The Art of Happiness

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who works at a department store in the mallwhom I’ve seen a lot of times ; I’ve alwayswanted to ask her out, but I don’t know her andI’ve always felt too shy and anxious, so I’venever even talked to her. Well, the other day Iwent in again, but this time I started thinkingabout my motivation for asking her out. Mymotivation, of course, is that I’d like to date her.But behind that is just the wish that I could findsomeone whom I can love and who will love me.When I thought about it, I realized that there isnothing wrong with that, that my motivation wassincere; I didn’t wish any harm to her or myself,but only good things. Just keeping that in mind,and reminding myself of it a few times, seemed tohelp somehow; it gave me the courage to strikeup a conversation with her. My heart was stillpounding, but I feel great that at least I was able
to get up the nerve to speak with her.”“I’m glad to hear that,” I said. “Whathappened?”“Well, as it turns out, she already has a steadyboyfriend. I was a bit disappointed, but it’s okay.It just felt good that I was able to overcome myshyness. And it made me realize that if I makesure that there’s nothing wrong with mymotivation and keep that in mind, it could helpthe next time I’m in the same situation.”
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Table of ContentsTitle PageCopyrigh
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Chapter 8 - FACING SUFFERINGChapter
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RIVERHEAD BOOKSPublished by the Pen
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simultaneously in CanadaThe excerpt
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Dedicated to the Reader:May you fin
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of the book. Those who have read th
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as a growing body of scientific evi
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with respect to one’s own mental
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disposal of each of us. Given these
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new book so that others can share i
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THE BEGINNINGA full decade has now
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esult of the brutal invasion of Tib
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PUBLICATIONI vividly recall the mee
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egister his response.Looking a bit
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only minutes for the Dalai Lama to
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ooks by the Dalai Lama held no appe
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UNEXPECTED SUCCESSThat was ten year
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conditions of our lives finally fal
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popular subjects for research. Alth
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Seligman teamed up with another bri
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THE BENEFITS OF HAPPINESSOne of the
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directly related to one’s level o
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more systematic and direct way. The
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happiness that combines the best of
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disciples not to blindly accept his
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consistently supported the views ex
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KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ANDTHE PURSUI
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compassion makes people happier—o
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THE FUTURE OF THE ART OFHAPPINESSFo
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hatred, poverty—the list is long.
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AUTHOR’S NOTEIn this book, extens
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inadvertent distortions of the Dala
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throng of local reporters, photogra
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can leave the differences aside, I
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penetrating intelligence, but witho
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long pause and reflection, he simpl
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modes of analysis is a very strong
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across human behaviors that on the
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with: for instance, it does not acc
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hope is based on the belief that wh
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times chosen to omit portions of th
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Chapter 1THE RIGHT TO HAPPINESSI be
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goal. As a psychiatrist, however, I
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meaning, closer to’psyche’ or
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with a look of excitement and pleas
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unhappy people who tend to be most
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lives. Suppose, for instance, we’
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Chapter 2THE SOURCES OF HAPPINESSTw
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friend of the same age who found ou
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everyday life ; a pay raise, a new
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happiness—and the verdict is stil
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to be dissatisfied with our income
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at Buffalo, subjects were asked to
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we need a circle of friends with wh
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joy or fulfillment that you are see
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INNER CONTENTMENTCrossing the hotel
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one’s essential needs of food, cl
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gives you a immediate feeling of sa
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So, how can we achieve inner conten
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innocent passing remark such as,
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have been very difficult. While I w
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person will suffer because there is
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speaking to an Indian audience at R
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had visited that town many times an
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Everyday we are faced with numerous
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or twentieth-century scientists to
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defined by the Dalai Lama, that is
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THE PATH TO HAPPINESSIn identifying
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very bad and harmful to one persona
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important.“Now, we have spoken of
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might have a better definition of a
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MENTAL DISCIPLINEAs he spoke, I fou
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ody ; you need a variety of vitamin
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Buddhist practices are very helpful
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effect on the deeper mind. No hatre
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allowing electrical signals to trav
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ETHICAL DISCIPLINEIn a later discus
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true happiness, spiritual growth, a
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we consider education as a very imp
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learning and understanding, can hav
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understand that there are many diff
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crucial.”Sensing, I suppose, my c
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Chapter 4RECLAIMING OUR INNATESTATE
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fundamental nature of all sentient
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attitudes automatically and natural
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they arise when we are frustrated i
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econciliation that can be used to o
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the mid-1700s David Hume wrote a lo
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inclination to aggression is an ori
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people or violent, aggressive peopl
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themselves using the pronouns “I,
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his behavior on others.Revising our
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An infant is also biologically prog
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MEDITATION ON THE PURPOSEOF LIFEAs
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course of study to become a lawyer,
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at this time we will be here. But s
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Chapter 5A NEW MODEL FOR INTIMACY
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searching, desperately hoping to co
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“My basic belief is that you firs
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wrong; it leads to problems and can
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Because of the widespread occurrenc
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DEPENDENCE ON OTHERSVERSUS SELF-REL
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On that basis, the Dalai Lama point
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into being as a result of the effor
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the farmer the tractor to plow the
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INTIMACYOur need for other people i
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elationship ...”“Yes, I believe
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“So, when I was in Tibet or since
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laughed once again. ”But personal
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physical and psychological well-bei
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separated from other humans. He bel
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humans come into physical contact w
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also vary throughout the world and
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would validate the marriage.How peo
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particularly true when we go throug
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connection with others as possible.
