a mega mishapthen you’re a rubbish record breaker!”All this was the perfect warm up to what I didn’t know at the time would bethe real tipping point of not just 2011, but my radio future as a whole.103

Chapter 5 – Spreading My “Folded” WingsMy first day on my work placement at Folded Wing took place on Mondaythe 26 th of June which meant an early train journey from Canterburyto St Pancras International.Like the work placement at Somethin’ Else the year before, Mum and Dad would befunding my train fares, but from the second I arrived at the Clerkenwell officesI knew this was going to be a different sort of placement to the companyjust down the road on Old Street.I was welcomed by office manager Sandie who happened to be Karen’s motherand her charm shone instantly and seemed really happy to see me.Karen wasn’t actually in attendance on the Monday but I instantly fell into thecosy office environment and got to know the other colleagues very quickly.They included Jim, the accounts manager who had an incredible knowledge of musicand a dry sense of humour, Xanthe, an assistant producer of Jamie Cullum’sRadio 2 show, Rachel, a production assistant on Selector, John the overall produceron Selector, and Eliza who I met on the interview the previous month.The first day involved me researching albums by Bobby Womack who had justbeen interviewed for a web broadcast on the Red Bull Music Academy website,and writing biogs for the future broadcasts on the same website.It took a bit of time to get the hang of the writing style but the team were reallyhelpful and I was convinced that the next week was going to whizz by.It wasn’t the case that I would be getting any rest because immediately after myfirst day I was bound for Stamford Bridge, not too see the Blues in action but tosee Bluey in action, as Incognito were playing as part of Bluesfest in the recentlyopened club “Under The Bridge”.104

Blue was indeed the colour, as shown in this snap below with two lovelywomen both named Francesca.It was a fantastic night, save for a few technical errors which the band covered well,and the above photo probably shows how things had taken a dramatic turnfrom the previous month in terms of how I was feeling.Though there was a minor incident in the hotel I was staying where I learntthe hard way that I had accidentally booked myself into an all-female dormitory.I had a minor panic attack meaning I had to raise my special card to from Kent Policeexplaining about my Asperger’s but the understanding staff moved me to another room.Though why they wouldn’t bat an eyelid at my clerical error in the first placeI have no idea.The second day at the Wing was even more special as I got to meet Karen herselfwho I had been told was really looking forward to seeing me.105

We hit it off instantly, talking about radio, jazz and soul music, my visitto see Incognito the night before, and I loved her overall warmth.Which I expected, having heard her youthful charm in an interview for theRadio Academy podcast the week before, on receiving Indie Of The Yearat the 2011 Radio Production Awards.As if that wasn’t enough, Folded Wing had also won two New York Radio gongs,and the prize for Best International Radio show for “Selector” at the International RadioFestival in Zurich, which was impressive for the Selector itself having only been producedby Folded Wing for just over 6 months.I didn’t take for granted that I was working with the very best and yet they wereall so nice, especially Karen who I shared so much in common with, whether it bea love of jazzy tunes, fish and chips, Gordon the Gopher, even an identicaldress sense as seen in this photo taken a year later.I later found out that Karen shared the same birthday as me!Albeit 7 years my senior, but she still feels like my big (little) radio sister.106

Throughout the rest of the week I was editing playlists for Jamie Cullum’s Radio 2 show,researching for an upcoming 1Xtra Story on the history of the Mixtapeand checking scripts for the Selector.Overall it was enjoyable experience and the staff were impressed with my speedand accuracy how I could get all the tasks done.They were even kind enough to give me a card and a carrot cake as a present,though I insisted that the cake was shared around the office.At the end of the week I sent a thank you e-mail to Karen and she sent an even nicermessage back inviting me for a coffee in London in the next month or so.It ended up being a “little longer” than a month, due to things getting a bit busyover time for us both.Though a visit back to London altogether wasn’t far off, as on the Sunday after myplacement I made my way to the Royal Festival Hall to see the amazing Al Jarreauperforming live.Such an amazing voice and presence, even if he didn’t perform his superior cover versionof “Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bay”.One that I’m still waiting to hear Jamie Cullum play on his Radio 2 show.The Folded Wing placement gave me back the confidence to get more involved with CSRand with the summer being rather quiet in the schedules, I opted to host the Thursdaydrivetime show as well as my usual Blam Jam show on Sundays.I also started volunteering as an audio engineer at The Canterbury and District Recorder,a blind newspaper where I interchanged with other members every other Friday.The first show on drive was rather exciting as the story broke of the News Of The Worldshutting down, leaving managers Mel & Ryan confused as to whether I wasjoking or not when referring to it on air.107

My production abilities were also welcomed creating a new set of musicdemonstrators replacing the two year old ones that had infiltrated the airwaves,that were filled with David Gray, The Noisettes, basically music that was completelyirrelevant to CSR’s playlist.We would also be broadcasting from Lounge On The Farm once again, althoughwhether we would or not had been up in the air in the weeks prior to the event,and due to being given permission at the last minute, it was kind of a rush job.Instead of the comfort of the pigshed, we had a tent where all the O/B equipmentwas which mainly consisted of roaming microphones, with the music handledby a production team in Studio Red.The plan was for one set of members to be on sight on the Saturday, switchingwith another set on Sunday who had been in Studio Red on the Saturday.Due to me purchasing a festival ticket I was on site both days,and had the honour of kicking it all off with the legend that is James Waters.It was quite a challenge broadcasting with an earpiece to the main studio,but Daryl who was driving the desk was very professional giving clear instructions, evencoping with James’ cheeky broadcast style.108

It was all held together behind the scenes by Mel Lewis, who was continuingto prove herself around the station, and it was so good to have someonewithin the management who actually knew a thing or two about radio.It certainly proved its worth with many of the members, and her optimismwas enough to get us through the disappointment of not being nominatedfor any Student Radio Awards later in the year.Returning to the festival, was a fairly good band line up too with a returnfor Example, Katy B, and UKC alumni Ellie Goulding headlining on the main stage,though I was more excited about the goings on in the comedy tent where Canadiancomic Tony Law was one of those on the bill.I also spotted a familiar face as pointed out by Law, that being Nick Wilton, nowadaysknown for playing Market Inspector Mr Lister in Eastenders,but to me he was the voice of the prizes on the gungy gameshow Double Dare shownas part of the Saturday morning show Going Live! in the late 80s.The man himself was kind enough not just to get a photo, but to be subjectedto me uttering Peter Simon’s catchphrase “Nick! Tell them what they’ve won!”109

I soon received an e-mail from another Mr Lister, that being Jim Listerasking me if I wanted to make a return visit to Folded Wing in early Augustfor another week of work experience.It would be taking place after an event in Margate which would soon becomean annual fixture in my calendar, the Soul Weekender where finally I had foundan event near my neck of the woods with people who loved the good stuff.Most of the attendees had travelled down from Essex, including one of thedisk spinners Roni O’Brien who I used to listen to on Solar whilst at universityand it was great to finally meet her.Though to be honest her DJ set wasn’t that great, even including a trackby X Factor series one winner Steve Brookstein(!).That aside I had an amazing time, and even though it was just for the one day,I was determined to make the most of the event the following year.110

Good times couldn’t last however and on returning home that SaturdayI switched the television on to find that riots had commenced in North Londonand they were only going to spread further south of the city and further northof the country.It did nothing to discourage me on returning to London for my second weekat Folded Wing where this time I got to do some editing on Pro Tools,which I was really excited about as I had never used it before and knew thatthis was the big boss of all digital audio workstations.I also helped out with the research for an upcoming Radio 2 series that wasto be hosted by Gloria Estefan showcasing the very best in Latin music.The series went out in November, and at first I felt rather uncertain about itas Gloria seemed to be playing quite a lot of her own records, a la Elaine Paigeon her dreadful Sunday afternoon show on the network.However when the series was repeated the following year I felt a lot more appreciativeand it was clear that it had evolved in terms of production, with a programmecoinciding with Radio 2’s Dance season being a personal highlight.And Gloria as a broadcaster herself, simply sublime.I loved her new album released that same year which included tracksco-produced by Pharrell Williams, sounding not too dissimilar to the materialhe was coming out with 10 years earlier, with jazzy piano chordsand cuban percussion.With such an amazing week at the Wing, a comedown was inevitable and one day I letoff steam with an angry blog exclaiming about my frustration to get along with others,being unable to blend in with their inane humour and them finding it hard to get me.Sandie seemed worried and sent an e-mail asking if I was alright, and I will admit thatreceiving an e-mail from Sandie or Karen would always lighten me upif I was feeling down or depressed.111

A temporary cure elsewhere was the return of The X Factor on television wherefollowing Simon Cowell’s departure to the States, a (nearly) new judging line uparrived consisting of Gary Barlow, Tulisa off of N*Dubz, Kelly Rowland,and Louis Walsh back to spout utter nonsense in his usual confused manner.At first it had a lot of potential, with Gary’s blunt but witty manner,and Tulisa’s honesty, but by the time the live shows started it all went wrongat the swing of Dermot O’Leary’s invisible golf club.Whether it was the lack of memorable acts, forced rows between the judges(not helped by Kelly Rowland’s over exaggerating), or the bad behaviour ofFrankie Cokeupthenozza, the public were starting to wake up in realising thiswas a load of contrived nonsense, switching over to Strictly instead.Which I thought was tired enough, but slow burners prove their worthwith the punters.The saving grace was ITV2’s Xtra Factor who following their presenting faux pasthe previous year with Mrs Charlie Brooker, replaced her with the unlikelybut successful pairing of Caroline Flack and Olly Murs, who broughton a presenting chemistry reminiscent of Zoe Ball and Jamie Theakston.With Autumn arriving, so did new students at UKC and Christ Churchand I offered my services at CSR to DJ at two of the Freshers Eventsat Christ Church.The first one felt awkward, having to play One Direction’s debut single countless times,made even more embarrassing because of the SU staff’s formation dance routinethat was anything but “Beautiful”.The second stint was non-existent as the minute I arrived, Station Manager Ryantold me that he had got two other members to do my joband had tried texting me earlier to tell me I wouldn’t be required.112

I was absolutely gutted, and sent an e-mail explaining in a “sensible manner”that I was upset, asking if this was their way of saying thank you after the time I had putin for them over the summer standing in on shows, producing sweepers etc.I got an e-mail back the following day apologising, and not to let it put me off myinvolvement with the station, and I felt better, although it turned out I wouldn’t bepresenting that Sunday anyway due to an outing in London for the annual Jingle Day.The day before that however I was Brighton bound to meet Danielle, a fellow radiostudent who I hadn’t seen since graduation and was taking an MA Course in journalismat Brighton and Hove university.We had a few drinks in town and then went over to the legendary pier where theintention was to buy some fish and chips, but we were distractedby the rides at the funfair, including what was a fun ride on the waltzer.We then stopped off in a pub which I recognised from when Heather and Shirleyfrequented it in an Eastenders episode four years earlier and I ended up downingmany a VK.113

It was a good opportunity to share my thoughts on my radio struggles in Folkestoneand lost contact with most of the other radio students, but Dani was understandingand was certain that an outing to Brighton for all of us radio students wouldsoften the blows.The following day I was in London for the Jingle Day which took place at the George pubin Central London, and apart from the likes of Aston, and newcomer Johnwho had travelled from Portsmouth, I found it a rather depressing affair.What with everyone moaning that there wasn’t any good new material in termsof radio jingles being made.Just because they weren’t sung by a close harmony Dallas vocal group.It made me realise that I was someone who genuinely wanted to get into radio,and understood modern day radio imaging techniques which I think most ofthe attendees appreciated, as well as being shocked by me rememberingand possessing audio that they had forgotten.We then made our way down to The Champion pub on Wells Street which wasn’ttoo far from the old ITN studios prior to the move to Grays Inn Road in 1991.I would be back in that same pub two days later as I was meeting up once againwith Joey who was still enjoying himself on The Chris Evans Breakfast Show,though by the new year he would be transferred to Simon Mayo’s Drivetime.In addition to that, Joe had recently produced an amazing documentary broadcaston the station, looking at the history of Reprise Records, narrated by Paul Gambacinni.114

My radio listening habits were starting to stretch further, over the following months,and I was starting to break out of my comfort zone.I finally gave up listening to Robbie Vincent’s Jazz FM show on Sunday morningsdue to his constant jokes about the picture on the website being “one of my dad”,and the repetitive playlists with the same Philly tracks getting played each week.The station as a whole was on a downwards spiral of sorts, not helped byan unfortunate incident the following year when they accidentally broadcast audioof a porno film live on air.I shit you not.One radio series I was becoming obsessed with however was Radio 2’s“Sounds Of The 20 th Century”, a 52 part series produced by Trevor Dannthat focused on a different year each week, chronologically from 1951 to 2000.What made the series stand out was that there were no recollections, no interviewsand apart from newspaper headlines read by veteran radio journalists such as BillBingham and Sandy Warr, all audio was either songs from that year, or archive film,radio or television footage, topped and tailed by Jeremy Vine.The series drew a big following on Twitter and became a highlight of a Thursday nighttoward the end of 2011 into 2012.Also on Radio 2 reggae radio legend David Rodigan had started a 10 week seriesthat summer showcasing his love for the genre in a long-awaited gig on national radio.So much so he was awarded the Sony gong for Best Music Broadcasterthe following year.115

Back in Canterbury I attended my second Anifest festival which featureda guest appearance from Frank The Tortoise as part of a talk from Aardmananimator Jim Parkyn.And there was also another cartoon night in from Phill Jupitus and Emma Kennedywho once again were kind enough to get a photo as well.116

I mentioned to Phill that BBC 1 should commission him and Emma to do what they didin Canterbury that night on television, in a Saturday night show similar to“Rolf Harris’ Cartoon Time” complete with the original theme tune.Both seemed to like the idea, and I would be in favour of that than some ofthe recent Saturday shambles such as “Don’t Scare The Hare”.Apologies if I’ve brought back mental images of the dreadful series that failed to boostJason Bradbury’s presenting career outside of The Gadget Showor a short lived stint as O/B presenter on Channel 4’s The Big Breakfast.Further radio outings in the Autumn included a Demo Clinic of sorts in Londonwhich I attended with a fair few of CSR’s members, and I was pleased to findSarah Thompson also in attendance at the event who the previous year had lostto CSR’s Mel Lewis in the Best Female category at the Student Radio Awards,though there was no bitter rivalry between them.The event was hosted by Radio 1’s Annie Mac, one of the few decent presentersleft at the station, and I was very pleased to get a photo with the great woman.117

At BBC Radio 1 itself, big changes were afoot for the specialist scheduleas Judge Jules would be leaving after 15 years, and more startling on my part,Gilles Peterson would be departing to present a Saturday afternoon showon BBC 6 Music the following spring.It was a sensible decision and made sense as Gilles’ former producer Benji Bwould be able to fill the gap for future beats on Radio 1.One musician who had been championed by Gilles became the subject of mysecond anniversary show at CSR FM, that being Ahmed Sirour who’s jazzy beatsand amazing piano abilities were showcased for a whole hour without me talkingover any of the tracks.It was a concept that seemed to work well, and encouraged me to makemany more musical soundscapes to post on my Mixcloud, that weren’tquite to the same sort of brilliance as Colin Murray on Radio 1, but fun to produce.The following week was my end of year review show where in addition to showcasingthe top tunes of 2011, I introduced a recurring feature inspired by the annual“Worst Video of the Year” on the ITV Chart Show, even using the same musical sting.That being “Blam Jam’s Rotten Raspberry” which this year when to Cliff Richard’s“Soulicious”, an album of lacklustre soul covers that despite featuring guestappearances by Lamont Dozier and Candi Staton, was still bloody Cliff.By now I had changed my show intro to a doctored version of Extreme’s“Get The Funk Out” as also used by DLT on BBC Radio 1 in an “innocent age”.It was also the same time I began finishing each show with a clip of the late IsaacHayes as Chef in South Park yelling “Now Get The Fudge Out Of My House!”which with the station’s processing almost sounded like “fuck”.As of yet, I haven’t been told off for using that jingle.118

My final show once again took place on the same night as the X Factor Finalfrom Wembley Arena where finalists Marcus Collins and Little Mix (“My little Muffins!”)were overshadowed by a live performance by Coldplay.That’s how far the show had sunk.Christmas was spent once again in Norfolk but not in the house we had frequentedover the last 7 years.Instead, we stayed over in a bigger house which I found more bearable,save for a very noisy toilet.I was saving my big present (which I had brought myself) for when we got homewhich was a radio holy grail of sorts, a dub of Invicta FM’s 1990 jingle packageby Century 21, which included the elusive jock cuts that weren’t includedon the the CD release of the jingle package as sold from the Station Road East studios.“Tim Steewart! (Laser FX) In-victa-Eff-Ehhem!”I won’t bore you with the details, but I was a happy guy, ending a rathermuddled year on a (non artificial) high.119

Chapter 6: “Lions Are Made For Cages, Just To Look At In Delight”The comedown of the new year always results in me being in a melancholy statefor whatever reason.Though surprisingly early 2012’s minor episode wasn’t caused by the death of Bob Holness.Nor by the hysteria of series 2 of “Sherlock” in which despite its slick appearance,I just couldn’t warm to the smugness of Cumberbatch’s characterand Martin Freeman’s gormless portrayal of Doctor Watson.Though I suppose it did help me understand why certain people failed to understandthe hype around Doctor Who for similar reasons.Not even by the return of Celebrity Big Brother to Channel 5, with star housematesincluding Frankie Coccoza?...The real reason was my fears of Chris’s upcoming birthday do and meetingthe other radio lot, as I was worried that after my Academy episodethey would give me a lot of stick.That and being left out of their very close circle.I felt better however on finding out that rather than attending a pub, we’d start the nightoff in Chris’s new flat in Clapham ordering pizzas along with Phil Harris who was backliving with him, Stoobie, Tudor, and Barry who had jetted over from the Emerald Isle.Also with us were flatmates Al who worked alongside Chris at Global Radio,and Emma who worked in PR.The plan was to head over to Inferno’s in Clapham which had recently receivedbig screen exposure from The Inbetweeners Movie where a cheese nightwould be taking place.120

However on the night itself, I finally realised that I had grown out of dancingto the Baywatch theme and Bonnie Tyler, and ended up waiting outside the venuefor at least two hours waiting for everyone to wrangle their way out.I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.It didn’t help that I couldn’t get to sleep as I was in the front room, where everyoneinsisted on watching the latest episode of “New Girl”, which to me was the new “Glee”,a series that everyone else found hilarious but I just depicted it as stopless screaming.Even worse was when I switched the channel over to the BBC News Channeland Al started whinging at me to change it to Sky News.That was confirmation if ever that I wasn’t fitting in.Barry on the other hand was more sympathetic and understood that thingswere rather complicated in my current state and I was worried about a possiblework placement in an environment that I hadn’t been in for over 5 years.Towards the end of 2011 I had been moved from the rather useless work programmeof Kennedy Scott, over to the more constructive support of Shaw Trustwho had managed to get me a possible placement at the Canterbury branchof the Dunelm Mill Furniture Store.This was part of the government’s scheme to provide unpaid 8 week work placementswhich had its flaws as later proved in court by a dissatisfied “Poundland slave”.Before the interview itself I had a visit at home from two of their advisors to help mewith my interview techniques, and assured me that I wouldn’t have to undergoany role play situations, like the awful group selection process at ASDA,which amazingly, I was passed over on getting the job there 9 years earlier.Though the mention of role play caused a few laughs when I compared itto the infamous scene in the training day episode of The Office.121

The first day of February saw the interview for my placement which wasn’tdaunting at all, and having been inside the Dunelm branch, it didn’t look likeit would be a struggle to work inside.Being told I would be working Monday to Friday was also a boost in confidencethough it would mean I would have to put my volunteering at the blind newspaperevery other Friday on hold.The day after I got a call mentioning that I had been successful and would be startingon the 13 th of that month, which fitted in well as the week before I would be attendingan event at BBC Television Centre under the banner of “Radio Fast Train”which would involve hands-on sessions and talks in many aspects of radio,whether it would be podcasting, presenting, or compliance.It turned out that you had to be fast to reserve a place and I was right up thereon the website reserving the sessions I wanted, when the tickets went on sale.Quite a few of the CSR team would be going as well, and I felt that I had really blendedin with the members.They included Lynsey, a really nice woman who worked with closely with Meland studied psychology at the UKC campus, and Dan, a more hyperactive first yearwho was becoming the archetypal “lad” of the team.Not to mention being an Arsenal supporter as well.It was quite an exciting time as the long awaited Christ Church University studiohad opened under the name “Studio Blue” and I would be presenting my showfrom there, late January onwards.Though after just one week, I would be absent as on a rather snowy Sunday in earlyFebruary I would be attending the final day of the Maiden’s Head Punk weekenderwhich managed to soldier on despite the snow.122

Performing live were the Half-Wits an act who blended ska with retro punkwith two brothers in the band, Tadhg on lead and younger brother Dubahnon drums.123

They particularly made me laugh when midway through a set,Dubahn would count the band in, and Tadhg would yell “OI!, I DO THE 1-2-3-4s!”a la “Mental Mickey” in Only Fools and Horses.That was an automatic sense of common ground, as well as singing along with themto “White Man in Hammersmith Palais”, and “Hersham Boys” during one of the DJ setsin between performances.Though for me the song of the whole event was “Beer and Sex and Chips and Gravy”by Macclesfield punk band “The Macc Lads” who in their 80s heyday were bannedfrom many venues due to their coarse and sexist lyrics.Also performing were Ted Dibiase, who having seen them live enough times(and known two of their members since college) got me involved in their on-stage antics.That being lead singer Lee beating me up midway through one of their songs,and throwing bags of talcum powder disguised as cocaine at the audience.124

