The Art of Happiness

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It seems clear that as a source of happiness,romance leaves a lot to be desired. And perhapsthe Dalai Lama was not far off the mark inrejecting the notion of romance as a basis for arelationship and in describing romance as merely“a fantasy ... unattainable,” something not worthyof our efforts. On closer examination, perhaps hewas objectively describing the nature of romancerather than providing a negative value judgmentcolored by his years of training as a monk. Evenan objective reference source such as thedictionary, which contains well over a dozendefinitions of “romance” and “romantic,” isliberally peppered with phrases such as “afictitious tale,” “an exaggeration,” “a falsehood,”“fanciful or imaginative,” “not practical,” “withouta basis in fact,” “characteristic of or preoccupiedwith idealized lovemaking or courting,” and so
on. It is apparent that somewhere along the roadof Western civilization a change has taken place.The ancient concept of Eros, with the underlyingsense of becoming one, of fusion with another,has taken on new meaning. Romance hasacquired an artificial quality, with flavors offraudulence and deception, the quality that hadled Oscar Wilde to bleakly observe, “When oneis in love, one always begins by deceivingoneself, and one always ends up by deceivingothers. That is what the world calls a romance.”Earlier, we explored the role of closeness andintimacy as an important component of humanhappiness. There’s no doubt of this. But if one islooking for lasting satisfaction in a relationship,the foundation of that relationship must be solid.It is for this reason that the Dalai Lamaencourages us to examine the underlying basis of
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Table of ContentsTitle PageCopyrigh
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Chapter 8 - FACING SUFFERINGChapter
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RIVERHEAD BOOKSPublished by the Pen
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simultaneously in CanadaThe excerpt
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Dedicated to the Reader:May you fin
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of the book. Those who have read th
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as a growing body of scientific evi
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with respect to one’s own mental
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disposal of each of us. Given these
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new book so that others can share i
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THE BEGINNINGA full decade has now
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esult of the brutal invasion of Tib
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PUBLICATIONI vividly recall the mee
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egister his response.Looking a bit
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only minutes for the Dalai Lama to
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ooks by the Dalai Lama held no appe
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UNEXPECTED SUCCESSThat was ten year
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conditions of our lives finally fal
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popular subjects for research. Alth
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Seligman teamed up with another bri
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THE BENEFITS OF HAPPINESSOne of the
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directly related to one’s level o
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more systematic and direct way. The
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happiness that combines the best of
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disciples not to blindly accept his
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consistently supported the views ex
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KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ANDTHE PURSUI
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compassion makes people happier—o
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THE FUTURE OF THE ART OFHAPPINESSFo
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hatred, poverty—the list is long.
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AUTHOR’S NOTEIn this book, extens
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inadvertent distortions of the Dala
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throng of local reporters, photogra
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can leave the differences aside, I
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penetrating intelligence, but witho
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long pause and reflection, he simpl
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modes of analysis is a very strong
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across human behaviors that on the
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with: for instance, it does not acc
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hope is based on the belief that wh
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times chosen to omit portions of th
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Chapter 1THE RIGHT TO HAPPINESSI be
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goal. As a psychiatrist, however, I
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meaning, closer to’psyche’ or
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with a look of excitement and pleas
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unhappy people who tend to be most
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lives. Suppose, for instance, we’
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Chapter 2THE SOURCES OF HAPPINESSTw
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friend of the same age who found ou
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everyday life ; a pay raise, a new
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happiness—and the verdict is stil
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to be dissatisfied with our income
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at Buffalo, subjects were asked to
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we need a circle of friends with wh
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joy or fulfillment that you are see
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INNER CONTENTMENTCrossing the hotel
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one’s essential needs of food, cl
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gives you a immediate feeling of sa
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So, how can we achieve inner conten
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innocent passing remark such as,
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have been very difficult. While I w
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person will suffer because there is
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speaking to an Indian audience at R
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had visited that town many times an
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Everyday we are faced with numerous
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or twentieth-century scientists to
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defined by the Dalai Lama, that is
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THE PATH TO HAPPINESSIn identifying
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very bad and harmful to one persona
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important.“Now, we have spoken of
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might have a better definition of a
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MENTAL DISCIPLINEAs he spoke, I fou
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ody ; you need a variety of vitamin
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Buddhist practices are very helpful
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effect on the deeper mind. No hatre
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allowing electrical signals to trav
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ETHICAL DISCIPLINEIn a later discus
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true happiness, spiritual growth, a
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we consider education as a very imp
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learning and understanding, can hav
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understand that there are many diff
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crucial.”Sensing, I suppose, my c
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Chapter 4RECLAIMING OUR INNATESTATE
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fundamental nature of all sentient
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attitudes automatically and natural
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they arise when we are frustrated i
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econciliation that can be used to o
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the mid-1700s David Hume wrote a lo
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inclination to aggression is an ori
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people or violent, aggressive peopl
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themselves using the pronouns “I,
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his behavior on others.Revising our
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An infant is also biologically prog
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MEDITATION ON THE PURPOSEOF LIFEAs
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course of study to become a lawyer,
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at this time we will be here. But s
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Chapter 5A NEW MODEL FOR INTIMACY
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searching, desperately hoping to co
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“My basic belief is that you firs
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wrong; it leads to problems and can
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Because of the widespread occurrenc
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DEPENDENCE ON OTHERSVERSUS SELF-REL
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On that basis, the Dalai Lama point
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into being as a result of the effor
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the farmer the tractor to plow the
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INTIMACYOur need for other people i
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elationship ...”“Yes, I believe
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“So, when I was in Tibet or since
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laughed once again. ”But personal
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physical and psychological well-bei
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separated from other humans. He bel
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humans come into physical contact w
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also vary throughout the world and
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would validate the marriage.How peo
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particularly true when we go throug
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connection with others as possible.
