Inside: - The Wake

March 31, 2OO4 CampusWakeTHE6Fear Of The WhiteCotton SwabWhy men often avoid STD testingBy Eric Magnuson“You should get tested,” my girlfriendsaid.“I know,” I reluctantly answered.Actually, I answered reluctantly for afew months. I knew I should be tested forSTDʼs but something about it scared me.Mainly, the thought ofsomebody sticking a Q-tip inside the urethra ofmy penis.I read articles aboutthe procedure. I readfirst hand accounts ofguys who were testedfor STDʼs and it soundedexcruciating.Traditionally, thetesting procedureinvolved a nurseinserting a Q-tip insidethe penis and swirlingit around several timesuntil a specimen couldbe extracted. With thatspecimen, doctors coulddecipher whether youʼvecontracted an STD.Well, sinceIʼm not much of asado-masochist, Iprocrastinated.Every few days my girlfriend asked meto get tested and Iʼd give some patheticexcuse why I couldnʼt do it that week. Beingbusy always seemed like a decent excuse. Itsounded important anyway.I didnʼt have any noticeable problemswith my sexual prowess, so I rationalizedwith myself that I could wait a little longer tohave somebody shove something inside myurethra. But not knowing for sure what wasgoing on down there pretty much made thisrationalization null and void.So after a few months of fearing theQ-tip, I went to the Red Door Clinic, a walk-inclinic at 525 Portland Ave. S. in Minneapolis.Itʼs Minnesotaʼs largest STD testing site. Theycan test people for gonorrhea, chlamydia,syphilis and vaginal infections. Genitalwarts and herpes can also be diagnosed ifsymptoms are present.The drive there wasshort but nauseating. Ikept thinking, this is it,this is going to be theworst pain Iʼve felt in myentire life.I sat in the doctorʼsoffice with my kneesshaking. The doctorasked me a variety ofquestions pertaining tomy libido. Blotchy redspots appeared on myneck, not because I wastelling a middle-agedwoman how often I havesex, but because I knewwhat was coming afterthe questions.She began tellingme whatʼs involved inthe test. First, sheʼdexamine my genitals,then sheʼd take a bloodsample, and finally Iʼd give a urine sample. Iwas sure ʻexamineʼ meant using the Q-tip.As she explained the procedure morethoroughly, I spoke up very coy, “So, do youhave to use a Q-tip?” I asked.“No, we donʼt have to do it that wayanymore,” she said.“Thank God!” I said, nearly giving her ahigh-five I was so happy.Hearing those words made dropping mypants in front of a middle-aged woman easierGood Grades . . . for those who can afford themHidden costs can decide who makes the gradeBy Dave BrakkeCheck your wallets students,registration at the University of Minnesota isright around the corner and while the priceof classes might drain your funds you mighthave to use that extra beer money to helppay off some hidden costs.No, itʼs not about the student servicefees or the fees from elusive groups likeMPIRG, itʼs about the cost of materialsnecessary to actually participate in class.Materials like textbooks and lab manualsmight end up costing an arm and a leg, butsome classes require other special materialsjust to complete assignments.Photography, art and graphic designare just some of the courses requiringstudents to continuously purchase materialsthroughout the semester. Inks, paints, film,and different assortments of paper ormopboard can quickly add up, especiallyif students want to create a high qualityproduct.Being a senior in graphic design, AlexisMason knows all too well about having toinvest in class projects.“In graphic design you are either buyingmaterials or paying for an output and thematerials necessary to display it,” she said.