Bunuel_Luis_My_Last_Breath

Love and Love AffairsI47loved as a fervent monk would love the Virgin Mary. The mere ideaof touching a woman's sex or breasts, or that I might' feel her tongueagainst mine, repelled me.These platonic affairs lasted until my baptism in the traditionalSaragossa brothel, but these platonic feelings never gave way entirelyto sexual desire. I've fallen in love with women many times, butmaintained perfectly chaste relationships with them. On the otherhand, from the age of fourteen until the last few years, my sexualdesire has remained powerful, stronger even than hunger, and usuallyfar more difficult to satisfy. No sooner would I sit down in a railwaycarriage, for example, than erotic images filled my mind. All I coulddo was succumb, only to find them still there, and sometimes evenstronger, afterwards.When we were growing up, we instinctively disliked homosexuals,as my response to the innuendoes about Lorca would suggest.Once I even played the agentprovocateur in a public urinal in Madrid,a role that in hindsight seems absurd and embarrassing. While mycohorts waited outside, I entered the cubicle and began baiting whoeverwas inside. One evening, a man responded; I ran outside, and theminute he emerged, we gave him a sound thrashing.At that time in Spain, homosexuality was something dark andsecret. Even in Madrid, we knew of only three or four "official"pederasts. One of them was a marquis whom I met one day whilewaiting for a streetcar. I'd bet a friend of mine that I could maketwenty-five pesetas in five minutes, so I went up to him, flutteredmy eyelashes, and began to talk. We made plans to meet the followingday for a drink, and when I hinted that I was very young andthat school books were very expensive, he gave me twenty-five pesetas.I didn't go to the rendezvous, of course; but a week later, whenI ran into him again in the same streetcar, I gave him the finger.For many reasons-my timidity, for starter-most women Iwas attracted to kept their distance. Undoubtedly, there were manywho simply didn't find me irresistible; but, on the other hand, oneof the more unpleasant situations in life is to be pursued by someone