Another old friend was present in the audience, a girl named Alexwho I hadn’t seen since primary school.Reminiscing however, was not on the agenda. We were here to have a good timeand Alex in particular found the antics of headline act K*nt and the Gang hilariousenough to laugh at hysterically.Not least when a drunken attendee by the name of Norma threatened tocut Tuppence’s balls off, when he slagged off her hometown of Sheerness.The same woman also got into a bit of a scrap with Ted Dibase’s bassist Stuartearlier on that afternoon, as pictured below.125

By that point of the night I’d had a lot to drink and was in tears of hysterics,at what looked like a sweary Mo Harris from Eastenders attempting totake on the poet of poor taste.But the night was still young as I made my way in the snow all the way upto the UKC campus where despite missing my radio show, I was up for spendingthe night watching the Superbowl in what was a very packed Woody’s Bar.I didn’t manage to last the whole course, and needed the shut eye aheadof my Radio Fast Train visit the following Tuesday.The plan was to travel up on the train with Mel and Ryan, but as they were gettinga later train than me, I made my way up on my own.It made me feel comfortable as I felt I could attend the event as myself,rather than as part of CSR, and arrived at BBC Broadcast Centre in White City,not too far from the soon to be shut down TVC.126

I met quite a wide range of people in attendance including a few from Westminsterincluding Phil Landers, Matty and Manish, and Frank McWeeny who had recentlywon the Best Specialist award at the SRAs for his amazing “French Toast”dance music show.Frank would be hosting a special edition for Fast Train’s own radio station,which due to a muddle up with sessions I ended up hearing in the event reception.The sessions I did attend however included one on multi-tracking,an inspiring session on radio imaging which included some old Capital Radio jingles,and a lively session on trailer writing.The latter may have been a rare example of a group exercise session that I wasn’tshy at interacting with, and even found myself talking to those who weren’tin the group I was put into, if any sense of common ground was detected.But the highlight of the day came when I saw Karen P and two of her colleaguesJim and Eliza make their entrance to Broadcast Centre midway through the dayand were kind enough to spend 10 minutes listening to me talk complete nonsenseabout what I loved.They were even understanding about my constructive criticism over theGloria Estefan series that had just aired, and pleased that I had listenedto the show in order to make the observations.Karen was present to contribute in a session about syndication, whilst Jim and Elizawere taking part in a pitching contest as refereed by Andrew Collins,which they both ended up winning.I managed to cross paths with Mel and Ryan who found the sessionsequally useful though they wouldn’t be staying for the drinks receptiondue to attending a stand up gig in Central by CSR’s very own Daryl Smith.127

Me being the schmoozer, I opted to stick around and after an inspiring finalefrom Fi Glover, the wine started flowing which was odd because I had never reallydrunk wine before.I felt really pleased to be amongst some of the best in the industry, not leastSarah Thompson who had showed up with her boss Sue Clark who I hadn’t seensince she covered for Matthew on the radio course whilst he was writing his PHD.Also present was Heather Davies, a talented radio producer who was working onthe amazing Sounds of The 20 th Century with Trevor Dann which had recentlybroadcast a programme on 1993, ending with a harrowing but well-handledsequence on the killing of Jamie Bulger accompanied by R.E.M’s “Everybody Hurts”.It’s a shame I didn’t get any photos, due to rules on cameras in BBC premises.But it was at this event that I really got to know Karen even more, and after a fewglasses of white wine proceeded to recite Richard Herring’s routine on Lord Sugar’sanalogy of fish and chips, leading myself and Karen to exclaim how much we bothloved the seaside concoction.It was random admittedly, but not in a way that left others out.If anything I was more than welcome for people to join in the conversation.In my very high state I made my way back to St Pancras, and stopped off in M&Sto buy a more healthier culinary delight in the form of expensive pastato enjoy with a reheated bolognese that Dad had made the night before.The news of Fabio Capello resigning as England manager the next day only addedto the optimism.My spark for radio had been ignited that extra bit further and I knewthat I was a long way from the traumas of Folkestone a year ago.128

And on that very subject, deputy manager Sami hung up her headphonesat Academy FM the end of that very week, to move back to Londoneventually joining Monocle magazine’s audio department.I knew deep down that it was the right thing to do, and taking over her placeas deputy manager was urban presenter Craig Hayward, a 21 year oldFolkestone resident who also took on the breakfast show, giving it the livelinessand character it deserved.By now I had gotten over my crush, partly helped by accident with Karen Pduring a chat about Gloria Estefan, and a song she and husband Emilio hadco-written with Matt Bianco came up in conversation, “Don’t Blame It On That Girl”which the lyrics certainly rang true;“# Little girl big dreams, she read it in her magazines did that girl,In this world, nobody you can blame, you gotta stake you’re claim, make it your aim,Don’t blame it on that girl, she wants a better world”Despite having known the song for so many years, I had never really thoughtabout the lyrics and it gave me the confidence to move onwards.Oddly enough that Matt Bianco track is the one I have reserved as Sami’s ringtoneon my smartphone, though it also had another life as the sound effect of therecently deceased Jimmy Savile’s robotic armchair in the later days of Jim’ll Fix It.Moving right along…I happened to be in Folkestone on the very Friday Sami departed, though it was on anouting with Concha and Martin to see a stand up performance by Reginald D Hunter.A guy who I’d seen a couple of times in Canterbury and was still far more rudethan on his appearances on Have I Got News For You.Amazingly I still felt energetic enough, to whizz back to Canterburyand CSR’s karaoke night at the Run Of The Mill pub down Sturry Road.129

I spared myself from singing this time round, though a few of the station’s presentersdid a fine job including Ben Craggs attempting to take on Green Day’s “Holiday”and Dan “Gibbo” Gibson livening up Enrique’s “Hero”.I used the opportunity to ask Mel and Ryan if it would be OK that weekendto have a film crew in to record me presenting for an interview they weredoing on Asperger’s Syndrome and my manic episode.Sure enough, that Sunday saw the arrival of Kyri, a former CMP studentfrom Westminster and his camera crew who interviewed myself, mum and dadabout my experiences where I learnt a lot more about myselfand how mum and dad felt when I wasn’t feeling right.It gave me confidence, and a though that maybe I could use radio as a platformto share my experiences of bipolar creatively…I had no problems with the camera crew being in the radio studio,especially considering a minor last minute change of running orderdue to the death of Whitney Houston that same morning.It was when I had people shadowing me in the studio who had no interestwhatsoever that was the problem, which I’ll address later.All this gave me the confidence on my first day at Dunelm Mill where I wasput to work in the customer warehouse sorting out stock, clearing out the yard,and taking products onto the shop floor between the hours of 10:30am and 5pm.I was shown the ropes by Daniel, an assistant manager who happened to bein my sister’s class at primary school and was impressed with how she wasgetting on in her job in London.The overall manager was a nice guy as well, Andrew who had a delightfulScottish accent, reminiscent of PC Plum from the pre-school series Balamory.And running the warehouse was Sally, a really nice woman who was understandingif there were any problems.130

Not least those caused by my rather lippy colleague Zach who would have a go at mefor the most petty of reasons, but I soon realised that everyone had an issuewith his difficult behaviour.The first few days were made easier by the fact that I had an agenda on my evenings,with a visit to Richard Herring’s “What Is Love Anyway?” stand up (on Valentine’s Dayfittingly enough), and a cinema outing to see “The Muppets” of which the well writtenstory and even more impressive songs was enough to redeem them of theirshambolic mid-90s series “Muppets Tonight!”.Another outing involved my first proper visit to the refurbished Marlowe Theatreto see Stewart Lee in “Carpet Remnant World”.I had seen the performance in London the previous December where Leehad to cope with a faulty microphone to hilarious consequences.This time round he was let down by a stage hand telling him he was running shortof time at a crucial part of his act, sort of reminiscent of James Corden and Adeleat the Brit Awards earlier that same week.Only Lee’s response was a verbally stronger than giving the stage handthe middle finger.By the end of Feburary however I was beginning to feel uncertain and melancholy atwork, possibly caused by the fact I was missing the closed and comforting surrounds ofFolded Wing, especially as I had just received a rather nice e-mailfrom Sandie, mentioning that Karen would be getting married in April.One Tuesday morning in the warehouse I suddenly broke down, not helped bya lorry driver telling me to “lighten up!”The Dunelm staff were more understanding and gave me time to calm downand drink glasses of water to help ease myself in.On explaining why I felt down, they mentioned that I just needed to tell themif things got too much to bear with, and I could be given cooling off time.131

Another cause may have been the fact that before going to work that morningI was listening to the jazz singer Gregory Porter’s latest album and the title track“Be Good” had really got to me.It was a sweet lullaby waltz about a lion being trapped in a circus cageand longing to be let out of his closed surroundings.I made sure I was careful in what I listened to before work, and most morningsI would listen to the old Radio Aire sports theme from the 80s, a rather energeticif dated tune that heralded the sports coverage of the Leeds based radio station.I also began reading a lot of spiritual and self-help books including one byTal Ben Shahar that looked at “finding your calling” towards happiness,convinced that my work placement the previous summer provided just that.The rest of my Dunelm placement however sped by, and I felt more energeticthan ever, even managing to fill the rest of my time productively.Not least as I was able to stick it out for the whole placement, helped byanother colleague bottling it after being bollocked for messing aboutwith a cardboard tube, only two weeks into his placement.Outside Dunelm, my social life was actually becoming more occupiedthan I initially thought before my placement started.One such highlight being a live St Patrick’s Day broadcast from the Flying Horse pubwhich CSR’s James Waters had managed to wrangle.This proved to be chaotic and quite eventful, with a rather dreadful hangoverto follow.I’m surprised I even showed up for my own show the next day.132

I ended up getting very drunk, not helped by a stunt which involved me pulling my firstever pint, live on air.Elsewhere in March, I opted out of the launch of BBC 1’s much anticipated series“The Voice” to see Beverley Craven performing at the Gulbenkian once again.133

Not the sort of thing I would play on my own show, but an amazing night,and Bev had got a bit of telly exposure via Come Dine With Me as after-dinnerentertainment for an Ipswich contestant, and only a few weeks ago on ITV2’sTake Me Out: The Gossip (albeit for 24 seconds) after her daughter Mollieappeared on the main show.Towards the end of March when I was invited to attend a “tweet up”for the listeners of Sounds Of The 20 th Century at a pub in Central Londonlistening to the live broadcast of the final show as it went out on BBC Radio 2.It would take place in a reserved room at the Mason’s Arms pub in Great Portland Street,and there was plenty of free wine on offer both red and white, causing a fewunfortunate repercussions on my part.I managed to get myself into a relaxed state of mind before the show thankfully,which we would be listening to on an FM radio brought into the room itself.It was good to meet the fellow “centurians” in the flesh who had tweetedmany interesting stories throughout the series.134

As well as producers Trevor and Heather, were sound producer Ali Rezkhaniwho like many of his ilk shared an enthusiasm for vintage radio jingles, of which therehad been a lot of JAM Radio 1 and 2 material played throughout the series.Also present was Sandy Warr, a familiar voice when living in London first time roundreading the news on Capital Radio’s “The Way It Is”, and was the voice ofthe newspaper cuttings during the 70s and 80s sections of the series.Reading those in the 50s and 60s was then IRN newsreader Bill Binghamand the 90s and 2000 were retold by Dave “Flynn” Wartnaby.The final show focused on the events of 2000, followed by an amazing 10 minutemontage where presenter Jeremy Vine credited the whole production teamby name before a selection of highlights set to The Pet Shop Boys’ “Being Boring”.I did get emotional when hearing the final strains of “Fanfare For The Common Man”the signature tune to the series, heralding the end of what for me has to bethe most ambitious and enlightening radio series by some length.It was just amazing to be with the team who made it happen for the final broadcast.From the left, some ugly munter, Heather Davies, Trevor Dann, Ali Rezkhani and David Wakefield.135

We had to make a swift exit however, as just after the show finished at 11pm,the landlord asked us to leave with immediate effect.As of yet the series hasn’t been repeated, though I understand a Christmas specialwill be broadcast on BBC Radio 2 this coming December.Another prestigious radio event took place the following Wednesday intoThursday morning, the departure of Gilles Peterson from BBC Radio 1 after 14 yearsof future beats and overall winners.Despite staying up late to listen, I amazingly didn’t fall asleep at Dunelm the next day.This time round I was only there in spirit but it was great to hear Gilles’ old producersmake a return appearance, even if a certain Karen P was seemingly missing in action.The show concluded with an amazing poem by Earl Zinger, and GP would becommencing on BBC 6 Music on Easter Saturday, two days after my last day atDunelm Mill, which they were kind enough to move to the Thursday due to no stockarriving in the warehouse on Good Friday.I just had to make sure I kept my absence schtuum from the Job Centre…Overall it was a really enjoyable placement, not what I would want to doin the long term, but oh my, I would favour it over ASDA any day.And on that note, unlike ASDA who gave out “pro-forma references” on theirplacements as exposed by Channel 4 News, I received a really lovely referencefrom manager Andrew saying that he wished he was in a position to hire me full time.As a special present for completing my placement, I was rewarded with a Samsungsmartphone from Mum and Dad which I took great advantage of, even if the modelwasn’t great with advanced applications.136

Other applications added entertainment to social functions, not least mysound effects machine which I took advantage of to turn into my own equivalent ofVCS Dira (the BBC’s radio playout system) with the buzzer noise from Bob’s Full Housebeing my text message alert.Well it’s a lot less predictable than the one from Catchphrase.Though as predictable as you can get, the noise of my alarm clock was that of thegunge siren from Noel’s House Party which on the rare occasion I set it, did the jobspot on, and was startling enough not to have me wanting to go back to sleep.I celebrated that Easter weekend in Canterbury and Whistable with Josh an old friendfrom college who had returned from Manchester where he now livedwith his lovely wife Victoria.Joining us was his best mate Jon who still lived nearby from me in Ashfordwith his wife Clare.Jon had been on the same AVCE Media course as myself and Josh, and alwaysgot a fair bit of stick from me for sounding like “Snake” from The Simpsons.Not all the time, but he could do a mean impersonation of him.137

Also present were Josh’s sister Xanthe who was set to tie the knot, and Helen seenwith my ugly mug below, who used to study at the Kent Institute of Art and Designwhilst myself and Josh were on the AVCE Media course.Xanthe in particular had been really helpful during my Dunelm placementwhen things had got too much to handle, and her experience in Autism studiesenabled her to be really supportive. Not least as she also knew my mumafter coming into contact with her at the Kent Autistic Trust.But with Dunelm now done with, I was in the clear to arrange the long awaitedcoffee meet up with Karen and we agreed a date in mid-May, giving her timeto settle from her upcoming wedding.Back at CSR, it was a cause for celebration as I reached the 100 th editionof Blam Jam, celebrating with a show full of remixes.The show as a whole had definitely progressed where I was gradually ditchingthe Casio keyboard R&B filler ballads, in favour of experimental broken beatsfrom Disclosure, Frank Ocean, and the new LP from Bobby Womack.And for the first time at CSR, I had managed to get through a whole yearwithout wanting to hand in the towel.138

My delight wasn’t to last, as the following day, Milli the new head of specialistsent out her proposed schedule and it revealed that my show was to be movedto a 10pm-12am slot on Saturdays following the “Evening Jazz Show” with Josh Thorne.I suppose it made sense genre wise, but time wise I wasn’t happy and beganto feel very anxious, with a viewing of “Dumbo” providing temporary comfort.Luckily that same night, a social was taking place at the Westgate Spoonsand I politely explained to Milli that I was uncertain about switching my timeslot.Recently appointed Head of Programming Dan Gibson agreed, saying my show waswell suited to its Sunday evening timeslot, so no changes would be madefor the time being.Which was just as well, as I was probably going to be busy on Saturdays anyway,as following a redesign of my radio website on Wordpress, London DJ and radioall-rounder Edward Adoo was looking for disk spinners to do a few slotsat the Grand Union bars in London and liked what I had to offer online.I was invited to the Camden branch on a Tuesday in early May for a chat, which timedin nicely as Quantic were performing at Rough Trade East earlier that same night withthe amazing Alice Russell performing lead vocals.139

They had just released what for me was their most solid album“Look Around The Corner” which felt like something you had known forever,yet still felt contemporary.I felt embarrassed however when chatting to Alice after the performance, and askingher where in Suffolk she was born, and when saying Framlingham, my mindwent blank, which wasn’t too good considering my Mum went to school there.Still a delightful woman however, and what a voice. (Alice that is, not my mum)I then boarded an overground train to Camden where I met up with Edand we hit it off pretty well, managing to shock him with my radio knowledge.Ed seemed to like the music I played on my radio show and wanted me toadapt a musical repertoire similar Gilles Peterson’s recently launched 6 Musicshow which was already becoming a weekly highlight on Saturday afternoons.140

We agreed a couple of gigs in South London where I would DJ the whole nightand be paid £100 per gig, which sounded rather nifty.It wasn’t enough to be taken off benefits, but it was a starting point.The first night took place at a pub near Elephant and Castle which wentreasonably well though there was little in the way of dancing.The staff seemed happy however and I got my payment in cash when the nightwas done with.I was meant to do a gig in Balham the following week, but unfortunately they’ddouble booked the venue for a private party.Bookings more or less disappeared after that, but I still stay in touch with Edvia Facebook, and find myself agreeing with his many outspoken opinionson present day radio.There weren’t many soul gigs around this time either, though my visits toCanterbury city centre became a regular occurrence to see the Half Wits andTed Dibiase perform live at venues such as the Cherry Tree and the Beercart.These guys provided escapism for my anxiety, even if it still meant gettingwrestled to the ground by Ted Dibiase’s lead guitarist.The night after I was meant to be DJing saw another visit to London for“The Joe-Lympics”, a special event on Hampstead Heath celebratingJoe Haddow’s birthday which as always overshadowed my own.And quite rightly so.141

Essentially it was a school sports day, with events such as a sack race,three legged race etc, only with added alcohol.It was good to catch up with old uni friends, namely Jacko and Tomwho I hadn’t seen for almost 5 years since they graduated.The sporty and later boozy goings on meant I missed out on Chelsea winningthe Champions League, which I only found out about on seeing some crazed fansoutside Canterbury West station on arriving home.Radio wise, Joe was now working on Simon Mayo’s show and I more or lessgathered that he wasn’t enjoying it as much as on Chris Evans’ show.It did have its perks however, as Joe curated one of the standout parts ofRadio 2’s second annual “2Day” that same month forming a live band in Nashville.Joe was also getting on-air exposure via one or two nice interval piecesfor Friday Night Is Music Night including a brilliant one with Paul O’Gradylooking at the Leeds City Varieties Hall.Something my Mum would have enjoyed what with “The Good Old Days”being one of her favourite television programmes at an earlier age.142

Speaking of old telly programmes, that same month Simon Mayo took the reignsas the host of yet another revival of Blockbusters on Challenge and for methis was the best so far, not least as they acknowledged the late Bob Holnesson the first show.Joe was lucky enough to be in the studio audience when they filmed the seriesin February that year, where Simon’s stand in on Radio 2 was ironicallyLiza Tarbuck, who hosted Blockbusters herself on Sky 1 some 10 years earlier.The only major changes were the removal of mascots, and adults taking partas well as sixth formers, but aside from that it was the same old gamewith an electric guitar version of the iconic theme tune.It became a nightly habit almost like the original series in the 80s, where I must say,Simon Mayo was far more likeable on this than he is on his Radio 2 Drivetime Show.One highlight came when a contestant tried to be clever by asking the hostfor “a P for ‘Paul’, Simon!”Sadly it only lasted one series, which considering the intended audience wereattracted by the increasing presence of Pointless and The Chase, was understandable.Listening wise 6 Music was becoming something of a regular habit making manywonder why the weaselly BBC DG Mark Thompson wanted to shut it downtwo years earlier.Thankfully Thompson would be leaving his position after the OlympicsWith Gilles Peterson starting at 6 as part of an amazing weekend schedule,the station was a must listen. Well, almost.6 Music had yet to shake off the last of its “comedy presenters” long afterGeorge Lamb’s departure, and hanging in there was Jon Holmes, moved toSaturday mornings in Adam and Joe’s old timeslot, but failing to match their wit,with his lazy and somewhat sneering show that had long passed its course.143

Features including “KenBruce Master” and “Jamie Cullum’s Jazz Mags”proved that maybe the old adage of “title first, feature second” doesn’t always work,but thankfully it wouldn’t be too long before the show itself departedfrom the airwaves, replaced by Adam Buxton and, Edith Bowman?...Myself and Jon had a bit of history on Twitter which I later regretted,though our jokey banter would show no bounds later on in the year.It didn’t matter too much as at the same time on 5 Live, Fighting Talk ruled supreme,and to this day remains a Saturday morning listening staple.Other shows that blended in more with 6 Music by name helped to inspire tunesfor me to play on my own show, namely those from Lauren Laverne, Craig Charles,and Huey Morgan, who if Mum and Dad were away at the weekend,would provide great accompaniment for a pasta and mince filled Sunday lunch.This brings us on to my 27 th birthday, where on the night itself Mum and Conchatook me out to Prezzo’s for a really nice Italian meal, in what may have beenthe first time we managed to book in advance.Again it was enjoyable and very filling, later complemented by a few bottles of VK.144