“Unless itʼs a lecture based course almosteverything you do will be like that.”Mason explained how she once hada project requiring her to design a posterIllustration by Albert NguyenIllustration by Albert Nguyencosting $30 per sheet to print. In addition,she had to make three different variationsof the poster which cost her even more shesaid.At Coffman: April 14th 6-9 p.m. Room 323 &April 24th 1-3 p.m. Room 326At St. Paul Student Center Room 202: April20th 6-9 p.m. & April 24th 9:30-11:30 a.m.than Iʼd ever thought possible. I was happyto do it.At the Red Door Clinic, itʼs no longernecessary for the penis to be swabbed whentested as long as the patient doesnʼt showany symptoms of STDs. Blood and urinesamples are now just as efficient. So theSome classes are better than others inhelping students find the right materials, shesaid. One class she attended required thestudents to pay a fee used by the instructorIllustration by Murphy Curranto purchase materials the class could usethroughout the semester.She believes that by having theinstructor purchase the materials it helpedopportune time to be tested is when youʼrefeeling healthy. Otherwise, you might be putin a compromising position between yourself,a nurse, and a cotton swab.And since I was tested, I can bepositive that Iʼm not passing anything to mygirlfriend.to reduce student cost as well as level theplaying field. Students who donʼt have manyresources canʼt make the highest qualityproduct which makes it unfair, she said.“It shouldnʼt be about who can affordwhat, it should be about who is willing to putin the effort,” she said.With students buying their ownmaterials it might seem the ones usinghigh quality products or spending the mostmoney would get the best grades. However,Mason said those who try hard to find gooddeals on materials or those who are creativeand work with what they have, can achieveresults as good as anybody else.“It depends on how far youʼre willing togo,” she said. “Spending more to create anelaborate product might stand out more butitʼs not an overriding factor in grading.”While the depth of a studentʼs walletmight not determine the outcome oftheir grade, a little extra goes a long way.Students have to realize where they areand what theyʼre doing and expect to putin some resources in order to succeed, shesaid.“You have to come in prepared,” shesaid. “In the beginning I wasnʼt willing toinvest all my cash into this, but I later realizedit was expected in order to have high qualityoutputs and high quality results.”

Voices&DeclarationsMarch 31 2OO47A Silent Return From The War On TerrorBy Andy LarsonThe day I returned home to Moose Lake,MN for spring break American flags hung fromevery light pole, and the billboard in front ofthe high school, which usually tells of theupcoming sporting events, had its lettersarranged to say this instead: “Semper Fi.” Theboy who was Homecoming King the previousyear had come home from the Marines, fromthe War on Terror, but he came home in abox.Yet he wasnʼt in Iraq, he was still farbehind the front lines at Camp Victory inKuwait. According to the AP release, whichthe Pioneer Press printed on March 11, “Thedeath of 18-year-old Matt Milczark, who wasserving in the Iraq war, was not the result ofenemy hostilities nor of a combat situation,the military said. Milczarkʼs body was foundearly Sunday inside a chapel at Camp Victoryin Kuwait. He died of a single gunshotwound to the head…the military will notpublicly disclose a specific or official causeof death, Marine spokeswoman Gunnery Sgt.Kristine Scarber said from Washington onWednesday.”A non-combat gunshot wound to thehead in a chapel? It canʼt be said in openair, of course: “no further details”…let usjust say you could drive a tank through theimplication.But things were not being dressed in sucha fashion at home. Tim Caroline, my fifth-gradeteacher and now school superintendent, wasquoted in the Duluth News Tribune on March10 as saying, “We read about the war andsee it on TV, but the reality of it never reallyseems to hit home until something horriblelike this happens.” Reality though, I think, isan interestingword in thiscase; despitethe implicationsone might makeof Milczarckʼsdeath, themood aroundtown stillsuggested asort of inflatedpatriotism, asif a son of ourtown had fallen in battle.But what is this battle for? Hearts andminds!? Apparently even our own boys arestarting to have problems holding on to theirown over there. Democracy? Hardly. Weʼre“We read about the war and seeit on TV, but the reality of itnever really seems to hit homeuntil something horrible like thishappens.”