The Art of Happiness

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only minutes for the Dalai Lama to relieve me ofany illusions I might have had about controllingthe direction of the discussion. I had planned onsticking with my set agenda in an orderly fashion,breezing through the questions one by one likeknocking down a row of dominoes. But I quicklydiscovered that he apparently felt no compulsionto follow my agenda. His answers to myquestions were often unanticipated, suddenlyturning the conversation in a completely newdirection. I might be following a certain train ofthought, when suddenly that train would becomederailed as he went off on an unexpected tangent.So I found our discussions to be challenging attimes. At the same time, the Dalai Lama’s quickmind and robust sense of humor kept theconversations lively, and riveted my attentionthroughout.
Those conversations, supplemented withmaterial from his public talks, provided the corematerial for the book, which was later expandedby additional discussions at his home in India.Quickly becoming absorbed in the project, Idecided to temporarily give up practicingpsychiatry in order to devote my full attention toexploring human happiness, seeking an approachthat bridged East and West. I estimated that itwould take perhaps six months to complete thebook, and with the Dalai Lama as a coauthor, Ifigured that finding a publisher would be easy.As it turned out, I was wrong. Five yearslater, I was still working on the book. And thethick stack of rejection letters accumulating onmy desk from literary agents and publishers wasa growing testament to the prevailing wisdom inthe publishing industry at that time: the belief that
Page 4 and 5: Table of ContentsTitle PageCopyrigh
Page 6 and 7: Chapter 8 - FACING SUFFERINGChapter
Page 10 and 11: RIVERHEAD BOOKSPublished by the Pen
Page 12 and 13: simultaneously in CanadaThe excerpt
Page 14 and 15: Dedicated to the Reader:May you fin
Page 16 and 17: of the book. Those who have read th
Page 18 and 19: as a growing body of scientific evi
Page 20 and 21: with respect to one’s own mental
Page 22 and 23: disposal of each of us. Given these
Page 24 and 25: new book so that others can share i
Page 26 and 27: THE BEGINNINGA full decade has now
Page 28 and 29: esult of the brutal invasion of Tib
Page 30 and 31: PUBLICATIONI vividly recall the mee
Page 32 and 33: egister his response.Looking a bit
Page 36 and 37: ooks by the Dalai Lama held no appe
Page 38 and 39: UNEXPECTED SUCCESSThat was ten year
Page 40 and 41: conditions of our lives finally fal
Page 42 and 43: popular subjects for research. Alth
Page 44 and 45: Seligman teamed up with another bri
Page 46 and 47: THE BENEFITS OF HAPPINESSOne of the
Page 48 and 49: directly related to one’s level o
Page 50 and 51: more systematic and direct way. The
Page 52 and 53: happiness that combines the best of
Page 54 and 55: disciples not to blindly accept his
Page 56 and 57: consistently supported the views ex
Page 58 and 59: KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ANDTHE PURSUI
Page 60 and 61: compassion makes people happier—o
Page 62 and 63: THE FUTURE OF THE ART OFHAPPINESSFo
Page 64 and 65: hatred, poverty—the list is long.
