July 3, 2009 - The Austin Chronicle
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July 3, 2009 - The Austin Chronicle

July 3, 2009 - The Austin Chronicle July 3, 2009 - The Austin Chronicle

austinchronicle.com
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ARTS THE ARTSBOOKSSTYLEafter a fashion BY STEPHEN MACM ILLAN MOS ERHOW INCONSIDERATE OF YOU, MICHAELJACKSON It doesn’t matter what I planned towrite about, because this Michael Jacksonthing has blown everything else out of thewater, off the Web, and off the airwaves. Why,oh, why did the King of Schlock have todie the same day as Texas’ own little angelFarrah Fawcett? Darling Farrah. Everyonewho reads this column knows of my enduringlove for her, so I’m just not going to belaborthat point. I already wrote about my friendsGail Chovan and Nina Seely throwing theFarrah tribute recently, and recently rewroteabout my charming experience with her atthe Austin Film Society’s Texas FilmHall of Fame 2003, for which I had chosenher tribute clips. The thing is that we knewFarrah was in bad shape and frankly knewshe could die at any time. That makes herdeath no less of a loss to us. The morningshe died, every news outlet was focused onher, and there were many lovely tributes (preparedin advance, no doubt) throughout thenext couple of hours. Word has it that whenFarrah Fawcett arrived in Heaven, God wassuch a big fan he decided to grant her onewish. She asked that all the children in theworld could be safe. So God killed MichaelJackson. (Thank you, www.popbitch.com.) Andthen? Damn. The firestorm of media coveragebegan – and it’s not true that SouthCarolina’s luv guv, Mark Sanford, wascaught dancing around in a thong wearing aCharlie’s Angels T-shirt and a single whiteglove. But it’s just like MJ to outshine therest. He and I were both essentially thesame age, and MJ was a star most of mylife. Hated him at first (I was way too cool forthe Jackson 5). Loved him for the Off theWall and Thriller albums and realized whatan amazing talent he was at about the sametime it dawned on me what a freak he was.With the PR machine sizzling in overdrive, weread all about him (falsely) bidding on thebones of the Elephant Man and sleepingin a hyperbaric chamber. Please. That wouldmake anyone crazy. But crazy he was, and asthe news is reporting, apparently alcoholicand imbibing a pharmacopoeia of drugs everyday. We all know about the scandals, trials,and tribulations of this, um … role modeland icon, but it was a surprise when he died.I rapidly became bored with all the hooplaand waited for the jokes. It began with wagssaying that reports of Michael Jackson havinga heart attack are incorrect and that hewas found in the children’s ward just havinga stroke. That night Jimmy Kimmel said thatMJ started out as a black person that whitepeople could relate to and that he ended upbeing a white person that black people couldrelate to. The joke fell flat. The New YorkDaily News skewered Kimmel by asking, “Is ittoo soon for jokes?” Nonsense! I rememberthe day after Gianni Versace was murdered,and a friend came up to me and said, “Knock,knock.” “Who’s there?” I answered. “Versace,”he said. “Versace who?” I asked. “Tsk, tsk.See how the fashion world is?” So, I say,let the jokes roll in. PopBitch.com has atreasure trove of them. It was funny seeingthe grieving fans clustered around MichaelJackson’s star on Hollywood Boulevard– except the star was not dedicated tothe Queen of Plastic Surgery but to alocal L.A. radio personality named MichaelJackson. The Queen’s star was covered upby some construction work. The next morning,Women’s Wear Daily wrote about hiseffect on fashion, without ignoring some ofhis more, uh, exotic predilections. One WWDonline poster began the shrill retorts by posting:“Who ever wrote this article should beashamed of themselves. Broke haters arethe new black. I want my money back fromthis site ASAP! RIP MJ … the greatest ofall time, inside and out!” How can anyoneargue with that? The authoritative CelineDion likened it to the widespread grief afterthe Kennedy assassination (an event thatoccurred before the Canadian chanteuse waseven born). Poor Madonna can’t stop crying,and even Cher said, “I’m having a million differentreactions I didn’t expect I would feel.”How can she tell? Remember. It’s not theheat; it’s the stupidity.GARY MILLERTanorexic celebutard Lauren Conradat her booksigning at BookPeople.They come and go, don’t they?Write to our Style Avatar with your related events,news, and hautey bits: style@austinchronicle.com orPO Box 49066, Austin, 78765 or 458-6910 (fax).Sexy Shoes • Hosiery • ClubWear • Sexy Lingerie • DanceWear • Bachelorette Supplies •Specialty Adult Toys and Gifts2005 South Lamar512.441.7370815 W. 47th StreetAt The Triangle512.467.7370Monday–Saturday: 11am–7pmSunday: 12–6pmSummer Sale30% OFfSelected Styles fromover 20 brandsincluding ...CLOTHING ACCESSORIES GIFTS32 T H E A U S T I N C H R O N I C L E JULY 3, 2009 a u s t i n c h r o n i c l e . c o maravel Shoes5501 BURNET RD.karavelshoes.com512.454.8095

Bling CherriesApproved by theDiamondSurgeon GeneralFOURTH of JulyS HOEsaleselected styles20-50% Offwww.franzettijewelers.com10-6 Monday-Saturday, Noon-5 SundayAnderson Lane & Burnet RoadAcross from Northcross Mall • 323-0554www.shoeboxesaustin.comCHRONIQUE ON PANTZ:“They comprise two tiny strips of cloth conjoined in an area that could only bedescribed as a ‘taint patch.’Yes, it’s classy with a K.”– ANDY CAMPBELLaustinchronicle.com/chronicYOU ARE HEREFIND YOURSEXY SIDE2100 S LAMAR@ OLTORFSOUTH AUSTIN326-9999600 E BEN WHITE@ IH-35SOUTH AUSTIN383-061114106 N IH-35@ OWEN TECHNORTH AUSTIN670-7444a u s t i n c h r o n i c l e . c o m JULY 3, 2009 T H E A U S T I N C H R O N I C L E 33

Bling CherriesApproved by theDiamondSurgeon GeneralFOURTH of <strong>July</strong>S HOEsaleselected styles20-50% Offwww.franzettijewelers.com10-6 Monday-Saturday, Noon-5 SundayAnderson Lane & Burnet RoadAcross from Northcross Mall • 323-0554www.shoeboxesaustin.comCHRONIQUE ON PANTZ:“<strong>The</strong>y comprise two tiny strips of cloth conjoined in an area that could only bedescribed as a ‘taint patch.’Yes, it’s classy with a K.”– ANDY CAMPBELLaustinchronicle.com/chronicYOU ARE HEREFIND YOURSEXY SIDE2100 S LAMAR@ OLTORFSOUTH AUSTIN326-9999600 E BEN WHITE@ IH-35SOUTH AUSTIN383-061114106 N IH-35@ OWEN TECHNORTH AUSTIN670-7444a u s t i n c h r o n i c l e . c o m JULY 3, <strong>2009</strong> T H E A U S T I N C H R O N I C L E 33

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