-Tim Carolinegoing to maintain control over the“sovereign” Iraqi government weprop up. Freedom? Maybe. Butwhat does freedom mean at base,and are we giving it? Is it a giftto be given at gunpoint? Perhapsit is just that eternal battle itself:order vs. chaos.There is somethingthat we truly miss seeing thewar on television from our nicecomfortable continent. We do notget a taste of the carnage, thereality of it. It takes the death ofone young man to make a smalltown come to terms with war, butthe nameless, faceless deaths ofIraqi civilians seem not to makemuch of an impression. And at thispoint, though exact figures arehard to come by, there have beenaround 10,000 Iraqi civilians whohave died as a result of “OperationIraqi Freedom.”When it comes to war, whenit comes to covering the events,we tend not to directly focus onthe carnage of it. We show “Shockand Awe” exploding in downtownBaghdad and stories on the newestmilitary toys that our tax dollarsare paying for. Rarely, if ever,are we shown the mangled corpseof a civilian who we accidentallyhit with an errant missile, or theinnocent Iraqi mistakenly shot byone of our soldiers. And never,since the beginning of this “Waron Terrorism”, by presidentialorder, are the flag draped coffinsof our troopsbeing shownto televisioncameras asthe are takenfrom the cargoplanes after thereturn to American soil. Asof today there have been585 of them, and daily,there seems to be morebeing sent home to a blindwelcome.It seems that we have created aglorified picture of military service for manyof our young high school boys. It is aboutloyalty and service to the glory of onescountry, and you get to shoot to kill; you getact out what you have seen on television andplayed in games. And of course, weʼre the“good guys,” right?I remember many of these boys frommy rural youth who seemingly liked to kill.It wasnʼt enough to go hunting for game; ifthey didnʼt find any, they would instead turnchickadees and squirrels into mincemeat.Quite a few of these boys ended up joiningthe Marines, which they had painted a glorifiedpicture in their minds for a great while.Yet one suspects that the thought ofIllustration By Murphy Currantheir own mortality doesnʼt often enter intothe picture, and when it does, with perfectsuddenness on the staging grounds in Kuwait,it may be too much to take. Mortality,however, is the reality of war. And fromboth sides, but much more heavily on theside being “liberated,” there is a lot of bloodflowing out on the sand.E-mail Andy Larson atalarson@wkenews.org. Please send letters tothe eidtor to letters@wakenews.org

Americaʼs New Generation Of DruggiesBy Chris RobertsIt seems today there are moremental ʻdiseasesʼ out there than mixeddrinks and maybe more medications thanthe two combined.You remember those classic 80ʼsanti-drug commercials? The frantic crankaddict up all night vacuuming? Itʼs notʻthemʼ anymore, now itʼs the kids. Millionsof them are popping amphetamineseveryday. But donʼt fire your cleaninglady yet- todayʼs drugs are far morerefined, so kids arenʼt running aroundscrubbing toilets with toothbrushes,instead they are being medicated to bewho they ʻalready are.ʼ (There are peopleout there who are dangerously ill andgenuinely need certain mood-alteringdrugs to survive, but they constitute aminority of users.)Why is some hyperactive 6 year-oldwho canʼt pay attention (maybe becausemommy and daddy are never home andthereʼs no discipline) diseased? I couldnʼtpay attention when I was young, andIʼm damn proud for never taking pills toʻcorrectʼ my personality.The new drugs being prescribedto kids, like Adderall, (a cocktail of 4amphetamines, often jokingly referredto as ʻadd-er-all-upʼ on the street) are soʻsmooth,ʼ so perfect of a high that eventhe street junkies donʼt ʻcrush them up.