Page 66 and 67: AUTHOR’S NOTEIn this book, extens
Page 68 and 69: inadvertent distortions of the Dala
Page 70 and 71: throng of local reporters, photogra
Page 72 and 73: can leave the differences aside, I
Page 74 and 75: penetrating intelligence, but witho
Page 76 and 77: long pause and reflection, he simpl
Page 78 and 79: modes of analysis is a very strong
Page 80 and 81: across human behaviors that on the
Page 82 and 83: with: for instance, it does not acc
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hope is based on the belief that wh
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times chosen to omit portions of th
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Chapter 1THE RIGHT TO HAPPINESSI be
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goal. As a psychiatrist, however, I
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meaning, closer to’psyche’ or
Page 94 and 95:
with a look of excitement and pleas
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unhappy people who tend to be most
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lives. Suppose, for instance, we’
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Chapter 2THE SOURCES OF HAPPINESSTw
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friend of the same age who found ou
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everyday life ; a pay raise, a new
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happiness—and the verdict is stil
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to be dissatisfied with our income
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at Buffalo, subjects were asked to
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we need a circle of friends with wh
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joy or fulfillment that you are see
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INNER CONTENTMENTCrossing the hotel
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one’s essential needs of food, cl
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gives you a immediate feeling of sa
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So, how can we achieve inner conten
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innocent passing remark such as,
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have been very difficult. While I w
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person will suffer because there is
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speaking to an Indian audience at R
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had visited that town many times an
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Everyday we are faced with numerous
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or twentieth-century scientists to
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defined by the Dalai Lama, that is
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THE PATH TO HAPPINESSIn identifying
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very bad and harmful to one persona
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important.“Now, we have spoken of
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might have a better definition of a
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MENTAL DISCIPLINEAs he spoke, I fou
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ody ; you need a variety of vitamin
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Buddhist practices are very helpful
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effect on the deeper mind. No hatre
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allowing electrical signals to trav
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ETHICAL DISCIPLINEIn a later discus
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true happiness, spiritual growth, a
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we consider education as a very imp
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learning and understanding, can hav
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understand that there are many diff
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crucial.”Sensing, I suppose, my c
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Chapter 4RECLAIMING OUR INNATESTATE
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fundamental nature of all sentient
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attitudes automatically and natural
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they arise when we are frustrated i
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econciliation that can be used to o
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the mid-1700s David Hume wrote a lo
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inclination to aggression is an ori
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people or violent, aggressive peopl
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themselves using the pronouns “I,
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his behavior on others.Revising our
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An infant is also biologically prog
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MEDITATION ON THE PURPOSEOF LIFEAs
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course of study to become a lawyer,
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at this time we will be here. But s
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Chapter 5A NEW MODEL FOR INTIMACY
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searching, desperately hoping to co
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“My basic belief is that you firs
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wrong; it leads to problems and can
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Because of the widespread occurrenc
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DEPENDENCE ON OTHERSVERSUS SELF-REL
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On that basis, the Dalai Lama point
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into being as a result of the effor
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the farmer the tractor to plow the
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INTIMACYOur need for other people i
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elationship ...”“Yes, I believe
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“So, when I was in Tibet or since
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laughed once again. ”But personal
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physical and psychological well-bei
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separated from other humans. He bel
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humans come into physical contact w
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also vary throughout the world and
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would validate the marriage.How peo
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particularly true when we go throug
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connection with others as possible.
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attendant discreetly glided into th
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ESTABLISHING EMPATHYWhile we had sp
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Similarly here, in order to be skil
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utcher. And then try to imagine the
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that generally speaking, when deali
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answered, “Whenever I meet people
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are dealing with. Also, being more
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made an attempt to connect with him
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ackground information that my frien
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urban predator dedicated to the Str
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morning, and as dark images rustled
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twenty rupees is only around a quar
Page 262 and 263:
and of course I found his examples
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separated people. One survey found
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marry live at home in hell.”The a
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will also begin to disappear. On th
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ased on that initial attraction is
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the person in a cool state of mind
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person is kind, nice, and gentle, a
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intimacy. If that claim is honest,
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RELATIONSHIPS BASED ONROMANCEIt fel
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something that is based on fantasy,
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the subjective experience of the in
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love. According to this myth, the o
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At birth, the brain is not yet full
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I considered the problem of basing
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out almost every night this week, a
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things that I might want to look at
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It seems clear that as a source of
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a relationship, should we find ours
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Chapter 7THE VALUE AND BENEFITS OFC
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oughly defined in terms of a state
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you may have a feeling of hatred. S
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of generic compassion divorced from
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its pain.”“Yes,” said the Dal
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numb.“Now, in generating compassi
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of Buddhism we find two principal t
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feel particularly compassionate or
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The Dalai Lama stopped speaking for
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was OK, that there was no real requ
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people, it is still possible to pre
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sense of abandonment, so when you s
Page 322 and 323:
even turned on his most faithful st
Page 324 and 325:
his tea, even the contour of his sh
Page 326 and 327:
“But the main point really ... if
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investigators found that doing regu
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truth of this view. We can discover
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than I’ve ever been in my life!