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attendant discreetly glided into th
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ESTABLISHING EMPATHYWhile we had sp
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Similarly here, in order to be skil
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utcher. And then try to imagine the
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that generally speaking, when deali
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answered, “Whenever I meet people
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are dealing with. Also, being more
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made an attempt to connect with him
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ackground information that my frien
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urban predator dedicated to the Str
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morning, and as dark images rustled
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twenty rupees is only around a quar
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and of course I found his examples
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separated people. One survey found
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marry live at home in hell.”The a
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will also begin to disappear. On th
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ased on that initial attraction is
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the person in a cool state of mind
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person is kind, nice, and gentle, a
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intimacy. If that claim is honest,
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RELATIONSHIPS BASED ONROMANCEIt fel
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something that is based on fantasy,
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the subjective experience of the in
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love. According to this myth, the o
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At birth, the brain is not yet full
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I considered the problem of basing
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out almost every night this week, a
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things that I might want to look at
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It seems clear that as a source of
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a relationship, should we find ours
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Chapter 7THE VALUE AND BENEFITS OFC
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oughly defined in terms of a state
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you may have a feeling of hatred. S
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of generic compassion divorced from
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its pain.”“Yes,” said the Dal
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numb.“Now, in generating compassi
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of Buddhism we find two principal t
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feel particularly compassionate or
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The Dalai Lama stopped speaking for
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was OK, that there was no real requ
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people, it is still possible to pre
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sense of abandonment, so when you s
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even turned on his most faithful st
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his tea, even the contour of his sh
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“But the main point really ... if
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investigators found that doing regu
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truth of this view. We can discover
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than I’ve ever been in my life!
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that you have a right to have happi
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assembly that morning. I imagine th
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Chapter 8FACING SUFFERINGIn the tim
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The woman agreed and began goingfro
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problems. Sometimes these defense m
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focus on missing him right now; I h
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The Dalai Lama detailed his approac
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“But I think it’s still better
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an amniocentesis or sonogram and fi
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Shaking his head, he finally said,
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speaking, for instance, you feel ha
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in demonstration, ”is the very ba
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The Dalai Lama quickly clarified,
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craving and hatred, one can achieve
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imagine that the death of your brot
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about the issue of loss, to see if
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passed away.“For example, in my o
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Although pain and suffering are exp
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has improved for many in Western so
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Chapter 9SELF-CREATED SUFFERINGOn h
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soothingly. “By the way, how long
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those negative emotions that makes
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your own personal creation. On the
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waiter presented us with two free d
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“BUT IT’S NOT FAIR!”In our da
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on top of that having children with
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process. This indicates that there
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look at the problem with the attitu
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of course, there are many other bad
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lame everything on China. But there
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words, I am not worthy of the perso
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GUILTAs products of an imperfect wo
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and came to me as a sort of formali
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possibility of recognizing a bad si
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RESISTING CHANGEGuilt arises when w
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moment, no matter how pleasant or p
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contemplation and understanding ofi
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she cried frantically, “I think h
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she sighed. “It seemed that gradu
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must be over ; after all, there’s
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emotional closeness can increase; a
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crying “Leave me alone!” to his
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transitional periods can become piv
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seem to matter ; we’re really hap
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everyone who insulted him. When thi
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country. From that viewpoint, it is
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view your situation from a differen
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looked at me. I wondered if he sens
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continue to perceive them as 100 pe
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Inspired by the Dalai Lama’s word
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wretched than that? Carrying around
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egins to flow naturally.“So, for
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opportunity provided by your enemy.
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ultimately results in our strength.
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veal. It’s the very struggle of l
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may I think myself the lowest among
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then said, “There may be somethin
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only. Often they involved the attem
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conversation.
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man of generous proportions who had
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myself to remaining irritable for t
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A SUPPLY MINDThe ability to shift p
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suppleness of mind. It comes about,
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“When you speak of adopting a wid
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cultivation of patience and toleran
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THE IMPORTANCE OF FLEXIBLETHINKINGT
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As I got to know the Dalai Lama, I
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flexible, malleable, and adaptable,
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FINDING BALANCEDeveloping a flexibl
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of mind, bringing you more down to
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has got to be a balance....”After
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surface, it can in fact be harmful.