I had been anticipating the meet up with Karen only to find on the Friday beforehandthat she had been struck down with tonsillitis and had to postpone to the week after.That in turn got moved until a Wednesday in early June, but as the dates I proposedcoincided with other London outings, I was still occupied, not least with a seriesof outings to see the “King of Podcasts” Richard Herring who the previous monthhad also got married.Not to Karen oddly enough, but to writer and comedian Catherine Wilkinswho seemed really nice when meeting her albeit briefly.I was in attendance for Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre Podcastwhere the comedian would interview another “more famous” comedy figurein an adlibbed anything goes manner, asking the questions that just wouldn’tget asked on television.The guest on my first visit was noneother than Jonathan Ross, as part of a doublerecording with cerebal palsy comic Francesca Martinez, and I narrowly avoidedone of the worst social faux pas with her before the show.In search of a photo opportunity, I nearly asked Francesca leaning on to her dadif she would take a photo of me with Jonathan Ross, but as he was deep inconversation I opted not to, and I’m fucking glad I did so.Both podcasts however were entertaining, and on hearing about my outing,Kate sent a message on Facebook asking if I wanted to go with her to seeFrancesca performing her stand up show in Kilburn the following month,where coincidentally Richard Herring would be her warm up act.It was pretty much a no-brainer, considering it was the same daywhere earlier I would be meeting up with Karen.145

Before that however was another podcast recording two weeks later,this time with Charlie Brooker as the guest, sporting a t-shirt with the stripeyBBC 2 symbol from the 80s.It was interesting to hear about Brooker’s early work as an illustrator for “Oink”magazine in the late 80s, a sort of junior Viz.Just hours before getting the train to London I had been revisiting a TV seriesthat spun off from Oink, broadcast on ITV in the early 90s which in turn wasa children’s Spitting Image called “Round The Bend”, which mixed puppetswith crass but funny animation.Sketches such as “Wee Man” and “#WOOOLY, THE WONDER SHEEEEEEEP”stuck in mind as halcyon memories of when children’s televisionwas not afraid to upset Mary Whitehouse.Which Round The Bend succeeded in doing.Back to Brooker, and another highlight of the podcast involved a linethat was cut from 2011 Wipe about the well-made dramatization of Fred West“Appropriate Adult” where in response to Dominic West playing the serial killer,Brooker stated that Fred West was a big fan of “The Wire”;“And the flex, and the Pliers, and the Shovel etc”The recording followed a night at the Islington Assembly Halls the previous Fridayseeing an Incognito concert where it wasn’t just Bluey and the boys (and girls)performing live, but they were joined by special guest Mario Biondi,an Italian jazz singer who seemed to cause more excitement in the crowdsthan the Cog themselves.Mario himself had a voice comparable to Barry White, a face comparableto Jason Bradbury if he’d had a heart attack, and although he’d donea few good tunes, I found the hype around him a bit too much to bear.146

Especially with his signature song “This Is What You Are” which has becomea modern day crowd pleaser at the soul events I have attended,though I’m afraid it’s one of those tunes that’s a cue for me to get a drink.It’s just repetitive and strung out where just as you think it’s finished,it starts off all over again!That aside, the Cog were on fine form performing material from theirnew album “Surreal” one of their strongest of the last 10 years.All this excitement made me forget about things in the outside and cultural worlds,not least the final of series 1 of The Voice, and the Queen’s Jubilee.The former had so much potential, but after they removed the vital element/gimmickof the spinning chairs occupied by Jessie J, Will I Am, Tom Jones and er…that bloke from the Script, viewers turned away in their millions.Broadcast against Britain’s Got Talent, it was easy to see how the offering on ITV1had more personality and character having hired David Walliams as a judgeand poached Alesha Dixon from Strictly, even if it was starting to show signs of age.Though the final of Cowell’s cavalcade took place earlier in May of 2012,due to the upcoming Royal celebrations in early June.On the same day as the rainy floatilla, (and many an inane interview fromFearne Cotton) I was presenting my radio show but wasn’t alone as Millihad arranged for two new presenters to shadow me during my show.Normally I don’t have problems with people in the studio whilst presenting,but when it’s two people who you haven’t met before…That’s a whole new level of uncomfortable.Especially when they tell you before going on air that they don’t really like the musicthat you play on the programme, and prefer death metal.147

If you’ve ever read Jeremy Vine’s far superior book to my own, you’ll be awareof an anecdote where he had a Media student shadowing him in the studiowho apparently was mad about radio, but showed little enthusiasm to what wasactually going on during the show, resulting in Jeremy asking him to leave the studiobefore it had even finished.If I had more bollocks, I would have done the same, literally telling themto “get the fudge out of my house!” long before the voice of Isaac Hayesdid so at the end of my show.It’s not like me to be a nasty bastard, but having not one but two peopledisguised as parasites in the same studio with me can affect my performance on air,and it didn’t help that they barely made the effort to make any conversationwhen the mic was down.I managed to soldier through but sent an e-mail to Milli immediately after the showstating that unless I had met them beforehand, or they were genuinely interestedin what I did, I didn’t want to be shadowed by anyone else on my show in future.I’m not sure if it worked as one of them showed up the next week and in my postFolded Wing comedown anxiety, asked him to leave.Co-incidentally, I never saw either presenter at a subsequent CSR social.Mum and Dad were away for the whole week in Jersey, which meant they missedout on another street party to coincide with the Jubilee, which basically involveda lot of booze and socialising.Deep down however I was nervous and my much anticipated meetingwith Karen was approaching fast.148

Chapter 7 – Hypomania and High DivesThe day had finally arrived, the Wednesday after the jubilee weekendI was making my way down to London and a return visit to Folded Wing’s Clerkenwellstudios to meet up for a coffee with Karen P.As you’d expect I felt shaky, but kept myself calm on the train by listening to a podcastfrom two “nostalgia nerds” Ben Baker from Keighley and Tim Worthingtonfrom Liverpool, who made a series of audio soundscapes (and hilarious commentaries)inspired by Radio 2’s Sounds of the 20 th Century, looking back at the lesser known tunesand TV of a particular year.“The TATP Years” was a podcast that made the high speed journeys from Canterburyto London and back go even faster, and it provided possible topics of conversationfor whoever I would be meeting on said visit.Not that I needed any extra ammunition, as in this case there was tons of thingsI wanted to share with the arch radio angel.I arrived in Clerkenwell around midday and was welcomed in with the sparkling smileof Karen’s mum Sandie who was just as excited, and it was nice to be in the office again,almost a year since my work placement.Jim Lister and Eliza on the other hand were both away on holiday that week,possibly basking in the success of winning the pitching contest at Radio Fast Train.I did meet two new people who had joined since my placement, them being Andrea,a lovely woman from South London with a love for Radio 4 documentaries,and Paul Thomas, a sound wizard, formerly a producer at BBC Radio 1 who had beenhired as Editor of Sound, Digital and Production.In the last two years, my favourite Radio 1 documentaries happen to have been onesproduced by Paul, and this guy is definitely the very best when it comes to using soundto tell stories.149

Karen took me out for coffee and a brownie at a nearby coffee shopwhere I told her about my goings on and shared a few things that I wouldnormally be scared to admit to others at the time.Namely my ongoing fear of the end-of-game klaxon from Catchphrasewhich went off if they ran out of time in the “Ready Money Round”,and my schizophrenic love of the show’s original theme tune.Possibly the one tune I love more than Incognito’s “Everyday”This was an opener of sorts to a piece of audio I had been working on about myexperience with bipolar disorder which blended in my narration with music and randomsound effects from television past, to give the listener an idea of what it sounded likewhen going through a manic episode.Originally planned for a series of podcasts I was considering as a personal project,Karen seemed to warm to the idea instantly just from the two minutes of audioI played out of the 10 minute piece.Karen thought it would be great to get involved with a charity such as Mindor an awareness group such as Time To Change, and asked me to send hera draft of the rest of the audio via e-mail.She was even kind enough to record a tiny part for the audio herself, which wassimply Karen resembling a nurse in the hospital sombrely uttering;“It’s hypomania I’m afraid”Amazingly she got it done in one take!Sandie was also kind enough to record a tiny bit of dialogue,and hoped that it wouldn’t be too long before my next visit over.150

I made my way up the Marylebone Road feeling very elated, en route to Kilburnto meet my sister Kate who had invited me to see Francesca Martinezperforming her stage show “What The Fuck Is Normal?”After a few drinks and a spag bol supper, we made our way to the Tricycle Theatrewhere first up was Richard Herring, performing a few extracts from his forthcomingEdinburgh show, a re-working of his 2002 stand up “Talking Cock – The Second Coming”.It was quite something to have seen both the queen, and king of podcastsin the same day.Herring had also guested in a viral video that month, written and sung by comedianIsobel Fay called “Thank You Hater” an amusing but sharp-tounged song ridiculinginternet trolls who posted offensive comments on Youtube videos and similar websites.The Francesca Martinez stand up was even more entertaining and very inspiring, sort ofreflecting what myself and Karen had chatted about on our coffee outing that being“normal” was boring, and it stood out to be special even if you were physicallyor mentally different.As expected a massive comedown followed, not helped by the start of Euro 2012taking place in Poland and Ukraine where under the eye of new managerWoy Hodgson, it was hard to get excited for the England team.Not even an official single by Sky Sports’ Chris Kamara could boost team morale,though that and his over-optimism got a deserved ridiculing on Channel 4’s8 Out Of 10 Cats.“There’s a difference between optimism, and delusion”d (Sean Lock, Channel 4, 06.06.12)The chances of England lifting the Henri Delaunay trophy really were unbelievable, “Jeff”.Not helped by Adrian Chiles’ enthusiastic hosting of the England first round gameson ITV, though I did rather like the theme tune, an arrangement of Prokofiev’s“Peter And The Wolf” a suite I had enjoyed from an early age.151

It would be a relatively empty house over the summer as Kate was still in London,and Olly fresh from completing his degree in medicine at Leeds would beventuring to Camp America for a third year running.Before heading up there he stopped over in Canterbury with a friendhe had made in America, a lovely girl called Lauren who was from Brooklyn.The one thing I could remember from her visit was a brief chat I brought upabout “Monsterpiece Theatre with Alistair Cookie” from Sesame Street.Being in America meant Olly would miss our family outing to the Olympics,where Mum had got tickets for the synchronised swimming finals.Though when Olly got back from America, he wouldn’t be in Canterburyfor too long as just days later, he ventured away to Newcastle to starta four year degree to become a doctor.Radio wise my show was going well, including one providing a warm upfor England’s game against Italy in the Euro 2012 quarter finals,where we inevitably lost.Other shows were rather upsetting to sail through, including the weekwhen jazz musician Abram Wilson died at just 38 years old.As I was feeling rather melancholy already, it added to the trauma.There was no Glasto that summer but in the run up to the Olympics,BBC Radio 1 had organised a weekender in Hackney.This would be preceded by a special event organised by the Radio Academyat the nearby Hackney Picturehouse where industry experts would give their adviceand I attended along with Mel, Ryan, Daryl, Milli and various members of CSR.Those speaking included the lovely Gemma Cairney who had just startedon weekend breakfast at BBC Radio 1, and former Capital FM news veteranHoward Hughes (yes that was his name).152

Even Radio 1 controller Ben Cooper himself gave a talk, admitting that hewasn’t happy with Chris Moyles taking the piss out of his “Listen, Watch, Share” taglineby interpreting the last word as the singer Cher.But Ben Cooper, once a producer of Moyles’ Radio 1 show would have the last laugha month later.The day was compered by Aisling Creedon, a delightful young presenter from BCB,a community radio station in Bradford who won the chance to host the eventby being in the right place at the right time.I.E. a Folded Wing work placement, when a phone call from the Radio Academycame in looking for possible presenters for the event.That was enough to strike up a friendship with Aisling and having heard her on air,I think her voice would be perfect for reading the Shipping Forecast on BBC Radio 4.We even had a winner of our own from CSR, as the soon to depart Siobhan Rogerswon a week’s work experience at BBC Radio 1 at the eventfor submitting the most exciting “story of their life in 2012 in one minute”On the train back I crossed paths for the first time with Craig Haywardwho had taken over Sami’s job as Deputy Manager and breakfast host at Academy FMin Folkestone, whilst retaining his rather spectacular urban music show.The station was now in a far better shape with him overseeing operations,and had recently acquired KMFM’s Adam Dowling to host their Saturday Breakfastshow after being nastily let go in March from the Kent Messenger groupwho merged all their smaller stations into a single countywide station.Myself and Craig hit it off pretty well (despite him also being an Arsenal supporter)but respected that I had found my feet at CSR and fitted in better therethan in Folkestone.153

The following Monday I received a lovely e-mail from Karen P who hadlistened to the full draft of my bipolar podcast and really enjoyed it.The message also contained some constructive pointers from Paul Thomason how to improve the sound quality and they all seemed keen to re-recordthe audio and try and find a charity to endorse it.A couple of days later I received a parcel from Karen containing a book of the fable“Jonathan Livingston Seagull” by Richard Bach, which inspired the Folded Wing name.It resulted in me being in tears once again, though that was also caused byan unfortunate incident I had when trying to apply for a voluntary IT positionat Canterbury Age Concern.I had already been for an interview and handed my application form,but a day after handing it in and disclosing about my bipolar disorder,I soon found out that not everyone was as open minded about my condition.I quote the following from the e-mail I received from their secretary;d“Unfortunately on reading through your application form, and after talking to our highly experienced tutor whoyou spoke to, I have very serious misgivings about your suitability for the role.Although it is clear that you have all the knowledge required, the older people who come forward to be taughtrequire endless patience as well as excellent interpersonal communication skills. You would be on your own withthese clients with no-one to monitor the situation,If you were not having a good day, the risks to you and the older people would be something I could cannotconsider.”Serious misgivings? What a load of utter horseshit.The encouragement I got on Facebook when mentioning their flaws (but not bytheir name) was supportive, and an e-mail back from Karen that same afternoonafter thanking her for the book also helped.Though an overdose of Tesco’s KX energy drink (never again) resulted inone or two sleepness nights and rushing thoughts of anxiety.154

Not helped by the fact that Folded Wing had advertised a position on their websitefor a Producer/Assistant Producer, and to work for them was my ultimate goal.But did I have enough experience?After several re-writes, I finally sent a covering letter to Paul Thomas who advertisedthe position and a long anxiety filled waiting game made up the transitionfrom June into July.Not helped by incessant rain showers, the fuss over an explicit sex novel,and another Lord Knobber talent search, this time on ITV for “Jesus”,hosted by the ever-wooden Amanda Holden.I even gave up attending the monthly ASD social groups that mum’s colleagueDes ran, after three years as I thought it was starting to cause further anxiety.I tried to escape from it by attending what was my third Lounge on the Farm festivalwith CSR where we were lucky enough to be broadcasting froma large O/B van donated specially to us for the event.This time round both the on air production and the broadcast itself wouldall be done on the same site, and it was going to be a tight squeeze.155

I was on air presenting twice, with Waters as always, and the photobomb belowsums up the weekend as a whole, my end.OB producers James Stokell and Ciaran O’Connell were on hand throughoutwith their technical expertise, ensuring we survived the rather damp weather.They were assisted by the witty Chris Roberts who despite now being a full timetech op at the BBC, still showed up to help the tech team on CSR’s big events.Stand out acts this year included the innovative beats of Niki and the Dove,on the main stage taking everyone’s mind off the rain, the acoustic delights ofKitty, Daisy and Lewis who I had discovered via editing an interview with themat Folded Wing, and were performing in the warm surrounds of the Farm Folk tent.Also worth a mention was a fresh new performer from Notts by the name ofJake Bugg who’s career was boosted after the song “Lightning Bolt”was used in the BBC’s Olympic coverage to accompany a VT on Usain Bolt.And the great thing was, it didn’t inflate the singer’s ego one bit…156

The overall highlight was on the final night where Nile Rogers and Chic gave offa show filled with energy and plenty of old favourites, not just from Chic,but also songs written for Sister Sledge, Madonna and even David Bowie.Whilst the festival was fun, deep down I was rather insecure at how things werestation wise and it felt as if it was getting rather cliquey within the team at CSRespecially with Ryan and Mel’s close bond.Jess and Milli were also starting to fall into it all, but in all due respect they werebrilliant on the PR side of things acquiring interviews and festival passes,though I was worried my abilities were being overlooked due to lack of banter.However the following weekend I was back to what I did best with my annual setof Summer Specials which this year, I refreshed the on air sound, with a freshUS female voice, courtesy of the nice guys at Music Radio Creative, who would belending a hand later on in the year.157

Before that however, my schmoozing was about to hit another high,at the Radio Production Awards taking place in London that Thursday.It was hosted by Jon Holmes, who did a good job holding it together evensailing through my heckles, including one responding to a joke about Huey Morganand being unable to take criticism.Basically Huey Morgan had slated Fearne Cotton and Lauren Laverne on Twitterafter they had won Sony Awards earlier in the year, and I was fully awarethat Jon hadn’t taken kindly to Chris Evans, where after an unsuccessful stand-instint with Miranda Hart last autumn, Evans said on air in response tolistener complaints that “he didn’t make the decisions”.It did nothing to prevent Jon himself from winning the Best Entertainment gongthat evening.158

Heather Davies who had just joined Holmes’ indie “Unusual Productions”won the Best Multi-Platform award for her amazing social media workon Trevor Dann’s Sounds Of The 20 th Century for BBC Radio 2.What can only be described as “Unusual meets Unnecessary”Also present was Sarah Thompson who for the second year running was providinga DJ set, proving eclectic and exciting as always, blending in Jessie Warewith Fleetwood Mac.Sarah had recently produced part of an amazing Radio 2 series hosted byconductor Charles Hazlewood looking at a musical heritage “Made In Britain”.159

I also met Nemone Metaxas, the then Weekend Breakfast host at BBC 6 Musicwho was subjected to an anecdote about her Radio 1 past, notably a stintas a pop singles reviewer on CBBC’s “The Saturday Show” with Dani Behr.And even more exciting was Radio 2 and 6 Music’s imaging guy Chris Reay,who was kind enough to let me hear some of the new jingles for BBC Radio 2that weren’t due to be heard on-air until the following Monday.In exchange, I let Chris hear my less than impressive imaging.160

This was a station-wide jingle package, the first in almost 15 years producedby Wise Buddah featuring vocals from Huey Morgan playing guitar, Paul Joneson harmonica, Beverley Knight on Brian Matthew’s “Sounds Of The Sixties” cut,and Clare Teal singing Jamie Cullum’s jazz jingle.A jingle which I have mimicked many times on my own radio showwhen introducing a track by Jamie himself.Despite winning Best Indie the year before, none of the Folded Wing teamwere present, although I have a feeling it was because they didn’t want to tell me then,what I received in an e-mail from Paul the next day telling me that my applicationwouldn’t be taken further.The position required a level of BBC outside broadcast experience that I didn’t have,which prevented me from getting the position.The ongoing thought I had in my head was how the fuck do you evenget the experience in the first place? (And in what place?)As I never saw any lower level radio job advertised in the same wayas the position I applied for.The message did say that they still wanted to work with me on my bipolar podcastwhich Paul thought had great potential, though he himself would departFolded Wing later in the year, returning to the BBC as a freelance producer.I received the e-mail on the same day a court allowed John Terry to get awaywith being racist, prompting me to relinquish being a “casual” fan of Chelsea FC.I was always a West Ham fan anyway…It wouldn’t come as any surprise that both events took place on aFriday the 13 th of July.Karma was creeping up fast.161

A tiny lift up occurred the following day as I was London bound again to seea live performance from Swing Out Sister at the Islington Assembly Hall.The best bit being Corrine Drewery’s vocal-scat rendition of Johnny Dankworth’s“Tomorrow’s World” theme tune from the 70s, which is certainly a cut above theversion recently recorded by daughter Jacqui Dankworth, with lyrics.Though the overall highlight was listening to a compilation on the train homemade by Josh Milan, formerly of house outfit Blaze called “Honeycomb Music”aiming to put the melodic quality back into house music.None more so on a track by Sandra St Victor called “I Am Better”a sort of “I told you so!” comeuppance song, with an amazing set of chordsand build up.It immediately made me forget about my trauma over the last few weeks,and commenced the anticipation of the Margate Soul Weekender in early August.This time round I would be staying in a hotel for two nights, which Mum and Dadwere kind enough to pay for.Before that the Olympics commenced with an amazing opening ceremonycurated by Danny Boyle which provided fodder for the next morning as I wasstanding in for James Waters on his CSR Saturday morning show.I couldn’t provide the same sort of chaos, but James always thoughtI was a safe pair of hands on his many Saturdays off.Mum and Dad were away that weekend with Dad at the WOMAD festivaland Mum celebrating her 54 th birthday in Suffolk.I was occupied however by meeting up with Josh’s friend Helen on a picnic outingacross the Stour though an unfortunate incident occurred whilst waiting for themwhen a family of four saw me staring into the distance and well, essentiallythey thought I was a nonce.162

