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More oxford books @ www.OxfordeBook.comFore more urdu books visit www.4Urdu.comLOVE IS EXCEPTION MAKING 239repaid you for this greatest of gifts [Atlas Shrugged] with hurt and disappointment.Do me, if you wish, the courtesy of understanding that myself-condemnation is ceaseless.” 59 Efron’s expulsion was accompaniedby a notice in The Objectivist, a harbinger of splits to come.As Murray Rothbard knew, trials had a long pedigree in Objectivistsociety. They took on new importance as Nathan and Ayn’s relationshipcrumbled. Trials were a way for Nathan to reassure Ayn of his dedicationto Objectivism. They were also one of the few ways they could again actas one. Barbara Branden remembered that both Rand and her husbandplayed a pivotal role: “She more than went along. She approved. ButNathan was the instigator of those terrible sessions.” 60 Fearing he or shemight be next, no one in the Collective dared to question the judgmentsbeing meted out.Through all the purges and breaks, Rand was suffering as much as anyone.During 1967 her relationship with Nathan became purely therapeutic,as he continued to seek her help for his sexual problems. Nathanclaimed that he still loved her and wanted to resume an affair with her;he simply couldn’t. Four years into his clandestine affair with Patreciahe claimed to be asexual, unattracted even to desirable eighteen-yearolds,practically a celibate. Rand, for her part, was now reluctant to takeNathan back. His behavior was too confusing, his indifference too hurtful.She plied him with questions: Was she too old for him? Should theycall the whole thing off ? Convinced that Rand would disown him anddestroy NBI if he rejected her explicitly, Nathan professed his love. Thetwo considered every option to help him. Maybe an affair would helprejuvenate him sexually, they wondered. Rand vacillated on this point,telling him at one point that she could tolerate him taking another lover,then saying it was unacceptable. Nathan vacillated too. One day he talkedof Rand as his ideal woman, the next he described a future in which hehad a spiritual and sexual relationship with her yet lived his daily life inpartnership with a woman of his own age. Patrecia came up frequently,but Nathan denied having romantic feelings for her.Their discussions were incomprehensible to Rand on any level, butshe knew something was terribly wrong. Nathan, once remarkably rationaland clear in his conversations with her, was like a different person.