The Art of Happiness

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our interview, the Dalai Lama asked, “You knowthis week I’ve been meeting with thesescientists?”“Yes ...”“Something came up this week which I foundvery surprising. This concept of ‘self-hatred.’You are familiar with that concept?”“Definitely. A fair proportion of my patientssuffer from it.”“When these people were speaking about it,at first I wasn’t certain if I was understanding theconcept correctly,” he laughed. “I thought, ‘Ofcourse we love ourselves! How can a personhate himself or herself?’ Although I thought that Ihad some understanding about how the mindworks, this idea of hating oneself was completelynew to me. The reason why I found it quiteunbelievable is that practicing Buddhists work
very hard trying to overcome our self-centeredattitude, our selfish thoughts and motives. Fromthis viewpoint I think we love and cherishourselves too much. So to think of the possibilityof someone not cherishing oneself, and evenhating oneself, was quite, quite unbelievable. As apsychiatrist, can you explain this concept for me,how it occurs?”I briefly described for him the psychologicalview of how self-hatred arises. I explained howour self-image is shaped by our parents andupbringing, how we pick up implicit messagesabout ourselves from them as we grow anddevelop, and I outlined the specific conditionsthat create a negative self-image. I went on todetail the factors that exacerbate self-hatred,such as when our behavior fails to live up to ouridealized self-image, and described some of the
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Table of ContentsTitle PageCopyrigh
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Chapter 8 - FACING SUFFERINGChapter
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RIVERHEAD BOOKSPublished by the Pen
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simultaneously in CanadaThe excerpt
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Dedicated to the Reader:May you fin
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of the book. Those who have read th
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as a growing body of scientific evi
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with respect to one’s own mental
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disposal of each of us. Given these
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new book so that others can share i
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THE BEGINNINGA full decade has now
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esult of the brutal invasion of Tib
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PUBLICATIONI vividly recall the mee
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egister his response.Looking a bit
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only minutes for the Dalai Lama to
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ooks by the Dalai Lama held no appe
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UNEXPECTED SUCCESSThat was ten year
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conditions of our lives finally fal
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popular subjects for research. Alth
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Seligman teamed up with another bri
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THE BENEFITS OF HAPPINESSOne of the
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directly related to one’s level o
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more systematic and direct way. The
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happiness that combines the best of
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disciples not to blindly accept his
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consistently supported the views ex
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KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ANDTHE PURSUI
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compassion makes people happier—o
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THE FUTURE OF THE ART OFHAPPINESSFo
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hatred, poverty—the list is long.
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AUTHOR’S NOTEIn this book, extens
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inadvertent distortions of the Dala
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throng of local reporters, photogra
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can leave the differences aside, I
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penetrating intelligence, but witho
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long pause and reflection, he simpl
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modes of analysis is a very strong
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across human behaviors that on the
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with: for instance, it does not acc
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hope is based on the belief that wh
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times chosen to omit portions of th
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Chapter 1THE RIGHT TO HAPPINESSI be
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goal. As a psychiatrist, however, I
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meaning, closer to’psyche’ or
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with a look of excitement and pleas
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unhappy people who tend to be most
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lives. Suppose, for instance, we’
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Chapter 2THE SOURCES OF HAPPINESSTw
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friend of the same age who found ou
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everyday life ; a pay raise, a new
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happiness—and the verdict is stil
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to be dissatisfied with our income
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at Buffalo, subjects were asked to
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we need a circle of friends with wh
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joy or fulfillment that you are see
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INNER CONTENTMENTCrossing the hotel
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one’s essential needs of food, cl
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gives you a immediate feeling of sa
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So, how can we achieve inner conten
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innocent passing remark such as,
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have been very difficult. While I w
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person will suffer because there is
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speaking to an Indian audience at R
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had visited that town many times an
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Everyday we are faced with numerous
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or twentieth-century scientists to
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defined by the Dalai Lama, that is
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THE PATH TO HAPPINESSIn identifying
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very bad and harmful to one persona
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important.“Now, we have spoken of
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might have a better definition of a
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MENTAL DISCIPLINEAs he spoke, I fou
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ody ; you need a variety of vitamin
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Buddhist practices are very helpful
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effect on the deeper mind. No hatre
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allowing electrical signals to trav
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ETHICAL DISCIPLINEIn a later discus
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true happiness, spiritual growth, a
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we consider education as a very imp
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learning and understanding, can hav
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understand that there are many diff
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crucial.”Sensing, I suppose, my c
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Chapter 4RECLAIMING OUR INNATESTATE
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fundamental nature of all sentient
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attitudes automatically and natural
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they arise when we are frustrated i
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econciliation that can be used to o
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the mid-1700s David Hume wrote a lo
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inclination to aggression is an ori
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people or violent, aggressive peopl
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themselves using the pronouns “I,
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his behavior on others.Revising our
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An infant is also biologically prog
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MEDITATION ON THE PURPOSEOF LIFEAs
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course of study to become a lawyer,
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at this time we will be here. But s
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Chapter 5A NEW MODEL FOR INTIMACY
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searching, desperately hoping to co
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“My basic belief is that you firs
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wrong; it leads to problems and can
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Because of the widespread occurrenc
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DEPENDENCE ON OTHERSVERSUS SELF-REL
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On that basis, the Dalai Lama point
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into being as a result of the effor
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the farmer the tractor to plow the
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INTIMACYOur need for other people i
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elationship ...”“Yes, I believe
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“So, when I was in Tibet or since
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laughed once again. ”But personal
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physical and psychological well-bei
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separated from other humans. He bel
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humans come into physical contact w
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also vary throughout the world and
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would validate the marriage.How peo
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particularly true when we go throug
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connection with others as possible.
