Journal of the Louisiana Dental Association

LDAlast pageDavid AustinIt’s Good To Be Green – Part 2Our research facility located in Dry Prong has beeninundated with a substantial amount of angry andthreatening mail from many within our membershipconcerning our recently published (18 months ago)paper, It’s Good To Be Green. Our staff cannot possiblyanswer all of the cards, letters, and subpoenas thatmany of you have thoughtfully sent. Indeed, it is mysincere hope that this column will clear up most, if notall, of the errors and recommendations that were madethat resulted in any problem(s) you may have hadpersonally.Let us begin with the first and perhaps worstmistake. Sentence number two, within paragraph threeshould have said: we recommend toilet paper madefrom recycled paper…the inadvertent wordmisplacement and syntax error has caused some of ourmembership grievous moments. Please, I cannotemphasize strongly enough, do not use recycled toiletpaper.Another recommendation that must be correctedcomes from paragraph five, sentence number six. Itshould have stated: we therefore highly recommendpatient bibs made from palm leaves…we have beencontacted by the city attorney of Grand Isle becausemany of the palm trees located along the beach area aremissing their leaves. It seems that several dentalassistants have been caught removing said leaves andsome have actually found their way on Ebay. Accordingto the city attorney, this has had a very negative impacton tourism and a number of suits have been filed. Let’sbe perfectly clear on this matter. A palm leaf actuallymakes a dandy patient bib, but just say no for the sakeof keeping our beaches pristine.One mistake that I must personally take the blamefor is actually all of paragraph nine. This was myattempt to help the doctor and staff go paperless bykeeping all pertinent banking and patient data within asecure firewalled computer server. It seems that atleast six of our members have had identity thefts.Actually one member has lost nearly all of his patientsto the person who stole his identity. Seems they justprefer going to the other guy, who incidentally is not adentist.????Regretfully, an important sentence was completelyleft out within paragraph 12. This paragraph specifiedways to use photovoltaic, or solar cells, to harness theenergy of the sun to heat and cool your office. Weactually had a member dentist in the extremenortheastern part of our state build and equip his officewith solar cells to provide electricity for his heating andair. Unfortunately, he did not have a conventionalback-up system in place. It was also unfortunate thatthe good doctor suffered frostbite on several of his toesand one ear during a lengthy crown and bridgeprocedure he performed on a cloudy day last winter.I am happy to report that he has almost completelyrecovered and we have settled out of court.It is also with sadness that we must not continue torecommend linoleum manufactured in Breaux Bridge.You may recall (paragraph 17, sentence 42) that ourtesting facility evaluated flooring material made fromchitin, which is of course a polysaccharide found in theexoskeletons of crawfish (crayfish). This substanceproved extremely durable during our research and wegave it our highest rating of five molars. It was indeed,too good to be true. It seems that if any water isspilled, it will become extremely slippery and smelly.Even though this product remains very popular in someareas of our state, we can no longer recommend it.Finally, we are still looking for volunteer doctorsand staff who would agree to wear and evaluate diapersprovided by NASA. We believe that the savings ofusing less water and time away from patients will morethan offset the costs involved. They actually come withVelcro tabs for the elderly and very young dentists. Besure and call or drop us a line if you wish to be a partof our evaluation team.t40 LDA Journal