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think in many ways narrow-minded at
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Chapter 11FINDING MEANING IN PAIN A
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periods of acute crisis and tragedy
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e painful, but like the pain a woma
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and the Renaissance. In Switzerland
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much better now and we’re going t
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opportunity by thinking, ‘May my
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additional psychological pain, suff
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engaging in the wholesome actions a
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DEALING WITH PHYSICAL PAINBy reflec
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causing the rotting of the flesh, b
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In the same way that finding meanin
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in intense suffering to the pianist
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eward. Researcher Ronald Melzak too
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describes many reports of leprosy p
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desert temperatures outside, were u
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clearly in your mind. Then, on the
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or her own to be able to relieve hi
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powerful if you combine the‘givin
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Lama, perhaps not wanting to come a
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Part IVOVERCOMING OBSTACLES
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THE PROCESS OF CHANGEWe’ve discus
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smoking, first you have to be aware
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there is no feeling of tiredness or
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Dalai Lama answered. “In order to
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opposite purpose—‘Oh, there is
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once again I think the most effecti
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a set routine and you don’t need
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short period, say two years, there
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or active involvement. Of course, i
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happiness is widely overlooked. Yet
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esearched the mechanisms that initi
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it is in fact the cornerstone of co
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important implications in the Dalai
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mind tempered by years of experienc
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‘I’m just going to focus on the
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our mind. They feel that since thes
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practice designed to enhance altrui
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one’s own personal identity. Let
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what are called Nyon Mong in Tibeta
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these positive factors are grounded
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certain things that we require, cer
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things.“When talking about elimin
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Concluding his discussion about the
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egins to take steps in that directi
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who you feel may have achieved thes
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to-day experiences (including dream
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must be loved and approved of by al
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emotions and counteract negative th
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an arrow, one doesnot spend time wo
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Robert Sapolsky at Stanford Univers
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however, the patient reported, “W
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individual to act quickly and decis
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“It is with this in mind that we
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Page 590 and 591: anger from arising in the first pla
Page 592 and 593: you are still subject to the destru
Page 594 and 595: eleased. The idea of getting rid of
Page 596 and 597: lower or moderate levels of anger,
Page 598 and 599: putting up with small problems or h
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Page 602 and 603: can take a strong stand and even ta
Page 604 and 605: analyze the situation, you’ll rea
Page 606 and 607: Meditation on Anger: Exercise 1“L
Page 608 and 609: appearance,’ and so on. So once y
Page 610 and 611: for yourself ; investigate. So for
Page 612 and 613: Chapter 14DEALING WITH ANXIETY ANDB
Page 614 and 615: However, feelings of fear and anxie
Page 616 and 617: need pharmacological intervention.
Page 618 and 619: and began, reverting to my intermit
Page 620 and 621: our own mental creations. These fea
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Page 624 and 625: of anxiety. For example, one type o
Page 626 and 627: eflect. At last he said, “I think
Page 628 and 629: have failed to make much progress i
Page 630 and 631: one of compassion, even if I made a
Page 632 and 633: applying a counteractive thought: r
Page 634 and 635: mind and achieving happiness, the c
Page 638 and 639: HONESTY AS AN ANTIDOTE TOLOW SELF-E
Page 640 and 641: theorists have related both low and
Page 642 and 643: In recent decades, the nature of
Page 644 and 645: negative way. It is based on sound
Page 646 and 647: “That’s right, that’s right,
Page 648 and 649: Besides contemplating one’s suffe
Page 650 and 651: “Here, I think you have to keep i
Page 652 and 653: confident and there’s no sense of
Page 654 and 655: laughing, saying:“I’m confused!
Page 656 and 657: our interview, the Dalai Lama asked
Page 658 and 659: ways that self-hatred can be cultur
Page 660 and 661: ased on experimental evidence, howe
Page 662 and 663: there may be a penetrating truth to
Page 664 and 665: On a subsequent visit to Dharamsala
Page 666 and 667: to such people is that we are gifte
Page 668 and 669: some sense we have this underlying
Page 670 and 671: Chapter 15BASIC SPIRITUAL VALUESTh
Page 672 and 673: course of our conversations, in fac
Page 674 and 675: mental dispositions. So, the variet
Page 676 and 677: One reason to respect these other t
Page 678 and 679: humanity and find useful aspects of
Page 680 and 681: Lama’s daily spiritual practice.
Page 682 and 683: least, I think daily, say a half an
Page 684 and 685: meditator who has a certain degree
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were inconceivably intricate and el
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even if a person committed atrociti
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and severe beatings, he was able to
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extremists. Until 1991 he was impri
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lower death rates, and improved hea
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Although some of the rewards of fai
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such as the Dalai Lama to try to di
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society will be more troubled. So,
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For those people, I think we can ed
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The Dalai Lama was due to attend a
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to the Dalai Lama, who spoke a few
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thoughts, observe the underlying na
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meditative practices, these definit
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mind inward; don’t let it chase a
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external objects ; we tend to look
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way through the surrounding crowd.
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To Dr. Thupten Jinpa for his friend
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voluminous material and focusing an
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THE ART OF HAPPINESS BOOKSERIESThe
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Handbook for Living in 1998, there
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India. His tireless efforts on beha
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1The term Dharma has many connotati
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achieves a state of Liberation.5The
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The Art of Happiness

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