The Art of Happiness

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she cried frantically, “I think he’s choking orsomething! His tongue keeps protruding ; he justkeeps sticking it out ... over and over again ...like he’s trying to get something out, but there’snothing in his mouth ...”After a few questions and a brief examination,the doctor assured her, “There’s nothing toworry about. As a baby grows, he develops anincreasing awareness of his own body and what itcan do. Your baby has just discovered histongue.”Margaret, a thirty-one-year-old journalist,illustrates the critical importance of understandingand accepting change in the context of a personalrelationship. She came to me complaining of mildanxiety which she attributed to difficulty adjusting
to a recent divorce.“I thought that it might be a good idea to havea few sessions just to talk to someone,” sheexplained, “to help me really put the past to restand make the transition back to the single life. Tobe honest, I’m a little nervous about it ...”I asked her to describe the circumstances ofher divorce.“I guess I’d have to describe it as amiable.There were no big fights or anything like that. Myex and I both have good jobs, so there weren’tany problems with a financial settlement. Wehave one boy, but he seems to have adjusted tothe divorce well, and my ex and I have a jointcustody agreement that is working well ...”“I mean, can you tell me what led to thedivorce?”“Umm ... I suppose we just fell out of love,”
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Table of ContentsTitle PageCopyrigh
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Chapter 8 - FACING SUFFERINGChapter
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RIVERHEAD BOOKSPublished by the Pen
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simultaneously in CanadaThe excerpt
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Dedicated to the Reader:May you fin
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of the book. Those who have read th
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as a growing body of scientific evi
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with respect to one’s own mental
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disposal of each of us. Given these
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new book so that others can share i
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THE BEGINNINGA full decade has now
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esult of the brutal invasion of Tib
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PUBLICATIONI vividly recall the mee
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egister his response.Looking a bit
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only minutes for the Dalai Lama to
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ooks by the Dalai Lama held no appe
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UNEXPECTED SUCCESSThat was ten year
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conditions of our lives finally fal
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popular subjects for research. Alth
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Seligman teamed up with another bri
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THE BENEFITS OF HAPPINESSOne of the
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directly related to one’s level o
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more systematic and direct way. The
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happiness that combines the best of
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disciples not to blindly accept his
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consistently supported the views ex
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KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ANDTHE PURSUI
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compassion makes people happier—o
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THE FUTURE OF THE ART OFHAPPINESSFo
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hatred, poverty—the list is long.
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AUTHOR’S NOTEIn this book, extens
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inadvertent distortions of the Dala
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throng of local reporters, photogra
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can leave the differences aside, I
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penetrating intelligence, but witho
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long pause and reflection, he simpl
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modes of analysis is a very strong
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across human behaviors that on the
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with: for instance, it does not acc
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hope is based on the belief that wh
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times chosen to omit portions of th
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Chapter 1THE RIGHT TO HAPPINESSI be
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goal. As a psychiatrist, however, I
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meaning, closer to’psyche’ or
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with a look of excitement and pleas
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unhappy people who tend to be most
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lives. Suppose, for instance, we’
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Chapter 2THE SOURCES OF HAPPINESSTw
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friend of the same age who found ou
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everyday life ; a pay raise, a new
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happiness—and the verdict is stil
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to be dissatisfied with our income
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at Buffalo, subjects were asked to
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we need a circle of friends with wh
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joy or fulfillment that you are see
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INNER CONTENTMENTCrossing the hotel
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one’s essential needs of food, cl
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gives you a immediate feeling of sa
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So, how can we achieve inner conten
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innocent passing remark such as,
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have been very difficult. While I w
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person will suffer because there is
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speaking to an Indian audience at R
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had visited that town many times an
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Everyday we are faced with numerous
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or twentieth-century scientists to
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defined by the Dalai Lama, that is
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THE PATH TO HAPPINESSIn identifying
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very bad and harmful to one persona
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important.“Now, we have spoken of
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might have a better definition of a
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MENTAL DISCIPLINEAs he spoke, I fou
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ody ; you need a variety of vitamin
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Buddhist practices are very helpful
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effect on the deeper mind. No hatre
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allowing electrical signals to trav
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ETHICAL DISCIPLINEIn a later discus
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true happiness, spiritual growth, a
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we consider education as a very imp
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learning and understanding, can hav
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understand that there are many diff
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crucial.”Sensing, I suppose, my c
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Chapter 4RECLAIMING OUR INNATESTATE
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fundamental nature of all sentient
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attitudes automatically and natural
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they arise when we are frustrated i
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econciliation that can be used to o
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the mid-1700s David Hume wrote a lo
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inclination to aggression is an ori
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people or violent, aggressive peopl
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themselves using the pronouns “I,
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his behavior on others.Revising our
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An infant is also biologically prog
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MEDITATION ON THE PURPOSEOF LIFEAs
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course of study to become a lawyer,
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at this time we will be here. But s
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Chapter 5A NEW MODEL FOR INTIMACY
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searching, desperately hoping to co
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“My basic belief is that you firs
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wrong; it leads to problems and can
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Because of the widespread occurrenc
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DEPENDENCE ON OTHERSVERSUS SELF-REL
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On that basis, the Dalai Lama point
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into being as a result of the effor
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the farmer the tractor to plow the
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INTIMACYOur need for other people i
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elationship ...”“Yes, I believe
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“So, when I was in Tibet or since
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laughed once again. ”But personal
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physical and psychological well-bei
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separated from other humans. He bel
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humans come into physical contact w
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also vary throughout the world and
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would validate the marriage.How peo
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particularly true when we go throug
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connection with others as possible.