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attendant discreetly glided into th
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ESTABLISHING EMPATHYWhile we had sp
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Similarly here, in order to be skil
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utcher. And then try to imagine the
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that generally speaking, when deali
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answered, “Whenever I meet people
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are dealing with. Also, being more
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made an attempt to connect with him
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ackground information that my frien
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urban predator dedicated to the Str
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morning, and as dark images rustled
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twenty rupees is only around a quar
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and of course I found his examples
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separated people. One survey found
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marry live at home in hell.”The a
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will also begin to disappear. On th
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ased on that initial attraction is
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the person in a cool state of mind
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person is kind, nice, and gentle, a
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intimacy. If that claim is honest,
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RELATIONSHIPS BASED ONROMANCEIt fel
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something that is based on fantasy,
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the subjective experience of the in
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love. According to this myth, the o
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At birth, the brain is not yet full
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I considered the problem of basing
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out almost every night this week, a
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things that I might want to look at
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It seems clear that as a source of
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a relationship, should we find ours
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Chapter 7THE VALUE AND BENEFITS OFC
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oughly defined in terms of a state
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you may have a feeling of hatred. S
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of generic compassion divorced from
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its pain.”“Yes,” said the Dal
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numb.“Now, in generating compassi
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of Buddhism we find two principal t
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feel particularly compassionate or
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The Dalai Lama stopped speaking for
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was OK, that there was no real requ
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people, it is still possible to pre
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sense of abandonment, so when you s
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even turned on his most faithful st
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his tea, even the contour of his sh
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“But the main point really ... if
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investigators found that doing regu
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truth of this view. We can discover
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than I’ve ever been in my life!
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that you have a right to have happi
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assembly that morning. I imagine th
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Chapter 8FACING SUFFERINGIn the tim
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The woman agreed and began goingfro
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problems. Sometimes these defense m
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focus on missing him right now; I h
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The Dalai Lama detailed his approac
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“But I think it’s still better
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an amniocentesis or sonogram and fi
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Shaking his head, he finally said,
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speaking, for instance, you feel ha
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in demonstration, ”is the very ba
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The Dalai Lama quickly clarified,
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craving and hatred, one can achieve
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imagine that the death of your brot
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about the issue of loss, to see if
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passed away.“For example, in my o
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Although pain and suffering are exp
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has improved for many in Western so
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Chapter 9SELF-CREATED SUFFERINGOn h
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soothingly. “By the way, how long
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those negative emotions that makes
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your own personal creation. On the
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waiter presented us with two free d
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“BUT IT’S NOT FAIR!”In our da
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on top of that having children with
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process. This indicates that there
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look at the problem with the attitu
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of course, there are many other bad
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lame everything on China. But there
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words, I am not worthy of the perso
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GUILTAs products of an imperfect wo
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and came to me as a sort of formali
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possibility of recognizing a bad si
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RESISTING CHANGEGuilt arises when w
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moment, no matter how pleasant or p
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contemplation and understanding ofi
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she cried frantically, “I think h
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she sighed. “It seemed that gradu
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must be over ; after all, there’s
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emotional closeness can increase; a
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crying “Leave me alone!” to his
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transitional periods can become piv
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seem to matter ; we’re really hap
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everyone who insulted him. When thi
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country. From that viewpoint, it is
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view your situation from a differen
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looked at me. I wondered if he sens
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continue to perceive them as 100 pe
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Inspired by the Dalai Lama’s word
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wretched than that? Carrying around
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egins to flow naturally.“So, for
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opportunity provided by your enemy.
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ultimately results in our strength.
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veal. It’s the very struggle of l
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may I think myself the lowest among
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then said, “There may be somethin
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only. Often they involved the attem
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conversation.
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man of generous proportions who had
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myself to remaining irritable for t
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A SUPPLY MINDThe ability to shift p
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suppleness of mind. It comes about,
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“When you speak of adopting a wid
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cultivation of patience and toleran
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THE IMPORTANCE OF FLEXIBLETHINKINGT
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As I got to know the Dalai Lama, I
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flexible, malleable, and adaptable,
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FINDING BALANCEDeveloping a flexibl
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of mind, bringing you more down to
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has got to be a balance....”After
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surface, it can in fact be harmful.