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attendant discreetly glided into th
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ESTABLISHING EMPATHYWhile we had sp
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Similarly here, in order to be skil
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Page 248 and 249: answered, “Whenever I meet people
Page 250 and 251: are dealing with. Also, being more
Page 252 and 253: made an attempt to connect with him
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Page 256 and 257: urban predator dedicated to the Str
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Page 260 and 261: twenty rupees is only around a quar
Page 262 and 263: and of course I found his examples
Page 264 and 265: separated people. One survey found
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Page 268 and 269: will also begin to disappear. On th
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Page 274 and 275: person is kind, nice, and gentle, a
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Page 278 and 279: RELATIONSHIPS BASED ONROMANCEIt fel
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Page 286 and 287: At birth, the brain is not yet full
Page 288 and 289: I considered the problem of basing
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Page 298 and 299: Chapter 7THE VALUE AND BENEFITS OFC
Page 300 and 301: oughly defined in terms of a state
Page 302 and 303: you may have a feeling of hatred. S
Page 304 and 305: of generic compassion divorced from
Page 306 and 307: its pain.”“Yes,” said the Dal
Page 308 and 309: numb.“Now, in generating compassi
Page 310 and 311: of Buddhism we find two principal t
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Page 314 and 315: The Dalai Lama stopped speaking for
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Page 318 and 319: people, it is still possible to pre
Page 320 and 321: sense of abandonment, so when you s
Page 322 and 323: even turned on his most faithful st
Page 324 and 325: his tea, even the contour of his sh
Page 326 and 327: “But the main point really ... if
Page 328 and 329: investigators found that doing regu
Page 330 and 331: truth of this view. We can discover
Page 332 and 333: than I’ve ever been in my life!
Page 334 and 335: that you have a right to have happi
Page 336 and 337: assembly that morning. I imagine th
Page 338 and 339: Chapter 8FACING SUFFERINGIn the tim
Page 340 and 341: The woman agreed and began goingfro
Page 342 and 343: problems. Sometimes these defense m
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focus on missing him right now; I h
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The Dalai Lama detailed his approac
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“But I think it’s still better
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an amniocentesis or sonogram and fi
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Shaking his head, he finally said,
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speaking, for instance, you feel ha
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in demonstration, ”is the very ba
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The Dalai Lama quickly clarified,
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craving and hatred, one can achieve
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imagine that the death of your brot
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about the issue of loss, to see if
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passed away.“For example, in my o
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Although pain and suffering are exp
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has improved for many in Western so
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Chapter 9SELF-CREATED SUFFERINGOn h
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soothingly. “By the way, how long
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those negative emotions that makes
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your own personal creation. On the
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waiter presented us with two free d
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“BUT IT’S NOT FAIR!”In our da
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on top of that having children with
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process. This indicates that there
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look at the problem with the attitu
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of course, there are many other bad
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lame everything on China. But there
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words, I am not worthy of the perso
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GUILTAs products of an imperfect wo
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and came to me as a sort of formali
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possibility of recognizing a bad si
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RESISTING CHANGEGuilt arises when w
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moment, no matter how pleasant or p
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contemplation and understanding ofi
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she cried frantically, “I think h
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she sighed. “It seemed that gradu
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must be over ; after all, there’s
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emotional closeness can increase; a
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crying “Leave me alone!” to his
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transitional periods can become piv
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seem to matter ; we’re really hap
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everyone who insulted him. When thi
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country. From that viewpoint, it is
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view your situation from a differen
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looked at me. I wondered if he sens
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continue to perceive them as 100 pe
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Inspired by the Dalai Lama’s word
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wretched than that? Carrying around
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egins to flow naturally.“So, for
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opportunity provided by your enemy.
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ultimately results in our strength.
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veal. It’s the very struggle of l
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may I think myself the lowest among
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then said, “There may be somethin
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only. Often they involved the attem
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conversation.