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attendant discreetly glided into th
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ESTABLISHING EMPATHYWhile we had sp
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Similarly here, in order to be skil
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utcher. And then try to imagine the
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that generally speaking, when deali
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answered, “Whenever I meet people
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are dealing with. Also, being more
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made an attempt to connect with him
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ackground information that my frien
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urban predator dedicated to the Str
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morning, and as dark images rustled
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twenty rupees is only around a quar
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and of course I found his examples
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separated people. One survey found
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marry live at home in hell.”The a
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will also begin to disappear. On th
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ased on that initial attraction is
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the person in a cool state of mind
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person is kind, nice, and gentle, a
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intimacy. If that claim is honest,
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RELATIONSHIPS BASED ONROMANCEIt fel
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something that is based on fantasy,
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the subjective experience of the in
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love. According to this myth, the o
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At birth, the brain is not yet full
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I considered the problem of basing
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out almost every night this week, a
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things that I might want to look at
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It seems clear that as a source of
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a relationship, should we find ours
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Chapter 7THE VALUE AND BENEFITS OFC
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oughly defined in terms of a state
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you may have a feeling of hatred. S
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of generic compassion divorced from
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its pain.”“Yes,” said the Dal
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numb.“Now, in generating compassi
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of Buddhism we find two principal t
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feel particularly compassionate or
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The Dalai Lama stopped speaking for
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was OK, that there was no real requ
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people, it is still possible to pre
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sense of abandonment, so when you s
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even turned on his most faithful st
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his tea, even the contour of his sh
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“But the main point really ... if
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investigators found that doing regu
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truth of this view. We can discover
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than I’ve ever been in my life!
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that you have a right to have happi
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assembly that morning. I imagine th
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Chapter 8FACING SUFFERINGIn the tim
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The woman agreed and began goingfro
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problems. Sometimes these defense m
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focus on missing him right now; I h
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The Dalai Lama detailed his approac
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“But I think it’s still better
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an amniocentesis or sonogram and fi
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Shaking his head, he finally said,
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speaking, for instance, you feel ha
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in demonstration, ”is the very ba
Page 358 and 359: The Dalai Lama quickly clarified,
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Page 362 and 363: imagine that the death of your brot
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Page 366 and 367: passed away.“For example, in my o
Page 368 and 369: Although pain and suffering are exp
Page 370 and 371: has improved for many in Western so
Page 372 and 373: Chapter 9SELF-CREATED SUFFERINGOn h
Page 374 and 375: soothingly. “By the way, how long
Page 376 and 377: those negative emotions that makes
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Page 380 and 381: waiter presented us with two free d
Page 382 and 383: “BUT IT’S NOT FAIR!”In our da
Page 384 and 385: on top of that having children with
Page 386 and 387: process. This indicates that there
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Page 390 and 391: of course, there are many other bad
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Page 394 and 395: words, I am not worthy of the perso
Page 396 and 397: GUILTAs products of an imperfect wo
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Page 402 and 403: RESISTING CHANGEGuilt arises when w
Page 404 and 405: moment, no matter how pleasant or p
Page 406 and 407: contemplation and understanding ofi
Page 410 and 411: she sighed. “It seemed that gradu
Page 412 and 413: must be over ; after all, there’s
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Page 420 and 421: seem to matter ; we’re really hap
Page 422 and 423: everyone who insulted him. When thi
Page 424 and 425: country. From that viewpoint, it is
Page 426 and 427: view your situation from a differen
Page 428 and 429: looked at me. I wondered if he sens
Page 430 and 431: continue to perceive them as 100 pe
Page 432 and 433: Inspired by the Dalai Lama’s word
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Page 436 and 437: egins to flow naturally.“So, for
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Page 440 and 441: ultimately results in our strength.
Page 442 and 443: veal. It’s the very struggle of l
Page 444 and 445: may I think myself the lowest among
Page 446 and 447: then said, “There may be somethin
Page 448 and 449: only. Often they involved the attem
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Page 452 and 453: man of generous proportions who had
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Page 456 and 457: A SUPPLY MINDThe ability to shift p
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suppleness of mind. It comes about,
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“When you speak of adopting a wid
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cultivation of patience and toleran
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THE IMPORTANCE OF FLEXIBLETHINKINGT
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As I got to know the Dalai Lama, I
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flexible, malleable, and adaptable,
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FINDING BALANCEDeveloping a flexibl
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of mind, bringing you more down to
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has got to be a balance....”After
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surface, it can in fact be harmful.