The father went up and tried to attack me, but gave up after I started screamingand luckily managed to escape.That was bloody traumatic.Luckily Helen and her friends arrived and a more enjoyable afternoon was had,making use of the rare spot of warm weather that had been lacking that summer.The highlight of which was a ride on a rather dangerous rope swing which as thephoto on the next page demonstrates was rather scary at worst.But it was great fun.163

If I had fallen off into the water, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t have been ableto show off my moves at the Margate Soul Weekender the following Friday.Which for many would have been a relief.Seriously though it was good to be there for slightly longer and it helped meto find what I enjoyed most and enjoyed least when it came to the soul spinnerswho were present.There were also one or two live acts who, were rather mixed to be honest.Gee and Nat from Light Of The World were on form, as was James D-TrainWilliams, but they were let down by a passionless performance byIngrid-Mansfield Allman from 80s Brit Funk band Freeez.164

I’d been in the presence of most of the attendees the year before but this yearI really got to know them for what they were worth.Not least the “Morecambe and Wise of soul” Jonny Layton (on the right)and Mark “Messy” Messent, (on the left) seen alongside Roni O’Brienproviding the “Toys ‘R Us” rhythm section.They provided an amazing set on the first night including what became the anthemof the weekend, Joey Negro and The Sunburst Band’s amazing cover of“In The Thick Of It” by Brenda Russell, where the intro with the strings will always haveme in tears.An even more happening floorfiller was Gregory Porter’s “1960 What” which I’d sayis the perfect modern day sing-along mover, with wicked bass and percussion.The pair’s set was good enough to tempt me away from the main Solar Radio stagethe following afternoon to a jazz set they were playing at the Westcoast Barand I knew I had found my people.165

Too many soul spinners take it a little too seriously, playing safe and predictable,whereas Jonny and Messy always provided surprises, even spinning the odd swing tunethat proved popular at the old Goldmine soul club in the 80s.They also turned out to be genuinely lovely guys as were their friendsDenise, Debi and her husband Mark.Luckily for me they would be having a soul night of their own at the Lobster Smackin Canvey Island at the end of August, which I immediately got tickets foron returning home.As well as their amazing radio show “The Saturday Soulmine” on internet soul stationZero Radio, which came as a refreshing change from the passé shows of Solar.(Save for Ginger Tony and Kev Beadle)Unsurprisingly Zero took over from Solar as the official hosts of the following year’sMargate weekender.I was even more excited that radio soul legend Greg Edwards would be headlining onthe Saturday, and as expected he was down to earth as he was on air.I mean, this was the guy spinning the soul on the radio in London when I was a baby,so, he’s probably the one to blame for my musical taste.166

Due to having a radio show of my own on the Sunday, I left early the following morning,and kind of regretted it to an extent, knowing that in 2013, I would be goingfor the whole event.Granny had arrived by the time I returned from Margate as she would be travellingwith us to East London for the much anticipated Olympic synchronised swimming finals.We met up with Kate at Stratford International trains station, and made our wayinto the Olympic park.It’s only when you’re in the arena itself that you appreciate just how much workthe athletes have put in, and overall the day was one of the highlights of anotherwise uncertain summer.The only downside was the incessant number of photos that Mum took of uswhilst waiting for it to commence, but the one below proves that maybe,it was worth it.167

The comedown of the games was more or less non-existent as the Augustbank holiday had arrived, and the much anticipated “Soul By The Jetty” eventwas first on my soul agenda that weekend.It may have been my first soul event outside Margate, but I can safely saythat it is the best by a long way.168

There’s so many nice people there, and although it can get packed, there’s plentyof space in the bar area itself, if your too exhausted to get on the dancefloor.The delightful Debi Horner.And they even have a speaker playing out the music from the main room,so you don’t feel left out, whilst at the same time you can still hear yourself speak.The next event would be in October, but “Tuppence And The Gang” would be inCanterbury on the same night, so the Christmas do in December would be mynext visit to the Jetty.Sunday was spent travelling from my hotel in Canvey, to Romford where along-time soul friend Sandra C from Stomp Radio was hosting a bank holidaysoul session with her sister Dawn who I met for the first time that day.169

“Hey soul sistas!”This was a much more laid back event than the night before, but there was a nicefamily feel to it, and so many amazing tunes played.170

And of course the opportunity to meet some more new friends as seen belowperforming the “Candy Slide”.The event was so successful that it became a monthly event from October,but like the Jetty do the previous night, I wouldn’t be back there myselfuntil Christmas.A lot of radio listening took place between now and September as it was announcedin July by the man himself that after 8 years and 9 months, Chris Moylesand the team would be leaving BBC Radio 1’s illustrious breakfast show.It was the right time to do so (if a couple of years too late) but they were goingto make sure everyone knew about it, even if it meant overshadowingthe upcoming replacement host (cue drum roll….)Nick Grimshaw.Yes, I was non-plussed as well.171

The show would bow out on the 14 th of September, with the penultimate showbroadcast live from the Radio Theatre at Broadcasting House where Ant & Decsurprised the team with a special This Is Your Life with guests including Gary Barlow,James Corden, Davina McCall, and the legend that is Roy Walker.It finished with Pixie Lott performing a big band rendition of the song“All About Tonight” renamed “All About Chris Moyles” which like many thingswith strings, turned on the waterworks.This man, may be the only person on the radio who can produce practicallyall of my emotions in reaction, whether it be me laughing, raging,and in this case quite a lot of crying, but happy crying.And the final show that Friday was going to be quite a challenge, but amazinglyI stayed relatively relaxed watching the live video streaming on the red button.It was a normal show in the studio with no big name guests apart fromRichard Curtis who gave Moyles a special certificate for all his charity workto Comic Relief over the last 15 years.The finale as expected involved a special song/jingle as sung by Chris and the teamthat was partly pre-recorded at the Radio Theatre the day before but it wasan amazing way to go out, even if the song itself sounded very similarto “Life’s A Happy Song” from the recent Muppets movie.Moyle’s final words were “Goodbye Great Britain!” and it more or less guaranteedthat this would be his definite departure from BBC Radio 1 as a whole.It wasn’t just Moyles who departed as Comedy Dave also made his exit(possibly under a cloud with Moyles?) and newsreader Dom Byrne retiredfrom Radio 1, later resurfacing at London’s Capital FM.Sports reader Tina Daheley remained, adding news to her duties for Nick Grimshaw’supcoming breakfast show earning the nickname “Tina Da Traitor”.172

The timing of mid-September was well thought on Ben Cooper’s part,as it would be when most people in Radio 1’s target audience would be startingor returning to university, and back at CSR I was too keen to help out withthe Freshers Festivities.Mel and Ryan were hoping to provide a fresh start with a brand new imaging packageproduced (and part voiced) by outgoing member Daryl Smith.Whilst it was a long awaited change, it didn’t really meet up to my expectationsas the voices sounded unprocessed, and the tone was sarcastic/insulting.What with IDs such as “(FX) CSR has a Facebook page, Like it!”or “Hello You! This is CSR, and you’re listening to it!”The imaging however did improve as the year went on, and I was still askedto provide playlist demonstrators.As well as observing the station’s stall at the Fresher’s Fayre, I co-presentedthe first Review Show which was a Mercury Prize special, alongside Al, a 35 year oldactor from the Dartford via Middlesborough with an accent to match, who wasa big fan of Morrissey, but unlike Morrissey had a great charm and sense of humour.He was joined by Jack, a more laid back maths student from UKC who wasa massive fan of Frank Ocean, The Roots, and The Rolling Stones, who were setto tour the UK the following year.“You’ve got to respect the Stones, they’ve been in the business for so long,they can remember when Jimmy Savile was young enough to be a victim”(Sean Lock, 8 Out Of 10 Cats, Channel 4, 22.10.12)Although I was nervous, the show itself went really well.Due to the nextrad.io conference and subsequent exhaustion the following weekhowever, I would be absent from that show, but still carried on with my own.173

Though after my show that very Sunday, Studio Blue would be invaded byBritain’s Got Talent finalists “The Loveable Rogues” a trio made up of two singersand a singer/guitarist who provided many witty ditties.I e-mailed Mel asking if I could stick around for the interview itself after my show,to which she said yes, and that Sunday was probably the most packed the studiohad been during my own show.I was fine with it however as it generated quite a buzz, not least with the KTV cameracrew filming it for the University of Kent’s new television station, and just minutesbefore 8pm the boys themselves Sonny, Richie and Te made their entrance.The boys were interviewed by Dan Gibson as pictured above who handled itreally well, especially during this embarrassing exchange that rendered manyspeechless, but me in high pitched hysterics;Dan: “What’s the weirdest thing a fan has given you?”Richie: “A blow job….”174

I loved the whole interview, not least because the boys (especially Te)gave me a lot of stick for my “laid back” presenting style, even going as faras mimicking it on air.Which I had to play along with, it’s all part of being a radio presenter,and any presenter (no matter how big or small the station) who can’t take anyjokes or see the funny side about their quirks is quite honestly a wanker.Well, I’m probably one already, but anyway…Te to his credit however did have great taste in music stating Floetry and Jill Scottas his inspirations, and we had quite a lengthy chat in between the records.The trio headed off from the interview to perform live at the new SU buildingon St George’s Place, formerly home to the dearly departed “Planet Lazer”.It was also where CSR held its mid-year elections in October, with one or two newpositions including Head Of Weekends, which went to Matt Gray, host of the hip hopshow who also happened to be a fan of “Tuppence And The Gang”.It was now Matt’s responsibility overseeing where my show stood in the schedule,and it wouldn’t be moving anytime yet.The following Monday morning saw the anticipated launch of the all newRadio 1 Breakfast show (“Now with added music!”) as hosted by Nick Grimshaw.I may be way above the station’s target audience, but I thought with two monthsof planning, and a former Assistant Producer of Moyles producing the show,they could have put a lot more effort into the launch which felt like they’dplanned it over two minutes rather than two months.Any hint of actual content was thrown out of the window, with even the TV campaignnot giving a clear reason to listen in, other than celebrity name drops.“Grimmy” just isn’t breakfast show material, and he sounded like he didn’t give a toss.175

The show was all over the place, an over the top orchestral imaging packagethat sounded like it was nabbed off of Sky News, and an attempt to panderto the audience by flagging up the selling point of an interview with Justin Beiber.My thoughts of Grimshaw reflected Chris Packham’s description of Chris Moylesin his attempt to get Grimmy’s predecessor into Room 101 earlier in the year;“He’s a totemic figure for the celebrationof mediocrity, and ignorance”(Chris Packham, BBC 1, 03.02.12)Even listening now, it doesn’t sound as if anything has evolved since that first show,and on listening to a podcast of so-called highlights, I almost smashed my laptop upin anger over the number of times I heard the phrase “ask your mum/dad”.Not only was it inane, but just proved how poorly the show related to itsyoung audience, hosted by the radio equivalent of a desperately trendy uncleat a social gathering.I wasn’t in mourning of Moyles however as Evans, Shaun Keaveny on 6 Music, ChristianO’Connell on Absolute, and even the Today Programme on Radio 4could fill the giant hole left by the saviour.The show came up in conversation a few times at the nextrad.io a non-conferencefor radio makers from all areas of the spectrum whether it was community radioin my case, or the big world of BBC and commercial radio.It took place at the elegant, if a bit cramped Magic Circle headquarters inCentral London, where during one of the networking breaks, I sneaked downto the museum in the basement and got a rather nice photo of one of theirveteran magicians.176

“Izzy wizzy, let’s get busy!”The difference between this and other radio events, was that each speakerwould have to speak for either 8 or 18 minutes, before handing over to the next.On arrival I bumped into Emma, a 22 year old from Southend and a recent graduateof Portsmouth University and Pure FM.She was a proper radio nut but really determined, outgoing and always fun to be with.Also present was Paul Chantler, a radio consultant specialising in media law,quite high in my estimation having been the group programme director of theEssex Radio Group in the late 90s, transforming Essex FM from a middle-of-the-road ILR,to a “Hotter and Fresher” station that at the time was a lot more exciting than thebland-in-comparison Invicta FM in my neck of the woods.Though the man who ran Invicta during its better days was also present, givingone of the talks at the day’s event, Francis Currie, also a consultant was Invicta FM’sprogramme controller between 1993 and 1995, prior to the Capital Radio takeover.Both Paul and Francis seemed humbled after I told them how exciting it wasto have the two PC’s of my favourite commercial radio stations when growing up,in the same room as my presence, but have remained good contacts since.177

Present day behind the scenes “legends” were also about as Dave O’Donnellthen producer of Gilles Peterson’s show was in attendance and was a reallynice guy, sharing anecdotes on some of the “winners” played on the programme.And perhaps the most fun of all were Helen Zaltzman and Olly Mann from the podcast“Answer Me This” who themselves gave a great presentation on how to make a livingout of podcasting.Helen having grown up in Kent shared memories similar to my own of Ian Collins’late night show on Invicta FM, and her brother Andy was a firm favourite of my youngerbrother as one of the hosts of the witty “Bugle” podcast with John Oliveroff of The Daily Show.Other presentations came from Fi Glover, Scott Mills, Trevor Dann,and BBC executive Chris Burns amongst others, but my favourite that dayhad to be from event co-organiser and media futurologist James Cridland,which had actually been changed at the last minute on the day itself.The talk looked at the overused radio strapline “The Best Music” and questionedits relevance in the present day, what with sites such as Spotify shaping the tastesof potential listeners.The day ended with a few drinks at a nearby pub, before myself, Emma,Helen Zaltzman, and event organisers James and Matt made our way to theEuston Pizza Express, for a wine filled meal which I enjoyed more than a little.It was a good warm up to the goings on that weekend taking place further Northin Yorkshire where my cousin Andrew was getting married to Rachel, a womanfrom the West of England where there was a good mix of Yorkshire and Somersetaccents at the event that took place at a hotel near Selby.178

Proving it was worth the 6:00am departure from Canterbury that morning,it dispelled my thoughts of not thinking I would fit in, and the ceremony itselfwent by pretty quickly, with the couple walking down the aisle to Take That’s“Greatest Day”.Followed by a photo of my family in a rare occurrence of being in thesame place together.I hadn’t seen most of my Dad’s extended family for 5-10 years, many of themhad given birth to offspring of their own including my cousin Ian and his partnerAlison who had given birth to a little girl and were expecting another arrival.My elder cousin Angela’s two children Jamie and Kyle acted as page boysfor the couple and all of the younger attendees behaved really wellwhich was pleasantly surprising.I probably behaved the worst after the drinks kicked in at the reception.We would all be in the same space together in less than a year as Kristopher wouldbe getting married to his partner Mary the following August.179

A met policeman by day, it made me laugh when my Dad asked Kris if any politicianshad sworn at him, days after the then chief whip Andrew Mitchell was accused ofcalling policemen “fucking plebs” outside the gates of Number 10.The day after the wedding, most of us attended a Toby Cavery in Bradfordto give our Grandma a treat to make up for her absence at the wedding itself.She was getting on with dementia, but really happy to see us,repeating Bruce Forsyth’s catchphrase many times to remind us.Whilst it was an enjoyable weekend, home life as a whole was getting more tough,not helped by Kate arriving back to do a Masters Degree at the University of Kent.I wasn’t helping either as every mealtime conversation I would refer to the shockingbut inevitable revelations of Jimmy Savile that never seemed to disappearfrom the news in October after an ITV documentary did what the BBC refused to doa year earlier, or in fact many years earlier.It inevitably lead to a petty press outrage against the BBC, but they managed todeal with it well, not least on the first episode of Have I Got News For You that series,which itself had been in on the whole debacle after an internet transcript ofJimmy Savile’s appearance suggested what really went on behind the scenes.Paul and Ian denied what had been quoted in the transcript, but what was really saidon Sir Jimmy’s appearance in May 1999 was even more disturbing;Angus Deayton: “You lived in a caravan for many many years?”Jimmy Saville: “12 years I lived in a motor caravan”Ian Hislop: “What do you do in there?”Jimmy Savile: “Anybody I can lay my hands on”(Have I Got News For You, BBC 2, 28.05.1999)Oddly enough I didn’t see the programme when it went out first time rounddue to travelling up to Yorkshire for another family wedding.The last before Andrew and Rachel’s actually.180

What gave the press even more fodder was how the BBC not only refusedto transmit their Newsnight investigation on Savile, but devote a large partof their Christmas schedule paying tribute to the serial sex offender.Though the papers had some cheek to accuse the BBC of not grassing him up,when they didn’t bother to do so themselves.And fair play to the BBC for their Panorama investigation, as I can’t imagine the Sunor any other tabloid newspaper having the bollocks to investigate their owneditorial failings.Michael Buerk on Radio 4’s “The Moral Maze” summed his thoughts with pure honesty.“Jimmy Savile was a star of our times. He had no discernible talent,on screen he was almost totally articulate and irritating,off the screen either remote or obnoxious.He gave most of his money to charity, and a loner with no friendsspent most of his spare time raising millions morewhich even people like me who disliked him had to acknowledge”(Michael Buerk, The Moral Maze, BBC Radio 4, 17.10.12)It more or less represented my overall feelings, even when he was on televisionhimself, not least on the final edition of Jim’ll Fix It broadcast in early January 1995where Andi Peters hosted a farewell show disguised as a 20 th anniversary special.As obnoxious as Andi Peters can be, Savile himself just came across as very unlikeableand watching the show itself, my 9 year old mindset could just about work out“No. I’m glad it’s coming to an end”.Savile himself claimed it was his decision to end the show whilst the ratingsin his words were “rock solid”, but I imagine it was one of many programmesthat were on BBC 1 controller Alan Yentob’s hatchet list, along with Paul Daniels.Programmes such as Noel’s House Party made Sir Jimmy’s acts of “generosity”look tame and dated in comparison, though after Yentob’s departure from BBC 1,Edmonds took a similar slide of quality decline himself.181

With Operation Yewtree in full flow, many veteran celebrities were receiving visitsfrom the old bill, but what made me angry was when lesser educated peoplestarted uttering “I hope it’s Edmonds next” or whichever celebrity they’d hated.Wrong. Just completely crass and wrong.And on that note, a more insensitive but amusing homage to Savile was paid byK*nt and The Gang who stopped off in Canterbury at the Three Tuns on his tour.Supported once again by the Half Wits and Ted Dibiase, it was an enjoyable nightand the perfect remedy for the unpleasant stuff I was going throughduring that week in Canterbury.I had been put back on another programme from Kennedy Scott which I wasn’thappy with, not least because to start off with I had to attend group sessions onspec letter writing, arranging CVs, plenty of patronising bollocks.It didn’t help that they took place first thing in the morning and one of theadvisors took notice when he heard me tutting under my breath.On asking me if I had any issues, I told him that I was just yawning, but the rest ofthe people in attendance saw the funny side, when after he left the roomI drew attention to the fact that he didn’t like it when I groaned.182

Thankfully I was taken off the group activities due to the anxiety it caused,and attended monthly meetings with an advisor, but their advice wasn’thelping at all and it was if they wanted to do all they could to discourage me fromfulfilling any radio ambition in favour of whatever jobs they could throw at me.I was also attending one to one meetings at Allseasons with an advisorcalled Katie who was covering for another colleague on maternity leave.Katie was rather blunt, and although it wasn’t the intention, she also sounded likeshe wanted me to wean off any radio opportunities, and after an outburstnot long after my Folded Wing job application was rejected, we pretty muchdeparted under a cloud.With all the frustration getting to me, I knew would finally have to face my fears.I would be breaking my shyness and attending the Radio Festival’s Foot In The Doortaking place in Salford that November.If I was going to get any radio advice, it was better to receive it from thosein the industry, and the very best, whose material I listened to every week.One of them being Karen P who I sent her an e-mail to, the week beforesaying that I was excited, but nervous about being tounge-tied in a room filledwith people who I didn’t know, and a klaxon going off every 15 minutes.Karen told me not to worry, saying we could go in together on the day itselfand talk about it beforehand.I put my nerves to one side for the time being, as early November saw excitingtimes taking place at the West Coast Bar in Margate, with the first weekendseeing a special guest appearance for the legendary disk spinner Joey Negro.Quite a few of the Margate crowd who were present at the weekenderwere present, many of them I hadn’t really met properly, but they knew mefar too well, as word was spreading about me being able to answer any musicrelated conundrums that they had.Despite them actually owning more vinyl records than I did.183

One of them was Theresa, a lovely woman from Herne Bay with a raspy voiceand a weakness for dancing.I spent quite a lot of time with her that night, and she has become one of mybest “soul friends” since.I also got to meet her friends John and Alison, a nice couple from Margatewho loved the good stuff, and Karen from Margate via Essex who was just aslively and quite frankly one of the best movers amongst the Thanet soul crowd.Best of all was getting to meet the main man himself, who was shocked at how much ofhis material I could memorise, if a little embarrassed when I drunkenly mentioned himI’d loved him since he worked with Take That in the 90s.184

The most “Bo Selecter” of them all. Dave Lee AKA Joey Negro.It was the best non-soul weekender night in Margate I have been on to date.The week after I was back at the West Coast bar again, this time for anotherpunk weekender with headline act The Anti-Nowhere League performing.There were also a few new and exciting acts such as Deano’s Hose, a band fromFolkestone whose standout song even for those who loved the sport was“I Hate Football” a hilarious song laying into the hysteria around the game.The spacious surroundings of the West Coast’s underground section provided lots ofopportunity for Ted Dibiase and The Million Dollar Punk Band to cause talcum powderinduced chaos, not least with the trademark beating I got from lead singer Lee,midway through the plastic surgery song.185