ʼItʼs not about getting ʻhighʼ to tune outlike it was for our folks, instead itʼs tuningin. Imagine, just pop a pill and fit in.The troubling thing is, scientistshavenʼt studied the effect of manymood-altering drugs on kids. The FDAnow knows that several of the antidepressantson the market come witha surprise for youth- and their familyand friends alike- increased suiciderisk. Itʼs not even psychiatrists who areprescribing this shit to them, mostly itʼsgeneral practitioners. Worse of all, we arebeing fed the lie that these drugs donʼtalter your personality, they just help youbecome who you already are.For pharmaceutical companies topitch that these new drugs, the newspeeds, as non-habit forming and withoutnegative consequence is like proudlyhanding a 6 year old the keys to theliquor cabinet.I ran into my first pill-pushing doctorlast year at a routine checkup. Duringa mild case of the blues he suggestedtrying some antidepressants, so I couldlive my life ʻnormally.ʼ Rejecting theoffer, I worked my own way out of thedepression and today feel stronger forthat. Still, Iʼm feeling down once in awhile, does someone want to tell me whythis is a ʻdisease?ʼ Additionally, Iʼm a shyperson and according to commercials, Ishould ask my doctor for Zoloft, because,something must be wrong with me.I admit a tinge of jealousy, howcome my ʻdiseasedʼ friend can stay up allnight (thank you Adderall) to study andperform well while I suck down 3 doubleespressos and burn out halfway throughthe test?The aforementioned jealousyaside, I have no problem with peoplewho make an educated choice to usedrugs. People should know what theyʼredoing, but 6 year olds certainly canʼt andadults apparently have a hard time withthe intense barrage of pharmaceuticalpropaganda.16 years of public schooling has doneits best to ʻbreak me;ʼ to cram me into anorm. My high school counselor said itwould do just that upon entering the 9thgrade, and I received his congratulationsupon graduating for resisting thecramming. I donʼt know what it meansto be normal and often doubt anyoneis. Perhaps normalcy is just the shallowillusion appearing before actually knowingpeople. Perhaps normalcy is no more thana pill away.Here comes the vicious cycle. Themore people who take drugs to benormal, the more we exaggerate thesupposed problems. As the popularityof mood-altering prescriptions rises,unhappy people will be seen as evenmore unusual and ʻsick.ʼ These trendsof medicated normalcy and cosmeticpersonalities lack appeal to me. I happento like my cranky, catty, obnoxious andspontaneous friends.The problem isnʼt only with kids;many adult users claim they take thesedrugs to become themselves, perhaps tochase painted-over nostalgia. When I hearthis I think of my grandma trying to fitinto her wedding dress.Why, when we think of the causesof depression do we dismiss societalconventions reverting to the discourseof ʻchemical imbalance? The treatmentof mental ʻdiseasesʼ resembles societalcontrol of deviant and disruptive behaviormore than legitimate medicine. If weplan on fixing this social problem weneed social change. Over four million pillpoppingkiddies is a good place to start.Next Issueof TheWakeOut April14thVoices612-623-4900www.Kafe421.com421 14thAvenue S.E.Enjoy A Meal in the Sunshine! OutdoorSeatingAvailable!Half Price AppetizersMon-Fri. 4-7 p.m.9THEWakeMarch 31, 2OO4

March 31, 2OO4 VoicesWakeTHE1OThis Man Wants ToBe Your PresidentAn Interview with Walt Brown,Socialist Presidential HopefulBy Andy LarsonWhat are your thoughts onthe current state of Americanpolitical system?We have two major parties whichare kind of “Republican-heavy” and“Republican-light,” which are bothcommitted in a rather doctrinal way tocapitalism. Weʼre never going to have asolid democratic party on the left unlessorganized labor and people who considerthemselves liberals, if not progressives,join together.The moneyed interests continue tobe such a temptation and a necessaryingredient in politics that until weaccomplish meaningful campaign financereform they canʼt wean themselves ofthat mothers milk of money.I stood outside of Kerryʼs home onBeacon Hill, the multimillion-dollar estatethat it is. Now itʼs difficult when youcome from that much money, and youmarry into it not be subject to what I calla “hardening of the political arteries.” Itʼsa phenomena as people grow older to geta bit more cynical, to get more concernedabout self-preservation, and to get moreconvinced of their own infallibility. Kerryillustrates this phenomena. [sic] If youlook at his votes, they are right down thecenter: Pro-NAFTA, most favored nationstatus in trade for China, Pro Iraq War. Weshould