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think in many ways narrow-minded at
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Chapter 11FINDING MEANING IN PAIN A
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periods of acute crisis and tragedy
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e painful, but like the pain a woma
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and the Renaissance. In Switzerland
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much better now and we’re going t
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opportunity by thinking, ‘May my
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additional psychological pain, suff
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engaging in the wholesome actions a
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DEALING WITH PHYSICAL PAINBy reflec
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causing the rotting of the flesh, b
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In the same way that finding meanin
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in intense suffering to the pianist
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eward. Researcher Ronald Melzak too
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describes many reports of leprosy p
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desert temperatures outside, were u
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clearly in your mind. Then, on the
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or her own to be able to relieve hi
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powerful if you combine the‘givin
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Lama, perhaps not wanting to come a
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Part IVOVERCOMING OBSTACLES
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THE PROCESS OF CHANGEWe’ve discus
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smoking, first you have to be aware
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there is no feeling of tiredness or
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Dalai Lama answered. “In order to
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opposite purpose—‘Oh, there is
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once again I think the most effecti
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a set routine and you don’t need
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short period, say two years, there
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or active involvement. Of course, i
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happiness is widely overlooked. Yet
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esearched the mechanisms that initi
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it is in fact the cornerstone of co
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important implications in the Dalai
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mind tempered by years of experienc
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‘I’m just going to focus on the
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our mind. They feel that since thes
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practice designed to enhance altrui
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one’s own personal identity. Let
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what are called Nyon Mong in Tibeta
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these positive factors are grounded
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certain things that we require, cer
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things.“When talking about elimin
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Concluding his discussion about the
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egins to take steps in that directi
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who you feel may have achieved thes
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to-day experiences (including dream
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must be loved and approved of by al
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emotions and counteract negative th
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an arrow, one doesnot spend time wo
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Robert Sapolsky at Stanford Univers
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however, the patient reported, “W
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individual to act quickly and decis
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“It is with this in mind that we
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pretend or adopt a dignified pose,
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psychotherapy, which encourage expr
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anger from arising in the first pla
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you are still subject to the destru
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eleased. The idea of getting rid of
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lower or moderate levels of anger,
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putting up with small problems or h
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world peace—that certainly can be
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can take a strong stand and even ta
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analyze the situation, you’ll rea
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Meditation on Anger: Exercise 1“L
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appearance,’ and so on. So once y
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for yourself ; investigate. So for
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Chapter 14DEALING WITH ANXIETY ANDB
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However, feelings of fear and anxie
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need pharmacological intervention.
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and began, reverting to my intermit
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our own mental creations. These fea
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a way out of the difficulty, then o
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of anxiety. For example, one type o
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eflect. At last he said, “I think
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have failed to make much progress i
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one of compassion, even if I made a
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applying a counteractive thought: r
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mind and achieving happiness, the c
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who works at a department store in
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HONESTY AS AN ANTIDOTE TOLOW SELF-E
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theorists have related both low and
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In recent decades, the nature of
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negative way. It is based on sound
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“That’s right, that’s right,
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Besides contemplating one’s suffe
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“Here, I think you have to keep i
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confident and there’s no sense of
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laughing, saying:“I’m confused!
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our interview, the Dalai Lama asked
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ways that self-hatred can be cultur
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ased on experimental evidence, howe
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there may be a penetrating truth to
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On a subsequent visit to Dharamsala
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to such people is that we are gifte
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some sense we have this underlying
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Chapter 15BASIC SPIRITUAL VALUESTh
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course of our conversations, in fac
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mental dispositions. So, the variet
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One reason to respect these other t
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humanity and find useful aspects of
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Lama’s daily spiritual practice.
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least, I think daily, say a half an
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meditator who has a certain degree
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were inconceivably intricate and el
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even if a person committed atrociti
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and severe beatings, he was able to
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extremists. Until 1991 he was impri
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lower death rates, and improved hea
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Although some of the rewards of fai
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such as the Dalai Lama to try to di
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society will be more troubled. So,
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For those people, I think we can ed
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The Dalai Lama was due to attend a
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to the Dalai Lama, who spoke a few
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thoughts, observe the underlying na
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meditative practices, these definit
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mind inward; don’t let it chase a
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external objects ; we tend to look
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way through the surrounding crowd.
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To Dr. Thupten Jinpa for his friend
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voluminous material and focusing an
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THE ART OF HAPPINESS BOOKSERIESThe
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Handbook for Living in 1998, there
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India. His tireless efforts on beha
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1The term Dharma has many connotati
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achieves a state of Liberation.5The
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The Art of Happiness

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