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that you have a right to have happi
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assembly that morning. I imagine th
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Chapter 8FACING SUFFERINGIn the tim
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The woman agreed and began goingfro
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problems. Sometimes these defense m
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focus on missing him right now; I h
Page 346 and 347:
The Dalai Lama detailed his approac
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“But I think it’s still better
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an amniocentesis or sonogram and fi
Page 352 and 353:
Shaking his head, he finally said,
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speaking, for instance, you feel ha
Page 356 and 357:
in demonstration, ”is the very ba
Page 358 and 359:
The Dalai Lama quickly clarified,
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craving and hatred, one can achieve
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imagine that the death of your brot
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about the issue of loss, to see if
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passed away.“For example, in my o
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Although pain and suffering are exp
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has improved for many in Western so
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Chapter 9SELF-CREATED SUFFERINGOn h
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soothingly. “By the way, how long
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those negative emotions that makes
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your own personal creation. On the
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waiter presented us with two free d
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“BUT IT’S NOT FAIR!”In our da
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on top of that having children with
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process. This indicates that there
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look at the problem with the attitu
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of course, there are many other bad
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lame everything on China. But there
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words, I am not worthy of the perso
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GUILTAs products of an imperfect wo
Page 398 and 399:
and came to me as a sort of formali
Page 400 and 401:
possibility of recognizing a bad si
Page 402 and 403:
RESISTING CHANGEGuilt arises when w
Page 404 and 405:
moment, no matter how pleasant or p
Page 406 and 407:
contemplation and understanding ofi
Page 408 and 409:
she cried frantically, “I think h
Page 410 and 411:
she sighed. “It seemed that gradu
Page 412 and 413:
must be over ; after all, there’s
Page 414 and 415:
emotional closeness can increase; a
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crying “Leave me alone!” to his
Page 418 and 419:
transitional periods can become piv
Page 420 and 421:
seem to matter ; we’re really hap
Page 422 and 423:
everyone who insulted him. When thi
Page 424 and 425:
country. From that viewpoint, it is
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view your situation from a differen
Page 428 and 429:
looked at me. I wondered if he sens
Page 430 and 431:
continue to perceive them as 100 pe
Page 432 and 433:
Inspired by the Dalai Lama’s word
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wretched than that? Carrying around
Page 436 and 437:
egins to flow naturally.“So, for
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opportunity provided by your enemy.
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ultimately results in our strength.
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veal. It’s the very struggle of l
Page 444 and 445:
may I think myself the lowest among
Page 446 and 447:
then said, “There may be somethin
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only. Often they involved the attem
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conversation.
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man of generous proportions who had
Page 454 and 455:
myself to remaining irritable for t
Page 456 and 457:
A SUPPLY MINDThe ability to shift p
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suppleness of mind. It comes about,
Page 460 and 461:
“When you speak of adopting a wid
Page 462 and 463:
cultivation of patience and toleran
Page 464 and 465:
THE IMPORTANCE OF FLEXIBLETHINKINGT
Page 466 and 467:
As I got to know the Dalai Lama, I
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flexible, malleable, and adaptable,
Page 470 and 471:
FINDING BALANCEDeveloping a flexibl
Page 472 and 473:
of mind, bringing you more down to
Page 474 and 475:
has got to be a balance....”After
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surface, it can in fact be harmful.
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think in many ways narrow-minded at
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Chapter 11FINDING MEANING IN PAIN A
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periods of acute crisis and tragedy
Page 484 and 485:
e painful, but like the pain a woma
Page 486 and 487:
and the Renaissance. In Switzerland
Page 488 and 489:
much better now and we’re going t
Page 490 and 491:
opportunity by thinking, ‘May my
Page 492 and 493:
additional psychological pain, suff
Page 494 and 495:
engaging in the wholesome actions a
Page 496 and 497:
DEALING WITH PHYSICAL PAINBy reflec
Page 498 and 499:
causing the rotting of the flesh, b
Page 500 and 501:
In the same way that finding meanin
Page 502 and 503:
in intense suffering to the pianist
Page 504 and 505:
eward. Researcher Ronald Melzak too
Page 506 and 507:
describes many reports of leprosy p
Page 508 and 509:
desert temperatures outside, were u
Page 510 and 511:
clearly in your mind. Then, on the
Page 512 and 513:
or her own to be able to relieve hi
Page 514 and 515:
powerful if you combine the‘givin
Page 516 and 517:
Lama, perhaps not wanting to come a
Page 518 and 519:
Part IVOVERCOMING OBSTACLES
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THE PROCESS OF CHANGEWe’ve discus
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smoking, first you have to be aware
Page 524 and 525:
there is no feeling of tiredness or
Page 526 and 527:
Dalai Lama answered. “In order to
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opposite purpose—‘Oh, there is
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once again I think the most effecti
Page 532 and 533:
a set routine and you don’t need
Page 534 and 535:
short period, say two years, there
Page 536 and 537:
or active involvement. Of course, i
Page 538 and 539:
happiness is widely overlooked. Yet
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esearched the mechanisms that initi
Page 542 and 543:
it is in fact the cornerstone of co
