Bunuel_Luis_My_Last_Breath

Love and Love Affairs 149"Listen, Pepita," I began, "I've got a proposition for you. I likeyou a lot and I want you to be my mistress. I'll give you two thousandpesetas a month, you can go on living with your mother, but youmake love only with me. Is it a deal?"She seemed surprised, but accepted readily enough. I helped heroff with her clothes and held her naked in my arms only to findmyself paralyzed with nervousness. I suggested we go dancing; shegot dressed again, and we got into my car, but instead of going toBombilla, I drove out of Madrid. Two kilometers from Puerta deHierro, I stopped and made her get out."Pepita," I said, "I know you're sleeping with other men. There'sno point denying it, so let's just say goodbye right here."I turned around and headed back to the city, leaving Pepita tofend for herself. After that, I still saw her frequently at the studio,but we never spoke. And thus my abortive love affair came to anend, although I still blush when I think of how I behaved.When we were young, love seemed powerful enough to transformour lives. Sexual desire went hand in hand with feelings of intimacy,of conquest, and of sharing, which raised us above mundane concernsand made us feel capable of great things. Today, if I can believe whatpeople say, love is like faith. It's acquired a certain tendency todisappear, at least in some circles. Many people seem to consider ita historical phenomenon, a kind of cultural illusion. It's studied andanalyzed and, wherever possible, cured.I protest. We were not victims of an illusion. As strange as itmay sound these days, we truly did love.