It's not her fault you can't get - Focus on Women Magazine

New Year’s ResolutionsThat Work!By Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, MSWIt’s holiday time ofyear again whenthoughts turn to shopping,giving, partyingand—yes—makingNew Years’ resolutions. Evenif a person doesn’t want tomake them, reminders aboutresolutions are on the Internet,talk shows, the news andmagazines. Unfortunately,these reminders highlightlast year’s broken promisesand the reality of breakingthe same or new ones thiscoming year.Many people avoid makingthem and secretly areashamed of their previousfailure. Jeanie, a teac<strong>her</strong>,summed up the feelings perfectly:“It’s like starting theNew Year already defeated.”The following guide tomaking resolutions that workcan’t guarantee success, butit can lay the groundwork forchanging old habits.Start SmallOne of the major problemswith resolutions is that thefreshness of the New Yearoften propels people to thinktoo big. It’s easy to <strong>get</strong> sweptup into the appeal of a cleanslate and make big promisesto change old habits such asquitting cigarettes or wakingup earlier.Janet, a free-lance writer,got caught up in false hopesby vowing to wake up beforesix-thirty every morning. Bythe third day, she had broken<strong>her</strong> promise twice. A wiserplan would have been to goto bed earlier once a week,plan to wake up earlier thenext morning and then addmore days slowly a week at atime.Don’t take on too manyresolutions at once. Janetthought she could both wakeup earlier and then run twomiles.Expect the InevitableDiscomfort & Anxiety ThatAccompany ChangeOne of the mixed blessingsabout being human is theability to manage pain, insecurities,anxieties and ot<strong>her</strong>problems through behaviorsthat work well enough. Forexample, eating may <strong>not</strong>be the best way to soothefeelings, but it works wellenough so that giving up oldeating habits then becomesat least as difficult as continuingto eat unwisely.In general, behaviors thatare biologically-based are themost troublesome to modify.These behaviors includeactions that involve angerand aggression and all thepleasure-inducing activitiessuch as sex, gambling, drinking,eating and shopping.Not surprisingly, becausepeople are prone to excessesin these areas, promises tochange these tendenciesmake up the bulk of NewYears resolutions.It takes tremendous willpower to alter dishearteninghabits. As a result, manypeople fool themselves intothinking that the beginningof a New Year is a potentenough motivator. Suchhopes result in global andbittersweet resolutions thatare doomed to fail. A typicallist of these resolutionsincludes:• I promise <strong>not</strong> to hidemy purchases from myhusband.• I promise <strong>not</strong> to eat candyand junk food while drivingalone.• I promise to fit into myhigh school clothes.• I promise <strong>not</strong> to <strong>get</strong> upsetany more with my pet,family and colleagues.• I promise <strong>not</strong> to be sexuallyturned on by lookingat ot<strong>her</strong> people.• I promise <strong>not</strong> to lie to mypartner—at least <strong>not</strong> biglies.• I promise <strong>not</strong> to fudge mywork at my job—at least<strong>not</strong> big fudges.• I promise to stop cheatingon my partner.• I promise <strong>not</strong> to lie aboutdents in the car.• I promise <strong>not</strong> to carry abalance on my credit card.• I promise <strong>not</strong> to buy thingsI don’t really need—whateverthat means.Making resolutions thataddress these issues, however,is often the most importantdecision. Aim smallFor Women, To Women, About Women