Page 544 and 545:
important implications in the Dalai
Page 546 and 547:
mind tempered by years of experienc
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‘I’m just going to focus on the
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our mind. They feel that since thes
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practice designed to enhance altrui
Page 554 and 555:
one’s own personal identity. Let
Page 556 and 557:
what are called Nyon Mong in Tibeta
Page 558 and 559:
these positive factors are grounded
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certain things that we require, cer
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things.“When talking about elimin
Page 564 and 565:
Concluding his discussion about the
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egins to take steps in that directi
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who you feel may have achieved thes
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to-day experiences (including dream
Page 572 and 573:
must be loved and approved of by al
Page 574 and 575:
emotions and counteract negative th
Page 576 and 577:
an arrow, one doesnot spend time wo
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Robert Sapolsky at Stanford Univers
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however, the patient reported, “W
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individual to act quickly and decis
Page 584 and 585:
“It is with this in mind that we
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pretend or adopt a dignified pose,
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psychotherapy, which encourage expr
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anger from arising in the first pla
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you are still subject to the destru
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eleased. The idea of getting rid of
Page 596 and 597:
lower or moderate levels of anger,
Page 598 and 599:
putting up with small problems or h
Page 600 and 601:
world peace—that certainly can be
Page 602 and 603:
can take a strong stand and even ta
Page 604 and 605:
analyze the situation, you’ll rea
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Meditation on Anger: Exercise 1“L
Page 608 and 609:
appearance,’ and so on. So once y
Page 610 and 611:
for yourself ; investigate. So for
Page 612 and 613:
Chapter 14DEALING WITH ANXIETY ANDB
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However, feelings of fear and anxie
Page 616 and 617:
need pharmacological intervention.
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and began, reverting to my intermit
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our own mental creations. These fea
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a way out of the difficulty, then o
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of anxiety. For example, one type o
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eflect. At last he said, “I think
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have failed to make much progress i
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one of compassion, even if I made a
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applying a counteractive thought: r
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mind and achieving happiness, the c
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who works at a department store in
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HONESTY AS AN ANTIDOTE TOLOW SELF-E
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theorists have related both low and
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In recent decades, the nature of
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negative way. It is based on sound
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“That’s right, that’s right,
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Besides contemplating one’s suffe
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“Here, I think you have to keep i
Page 652 and 653:
confident and there’s no sense of
Page 654 and 655:
laughing, saying:“I’m confused!
Page 656 and 657:
our interview, the Dalai Lama asked
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ways that self-hatred can be cultur
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ased on experimental evidence, howe
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there may be a penetrating truth to
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On a subsequent visit to Dharamsala
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to such people is that we are gifte
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some sense we have this underlying
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Chapter 15BASIC SPIRITUAL VALUESTh
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course of our conversations, in fac
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mental dispositions. So, the variet
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One reason to respect these other t
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humanity and find useful aspects of
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Lama’s daily spiritual practice.
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least, I think daily, say a half an
Page 684 and 685:
meditator who has a certain degree
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were inconceivably intricate and el
Page 688 and 689:
even if a person committed atrociti
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and severe beatings, he was able to
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extremists. Until 1991 he was impri
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lower death rates, and improved hea
Page 696 and 697:
Although some of the rewards of fai
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such as the Dalai Lama to try to di
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society will be more troubled. So,
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For those people, I think we can ed
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The Dalai Lama was due to attend a
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to the Dalai Lama, who spoke a few
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thoughts, observe the underlying na
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meditative practices, these definit
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mind inward; don’t let it chase a
Page 714 and 715:
external objects ; we tend to look
Page 716 and 717:
way through the surrounding crowd.
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To Dr. Thupten Jinpa for his friend
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voluminous material and focusing an
Page 722 and 723:
THE ART OF HAPPINESS BOOKSERIESThe
Page 724 and 725:
Handbook for Living in 1998, there
Page 726 and 727:
India. His tireless efforts on beha
Page 728 and 729:
1The term Dharma has many connotati
Page 730 and 731:
achieves a state of Liberation.5The
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