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man of generous proportions who had
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myself to remaining irritable for t
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A SUPPLY MINDThe ability to shift p
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suppleness of mind. It comes about,
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“When you speak of adopting a wid
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cultivation of patience and toleran
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THE IMPORTANCE OF FLEXIBLETHINKINGT
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As I got to know the Dalai Lama, I
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flexible, malleable, and adaptable,
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FINDING BALANCEDeveloping a flexibl
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of mind, bringing you more down to
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has got to be a balance....”After
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surface, it can in fact be harmful.
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think in many ways narrow-minded at
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Chapter 11FINDING MEANING IN PAIN A
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periods of acute crisis and tragedy
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e painful, but like the pain a woma
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and the Renaissance. In Switzerland
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much better now and we’re going t
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opportunity by thinking, ‘May my
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additional psychological pain, suff
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engaging in the wholesome actions a
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DEALING WITH PHYSICAL PAINBy reflec
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causing the rotting of the flesh, b
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In the same way that finding meanin
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in intense suffering to the pianist
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eward. Researcher Ronald Melzak too
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describes many reports of leprosy p
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desert temperatures outside, were u
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clearly in your mind. Then, on the
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or her own to be able to relieve hi
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powerful if you combine the‘givin
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Lama, perhaps not wanting to come a
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Part IVOVERCOMING OBSTACLES
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THE PROCESS OF CHANGEWe’ve discus
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smoking, first you have to be aware
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there is no feeling of tiredness or
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Dalai Lama answered. “In order to
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opposite purpose—‘Oh, there is
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once again I think the most effecti
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a set routine and you don’t need
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short period, say two years, there
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or active involvement. Of course, i
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happiness is widely overlooked. Yet
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esearched the mechanisms that initi
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it is in fact the cornerstone of co
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important implications in the Dalai
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mind tempered by years of experienc
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‘I’m just going to focus on the
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our mind. They feel that since thes
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practice designed to enhance altrui
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one’s own personal identity. Let
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what are called Nyon Mong in Tibeta
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these positive factors are grounded
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certain things that we require, cer
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things.“When talking about elimin
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Concluding his discussion about the
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egins to take steps in that directi
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who you feel may have achieved thes
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to-day experiences (including dream
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must be loved and approved of by al
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emotions and counteract negative th
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an arrow, one doesnot spend time wo
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Robert Sapolsky at Stanford Univers
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however, the patient reported, “W
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individual to act quickly and decis
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“It is with this in mind that we
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pretend or adopt a dignified pose,
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psychotherapy, which encourage expr
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anger from arising in the first pla
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you are still subject to the destru
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eleased. The idea of getting rid of
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lower or moderate levels of anger,
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putting up with small problems or h
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world peace—that certainly can be
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can take a strong stand and even ta
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analyze the situation, you’ll rea
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Meditation on Anger: Exercise 1“L
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appearance,’ and so on. So once y
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for yourself ; investigate. So for
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Chapter 14DEALING WITH ANXIETY ANDB
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However, feelings of fear and anxie
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need pharmacological intervention.
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and began, reverting to my intermit
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our own mental creations. These fea
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a way out of the difficulty, then o
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of anxiety. For example, one type o
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eflect. At last he said, “I think
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have failed to make much progress i
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one of compassion, even if I made a
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applying a counteractive thought: r
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mind and achieving happiness, the c
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who works at a department store in
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HONESTY AS AN ANTIDOTE TOLOW SELF-E
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theorists have related both low and
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In recent decades, the nature of
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negative way. It is based on sound
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“That’s right, that’s right,
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Besides contemplating one’s suffe
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“Here, I think you have to keep i
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confident and there’s no sense of
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laughing, saying:“I’m confused!
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our interview, the Dalai Lama asked
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ways that self-hatred can be cultur
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ased on experimental evidence, howe
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there may be a penetrating truth to
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On a subsequent visit to Dharamsala
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to such people is that we are gifte
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some sense we have this underlying
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Chapter 15BASIC SPIRITUAL VALUESTh
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course of our conversations, in fac
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mental dispositions. So, the variet
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One reason to respect these other t
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humanity and find useful aspects of
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Lama’s daily spiritual practice.
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least, I think daily, say a half an
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meditator who has a certain degree
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were inconceivably intricate and el
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even if a person committed atrociti
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and severe beatings, he was able to
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extremists. Until 1991 he was impri
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lower death rates, and improved hea
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Although some of the rewards of fai
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such as the Dalai Lama to try to di
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society will be more troubled. So,
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For those people, I think we can ed
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The Dalai Lama was due to attend a
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to the Dalai Lama, who spoke a few
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thoughts, observe the underlying na
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meditative practices, these definit
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mind inward; don’t let it chase a
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external objects ; we tend to look
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way through the surrounding crowd.
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To Dr. Thupten Jinpa for his friend
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voluminous material and focusing an
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THE ART OF HAPPINESS BOOKSERIESThe
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Handbook for Living in 1998, there
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India. His tireless efforts on beha
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1The term Dharma has many connotati
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achieves a state of Liberation.5The
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The Art of Happiness

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