Yes, that’s me getting my leg in.It got even worse after I left however, as a few misunderstandings with some ofthe more rowdier people in attendance lead to a bit of confrontation.Yet I was back in the safe surrounds of Canterbury late on Saturday eveningand watching The X Factor where this series, the flamboyant Rylan Clark was doingall he could to piss Gary Barlow off, and Gary’s “standout” in the over 28s categoryChris “Phoney” Maloney was pissing everyone else off behind the scenes.On a lighter note were the witty ditties of “local celebrity” Lucy Spragganwho used to attend my primary school, prior to moving North.It was also the same year where “Chow Mein” Douglas was becoming a heartthrobwith the help of standout judge Nicole Scherzinger who to her credit was a damn sightmore bearable (and likeable) than Kelly Rowland.It wasn’t enough however to save the series from its ongoing downwards spiraland being trounced in the ratings week on week by Strictly.186

That same night I was distracted from all sense of staged entertainment, with theresignation of BBC Director General George Entwistle after only two months in the job,and a confrontational interview on Radio 4 that morning with John Humphrys.The BBC boss had struggled to deal with not just the Savile furore but a further spellof controversy when Newsnight broadcast an investigative report wrongly accusingan unnamed peer of allegedly abusing children in a care home.Though it did nothing to stop many people naming Lord McAlpine on Twitterand causing further furore and field days for the Daily Mail.In Entwistle’s absence, the Director of Radio Tim Davie had to step in as a temporary DGmeaning he woudn’t be able to provide his speech at the Radio Festivalthe following Monday.And on the Tuesday, I nervously made my way up to Salford Quaysahead of Foot In The Door.I had never felt so alone and scared, not helped by arriving on Tuesday eveningwhen everyone else attending the festival was at the Gala Dinnerwhere a deserving Danny Baker was inducted as Radio Academy Fellow.This just two weeks after an unprecedented departure from BBC London 94.9,where after it was revealed (but not in person) that his show would be axed in thenew year, Baker presented what was his final show two months earlier than scheduledwith a fiery rant against BBC management that only he could get away with,and some rather amazing music being played as well.“I am happy to be the noisy poster boy for any of these ludicrous spiteful, artless,culture hating cuts”(Danny Baker, 01.11.12)Danny’s departure summed up the backward facing regimes at BBC Local Radioand the once innovative BBC London formerly GLR was now becoming exactly likethe bland mediocre, blocked-drain-phone-in lead stations across the UK.187

Though on the gala itself, Danny’s speech was more dignified, leaving presenterPeter Kay to rant about the “fucking scandalous” acts that had taken placeat BBC London to much deserved applause.Danny’s 5 Live show remained unaffected, still on Saturday mornings.Back in Manchester I arrived at my hotel, not too far from the Key 103 studiosand I found it very difficult to sleep, despite an inspiring message fromDave Nightingale via radio legend and all round nice guy Simon Hirst;“Show them the real Robin Blamires. There will be people in that room trying to besomeone they are not. By being yourself, you will stand out more and your face will bethe one they remember.”I spent the night in bed worrying that I would be remembered for being myself.Being someone who would genuinely get scared and start shaking and squealingat the fear of a klaxon going off.I was going to be the Helen Flanagan of Foot In The Door, who herself at the timewas in far worse torture in the I’m A Celebrity jungle.I was temporarily lightened up the following morning listening to Sam Walkerand Lorna Bancroft on Real Radio North West, the only double headed femalebreakfast show I have heard on the radio, prior to the Today programme.Their entertaining banter was good enough for me to carry on listening online forthe rest of the year, until Sam left for BBC Radio Manchester after Christmas.By the time I arrived at the Lowry Centre at 9:15 that Wednesday morningI was shaking.Event organiser Caroline Evans (an absolute gem) did her best to make me feelcomfortable by giving me glasses of water, and understood that I didn’t wantto go into the holding area until Karen arrived.When she finally showed up, I burst into tears.188

I explained to her that I had felt left out of things since arriving, and was scared ofwhat may happen at the event, but I was told not to worry and could go inwhen I was ready.Thankfully there were one or two familiar faces present including Ali Rezkhanifrom On The Sly who I had previously met at the final episode broadcast ofSounds Of The 21 st Century that spring.Ali would be on a table looking at station branding, and joked that he was moreworried about me knowing more than him on his specialist area.Also present was Sam Gregory who seemed really interested in what I was up toat Folded Wing with my bipolar audio, and on the first table I went to thatmorning was Christian Spooner from Real Radio North West giving his tipson radio journalism.Christian and I had never met before, but knew each other via a love ofclassic radio jingles, which would come up later in the day.Best of all was that I knew one of the other delegates, noneother than Aislingwho was the compere at the Radio 1 event I went to in Hackney that summerand had got it through a work placement at Folded Wing.I thought it would be best if I went round the tables with her, and it certainlyhelped me to settle in.The event was hosted by Geoff Lloyd from Absolute Radio, and it was his jobto indicate changeover time, but by using a bulb horn much to my relief.And the day itself went really well, I got a lot of excellent and bluntly honestadvice from the tables which I thought was much needed although some of itmade me laugh because of stories of bad selfish behaviour on work placementsthat I wouldn’t even think of doing.Especially from a table manned by radio producers Sara Grun and Kate Cocker,whose overall words of advice were “Don’t be a dick”.189

Cocker was then overseeing Nemone’s weekend breakfast show at 6 Musicand worked alongside Real Radio’s Sam Walker at the talent nurturing agency“What Goes On Media” and has to be one of the very best producers I have met,in terms of innovative content both broadcast and viral.I didn’t actually get to see Karen on her table due to her having to get the train backto London after 1pm, but I did have a chat in the lunch break,and had brought a little furry surprise for her, which had come up in conversationduring my work placement at Folded Wing.It caused the Folded Wing CEO to burst out laughing, and it attracted the attention ofthe many other attendees.Karen thought the photo would entertain her mum, and on sending it to Sandiewhen I got back, it resulted in an invite to London for a pre Christmas coffeein December, which I was really excited about.The gopher stayed in my possession however.190

Even in Karen’s absence, there were plenty of others to indulge in conversation with,not least Christian Spooner who was amused by one of my Invicta FM pisstake jinglesfrom the 1990 package with the voice of Les Battersby from Coronation Street;“#Wake Up Every Morning! (Les)”Where’s my fucking toothbrush?” #In-vic-ta F-M!”It was enough to have me leaving Salford on a high, and what with it being the 90 thbirthday of the BBC that very day, my train journey back to London was made evenmore entertaining with an amazing audio concoction simulcast on all the BBC Radiostations, as produced by Damon Albarn.Not many listeners got it, but having opened my radio mind further post uni,and developed a love of ethereal experimental audio, I really enjoyed it.A really nice end to a day of mixed radio emotions, and I was determinedthat next year I would attend the whole Radio Festival.Over in America however that same day, The Daily Show provided a much awaiteddissection of the Jimmy Savile scandal, and the fuss with Lord McAlpine that followed it.“On the bright side, at least someone got accused of paedophilia right?Not the right guy, but er, baby steps?”(Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, Comedy Central, 14.11.2012)It was also interesting (and slightly lazily thought) how the Americanscompared Savile to Dick Clark, an illustrious radio and television broadcasterwho hosted “American Bandstand” a sort of US Top Of The Pops.Though the reason they were covering it was because former BBC DG Mark Thompsonhad now become head of the New York Times, with The Daily Show drawing attentionto the unfortunate tagline “All The News That Fits Under The Carpet”.191

Other laughs on television were provided by the much anticipated second seriesof Channel 4’s “Friday Night Dinner” though this time it was screened on Sundaysafter Homeland.Unlike Homeland, the second series of FND turned out to be even better than the first,with highlights including the Goodman’s house getting burgled, and neighbour Jimfinally getting invited to Friday night dinner with disastrous results.The series proved so hilarious, even “estranged” uni alumni Chris Chilversfound it funny, and our shared mirth in the series was enough for usto forget any petty aggro that had happened between us in the last 18 months.Possibly because we both resembled the two brothers in that showwith Chris being Johnny and me being Adam.Both of us had also been invited by Denis for a pre-Christmas University reunionin December where quite a few long lost faces would be attending.Home life however was far from a laughing matter as things were getting too much tobear and were discouraging regarding radio exploits outside of CSR.On a radio “Tweet up” in London organised by Emma Corsham that November,I opened up about how I was feeling and Steven McIntosh who also happened to bepresent ended up getting deep in discussion about how I sold myselfand my abilities to other industry people.All those thoughts racing in my head got in the way of actually getting on with it,and Dad who had leant me his Zoom audio recorder was getting frustrated himself andstarted moaning at me for not using it often, which caused me to get wound up about it.Having brought it up again during a mealtime conversation that night, I lost it,raising my anger, breaking utensils, throwing glasses of water in Dad’s face,and breaking our front door handle that had been there since moving to Canterbury.192

With Dad now at boiling point, Kate feeling really scared, and me being really tense,I ended up phoning the emergency services and trying to get myself sectioned again.Though Mum who arrived back home spoke to the operator at the end of the line,and both agreed that because I didn’t often have outbursts to that scale it wasbest to leave it to be dealt with at home.We managed to calm down from my outburst relatively quickly over the following week,but Mum and Dad began to realise that maybe they would have to try thatlittle bit harder, and search further for options to enable me to move onwards.I wanted to move out, and Mum and Dad wanted to be in a position where both meand themselves would be happy and able to live their own lives,free of unnecessary outbursts and anxieties.193

Chapter 8: Soulful, Sleepless and Stretching Out FurtherThe month of December gave me the chance to make a fresh start,not least as it would be jam packed with outings to London and beyond.And what better place to make that fresh start than on my third birthday Blam Jam,where I gave the imaging a refresh, ditching the raspy US voice who had been theresince the beginning, and introducing the British voices of Mike Russell and Jill Kentonfrom Music Radio Creative.Also in my birthday show was another special soundscape where I closed the micfor a whole hour, and introduced a selection of melodic and accessiblejazzy offerings in “The Jazz Dial” featuring Carmen Lundy, Gregory Porterand even Bryan Ferry who had recently released an album of Dixieland style covers.I would be back the following Sunday to present my final live show of the year,but not before the CSR Xmas party which was another karaoke night atThe Run Of The Mill and was even better than the last.Highlights included Dan Gibson and Elliot Crush (as seen above) dueting on“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, Media manager Mel Lewis singing aptly enough“I Kissed A Girl”, and best of all, Al Chisholm taking on 50 Cent’s “In Da Club”despite having never heard the song before.194

Al later dueted with head of speech Shona on the Pogues festive favouriteto equally hilarious results.And yes, those are giant cards in the background as each participant took partin a DIY Play Your Cards Right in the hope of winning a free drink.The only downer was that they allowed pairs, which meant I couldn’tshout out the legendary catchphrase “You Don’t Get Anything For A Pair,Not In This Game!”That aside, it was the perfect start to what was my week (and a bit) of fun festive nights,where the following Saturday saw a visit to see Holly who I hadn’t seen for ages,prior to her New York attachment.The event itself was “Hollyween” a joint birthday and Halloween celebrationwhere Holly herself was dressed up as Carrie, with fake blood for added effect.195

Also present were the usual CMP crowd including Stedders, Pippa ST and her boyfriendAndrew who can be seen in what has to be the funniest photobombI have been subjected to.196

I was back in Canterbury on the Sunday for the final live radio show of the yearat CSR, and had already recorded a Christmas special to go out during the holidays.This year I gave my annual review a bit more of a structure with sections for soul,one for broken beats, and another for the best cover versions of 2012.And making a return for the second year running was Blam Jam’s Rotten Raspberry,which this year went to Paul McCartney’s sickly attempt at a jazz albumaptly named “Kisses On The Bottom”.Not helped by the addition of Diana Krall on piano, I found it charmless and staid,after hearing the man himself being interviewed on Jamie Cullum’s Radio 2 showearlier in the year, with not one redeeming arrangement being able to prevent itfrom being worse than his appearance at the Olympics.Thankfully Karen P and the Folded Wing team saw the funny side,when I played my take on the album to them later in the week.It was also quite a poignant show as towards the end of the first hour I playedan audio montage of artists who had passed away in 2012.I don’t normally get sensitive at famous people dying, but when it’s someonereally young like pianist Austin Peralta at just 22 years old, it can be quite harddealing with it on air.On a lighter note, my final show of 2012 also saw the introduction of the“Blam Jam Belter” a new release that I would love instantly from the list listen,and would be signified on the show with the sound effect of a very loud klaxon,more specifically the gunge siren.A few months later I replaced it with a spoken ID to indicate a Blam Jam Belterpreceded with laser FX, that was far less intrusive or cheesy.Winning the best belter of 2012 was The Sunburst Band’s album“The Secret Life Of Us” which was actually my joint best album of the yearalong with Gregory Porter’s “Be Good”.I was finishing my radio year on a high, and 2013 was looking even more promising.197

Monday the 10 th was another London outing, but a slightly different oneto what I was used to as I attended what ended up being a very inspiring eveningat a Careershifters workshop, aimed at those who wanted to break out of theirhumdrum jobs, or find the right path to start the career they genuinely wanted.The tutors leading the session were really approachable and open minded,where most of the exercises involved searching for personal valuesand what your personal pros and cons on the ideal job would involve.I came out of it feeling inspired which was more that could be said thanany job-search session at Kennedy Scott, where I was meant to be attendingthe following morning, but it had to be postponed until the new year.This week was getting even better by the minute.After a chaotic night in Canterbury on the Wednesday seeing the Half Wits perform atthe Lady Luck pub, I journeyed to London for what would be myfinal visit of 2012 to Folded Wing and a coffee outing with Karen’s mum Sandie.Though on arrival I got to see Karen herself and gave her a special Christmas presentwhich was sort of my answer to “Jonathan Livingston Seagull”,a book of the story “Gobbolino The Witch’s Cat” which mirrored almost everythingI had been through, with the moggy wanting to find a place where he fitted in.I also got a lovely present from Karen herself, a book on Radio Production Skillsthough the note inside said that I probably knew more than written in the book!It was a lovely present though.Also present were Andrea, and Eliza who would soon be leaving to starta new venture in Vietnam.All the staff were excited about a Gloria Estefan Latin Christmas special forBBC Radio 2 airing on Christmas Eve, though they understood that it would bean iPlayer job my end, due to going out at the same time as the 40 th anniversary showof “I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue” on BBC Radio 4.198

For the second time in a row however, Jim Lister was sadly absent dueto being on a family holiday once again.We stayed in touch via e-mail, and he was doing pretty well finding potentialmental health charities who could possibly endorse my bipolar podcastwhich was still up for production in the new year.Myself and Sandie went to the same coffee shop in Clerkenwell where I went withKaren in June, where just like before, I had a chocolate brownie and a glass of water.Both Sandie and Karen would be going to see the live stage show of “The Snowman”to celebrate the holidays, and spending Christmas in Medway with Karen’s husbandMatt, and both extended families.Bizarrely our conversation then leant towards American political humour,particularly that of The Daily Show which surprisingly Sandie got instantly,not least from an infamous clip I had brought along of the actor Craig T Nelson,a republican supporter poorly explaining why he wouldn’t pay taxes.“I’ve been on foodstamps and welfare, did anyone help me out? No.”(Craig T Nelson, The Glen Beck Programme, Fox News, 28.05.2009)Honestly, if I have had a dreadful day, that quote will brighten me up instantly.I said goodbye to Sandie spending the rest of the day in London on a massive high,culminating in another CMP meet up at the Red Lion in Soho but a lot less crowdedthan the last.Pippa and Holly were missing, but Stedders and a few of the others werepresent, including lecturer Adam Hodgkins who had taken a sabbaticalto research the growing number of online movie websites such as Netflix.All this was the ideal warm up to the big one on the Saturday, a long awaitedWestminster radio reunion as organised by Denis who had jetted backfrom his homeland of Ireland via Australia.199

It would be another pub crawl taking us from East London to Harrow,commencing at the Liverpool Street Spoons where I, Denis, Chris, Phil Harrisand Tudor were all raring to go.Well, I was at least.As we headed towards Kings Cross we were then joined by Steven McIntoshwho had swapped the bright lights of Radio 1, for the high pressure of Radio 4’sToday Programme, and Phil Landers who was working on my favourite radioprogramme “I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue”, and had quite a hand behind the sceneson the upcoming anniversary show.Also with us was fashion student Danielle who’s brother Tomhad just started at the University of Kent and was heavily involved in CSR.200

We were also joined by the ever delightful fellow fashion student Gulshana,Ross Powell (alongside Tudor) who I’d seen along with Steven on the Novembertweet-up,201

and best of all, the nicest woman who I have ever met on the radio course Sirin,who showed up on a visit from Cyprus. and I was just a tiny bit excitedto say hello on arrival.We arrived at Northwick Park by mid-afternoon and it was going to bequite an emotional experience.202

It lead us on to the old haunt of the Trinity bar where we were joined by Samiwho I hadn’t seen since that dreadful day in May the previous year.All that was behind us, and both myself and Sam agreed that we wereboth happier after tough times in Folkestone.But before I could even get settled in to Harrow properly, I had to dash offas that same night was the Christmas Soul By The Jetty event in Canvey Islandwhich provided plenty of fun and chaos with messrs Jonny Layton, Mr Messy,Brian Kelly and special guest spinner Jazzbod AKA Mark O’Brien.203

Not forgetting an appearance from this fella.With all the crazy festive goings on, the following week involved a lot of restingahead of our family outing to Norfolk.The only really memorable event that took place was on television whereon the 21 st of December, children’s programmes on BBC 1 made their departurefrom weekday afternoons, and would be shown solely on the CBBC Channeland CBeebies from January onwards.In a previous nostalgic state I would have been mourning the move,but with more viewers watching CBBC and CBeebies on digital, it made senseand with the country fully switched over from analogue it was the right time to do so.The final programme broadcast was the annual CBeebies panto and it was quitepoignant when Hacker T Dog and Dodge made a special goodbye announcementat the end, reminding viewers that all children’s programmes would now be shownsolely on the CBBC and CBeebies channels.204

Older viewers were worried that it would discourage family viewing, which wasunderstandable, but having known about the move from the announcement in May,I didn’t get how they started moaning about it after they had switched overin the new year.Always late to jump on the bandwagon.The move paid off, resulting in increased viewing figures for the popular gameshowPointless on BBC 1 which I had become properly attached to.Facing healthy competition from The Chase with Bradley Walsh on ITV, I becameattached to both shows, and the old grey matter would stay active for some time.Christmas was spent once again in Norfolk but at a different house once again,or should that be, different houses.With cousin George, and younger brother Olly.We were staying at in a set of bungalows where luckily I had my own bedroom,but the front room in the main house was shared with the dining room, and beingsomeone who doesn’t enjoy eating round the table with the television switched on,found it awkward doing so to prevent my cousin’s grandmother from missingthe end of Strictly.205

It wasn’t too bad overall, and I got some rather nice vintage television relatedpresents even if they were custom ordered (with pain and strain) by myself.Notably a t-shirt with the 1991 ITV Yorkshire symbol on it, which I have onlyworn once, to prevent any fading colours.I also received a grey hooded top with the Tyne Tees symbol on therewhich may make an appearance later on.On returning home there was no rest for the wicked as leading up to the new yearwere a fair few soul nights, starting off in Westgate, stopping over in Romfordwith Sandra C and friends, and on the night itself I was back at the West Coast Barwith the Kent and Essex Soul family with DJ sets from Roni O’Brienand the legendary Jonny Layton.206

Jonny and Roni.The first of many outings in ’13 for the “Black And White Fan”.207

The comedown that followed wasn’t as bad as previous years, but deep downI was nervous at what would be happening over the next few weeks.Not least as I had got myself an interview at the Canterbury branch of Home Bargains,which I attended the following Friday and whilst I did my best, giving clear answers,there wasn’t really any sense of camaraderie generating between me and the peopleinterviewing me.Then again, it was more bearable than the forced camaraderie you would getat a group job interview for similar retail positions.Inevitably I didn’t get the job but wasn’t too downhearted.I also went rather crazy and sent a message to Dave Sharp at Academy FMas following the departure of Adam Dowling, my elevated self saw it as a possibleopportunity to use the station as a platform to show off my production abilities.I should have known better as on a visit back there that month, Dave despite all mypolite persuading, still seemed reluctant to want to take me further in that area,or nurture my producing skills, but still seemed happy for me to do a run of the milldaytime show.It quickly became clear, that maybe I should be sticking to my radio exploitsin Canterbury if I wanted to prove abilities further without any interference.In all fairness Dave has a very tough job in his role as station manager having to dealwith funding issues (quite often a case of lack of funding) and in terms of giving aconfident sounding radio station, it can be very hard, even with great on air talent.One of them being a young presenter by the name of Ben Pearce who at 18 yearsold was shaping up to be one of the best overall, also presenting on CSRand gaining interest from the team at KMFM.I would get to know Ben even more on a fair few of the big events CSRhad lined up later on that spring.208