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think in many ways narrow-minded at
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Chapter 11FINDING MEANING IN PAIN A
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periods of acute crisis and tragedy
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e painful, but like the pain a woma
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and the Renaissance. In Switzerland
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much better now and we’re going t
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opportunity by thinking, ‘May my
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additional psychological pain, suff
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engaging in the wholesome actions a
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DEALING WITH PHYSICAL PAINBy reflec
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causing the rotting of the flesh, b
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In the same way that finding meanin
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in intense suffering to the pianist
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eward. Researcher Ronald Melzak too
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describes many reports of leprosy p
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desert temperatures outside, were u
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clearly in your mind. Then, on the
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or her own to be able to relieve hi
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powerful if you combine the‘givin
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Lama, perhaps not wanting to come a
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Part IVOVERCOMING OBSTACLES
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THE PROCESS OF CHANGEWe’ve discus
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smoking, first you have to be aware
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there is no feeling of tiredness or
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Dalai Lama answered. “In order to
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opposite purpose—‘Oh, there is
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once again I think the most effecti
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a set routine and you don’t need
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short period, say two years, there
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or active involvement. Of course, i
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happiness is widely overlooked. Yet
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esearched the mechanisms that initi
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it is in fact the cornerstone of co
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important implications in the Dalai
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mind tempered by years of experienc
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‘I’m just going to focus on the
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our mind. They feel that since thes
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practice designed to enhance altrui
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one’s own personal identity. Let
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what are called Nyon Mong in Tibeta
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these positive factors are grounded
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certain things that we require, cer
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things.“When talking about elimin
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Concluding his discussion about the
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egins to take steps in that directi
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who you feel may have achieved thes
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to-day experiences (including dream
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must be loved and approved of by al
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emotions and counteract negative th
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an arrow, one doesnot spend time wo
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Robert Sapolsky at Stanford Univers
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however, the patient reported, “W
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individual to act quickly and decis
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“It is with this in mind that we
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pretend or adopt a dignified pose,
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psychotherapy, which encourage expr
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anger from arising in the first pla
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you are still subject to the destru
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eleased. The idea of getting rid of
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lower or moderate levels of anger,
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putting up with small problems or h
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world peace—that certainly can be
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can take a strong stand and even ta
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analyze the situation, you’ll rea
Page 606 and 607: Meditation on Anger: Exercise 1“L
Page 608 and 609: appearance,’ and so on. So once y
Page 610 and 611: for yourself ; investigate. So for
Page 612 and 613: Chapter 14DEALING WITH ANXIETY ANDB
Page 614 and 615: However, feelings of fear and anxie
Page 616 and 617: need pharmacological intervention.
Page 618 and 619: and began, reverting to my intermit
Page 620 and 621: our own mental creations. These fea
Page 622 and 623: a way out of the difficulty, then o
Page 624 and 625: of anxiety. For example, one type o
Page 626 and 627: eflect. At last he said, “I think
Page 628 and 629: have failed to make much progress i
Page 630 and 631: one of compassion, even if I made a
Page 632 and 633: applying a counteractive thought: r
Page 634 and 635: mind and achieving happiness, the c
Page 636 and 637: who works at a department store in
Page 638 and 639: HONESTY AS AN ANTIDOTE TOLOW SELF-E
Page 640 and 641: theorists have related both low and
Page 642 and 643: In recent decades, the nature of
Page 644 and 645: negative way. It is based on sound
Page 646 and 647: “That’s right, that’s right,
Page 648 and 649: Besides contemplating one’s suffe
Page 650 and 651: “Here, I think you have to keep i
Page 652 and 653: confident and there’s no sense of
Page 654 and 655: laughing, saying:“I’m confused!
Page 658 and 659: ways that self-hatred can be cultur
Page 660 and 661: ased on experimental evidence, howe
Page 662 and 663: there may be a penetrating truth to
Page 664 and 665: On a subsequent visit to Dharamsala
Page 666 and 667: to such people is that we are gifte
Page 668 and 669: some sense we have this underlying
Page 670 and 671: Chapter 15BASIC SPIRITUAL VALUESTh
Page 672 and 673: course of our conversations, in fac
Page 674 and 675: mental dispositions. So, the variet
Page 676 and 677: One reason to respect these other t
Page 678 and 679: humanity and find useful aspects of
Page 680 and 681: Lama’s daily spiritual practice.
Page 682 and 683: least, I think daily, say a half an
Page 684 and 685: meditator who has a certain degree
Page 686 and 687: were inconceivably intricate and el
Page 688 and 689: even if a person committed atrociti
Page 690 and 691: and severe beatings, he was able to
Page 692 and 693: extremists. Until 1991 he was impri
Page 694 and 695: lower death rates, and improved hea
Page 696 and 697: Although some of the rewards of fai
Page 698 and 699: such as the Dalai Lama to try to di
Page 700 and 701: society will be more troubled. So,
Page 702 and 703: For those people, I think we can ed
Page 704 and 705: The Dalai Lama was due to attend a
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to the Dalai Lama, who spoke a few
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thoughts, observe the underlying na
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meditative practices, these definit
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mind inward; don’t let it chase a
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external objects ; we tend to look
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way through the surrounding crowd.
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To Dr. Thupten Jinpa for his friend
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voluminous material and focusing an
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THE ART OF HAPPINESS BOOKSERIESThe
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Handbook for Living in 1998, there
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India. His tireless efforts on beha
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1The term Dharma has many connotati
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achieves a state of Liberation.5The
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