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More oxford books @ www.OxfordeBook.comFore more urdu books visit www.4Urdu.com132FROM NOVELIST TO PHILOSOPHER, 1944–1957their break she could no longer retain respect for Paterson, downgradingher to a second-rate novelist rather than an important thinker. 85Her changed estimate of Paterson changed Rand’s own understandingof herself. If Paterson had not been so brilliant after all, then Randhad done most of her thinking alone. Erasing Paterson’s contributionmade Rand into the completely autonomous heroine of her own personalnarrative. She would come to believe that her individual effort hadsolely shaped her ideas and driven her work, excluding her participationin the intellectual world that Paterson represented.Personal relationships had always been troublesome for Rand. As sheconfessed to Paterson shortly after arriving in California, “I get furiouslynervous every time I have to go out and meet somebody.” Part of theproblem was simply communicating her views to others. Rand found itdifficult to be understood, no matter how long the letters she wrote.“I strongly suspect that we are not discussing the same theory or thesame problem,” she told Paterson as their relationship unraveled. Thesame gap in understanding had plagued her correspondence with Laneand shaped her reactions to Hayek, Friedman, and Read. 86The hope of building meaningful political alliances had compelledRand to overcome her natural shyness and reach out to others. Butafter years of effort she began to wonder if it was all worth it. She hadfirst been drawn to libertarianism because it broadened her perspectiveon the individualist themes that powered her writing. Her contactwith Paterson and others had helped her move beyond the narrowNietzscheanism that defined her early work. Now, more confident inher ideas, Rand was no longer looking for teachers, but for students.