also point out that Kerry voted forthe Patriot Act.How would you treat Americanforeign policy?If I werep r e s i d e n t ,I would bee x t r e m e l yh a r d - n o s e din the use offorce. I was anattorney in theNavy during theKorean War, andI represented allkinds of peoplewho came backshot up. NowI think thatdeadly force is to be used under extremelylimited conditions. The president neverhad any real military experience, and hedoesnʼt seem to think much about themassive collateral damage that resultsfrom bombing. Now we talk about thedead soldiers, but we donʼt mention the22,000-plus have come back with mentalor physical injuries, and that the suiciderate is burgeoning. The Iraqi communityhas suffered in the hundreds of thousandsof casualties in this elongated conflict;directly or from indirect effects.We got ourselves into Iraq yearsago by supporting Saddam Hussein andwe supported him with intelligence andmilitary aid in his war against Iran wherea million Iranians died. Editorʼs Note: It iswidely estimated that one million deathsoccurred among all nationalities duringthis conflict. Historians liberally estimate600,000 Iranians lost their lives duringthat conflict. We looked the other waybefore the first Gulf War- he bought wheatusing bank loans that he received fromNew York banks, which he then barteredfor weapons. Then he defaulted on theloans, which we had ensured meaningthat the United States government andthe taxpayers ended up holding the bill.We ended up financing the weapons heused against us in the Gulf War.What about corporate loyaltyin todayʼs economy?Even the corporations that intendto keep production in the country arecaptive to the moves the others make.The reality is that you can either shiftproduction overseas and use cheap labor,or you go broke. In the last three yearswe have lost three million jobs, and nowthe Bush administration is re-classifyingmanufacturing so that the people thatwork at a Wendyʼs or a McDonaldʼs canbe considered manufacturing jobs as theyassemble ingredients, wrap it in paper,and shove it across the counter. EditorʼsNote: The Bush administration is notdirectly seeking to reclassify any serviceindustry jobs at the present time. Mr.Brown is referring to a suggestion madein this yearʼsE c o n o m i cReport to theP r e s i d e n t .“If I were president,I would be extremelyhard-nosed in theuse of force.”Mr. Brown, inreferencing to3 million jobslost, is mostlikely citingg o v e r n m e n tdata thats h o w sapproximately3 millionmanufacturingjobs have been lost since August, 2000.-Walt Brown, Presidential HopefulWhat would be the startingpoint for your political agenda?I think the most important thing wecan do is get our financial house in order.That means getting back to bi-lateraltrade deals, rather than blanket ones. Weneed to get our tax system in order; atone time federal revenues were made upby 50% corporate tax, which has shiftedto the individual. And when you considerthe national debt, which sits at nearly 7trillion dollars, as we borrow money, thecost of money goes up, and the interestrates go up. As the national debt bondscome due on their 5 to 10 year cycles weend up paying higher interest rates on ourdebt, and when we re-finance it a greaterpercentage of the annual budget becomesdedicated to servicing the debt.Now if we look at the individualconsumer, bankruptcies are at a highlevel, and people are spending more thanthey are earning; maxing out their creditcards; the average American householdnow has $7,000 of credit card debt.People are working two or three jobsbecause salaries have not kept up withthe cost of living.Weʼre going to have 1929 all overagain. 1929 occurred to some extentbecause the American consumer couldnʼtbuy the products on the shelf becausetheir money supply dried up. We areasking for serious trouble if we keep onshipping jobs overseas. There are a lotof jobs that people at your university aretraining for that simply arenʼt going to bethere when they graduate.www.wakenews.org PhotosStoriesAnimationsMore Exclusive Coverage