In the bigger world of radio, my weekend listening had been given an extra lift,with the arrival of Mary Anne-Hobbs on BBC 6 Music presenting theweekend breakfast show.Having enjoyed her late night Radio 1 show in the late 90s, the broadcasterblended in naturally to the timeslot right from the very beginning with herdelightful Northern lilt, and her spiritual sounding show not just playing musicbut answering the questions around it.All via a series of Key of Life interviews, and “Three Minute Epiphanies”asking Charles Hazlewood for example what made a great conductor,or Hans Zimmer on what it takes to produce a movie soundtrack.Mary Anne even ended up providing the highlight of this year’s Comic Relief,outshining the dreadful television coverage, by getting CBBC’s Hacker T Dog,to answer the question “How Does A Dog Deal With Stardom?”.Produced by Kate Cocker and Jack Howson at Wise Buddah, the show becamea must-listen, proving really effective recovery in hotel rooms after manycrazy soul nights out in Thanet.It even encouraged me on a personal level to start referring to myself onmy own show as “Blamirez” having got many mentions on 6 Music by said name.It sounded pretty nifty though, and perfect for setting up a brand of sorts.Whilst radio was coming up with the goods all-round in 2013, televisionwas coming down with a massive “Splash!”Someone at ITV thought it would be good to stretch out 5 high dives into a90 minute Saturday night show, contriving to recreate the excitement andcamaraderie of the Olympics, as celebrities battled it out amongst each otherto fall into water whilst being judged by Jo Brand…?Much to my displeasure, the shambles drew in the punters on the back of its flaws,and it was enough to earn the green light for a second series in 2014.209

It was bad enough to have me anticipating “Take Me Out” which usually followedand I had finally become converted to the red light laden dating showwhich for its tackiness, and Paddy McGuinness’s dreadful puns was nowa solid Saturday night stay-in show.Well most weeks anyway, as on the third Saturday in January I was Londonbound to Koko for Gilles Peterson’s 2013 Worldwide Awards,and my first in attendance.I arrived early which meant I got the best deal seeing some great performancesfrom Nick Mulvey, the amazing Nai Palm from Hiatus Kaiyote, and Mala playingsome amazing stuff from his Cuba LP.I ended up bumping into Jim Lister, who was particularly impressedwith Mala’s set and excited about The Invisible performing later on.It got even better when Karen P and her lovely husband Matt arrived soon after,along with many of their friends including a woman by the name of Andreya,who helped me get into the VIP area.Unbeknown at the time that it was up and coming singer Andreya Triana,who had sung with Flying Lotus, I proceeded to make affectionate jokesabout her resemblance to Sabra Williams who used to host ITV’s Ghost Train.210

It also encouraged me to engage in the “Ooh-Waaah!” hand movement in thephoto below with Matt, Karen, and their friends.Winning the best track of the year was Andrew Ashong and Theo Parrishfor their song “Flowers” which I had predicted would win on my blog.Although it wasn’t sung live, when they played the track, it was brilliantlyseguewayed into Bill Withers’ “Lovely Day” during the live DJ set.Though my personal highlight had to be the performance from this year’sOutstanding Contribution recipient Marcos Valle, the baron of Brazilian bossawho performed a set of material old and new including the amazing “Parabens”,quite possibly the best Brazilian tune of the last decade.It was good getting to know Karen’s husband as he hailed from Sittingbournewhich is where I would be headed the following Saturday to see a performanceby my second favourite person from Essex whose name starts with K.211

Yes, K*nt And The Gang was back, headlining a special gig at the SittingbourneSnooker Club supported by the Half Wits and Ted Diabiase as always.The poet of poor taste was even kind enough to record an interview with meon my Zoom recorder and recorded my first ever name drop-in which went;“This is K*nt from K*nt and the gang. And I’m here with Robin Blamires,who is an even bigger c*nt”No truer words said.212

Maybe Mary Anne Hobbs could get him to do a “Three Minute Epiphany”answering “How do you deal with being a foul-mouthed internet celebrity?”Though an even bigger c*nt in terms of actual size was also present that evening,as Rik Waller, (sorry, Richard Waller) yes him off of Pop Idol and Celebrity Fit Clubwas spotted in the smoking area.A newspaper revealed not long after that he was working as an exam invigilatorhaving permanently lost his singing voice.I didn’t speak to him myself though. He doesn’t look that approachable,does he?...One of Tuppence’s most quoted fans meanwhile, was back on the television,Charlie Brooker, returning to his old ways of showing news and TV footageand sneering at it like a naughty schoolboy, in BBC 2’s Weekly Wipe.213

Whilst it covered big issues such as the horsemeat scandal, and the vote forthe gay marriage bill in parliament (including a deserved ridiculing of the Tory MPfor Canterbury Julian Brazier) it was the little things that drew my attention,mainly the dissection of Simon Cowell’s latest venture.After desperately attempting to jump on the Olympic “feel good bandwagon”with the 2012 series of The X Factor, Cowell launched his shameless Bake Off knock off“Food Glorious Food” where contestants attempted to impress Lloyd Grossmanand Tom Parker Bowles (?), with their concoctions that they hoped would frequentthe shelves of Marks and Spencer, given that was the prize.Brooker’s analysis of the series nailed my thoughts on life as a whole as it was tryingto reflect the false Big Society utopia that David Cameron was trying to implement,where everyone is seemingly happy, and celebratory of bland.To which Brooker retorted that the series could “Keep calm, and fuck off”.It wasn’t the worst series however that attempted to tag along with faux patriotism.That honour fell later in the year to BBC 1’s “I Love My Country”, a shambolicparlour game/shout fest hosted by Gabby Logan and full of inane gamescelebrating everything British.It succeeded in making the late 90s lottery flop “Red Alert” with Lululook only 99% worse in comparison.Not all telly was bad, as ITV with its new set of bizarre idents saw the return ofmy favourite entertainment show, back after a well-rested four year absence.Geordie jokers Ant & Dec were back with their Saturday Night Takeawaybringing solid entertainment and fun back to Saturdays with not a phone vote in sight.After their dull attempt at outdoing the Generation Game with “Push The Button”and the even worse “Red Or Black”, the boys were back to what they did best,even retaining some old features.214

One being the Undercover stunts, including a hilarious one on Jeremy Kyle,and the other being “Little Ant & Dec” who had got two new youngstersto ask the questions to celebrities that no one else would dare ask.Best of all though were the sketches that made up the finale in“The End Of The Show Show” which could either involve a piano duet,or an attempt at replicating Riverdance.The highlight came with a mass performance of bands from the popular ITV2rose-tinted nostalgia fest “The Big Reunion” where after a medley of songsfrom Atomic Kitten, Blue and a numerically dyslexic 5ive (with only four of them)PJ & Duncan made their return performing the legendary “Let’s Get Ready To Rhumble”.It prompted the single to reach number 1 in the charts, and ironically performfar better than any of the acts from The Big Reunion itself.Mainly because it’s also genuinely a great song as well.Home life around this time was going fairly well, where we had started havingregular visits from Maisie, a lovely woman from Kent County Council whohelped disabled people find shared accommodation.I knew it was going to be a lengthy process, but she would do all she couldto chase up any housing agencies within the area, though the fact thereweren’t any in Canterbury was a bit of a drawback.Maisie also passed me on to Kent Supported Employment who’s advisorhappened to be a woman called Charlotte who I had met up with throughout 2010and had helped get me the work placement at Enterprising Opportunitiesin Herne Bay that summer.We would be working together with monthly meetings, and Charlotte also beganattending my meetings at Kennedy Scott which since January were overseenby a nice woman called Alex.215

It had taken me a bit of time to get to know her in the rather uncomfortableopen office environment, but with Charlotte in my presence it helped Alexunderstand more as to why I found the process stressful, and that I reallyhad a lot of life and enthusiasm outside my rather shy manner in our appointments.Alex was particularly excited about my involvement in an upcoming charity broadcastfor CSR where between the 14 th and 16 th of February, two of their presentersRyan Bartrop and Jessie Martin would be going it non-stop for 48 hoursin aid of the Catching Lives charity for homeless people in Canterbury.Not only would it be broadcast on the radio, but KTV would be live streamingvideo footage online, from the live broadcast all taking place at the Attic Clubabove UKC’s Venue nightclub.I would be hosting a special edition of Blam Jam between 10 and 11amon the Friday, but my involvement as a whole commenced just before middayon the Thursday as all the chaos got underway.216

First day highlights included Sean Vs Milli, where Sean Mackey chose as hisfavourite “love song” for Valentine’s, The Darkness and “I Believe In A ThingCalled Love” prompting a bit of air guitar action.Sean would also be hosting the Attic’s very own Take Me Out for Valentine’s Daydespite the fact that he had never seen a whole episode and had to prompt mebeforehand for Paddy McGuinness’catchphrases.Though as Kent Student Media didn’t have quite a big budget, the girls burst balloonsinstead of extinguishing lights.Warming up for Sean was a stand-up comedian and politics student from UKCby the name of Cornelius (Con) Mendez who turned the airwaves bluewith his strong language.Ryan, and co-presenter Elliot Crush acted as “Eurovision commentators”attempting to talk over the sweary bits from Con’s set, and the contest itself,which watching at home proved addictive.217

It was Con’s on-air debut of sorts, though himself and co-presenter Joe Ismailwould make their CSR daytime debut the following morning as my “warm up act”.And if I’m being quite honest, they were a lot funnier than I was.That said the show went really well, introducing Ryan and Jess to a blendof future beats and a few “Sticky Jams” including Sweet Female Attitude,and The 3 Amigos cover of “Louie Louie” AKA the theme to “Dec Says” on SMTV.Nearing the 24 hour stage, the pair were still on energetic form,even braving themselves for a Bruno Brookes-esque posing photo.218

My show was also lifted up by the appearance of UKC’s belly dancing societywhich provided even more excitement.Other stunts included Jess playing Quidditch with a hockey stick on the plazaoutside the main building, one of the camera crew stripping off and singing“I’m Too Sexy”, and an impromptu DJ set from James Waterswhere the entire team got down to S Club 7.219

In fact the whole event’s worthy of a photo fest.Sean hits the decks.Mel Lewis, James Stokell, and Jess submerged in plasma.220

Jessie’s Awake For 48 companion “Mr Snuggles”.The dedicated guys at KTV providing the visual goodness.221

The well dressed Jon Easton and the team.Luckily there was a place for me to sleep during the broadcast.It’s just a shame I wasn’t around when the inevitable Harlem Shake took place.222

I was back at the Attic early on Saturday morning for the final momentswhere Jess and Ryan made it past the 48 mark.The event proved very successful, causing the stream to crash a fair number of timeswith #awakefor48 trending higher on Twiter than Valentine’s Day, in Canterbury.And this was only the beginning.If anything, it was the most fun, the most buzz and the most energy I have had inall my time at CSR, and the success lead to the SU bods grasping the idea thatmaybe, the Attic would be perfect for CSR to broadcast from all the time.As of writing, they’ve closed down the club itself and are converting it intoa media centre for both CSR, KTV and the Inquire Newspaper.223

The chaos of the live broadcast did nothing to spoil the enthusiasmfor my own show in the following weeks.If anything it was getting better, not least by the fact I had started writing a scriptfor all my links, which at first had me worried it would make the show soundmore stilted.Far from it however, as I could adlib if necessary, and there would be no moreinstances of me forgetting record labels, or even the artists and song titles.One thing that did remain was my rather snide sense of humour, where one weekI introduced the show by assuring listeners “I haven’t been arrested, yet”in the midst of the many Yewtree arrests.Every Sunday between 6-8pm I was still in my element.My rather eccentric style as expected was still met with slightly mixed reactionnot least from the show that had started following me, “The Hipster Hour”hosted by two students Matt and Rhian, Rhian being the then head of music for CSR.I don’t think they got my sense of humour and made little communication with mewhen walking into the studio 5 minutes before their show.Unsurprisingly they were absent for the live charity broadcast,and by the end of spring they had left the station altogether.Most of the other presenters on the station were appreciative, not leastAl on Sunday lunchtimes, who had now been joined permanently by Jackwhich was much needed really as Jack’s relaxed but dry wit complementedAl’s bumbling manner.It was fast becoming my favourite show on the station, and many other memberswere in agreement.224

Following them was a new show filling the hallowed 2-4pm slot, Graham Hukinsa man in his early 40s and former presenter at University Radio Bath, who by dayran the tourism department of the Shepherd Neame Brewery in Faversham.Graham hosted “Sunday Best” similar to Gavin Blunt’s show on Saturdayswith in his own words, “cheesy” features such as “The Tricky Tryptic”and “Stuff You Never Knew You Didn’t Know”.Complemented by equally cheesy music beds such as “Axel F” it was theperfect show to provide the break between the wit of Al & Jack, and the overallunprepared chaos of 3 Students And A Radio show who still ruled the roostbefore my show between 4 and 6pm.Cross promotion between other shows on the station was vital,especially as I stole most of their tunes for my own show.One being the ever popular Skybeats on Monday evenings spinning the chilled tunes,and Josh Thorne’s “Evening Jazz Show” on Saturday’s between 9 and 10.Certainly in the case of the latter when Kenny Ball died, as I gave “Midnight In Moscow”a spin on my show, ahead of a tribute programme that Josh would be presentingthe following Saturday, having interviewed Kenny Ball’s band, and beingan experienced trumpet player himself.The presenting style of the show however was rather stilted and at timescondescending, not helped by minute long “comedy” jinglesand inappropriate music beds.“We have morning shows, in the morning! Daytime shows, in the day!”If anything it made me gain confidence in improving myself.However the show was perfect for its late Saturday timeslot giving a spaceon the station for the more traditional jazz tunes as opposed to the broken beatsplayed on my own show.225

With Spring in the air, so were CSR’s Elections which this year were exempt fromthe station awards due to an exciting new event for all of Kent Student Medialater on in the year.After two years in charge and a lot of transformation, Ryan Bartroprelinquished his role as station manager and taking his place was Jonathan Easton,who I had previously seen causing chaos at the live charity broadcast.Dan Gibson lost out his programming role to noneother than Tom Hornerwhich I was really excited about, having known his sister for so many yearsat Westminster.He was a nice guy too, a very slick dance presenter, and on strong tieswith Matt Gray who retained his role as Head Of Weekends.The ever witty Con Mendez bagged Head Of Events whilst partner in crimeJoe Ismail was now Head of Daytime.Shona Eyre meanwhile would remain Head of Speech until her masters degreefinished in the autumn.I was confident that CSR’s new team would keep the station sounding strong,though I knew that without Ryan, or Jessie on the committee, things would bevery different, but still good.Elsewhere in radioland near the end of March, things on a personal levelwere looking uncertain.After several e-mails from myself and Karen, Mind got back saying thatunfortunately they were unable to provide funding for my bipolar podcast,but were still happy for me to write a blog on their website explaininghow I felt during my episode.I was distraught, and sent a near grovelling e-mail to Folded Wing saying thatbecause of Mind pulling out, I felt my project was dead in the water,and had nothing else to offer in terms of radio ideas outside my show at CSR.226

Even with the Student Radio Conference approaching, I was worried I wouldn’tfit in and it felt cliquey with the rest of the CSR team who were going.A message on Facebook from Jess however helped me understand that theywould try their best not to make me feel excluded like I was at the Bath conferencewith the Westminster students four years earlier.For a whole day I wouldn’t leave my bedroom or speak to anyone,but late on Friday I received an e-mail from Jim Lister telling me not to worry,and they would continue to work with me on the project 100%.They would get in touch after Easter about setting out a production plan which gaveme more time to focus on the upcoming SRA Conference after the weekend itself.I was so pleased that Karen and the team were sticking with me, over whatI thought was just an indulgent piece of audio with soundscapes and forced sympathy.As far as they were concerned, it was going to be something very specialthough in my rather comedown state I found it hard to realise that.I took the Easter weekend away from my radio show and made another outingto Romford for Sandra C’s Sunday Soul Sessions.It was an ideal mood-setter for Tuesday, as early that morning myself and a largenumber of the CSR team set off in a rather untidy minibus to the De MontfordUniversity in Leicester, who were hosting the 2013 Student Radio Conference.I was in great company with Ryan, Jess, Mel, Dan Gibson, Al and Jack,and Ben Pearce who I was really excited about meeting for the first time.Not least so I could take the mickey out of him for his crazy love for Manchester United.227

On arrival I got right into the meat of the sessions taking place, my favourite beingone on content lead by Graham Albans, a BA on the Chris Evans Breakfast Showon BBC Radio 2, and an all round nice guy.Joined by the legendary Simon Hirst from Capital Yorkshire, and James Walshfrom Kerrang Radio, the session ended up becoming an informal Q&A with plenty ofinspiring and helpful hints on making great radio content and getting further.The best bit of advice came from Hirsty (that I’d heard before in a more polite sensefrom Karen P), on that if you ever come across anyone in radio who claimsthat there’s nothing new to learn, then tell them to fuck off.Hirsty would also be providing the first night’s entertainment with Capital EastMidlands’ Dino and Pete with a special pub quiz, which as expected the CSR team weredesperate for my participation in.My favourite part was a round called “Firework Or Dildo” where Hirsty would read outthe names of either a firework product or a sex toy for the punters to identify.It lead to several drunk participants shouting “DILDO!” which caught onfor the rest of the event in your typical “had to be there” manner.228

That same night I bumped into the lovely Hattie Pearson, winner of the Best Female for2012 at the Student Radio Awards, who had just hosted her prize show on Radio 1,and was making a name for herself on weekend overnights at XFM Manchester.After a day of equally inspiring sessions, Wednesday evening saw the third annual“I Love Student Radio Awards” where much to our surprise CSR FM ended upwinning the Charity Champion prize for our “Awake For 48” broadcast.This meant all of us from the station, (even if we hadn’t been on air duringthe event itself) had to make our way to the stage, and I cannot rememberanything at all, due to the heavy amount of wine I had already consumed.Though I must say, at the time it felt amazing.229

Mel and Ryan crowned “Charity Champions”. We. Were. Great.We made our way back to the uni nightclub where a DJ battle was taking placelead by Danny Mylo. A young up and coming presenter from Bradford station“The Pulse Of West Yorkshire” playing a top selection of 90s cheese.Danny Mylo alongside the amazing Heather Wall from Manchester’s Fuse FM.230

Amazingly I felt far from hungover the following morning, although it was quite animportant final day as it was the SRA AGM and Committee Elections.Our very own Mel Lewis was running for SRA Chair, leading to many chants of“Mel On Chair! Mel On Chair!” at regular intervals from the CSR team.Mel was just pipped at the post in the final vote but took her defeat gracefully,and it did nothing to spoil an otherwise amazing few days at De Montford university.It wasn’t over yet however, as just before leaving, I attended a sessionon podcasting, lead by noneother by Helen and Olly from “Answer Me This”who were rather pleased to see my presence, joking that I should havehosted a session myself.I would have melted if that was the case.The only downside to the conference is that we didn’t manage in thestudent radio tradition, to find a defining song of the event.Last year in Bradford it was Carly Rae Jebson’s “Call Me Maybe”,though this year there was an attempt to try and get the then number oneby PJ And Duncan as the official anthem.It certainly got played a few times at the event itself, and in the minibuson the way there, where I embarrassed myself by singing along to it,almost word-perfect.If the conference had taken place a few weeks later, then the anticipated comebackfrom Daft Punk would have well and truly been the defining tune.On returning from the conference, my work at the station was cut out as James Waterstook a two week absence leaving me to stand in for him on his Saturday lunchtime show.It meant a fair few spinnings of “Get Lucky”, and the return of my feature“The Decade Duel” where two years of tunes would go head to head,for example 1998 Vs 2008.231

More cover stints followed over the summer months, despite James constantly rippingthe piss out of me, on the weeks where he was present.Once again, it was all part of the stick for being involved at CSR, and I was more thanhappy to take my fair share.Blam Jam made a comeback as well on Sundays where I was now up againsta revival of Catchphrase on ITV with new host Stephen Mulhern.Which I actually thought wasn’t too bad, especially as they had brought back the originaltheme tune from when it was made by TVS, albeit updated and in a different key.The only major change was that there were three contestants at the start with onebeing eliminated after the first round, but aside from that it was the same game,with the famous buzzer sound effect, and Mr Chips now in glorious 3-D.The show could have been a bit more pacier in places, but then again,they did have to fill the 45 minute timeslot.General goings on both televisual and in real life were very positive,and it was going to get even better.On the afternoon of Monday the 8 th I woke up to find an e-mail from Karen Pin my inbox telling me that both herself and executive producer Ian Parkinsonwanted to commence work on my bipolar audio some time this summer.In comparison to the distressing e-mail I received regarding the producer job last July,this bit of good news coincided with another in the bigger world, though very dependenton your point of view.Lady Thatcher had died and the reaction to her death over the next few dayswould provoke a mixed reaction.Not least a controversial “twatty chart campaign” (©James Masterton)aiming to get “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead” to the top of the charts that despitelasting less than a minute, still wasn’t enough for Radio 1 to play it in full.232