Gondry and Kauffman Reach Brilliance with EternalSunshine of the Spotless MindBy Steven SnyderWhat if your worst memories couldbe erased, the moments when you feltthe most pain, humiliation or guilt? Is yourbrain working now, filtering through allthe bad moments you wish you could zapfirst? For me, that bad memory exists ina dimly-lit hallway, outside a locked door;the end of a five-year relationship. Whatis it for you: a fallout with a lover, friend,a death or a goodbye?But thereʼs a catch: along with thatbad memory will go its good counterparts.The pain that person caused will beabsent but so will the happiness thatperson brought to your life. A completeerase, reset and restart.This is the central theme ofdirector Michel Gondry (Human Nature)and screenwriter Charlie Kaufmanʼs(Adaptation) Eternal Sunshine of theSpotless Mind, a dizzying film that pulseswith confusion, fantasy and heart, askingquestions about memory and the natureof love that one canʼt help but apply tohis or her own life.More than once I thought I had thetone and direction of this film figured out,only to be slapped back into place by theincomparable creativity of Kaufman. It israre that a screenwriter becomes a drawfor a movie, but I knew the instant I sawKaufmanʼs name associated with thismaterial, it would be something intelligent,memorable, edgy and off the beatenpath. Talk about an understatement.The prologue of the film witnessesa day in the life of the introverted JoelBarish (Jim Carrey), chronicling his firstencounter with the hyper and manicClementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet)whom he initially sees at a restaurant andlater gets to know on the subway. Almostinstantly they seem to share a commonbond.But before we become comfortablewith this routine story, an image of Joelcrying in his car propels us into a secondsubplot, where he and Clementine are atthe tail end of a ruined relationship. Theyhave split up, are upset with each otherand Clementine hires a service to eraseJoelʼs memory from her brain.Joel, in retaliation, goes in to eraseher memory, but the erasure processhits a few snags. While technician Stan(Mark Ruffalo) attempts to erase eachinstance of Clementine in Joelʼs mind, hisbrain works backwards, focusing on boththe sweet as well as the heartbreakingmemories that now are all that remain oftheir relationship.As he fondly looks back, Joelsuddenly decides he no longer wants theprocedure and this leads to the filmʼsmost absurd and enchanting portion,where Joel leads Stan in a game of catand-mousethrough his subconscious,guiding Clementine from one memoryto the next, in the hope that Stan will beunable to erase her completely.Confused yet? I donʼt blame you.This is a wild ride, and one that ismade even more complex by Gondryʼsschizophrenic direction and PhilipStocktonʼs disorienting sound design.Absorbing Eternal Sunshine is to journeyinside Joelʼs subconscious and to be partof his warped memories that are beingmanipulated, distorted and destroyedone by one. It is also to be part of hissubjectivity, and to witness the layers ofpain peel away until finally the essence ofhis initial love for Clementine reemergesfrom the depths. He sees again what hesaw at the beginning and suddenly doesnot want it to fade into oblivion.Those who have experienced boththe euphoria of love and the pain of losswill understand the contradiction.Carrey, again in an impressivedramatic turn, is the key to this movie. Hemust find the balance of a man confused,yet excited; goofy yet empathetic. Iʼmnot sure what more an actor can do toreceive recognition, but Carrey deliverssomething here that not many actorscould pull off. Put someone too seriousin this role and the movie loses itshumanism; put someone too goofy in andKaufmanʼs absurdist humor overwhelmsthe filmʼs ideas.Be warned, youʼll be disoriented inmoments of this movie. But then again,thatʼs the point. We are seeing Joelʼs lifethrough memories, as he remembers it,reduced to the few sporadic images andsounds that, for all of us, become thefoundation of who we were, and are.Only in the filmʼs last few minutes doEternal Sunshineʼs various story threadsfinally coalesce, and we start to appreciatethe intellectual depth of Kaufman andGondryʼs vision. Here is a movie aboutmemory, yes, but