The idea had been in the planning for many years, and you could easily spotany Tory voters on Twitter who commented along the lines of“anyone who has bought this song is just sick and disgraceful”.On the day of Thatcher’s funeral I avoided even being near a television or radioaltogether, and later that evening I was London bound to see another blonde bombshell,the one and only Alice Russell who was performing a solo show at the Scalanear Kings Cross.I had championed her latest album “To Dust” on my show and to see her livein solo surroundings was even more amazing, treating us to an outfit changehalfway through the set.I wasn’t alone in familiar company as I bumped into Westminster alumni Sam Lovelland his girlfriend Rhianne who had done well winning not just a Student Radio Award,but the Charles Parker award for a feature she had made on the poem “Half Caste”.It was good to hear how they were getting on, and an enjoyable night was had.Unfortunately Karen P was also at the concert too and I missed her,only finding out on Twitter the following morning.Luckily I bumped into her colleagues Jim, Andrea and Pete later that eveningat a Radio Academy event on Social Media where we caught up on goings on,and what albums we were liking.It was the first time I had met Pete, a graduate of Nottingham Trent universitywith a love of sport, having made a brilliant feature whilst on Uni station Fly FMabout getting disabled people involved in sports, and disposing of any signs of stigma.I later found out that he was also a big fan of 5 Live’s Fighting Talk,my “second favourite” radio programme, and he also bore a slight resemblanceto comedian Josh Widdicombe which I guess is a complement, in sporting similarities.233

That weekend I was back in Margate for an event by the name of “Soul Ascension”organised by Jay Anderson one of the “Soulbay” team though it ended upbeing a rather average event, focusing more on the downbeat side of soulwith no jazzy rhythms or soulful house.Instead, lots of R Kelly, Mary J Blige, Donnell Jones and K-Ci and JoJo.It pleased the punters within the close circles, but I was bored stiff.Although I had made a lot of good friends such as Theresa, Alison, Karen, Frenchieand John, I was beginning to feel that it was getting a bit cliquey and Soul Ascensionas an event was nowhere near the same league as events like Soul By The Jetty.Even more so considering a few weeks later on the May Day Bank holiday weekendeveryone bar me would be heading over to Caister, the ever popular twice yearly soulweekenders for the more mature soul boys and girls, with fancy dress throwninto the chaos.With all the statuses on Facebook counting down the event by day, the stress got to methat Bank Holiday, made even more so that I had taken a week off from my soul showthat Sunday.Though on the plus side, at least it meant I would be able to watch that week’s edition ofCatchphrase as it went out.234

And with the rest of May being my birthday month, it meant that I would be makingmany outings of my own, a fair number of them London bound starting off on the 9 thwith a long awaited live gig from Gregory Porter.Taking place at East London’s Oval Space, it was organised by Gilles Peterson,and the man himself was happy to have a snapshot alongside his most crazed fan.They always say, “never meet your heroes”…The gig itself was superb where the London crowds were treated to brand newmaterial from Gregory’s third album, “Liquid Spirit”, the title track being a catchyhand-clapping gospel-esque number which even Gilles himself believed outshone .the anthemic “1960 What”.We also got to hear old favourites including “Be Good”, “On My Way To Harlem”,and the Grammy nominated “Real Good Hands”.235

After the show I stuck around to see the man himself, and what a lovely guy.I joked with him that on the train journey up to London I had listened to“his mate Jamie Cullum” and the second part of a two part series for BBC Radio 2“Jazz At The Movies” as produced by the team at Folded Wing.At first I thought “oh no, I’ll find this dull, I’m not a big movie person”but right from the amazing introduction recorded in Los Angeles, I was hooked.The programme featured a lot of vintage swing that I had grown up listening toin East London at an early age through my parents Cotton Club compilations,and there were some amazing interviews with a charismatic fan of Woody Allen,and Clint Eastwood himself.It had me thinking, “this can’t be the same Clint Eastwood who made that idioticspeech for the Republican party last year, with the chair?”As the Clint in Jamie’s jazz documentary came across as a lot more engaging.236

But the piece de resistance was a “sonic duet” between Jamie Cullum himselfand Michelle Pfeiffer on the song “My Funny Valentine” as performed in the 1989movie “The Fabulous Baker Boys” which I could remember hearing advertisedon Capital Radio at the time of release.As the song itself played, I was walking down the Stratford bridge in the cold windyweather and stopped, sat down, savoured the sights, and almost burst into tears.That’s the sign of a great radio documentary, and my favourite piece of radiothat Folded Wing have made in 2013.Certainly a damn sight better than what I was going to be doing with themlater in the year.More tears were to be shed in London the following evening, but this time throughraucous laughter as K*nt was back in the big city for his second annual conventiontaking place at the Nambucca bar in Holloway Road.Warming up for the poet of poor taste were Southend punk band “The Milksnatchers”who impressed me by having a female keyboard player.They were joined on stage by Tuppence towards the end, for a live band renditionof his “Carol Vorderman” song.237

The main set itself went brilliantly, with me stood at the front as always,with the highlight being the interval act which was a raffle to draw two contestantsfor K*nt’s “Operation Yewtree Celebrity Paedo Quiz”.Tuppence himself thought it went disastrously, but at least his effort intowriting the Ted Rogers esque clues to the criminals wasn’t wasted.One of them being;Q: “I sing in a band and like to eat crepesI share a name with that gay bloke from StepsAm I in trouble? The answer is “maybe”I have been charged with conspiring to stick my **** in a baby”A: Ian Watkins (Lost Prophets)Though my personal highlight was when he read out a clue that went“I was a popstar but my career unfurled,when I took my computer into PC World”238

I can’t remember the rest as the crowd (prompted by yours truly)were yelling “COME ON! COO-OME ON!” in a drunken state.I stuck around in London that night stopping over at the flat of a guy who I metthat evening through a mutual friend, who on knowing I was going to be in Londonthe following Saturday let me stay over at his flat.Even if it did mean lagging on with him at another bar until 3amand getting the Nightbus back to Balham.It was worth it, as Soul Brother was my destination the next day to see the oneand only Bluey from Incognito who the night before had performed with his bandand special guest Mario Biondi, who was signing copies of his new album.I must admit Bluey was more approachable than Biondi, though that didn’t come asany surprise and from what I’d heard, the gig wasn’t too good on a technical level.Both were happy to get a photo however.239

Bluey had recently released an amazing solo album called “Leap Of Faith”which dare I say, was even better than most of his recent work with Incognito,branching off into soulful house, 80s inspired grooves and a homage toCharles Wright’s “Express Yourself” which Craig Charles quickly caught ontoon his 6 Music show.At the time of writing, it’s my favourite album of 2013 so far.After chatting to him and surprising him with my extensive soul knowledgethe man himself gave a listen to my radio show the following day and evengave me a ring suggesting that we should do an interview or a show together.Bluey was impressed that someone with Asperger’s who had been through so muchcould show off such passion and know more about Incognito than himself.Many more outings took place in London during my birthday week,though the following Saturday saw an important even more closer to home.That being the inaugural KIC Awards at the Gulbenkian rewarding the achievementsof Inquire, KTV and CSR FM in our own dedicated awards ceremony judged bykey figures in the TV and radio industry linked with the Canterbury area.The big winners that night happened to be Al & Jack, though Al sadly couldn’t bepresent due to his theatre touring commitments that ran throughout the summer.Winning Best Presenter, and sharing the Best Show gong with Jack, it was an amazingachievement considering Al’s show had only been on the air for less than 6 months,with judge James Stodd from Portsmouth’s Jack FM saying that the banterreminded him of Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer.Which I thought was odd, as Al and Jack could actually make me laugh.On a serious note, it was an element of fun and surprise in the submitted audiothat won them the award, which in this case was a live link-up with Elliot Crushpresenting at the Varsity event, almost reminiscent of another North East broadcaster,Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday.240

Whilst the night as a whole was fun, it was rather sad as it was Ryan Bartrop’slast public event as station manager for CSR.It also turned out to be the same for Mel as it was revealed that in July aftertwo and a half years, she would be leaving her post as Student Media manager to jointhe BBC’s Production Talent Pool which she had been successfully chosen for out ofmany applicants, working across the breadth of the BBC’s TV and radio output.As for Blam Jam itself, I was nearing the 150 th show, and to build up for it in the showspreceding, I did a whole hour of Stevie Wonder covers which pleased some ofthe more mature listeners, particularly one Hushy in Edinburgh who had to put upwith my jokes every week about Stevie ’s material post-1982 being sub-standard.The day after the KIC Awards for Show 149, I introduced an hour of“Mellow Masterpieces”, some of the more downbeat tracks from the last three yearsof Blam Jam, but no Casio keyboard R&B like Eric Benet or Jaheim.The tunes I did play ranged from Flying Lotus, Jose James, and possibly the trackthat has got the biggest reaction out of any played on Blam Jam, “Cause”by Rodriguez, from the amazing documentary “Searching For Sugarman”.It was a calm build-up for the 150 th show that would be broadcast in the first weekof June due to me taking another week off for a mini-soul weekender in Margatefor the Whitsun Bank Holiday.Before that however I would be attending a “Funk Club” tweet-up as organisedby loyal listener Hushy who was in London for an IT conference beforehand.Joining us were Stephen “The Soulful Scotsman”, Tunde a lovely woman from London,and Jane who worked in a gardening centre in Herts.The event timed nicely as the following morning I would be attending a free gigat St Pancras Station by the one and only Jamie Cullum who had just releasedhis album “Momentum” which for me has to be his best to date.A solid pop album through and through with meaningful tracks I could identify with.241

The LP had so many standouts, but one that hit home whilst listening to iton the way to the station from my hotel was his cover of “Pure Imagination”from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory.Though his version was a lot darker and I loved how he sung the line“# Anything you want to, Doo Iiiiiit!”And it was certainly ringing true in my current “anything goes” state of mind.The performance took place on one of the public pianos in St Pancras Stationaccompanied by the Youth Jazz orchestra, where the songs played weremainly from the “Momentum” album, but finished with the old favourite“Get Your Own Way” which included the famous brass riff that introducesJamie’s BBC Radio 2 show every Tuesday.Rather embarrassingly on my part, Jamie knocked over the core from an applehe had been eating before the set that was sat on the upright near the top right.On recovering it, he handed over to me which I thought was amusing,despite having to hold onto it for the rest of the performance.I didn’t keep it however. I’m not that much of a crazed fan.242

Jamie’s movie series on the other hand had subconsciously turned me back intoa movie goer, as the night before his train station gig I went to a cinema in Centralto see the revealing and rather frightening “Beware Of Mr Baker”.An insight into the aggressive drummer Ginger Baker who since the film itself,had moved not too far from me to the village of Blean.Another cinema outing later that week saw a return to the Prince Charles Theatreand the first of many screenings that year of “The Room”.I had developed an interest in hilariously bad movies after discovering a series ofmovie reviews on Youtube namely those from Chicago based Doug WalkerAKA “The Nostalgia Critic”.Most of the reviews dated all the way back to 2008, and having almost killed offthe character, it had evolved into more elaborate reviews, sometimes basedaround specially written sketches.The snide, and somewhat sweary dissections into big-screen-shite becamean obsession throughout the summer, though it did boost my film knowledgeand some of the films he slated became firm favourites.Examples such as the 1989 feature length Nintendo ad “The Wizard”,starring Beau Bridges not long after appearing in “The Fabulous Baker Boys”and the TV adaptation of Stephen King’s “It” which I later found brought out thesame level of fear in people, as the end-of-game klaxon from Catchphrase did to me.Best of all, it helped me gain more confidence in starting conversations with others,who I found out were just as bigger fans of the Nostalgia Critic as I was.243

The Whitsun Bank Holiday weekend arrived and the first soul night took place at the Knotin Westgate on Sea where Theresa and the usual crowd were present.Toni, Theresa and Mr McSweeney.By now I had gotten into the habit of calling Theresa “Tiny”, after a drawing she had postedon Facebook of Tilly Tom and Tiny from the ITV (later CBeebies) puppet series “Tots TV”,which her daughter Jem had found from when she was little.I thought I resembled Tom because I wore glasses. Just to give a sense of perspective,here he is.244

Because of this, I started calling Theresa a “banana” whenever she did something silly,just like in the pre-school series itself.The night itself wasn’t too bad, but the following day in Margate felt crowdedand rather cliquey to a point.Save for an entertaining set by Jonny Layton, there were only so many timesyou could get down to Luther Vandross, or Driza Bone’s “Real Love”.I was beginning to realise that I needed to be very selective with my soul nights in future.Fair enough, most of the Thanet crowd love hearing the anthems played constantly,but there was more to it than that as I wasn’t too keen on the less than PC humourthat circulated around, even at times resorting to casual racism.Using the “Ch” word to describe a Chinese takeaway for example.It was really just a warm up for the August weekender which I would be attending,but as a whole I just wasn’t feeling it.245

Luckily the last Friday in May would provide some calm remedy at the Union Chapeland a much anticipated gig from Andreya Triana.Having met her at the Worldwide Awards earlier in the year, I had subsequentlydelved into her solo material including the album that inspired the name of this story“Lost Where I Belong” as released in 2010.And oh my, what a voice.However it was a newly issued song on Soundcloud that I was more excited to hear live,written for a friend who was going through a hard time, simply titled “Song For A Friend”.It was a big step up from the first album, and hearing it sung live in the nice surroundingsof the Union Chapel was even more special and poignant.“#You know you're never aloneWhen times are hard I'll hold you closeLet love heal you and I'll do the sameYou know I will be here at the end of the day”The gig as a whole give me a lot of buzz for my 150 th show that Sunday,and even bigger things were set to emerge that summer.246

Chapter 9: The Road To Ramsgate Begins2013 should have been a repeat of 2010, had I been paying too much attentionto the vacuous state of affairs on in the showbiz world, as depicted by the Brit Awardsand Comic Relief.I.E a mass celebration of shite and the ideology that Mumford and Sonsrepresent the peak of high quality entertainment.However despite still not finding a proper money earner, I was more than occupiedwith many different circles of different friends, whether they’d be those formerlyfrom university, the soul crowds in Thanet and Essex, the punk crowd in Canterbury,the CSR peeps, or my radio friends in London.It helped me to enjoy a balanced lifestyle and there was rarely a weekendwhere I wasn’t occupied.Not least the first in June where despite spending most of it in CanterburyI was excited as on the Sunday, I would be hosting my 150 th edition of Blam Jam,celebrating in the first hour with “The Best of the Belters”, followed byan hour of scatting and improvising, specially titled “Almost Instrumental”.It ended on a downbeat note with the playing of Andreya Triana’s latest releasethat I was still reeling from on the previous Friday at The Union Chapel.The show carried on throughout the summer, though with the departure ofJosh Thorne’s Jazz show at the end of June, I started adding more jazz to the runningorder, to fill the gap left in the schedule which as of writing is still yet to be filled.Home life was still fairly good, Maisie was still doing her best to find possible places inthe area that had supported living, though Charlotte and Kent Supported Employmenthad found a voluntary admin position at the Pilgrim’s Hospice in Canterbury.Since May I had been attending twice a week, to look after their scheduledappointments and photocopying duties.247

Unfortunately it turned out that they wanted far more from me than what I wascapable of, and through a phone call from Charlotte I found out that just a monthafter starting they had let me go.Why they didn’t want to tell me to my face was anyone’s guess, but there was barelyany sense of chemistry or communication with those I worked with wheneverI was present.In spite of that, I was furious at how it had been handled, as was Joe McDaniel,a tutor from Skillnet who through Alex at Kennedy Scott had recently beganworking with me on an employability course.This in turn was a very flexible course done casually and in locations such asa Costa or the Beaney library in Canterbury, where rather than me writing downthe answers to questions, Joe would sort of ghost-write what I was telling him.This helped him to identify what I found easy, and what was difficult for mein a working environment.Joe hailed from Florida and had lived in Whitstable for almost 20 yearswhilst retaining his rather delightful American accent, and I always looked forwardto his sessions.He was particularly interested in my radio work, especially what I was doingat Folded Wing, and thought that the planned bipolar project would be a greatplatform for one of the course modules that involved the student’s experiencein a work environment.Joe was especially excited as this was more adventurous than most of the otherclients he’d worked with who normally aimed towards retail based positions.248

It remained rather quiet on the soul front until midway through the monthwhen I made a joint visit to London and Canvey Island, where my first stopwas another signing at Soul Brother records, this time with Omar who had justreleased his new album “The Man”, his first for seven years.Both myself and “the man” got chatting, helped by the fact that we were bothborn in London and grew up in Canterbury.He also found it amusing that I could remember him performing“There’s Nothing Like This” on the BBC’s summer Saturday morning show“The 8:15 From Manchester”, especially when I said that the only redeemingpart of the Going Live! stand in was the theme tune, as performedby the Inspiral Carpets.It was only a little warm-up to the following Friday where I would see Omar performlive at the Jazz Café as part of what was to be a very chaotic weekend in the city.249

From there I headed over to Canvey for the summer Soul By The Jetty eventwith special guest and radio legend Jeff Young, the man who inaugurated Radio 1’sfirst dance music show.And oh my, he didn’t half give off a great set.It was enough to have me booking tickets for the August Jetty eventbut the hotel I normally stayed at in Canvey was all booked up, so I endedup sorting out one in Southend.Yet there would be far more soulful goings on the following weekend commencingon Friday with another radio tweet-up as organised by Emma Corsham.Not too far from her Leicester Square base, we were joined by the usual crowdincluding Ross Powell, and Steven McIntosh who himself had moved in with Emmaafter she got the job as one of Global Radio’s technology team assistants.250

I didn’t stay for too long as I had to make my way up to the Jazz Café for the Omar gig,but I would be seeing Emma in early July for the Radio Academy Summer Quizas Karen P had invited me to join her Folded Wing team.We were going to win this, though Emma may have been quietly plotting her tactics.Whilst everyone else that weekend was Glastonbury bound, I was headed forfar more pleasant surroundings in Hertfordshire, getting a tube to the furthest end ofthe Northern line for Summer Soulstice, an annual event in memory of a soul fanwho passed away at just 40 years old in 2006.The great thing about the event was that if you didn’t like what was going onat the main stage, you could always head over to the smaller marqueeswhere highlights included a soulful house set from Ginger Tony, and a superbjazz dance session from Ruth Fisher.And plenty of familiar faces were in attendance.My Essex soul friend Amanda DS.251

And from Herne Bay shores, Theresa B.Top soul spinner Ginger Tony. (Love the t-shirt)252

And also from Essex, the crazy Debi Horner.Whilst it was an amazing afternoon, it wasn’t a cure for my itchy feetas I returned to Central London that Saturday evening and another screeningof “The Room” where this time I sneaked my Zoom recorder into the cinemato record the audience reactions.I know it’s rather naughty to do so, but in no way was it an attempt to pirate the filmitself, not least because it was drowned by the constant heckling.And no matter how many times you see it in a cinema, there will always be a fewnew jibes, particularly towards the end, where as the main characters peeredover the dead body of Tommy Wiseau, some bloke in the audience yelled“BLOW JOB TIME!” and reduced me to tears of hysterics.After a stop over in a not so welcoming East London hostel, I was Romford boundon the Sunday for another of Sandra C’s Sunday soul sessions where a fair fewof those who had recovered from Soulstice managed to make it up East.253

It was also the first time I got to meet Sandra’s daughter Morgan who can be seenbelow with her mother and auntie Dawn.254

On arriving home I was knackered, but there was no time for any comedownas Friday would see me Herne Bay bound for a special gig by the Brand New Heavies,and the following Monday would see me back in London for the Radio AcademySummer Pub Quiz.The weather this summer had taken a 180 degree turn from the previous yearto the point that I walked all the way from Canterbury to Herne Bay that Fridayafternoon where by 5:15pm the Thanet soul crowd arrived, and were set for drinking.We did so at The Divers Arms, later moving to a pub nearer the venuewhere the Heavies were playing.As expected a few of us went up to grab some fish and chips from nearbyand with the sun setting and the booze flowing, it was the perfect Friday nightby the sea, and the gig hadn’t even started yet.We were all set to go, and I had even made a few new soul friends.255

On arrival at the Kings Hall, we were joined by Theresa who brought alongher daughter Jem and most of her mates who were genuinely nice guys.It was also the gig that saw the debut of my infamous “Soul Fan” which got a fair fewsnaps that night including a rather nice one below with Jem.256

The gig as a whole was amazing, save for the rather echoy venue, and new lead singerDawn Joseph showed a lot of promise, making her possibly the best Britishfemale vocalist the band have had in their line up.I would certainly be seeing them more times later in the year.Theresa would be seeing them even sooner at the “Love Supreme” festivalin Brighton, alongside other acts such as Jools Holland and Gregory Porter.I would have gone, but it would mean missing two radio shows in two consecutiveweeks, and I would be doing just that later in July with the Lounge festival now movedto the end of the month, directly before the Margate Soul Weekender.As always Blam Jam had entered it’s Summer Season and this turned out to be mymost enjoyable yet, having planned them in advance all the way back in January.Talk about obssesive compulsion.It still gave airing to new releases, namely the latest from Gregory Porterand quite a healthy selection of summer house offerings.257

I’d even brought back an old feature “The Summer Dub Dub” showcasing morecrazy reggae covers, though none of them were by UB40.There’s a difference between “crazy” reggae covers and “shit” reggae covers.I nearly didn’t make it on time for the show that Sunday as I was engulfed in theexcitement of what became Andy Murray’s tournament winning Men’s finalat Wimbledon which luckily finished half an hour before I was due on air.The 3 Students team, looked rather surprised when I revealed the newson arrival, having been in their own chaotic radio world beforehand.It was more than enough buzz for the following Monday as I would be headed upto London for the Radio Academy Summer Pub Quiz.Unfortunately Karen had been struck down by food poisioning afer a visit up Norththe previous weekend, but I was still determined we were going to win thiswith Jim Lister, Andrea Rangecroft and Pete Linney making up the team“Folded Win Or Lose, It’s The Taking Part That Counts, Unless We Win”258

Many familiar faces were present including Chris Chilvers who was on a team withClassic FM colleagues, Caroline Evans who I had previously met at Foot In The Door,and Sandy Warr who the previous Christmas ended up hosting the quiz herselfcovering for former Capital FM colleague Pat Sharp.On the basis that Pat Sharp found the idea of being in the audience for thelive TOWIE special more appealing than hosting a pub quiz.The host this time round showed up present and correct, that being Absolute Radio’safternoon presenter Andy Bush.The Folded Wing peeps were more than just grateful for my presence as I was ableto identify most of the audio in an “Identify The DJ and Station” round, especiallywhen recognising a 5 second clip of Chris Moyles on Aire FM in Leeds,because of one of the JAM jingles he was talking over.Being an anorak does pay off.We played our wild card in the “Guess The Year” round which we also stormed,but overall it wasn’t enough to win, with us coming 6 th out of 18, and even losingto both Chris and Emma’s respective teams.We didn’t do well on the raffle either, missing out on Elton John ticketsmuch to Sandie P’s disappointment, and Jim Lister’s delight.Overall it was a great night and good to see a few old faces, namely Chris Chilverswho was still living in Clapham with Phil, and Al.In fact I was getting a sense of their home town on television via a Channel 4Cutting Edge documentary looking at the inner goings on of “The Fried Chicken Shop”.Whilst the pilot was entertaining, I soon found out that it wasn’t the sort ofdocumentary that consituted a series, as proved on its return later in the yearwhere I realised that I just wanted to destroy my television in exasperation.If I want to see drunk and antisocial idiots, I could just go to Canterbury High Streeton a late night.259

It wasn’t helped by ditching Roots Manuva who narrated the pilot, in favour ofthe actor Vas Blackwood, who to be fair I guess, did star in a sitcom set a fast foodrestaurant, that being ITV’s early 90s children’s series Spatz .Back in Canterbury my positive thoughts were heightened further when I receivedan e-mail from Maisie at Kent County Council informing me that there wasthe possibility of moving into shared accomodation in Ramsgate.This was perfect.I had always wanted to live near the sea, and I would also be nearto my Thanet soul family.I sent an reply back immediately and sure enough, we had a visiting appointmentset for the last week of July, after the Lounge festival.Things gradually started to calm down before then with little in the way ofsoul outings, and a lot in the way of hilariously bad movies, whilst everyone elsein the bigger world went crazy over a baby being born.My trawl later expanded into those of vintage public information filmsand feature length ones at that.One of them I discovered via Edgar Wright who having released the third partof his “Cornetto” trilogy in the cinemas, revealed his 10 underrated movieson the Total Film website, with one of them being “Apaches” from 1977.This was a half hour long PIF broadcast in the more rural ITV regionsin the late 70s including Wright’s hometown of HTV West.Imagine a BBC “Look And Read” serial from the 80s, but acted even more badly.It was a hilarious (in retrospect) but at the same time disturbing dramainvolving six children who one by one got killed by farmyard accidentswith not one adult even bothering to stop them let alone batting an eyelid.260

The flaws were picked up on by internet reviewer Guru Larry who back in 2010had reviewed the film on his Youtube channel in what has to be the funniestonline review I have seen, period.The laughs from “Apaches” were an ideal warm up for the Lounge On The Farmweekend, where hopefully far less dangerous incidents would be taking place.As I had a fair bit of time on my hands I opted to help the tech team set up on theThursday along with sports presenters Hanna and Will.James Stokell and a returning Chris Roberts were on hand to look after the technicalstuff, though Ciarran would be overseeing the stage set ups on site and actuallygetting some bob for the weekend, the lucky beggar.We were also joined by Harriet who wasn’t a member of CSR as such,but lived in Canterbury and was on holiday from the second yearof a course in Warwick.Her vast experience at their station RAW 1251, was exciting enough for Melto get her on board.Harriet on site.261

This year our main studio would be in a campervan donated specially to CSR FMand we also had a lorry hired out for editing and production tasks.Most exciting of all our base would be near a funfair, giving us plenty of ideasfor on air stunts.Head of O/Bs James Stokell and co-presenter/stage photographer Helen Dann.262

Day 1 proper of Lounge commenced early at Canterbury East stationwhere James Waters got a cab for myself, Dan Gibson, Jack Claramunt(and other members of the production team whose names escape me)to Merton Farm.It was there that we met up with station manager Jon Easton,CSR veteran Andrew Venning and his co-host Ronni, Con Mendez, Head of WeekendsMatt Gray, and Mel Lewis on what would be her final event at CSR.It gave myself and Dan the idea to do a “This Is Your Life” surprise for Melon her show that evening with Harriet, and looking for any opportunityto produce audio inserts, we recorded interviews with the rest of the teamfor Mel to identify.Unfortunately we couldn’t get hold of her long-term partner Ryan who himselfhad departed from the station earlier in July and was probably still recoveringfrom graduation comedown.That said, it was a brilliant surprise and co-presenter Harriet was very slickthroughout it all, even checking the inserts before they went out live.Plenty of other chaotic goings on took place that weekend such as this;In the red, with Rob and Helen.263

My baby sister shows up.“Turned out nice again”264

Jack and Cornelius taking care of the Acoustic HidewayManning the knobs and knockers of the campervan.265

Nat braves the heavy showers.Saturday was mainly spent at the comedy tent, and towards the end it startedbucketing down with rain, more so than all three days of last years’ festival.Though nothing could prepare me, and one James Waters for the hilaritythat was to befall (literally) on Day 3.After a succesfull show hosted by James and Dan with me producing,we decided to celebrate in the Farmhouse tent with a few farewell drinks with Mel.266

I’d drunken quite a few pints of the blackcurrant cider by this stageand after accidentally knocking one of them over, I rushed up to grab somekitchen roll, only to slip up and fall over to the ground in a mannernot too disimilar to Miranda Hart.Both James, and Dan were in hysterics, and Mel was essentially trying to figure outwhat on earth was going on.All I knew was that she was moving on to a far professional place.I don’t have any photos of the fall itself, but the one below should sum up the mood.It was just a taster as to what Mel would be missing.267

I made it up to Mel later, by letting her wear my jacket in the rather coldweather that night.This had to be my favourite Lounge broadcast to date at CSR as unlike the year beforeI felt I fitted in with everyone and could find common ground with almostall the station members.Certainly on the outing to the comedy tent, with all of us in stitchesat Richard Herring’s set.Other long-standing members were worried that things were changingwith Mel’s departure and that the management behind the sceneswas becoming rather slack as a result.That aside I had never felt more confident within the station.Dennison Packer who was with us overseeing the broadcast would fill Mel’s spacetemporarily, until a “new Mel” was hired at the end of 2013.268

As for the festival as a whole, the turn out was more sparse compared toprevious years but the bands were on fine form, with personal highlightsincluding Jessie Ware, Seasick Steve and Aswad.Though Soul II Soul who headlined the final night weren’t quite as gooddue to a horrible clash of live instruments and vocals over the orginal backing tracks.After recovering from the rural goings on, I sent an e-mail to Folded Wing aboutmy bipolar audio piece, asking if it would be possible to have a meetingto discuss the project and how the staff wanted it to evolve.It felt a lot more convienient to do so that way, rather than to go straightinto the studio and end up with a rush-job.I received an e-mail in return from Jim Lister saying that it would be possiblebut not until early September as producer Ian Parkinson was on holiday.It fitted in nicely however and I would be able to build up to it throughout August,with Karen asking if I wanted to go for a coffee afterwards on the day itself.A date was set for September the third, and with the Margate Soul Weekendgetting closer, I was more than just an excitable so and so.This year I would be staying for the whole hog, having booked myself into thecheapest hotel I could find for three nights, The Glenwood near Cliftonville,which I gave a second chance after being woken by the fire alarm on a stay therethe previous winter.And with an amazing live up of live bands including Geordie soulboysSmoove and Turrell, 80s veterans Loose Ends, funky newcomers The Doggett Brothersand the incredible Bah Samba providing sun soaked soul and jazz fusion.269

I arrived on the Friday and by that evening the Thanet soul family was presentin full postive force.Clockwise from left, Alison, Toni S, Carolyn, John, Lee Aitch, Theresa B, and Blamirez.It was going to be a weekend full of amazing tunes, bright weather, lots of booze,and one or two pepperoni passions.And a few stained t-shirts and dresses with myself and Theresa playing victimto the seagulls of Margate by crapping on our respective clothes.Me seeing the fun side, started singing “We’re Up All Night To Get Mucky!”a fair few times that first night.270

I made sure to take great advantage of the many bases and DJ sets and got things offto a flying start with Jonny and Messy, Jonny in particular had taken to thefancy microphones.I also made my first visit to the Lighthouse bar where Fitzroy Da Buzzboy wasspinning some equally amazing rhythms, with his trademark headphone…271

Throught the weekend, my aim was to get as many photos with my soul fan,particularly with the impressive line up of live bands set to hit the Margate plaza.It turned out to be more succesful than I thought,Smoove, off of Smoove and Turrell. They were energetic.The lovely and talented Doggett Brothers.272

The Dogget’s vocalist Katie Leone.My lovely Canvey companion Amanda DS.273

Bah Samba’s Yasmine.And Loose Ends’ Kyra even borrowed the “Soul Fan” for one of their songs!274

The live bands themselves, certainly a cut above the sub-standard stage performancesfor the year before, and Zero Radio as hosts certainly gave the event more energyeven if it meant multiple spinnings of the year’s anthem, a nifty but overplayed remixof Dionne Warwick’s “Walk On By”.It didn’t get in the way of the standout DJ sets including Frenchie’s amazing soulfulhouse sessions at the Rokka, Fitzroy digging out some vintage Leroy Burgess, andmodern day Noel McKoy, whose song “Love Is The Key” caused me to startscreaming hysterically on hearing it played at the Lighthouse.Jonny Layton meanwhile had attempted to create his own anthem with anotherveteran vocalist Johnny Mathis, and a remix of a disco offering of his,“Gone Gone Gone”.On the subject of DJs, I was rather flattered to meet some radio legends includingformer 1Xtra R&B disc spinner, Ronnie Herel;275

And a return appearance for the Soul Spectrum stalwart, Greg Edwards.Overall, an enjoyable weekend, even if it meant waiting until Monday to find outthat Peter Capaldi would be the next actor to take on the role of Doctor Who.By then, I was utterly knackered, but fully determined that I would returnto Margate the following year.In fact there was a very good chance I would be moving to the area permanatleyas around the same time, I had made my visit to a shared house in Ramsgatewith Mum and Maisie for Kent County Council’s housing department.The house was occupied by three people, with a room going and withimmediate effect, I sent off an application to be considered by the MCCHhousing board on their monthly meeting.All they really needed to check was that I wasn’t earning an immense amountof money that was enough to buy my own house.276

The majority of August involved quite a waiting game, though it was lightened upby another big event, and the second family wedding within a year, this time myelder cousin Kristopher who was marrying Mary in a village just outside Croydon.All of those from Dad’s extended family would be in attendance except Grandma,and recently wed Andrew and Rachel as they were expecting a new arrival.Andrew’s parents Joan and Steve, and brother Michael would be stopping over inCanterbury, and Olly’s friend Lauren from New Jersey who was visiting the UK againwas also invited.This would be a more traditional wedding in a church, much to my disdain, not leastbecause Kate was torturing us by singing lines from hymns that seemingly she enjoyedsinging in primary school, but the rest of us despised.Oil in lamps, needing neighbours, I thought I had erased that shite from my mindsetpermanently.Thankfully the service itself went by fairly quickly, and much longer was spent takingphotos including the one below;From left, Kate, Dad, Olly, me, and Lauren.277

The reception was rather fun as well, not least with a magician providingentertainment with the punters, where having had a few drinks, I was morethan surprised at minature bottles and pound notes emerging from myshirt pockets.The couple’s first dance was to “Can You Feel The Love Tonight” by Elton John,which provided a few laughs, and I think Kris and Mary saw the funny sidefrom the beginning.As the tunes got more uptempo with One Direction, and Robin Thicke, myself Kate,Olly and Lauren indulged in our own brand of “sit-down dancing”…We didn’t stay for too long thank goodness, and I wasn’t too hungover the next dayto present what would be my last Summer Special of the year, due to beingin Romford next week for Sandra C’s bank holiday soul session at the Victoria.Add to that another visit to “The Room” in Leicester Square, where this timeI was joined by Jake, the guitarist from the Half Wits.278

More good news emerged not long after as I was invited back to visit the housein Ramsgate the day after the August bank holiday where the application hadgone through and I was asked if I wanted to move into the house permanatley.I said yes with no hesitation, and as soon as we got home, Mum and Dadordered an internet wi-fi package from TalkTalk.The engineers earliest arrival date would be on the 17 th of September,so we finalised my moving in date of Saturday the 28 th of the same month.All of us were happy, I would be finally be moving out of my parents house,and living very close to the sea.That’s not to say I wasn’t occupied as later on that very day I made a visitto New Broadcasting House to meet an assistant producer at BBC Radio 1for a coffee (I mean water) and words of radio advice and encouragement.Very useful words, as that the same man ended up being listed onthe Radio Academy’s 30 Under 30 for 2013 later that month.The building itself was amazing and going down the lift whilst George Alagiahwas reading the 6 O’Clock News on BBC 1 at the same time was quite exciting.I even bumped into an old friend from uni, the very talented Amy Fitzgibbonwho was in the year below me on my radio course and now working forBBC London 94.9 after a few spells at BBC Radio 4.I was particularly humbled when she told me I’d lost weight, though to be fairshe did start uni when I was intoxicated on the dreaded Olanzapene drug.The dreaded drug that takes away all optimism, and replaces it with layerupon layer of fat.That weekend I would be awaiting my visit to the Wing, by heading overto Faversham and Southend.279

Faversham being home to the annual beer festival where I met up with Josh,his wife Victoria, Jon and his wife Claire and a few old friends from collegefor some boozing and vegetarian laden picnicing.Which in my case was just a few slices of baguette and Smirnoff Ices.I didn’t stay for long as I was bound for Canvey Island and the Soul By The Jettybeach party where the usual crowd of attendees and all round nice guys were present.280

It was also nice staying in Southend, such a lovely place in bright weather and it feltnice walking down the main high street early that Sunday morning to get the trainhome to Canterbury.I was back on the radio later on that afternoon, and would be staying at CSRafter my move even if it did mean getting the train from Ramsgate.I would be presenting from Studio Red on the UKC campus from October,as it was closer the train station, and I would be able to prepare for my showwithout interference, as opposed to directly following the 3 Students showwho presented from Studio Blue.By now James Stokell had got a permanent job at Smooth Radio leaving Ciarranto man the helm of the show with Helen and Kara.Chris Roberts was also present that Sunday afternoon, where we shared a few laughsover the film “Sharknado” that had caused hilarity over the summer.Tuesday the 3 rd finally arrived and I was London bound to Folded Wing for to discussthe anticipated plans for my bipolar podcast.As always I was nervous, but the train journey was lightened up by bumping intononethother than Chris from CSR once again, who was commuting from Canterburyto a rather short shift tech-opping at BBC Radio 1.Not least by further conversations about dreadful “Mockbusters” and a chat aboutthe “Apaches” film that was still providing hilarity.It lead to further discussions on scary PIFs that Chris had been introducedto at a mate’s birthday party, who shared a similar sense of nostalgic humour.281

On arrival in Clerkenwell I was once again welcomed in by Sandie and it wasa full house at Folded Wing with even Jim Lister and Ian Parkinson in presence.Not least as it was those two who I would be in discussion with and surprisinglythere wasn’t a lot they wanted to change to the script of my bipolar podcast,despite me asking them many times.Which was good, as it meant they liked what I had done and were open to any furthersuggestions, and one of them, was the bold suggestion of wanting to bring a realair horn into the studio on the day itself, for one of the fantasy sequences.During my stay in hospital when sectioned, my biggest fears would continuouslyhaunt me, and having an air horn in the same room would help me recreatethe anxiety but Karen would be with me at the same time to help me stay calm.Though she also admitted to being scared of air horns herself!Ian being a keen cyclist happened to own an air horn, but was happy for meto bring my own in, as I wanted to be in full control, observing whoever set it off.It was going to be quite a therapuetic experience, but Ian, Karen, and studio producerMicky Curling would be there on the day to help it all flow, and were convincedit was going to be a special piece of radio.I certainly didn’t take for granted that all of them were the very bestwhen it came to making outstanding audio and visual content for radio itself.All that was needed now was a set date, and with the Radio Festival coming upin October we decided to find a date around then.I would be in attendance for the whole event this year, so we initally arrangedfor the first week of October, a week after I had moved into my new home.The date later ended up being postponed due to other commitmentswithin the team, but October as a whole was solid.282

I then went out for coffee with Karen but not before giving her a presentthat I had meant to give to her on the night of the Radio Academy pub quiz,and what may be the most meaningful present I have given her.All of us were happy, I would be moving to a new home, both myself and Karen wouldbe attending the Radio Festival in October, and we would finally be getting my audioproject off the ground.I was pleased that Karen and the team were encouraging of my upcoming moveas Folded Wing as a whole had helped me to develop a more defined idea ofnot just what I wanted to do in radio, but how I went through life as a whole,communicated with others, and opened up emotionally if I felt the need to do so.As for radio goings on back in Canterbury, my work was fully cut out, andwith the Freshers period approaching, further changes were afoot at CSR.283

Not least as the man who gave my show the green light back in 2009,Andrew Venning having stayed involved on and off since finshing uni in 2011,was moving to London to start training as a teacher and had a farewell drinking doat the Dophin, the very pub where my show got the green light.Joining us were his current co-presenter Ronni who would continue their showwith fellow long-standing presenter Peter White and a lecturer from Christ Churchwho I got into quite deep conversation with about Gregory Porter,and the Apaches film.I found out that he also remembered an even more horrific film from the same erashown on television in the late 70s, “The Finishing Line” which was basedon a school sports day taking place at a railway line.It ended up being banned not long after it’s first screening, and having seen it myselfI can only describe it as “We Are The Champions: Extreme”.Search for it on Youtube if you’re brave enough, though it does have a fewamusing moments, through similar writing flaws to Apaches.I was also stepping in for absent presenters over my last few weekends in Canterburyincluding one for Gavin Blunt which was quite exciting, adding a bit of funand irreverence to his already established Morning Mix.Which from the following week onwards became “The Afternoon Alternative”after James Waters moved back to early mornings yet again, following anawkward year on afternoons, many of them I stood in for.The final weekend in Canterbury arrived, and I spent most of it helping outwith the Freshers arrival broadcasts on both the University Of Kentand at Christ Church.284

One particular highlight came from the Christ Church broadcast in the ratherplush Augustine building, which was invaded by the CCCU freshers flashmobwho did a large scale dance to Icona Pop’s “I Love It” (the uncut version!)which could knock the formation dances at a Caister weekender out for six.Later on that week and just two days before my move, I attended a comedy nightat the University of Kent organised and compered by CSR’s Con Mendez.Any signs of pre-move nerves were non-existent, and I was here have a good laugh.285

I arrived early enough to be on the front row with the rest of the team,but on the downside I was the number one target for the acts performing that evening.One of them being “children’s magician” El Baldinho who also comperedthe KIC Awards back in May.This gag was one particular highlight…“I’m actually part of a magic double act, but unfortunately we got too closeand after a while ended up having sex with each other.And she won’t come out of her hutch now…”I later found out that the same man many years ago used to run the Faversham YouthCentre, and I remembered him from when he used to visit my secondary schoolto give talks on drugs.This certainly wasn’t a radio goodbye, as apart from an absence that coming weekenddue to a attending a gig in Maidstone, I would still be ruling the Sunday nightairwaves on CSR.286

Save for a few teething issues with Talk Talk, my Dad’s lack of patience when dealingwith mistakes, and a few issues with carpeting, we were all sorted by the28 th of September for the big move.Well not really a move, but a mass shopping expedition to buy a lot of new stuff,including a desk, some shelves, and a flatscreen Smart TV with a wall brackett.The wall brackett took about a month to set up properly due to purchasing the wrongscrews, but the shelves were fully set up on the day itself, and became the new homeof some old friends!I was finally in my own space, and very close to the sea, so if anything got too muchto handle at home, I could just make my way over to the nearby shores and breathe inthe sea air.Just when things couldn’t get any more settled in, I recived an e-mail on the Mondayfrom Jim Lister confirming that it would be the 24 th of October when I would be finallyrecording the audio for my bipolar podcast at Folded Wing.287

Karen, Ian and Mickey would be there for the day, but unfortunately Jim himselfin his recurring habit, would be on holiday that week.I’d be seeing him in Manchester at the Radio Festival however.And if that wasn’t enough to help me settle in, I received a lovely housewarming cardfrom Karen, bought on a visit to Whitstable inspired by her favourite(and my second favourite) story.Mum and Dad didn’t think much of it however. They had long despised the story of the seagull.The lovely note inside said that the red seagull was me moving to my new home.I’d finally managed to start living life of my own independence, not quite the brightlights of my birthplace, but a very comforting place, able to enjoy my favouriteluxuries near the sea, and within easy reach of Canterbury and London itself.I would be visiting those places a lot over the coming months, and although it felt likethe end of a long wait, it was really the beginning of something even more special.Just as I had started to get over the adventure I didn’t know I’d had over four years,another one was building, filled with excitement, energy, passion, and warmth.288