also about isolation,regret, hope and the philosophicalparadox of a present in which we haveforgotten the past and foreknow thefuture. Whereas Kaufmanʼs final twist inAdaptation actually diminished the movie,his twist here elevates the material to anentirely different plateau.Photo Courtesy of FocusIt is an ode to all those who haveloved, lost, but would do it all over againwithout regret; to those who believe thegood in life is almost always worth thebad.Steven Snyder welcomes feedbackat snyd0151@umn.edu.Sound & VisionYep, Another Article about The PassionBy Stephen SwansonAhhh! Thereʼs nothing quite likethat first cup of coffee to start the day.And with my beautiful, and insulatedThe Passion of the Christ coffee mug,I can remind myself as well as othersaround me the sacrifice that Jesusmade for mankind…now if I could onlyfigure out why people fiercely avoid mein the workplace? Weʼve all heard aboutthe merchandise tied with Mel Gibsonʼsfilm, and as absurd as the very notion– why not? The Passion is on track towell surpass the $300 million mark onits fifth weekend in the US. And, I guessmerchandise such as mugs with crucifixesand nail jewelry are a little subtler thansomething like Burger Kingʼs The PassionKidʼs Club Meal (includes a Jesus actionfigure – with battle damage!)But unlike most wildly successfulfilms with crappy merchandising attached,The Passion has enjoyed oodles of freepublicity: itʼs been heavily accused ofbeing anti-Semitic; actor Jim Caviezel wasstruck by lightning during filming…as wellas assistant director Jan Michelini – twice(!); two people died from heart attacks atviewings (one in Wichita, one in Brazil),and it recently sparked the confession ofa 21 year old Texan who had murdered hispregnant girlfriend, and made it look likea suicide. Slap those together with thekiller combinationis far moreof Jesus and ultrasignificant thanviolence, and,his work andwell, God blessmessage. TheAmerica, youimportance of thehave yourself acrucifixion hasmega-hit!evidently beenAs thedulled throughc o n t r o v e r s ygenerations, andsurrounding theitʼs time for afilm subsides,good olʼ wake-upone thing remainscall via the mostclear: Mel Gibsonbrutal, graphichas taken thebloodshed this“Greatest Storyside of MondoEvery Told”, andCane or Faces ofmerely updated itDeath. Basically,for the 21st CenturyPhoto Courtesy of Newmarket Film Group Mel Gibson isAmerican audience.The result: the most lucrative snuff filmever sold! With a meager $25 millionpocket change, the aggressively devoutCatholic Gibson funded this accurateinterpretation of the Gospelsʼ account ofJesusʼ final hours. The film is indeed soaccurate that we get to watch Jesus beaccurately pummeled for two hours! Andas the Roman soldiers pulled out the cato-ninetails to work on Jesus for a while,I realized I made the faux paux of buyingpopcorn on a couple of different levels.From what I could gather from theoh-so excessive violence, Gibson mustfeel that above anything, Jesusʼ demisevalidating the useof exploitation as a means of emotionalevocation – in essence, a tool for thereawakening of the faith of viewers.Despite being a Catholic myself, I mustadmit I bought a ticket for The Passionnot out of the desire to reevaluate myfaith, but mainly for the promise of purenovelty - and boy, did that novelty wearoff quick.Like many audience members aroundme, I couldnʼt help become emotionalat times during the film. However, myreaction was not so much in watchingmy savior slowly endure torture, as itwas to being subjected to watching anyhuman being endure intense suffering.With so much emphasis on Jesusʼ death,The Passion is almost nil of Jesusʼ actualteachings. Gibson lamely uses flashbacksequences that seem to serve only asmoments for the audience to catch theirbreath and dry their eyes before the nextround of agony. And to any of the readerswho saw the film, could somebody explainwhat the hell Satan was doing carryingaround that midget with the hairy back?As for that intrepid Catholic MelGibson, what will become of the projected$350 million that he will personallypocket from his spiritual success? Well,for one, he will most likely take a chunk ofhis earnings to further piss off Jews! Hehas already announced that he plans tofilm a chronicle of the origin of Hanukkah– The defeat of King Antiochus IV by theMaccabee family. But after Mel has placedhimself in a financial league of his ownamong filmmakers (with George Lucas aclose second), will he eventually take adeep glance at his WWJD bracelet (um,do Christians even wear those anymore?)and perhaps contribute to the relief ofhuman suffering with what heʼs reapedfrom his cinema-evangelist work? Iʼdhope so, because if it is indeed easierfor a camel to pass through the eye ofa needle than a rich man in to heaven– Gibsonʼs utterly screwed!!!THEWakeMarch 31, 2OO415

March 31, 2OO4 Sound & VisionWakeTHE16Live MusicF*ck Clear Channel TourSage Francis with Mac Lethal and Grand BuffetFirst Avenue,March 10, 2004By Nick MuellerThe letters FCC got an entirelydifferent meaning on March 10th, asthe Fuck Clear Channel Tour came toMinneapolis. Headlining the tour wasrapper Sage Francis.Mac Lethal and Grand Buffet openedfor Francis. Mac Lethal, out first, rappedabout issues concerning ex-girlfriendsand child abuse. His style was similar tothat of Francis. Even his delivery seemedto be in the same vein as the headliner.Grand Buffet followed Mac Lethal. Theyentertained along with “DJ CD Player,” asthey called their Walkman, which spewedout the wacky beats that appeared to betheir trademark.Francis took the stage donned inblack, thick-rimmed glasses and a tuxedothat looked to be two sizes too small.He grabbed the microphone, obviouslyuncomfortable, and started his set.One thing was missing from the show,however: DJ. Francis explained towardthe end of the show the band that hadbeen touring with them had abruptly quitjust days before the end of the tour. So,Francis, too, relied on Grand BuffetʼsWalkman to provide the beats.As he played through his first song“Any Port,” Francis stripped off hiscummerbund and jacket to reveal anEpitaph Records T-shirt that simply said“Sellout.” Joe Beats, the producer of theNon-Prophets, joined Francis on stage.The two traded rhymes as the crowdgrew to a fever pitch.As the duo moved through their set,Francis kept the glasses on, embracingthe label “nerd rap.” This is a monikerFrancis has been grappling with sincehe has stepped to the forefront ofunderground white hip-hop, sharing itwith other artists such as Aesop Rockand Slug.As a break in the music, Francisbrought out spoken word poet (andmember of opening group Grand Buffet)Jared Paul. He stood in front of the nearlysold out crowd and performed a movingpoem using the alphabet to explain hisversion of the American aesthetic. “Z isnot for Zion, but for Zenith.”This exhibition further bridged thegap between hip-hop, poetry and punkrock. When Francis became the firstrapper signed to punk label Epitaph,the line between hip-hop and punk wereforever blurred. Who better to bridge thegap than Francis? His rhymes are almostexclusively political, and he has garneredan enormous amount of respect in theunderground.At the end of the show, Francisperformed “Makeshift Patriot.” This isFrancisʼ September 11th song. He rappedcovered in an American flag. On the flagin place of the stars were the logos of 50American corporations.When the dust settled, Francis andcompany did what they had set out to do.Fuck Clear Channel. No money went tothe conglomerate during the productionof the tour, which, according to Francis, isbecoming more and more difficult to do.“They are taking over the world.”Mindstate Distribution319a 14th Ave. Se Mpls.612.331.MINDCDs . Vinyl . Graff MagsClothing . DVDs/VideosMadvillain:MadvillainyTraditionalMethods:Falling ForwardWakenews.org1O% OFFAll Merchandise!ClothingCD’sVinylMagazinesEverything!Bring In This CouponEXPIRES ON APRIL 14thNew Music To Check Out:P.O.S.:Ipecac NeatPaul Nicevs. Jay-Z:The BlackAlbum Remix

TheaterExploring the Lives of WomenTheatre Liminaʼs ʻParallel Livesʼ gives new light to the female experienceBy Adrienne Urbanskiexist between menand women.Considering the majority of actorsare female, itʼs perplexing that so fewwomen-written, women-performed playsactually make it to the stage. Now,in honor of womenʼs history month,locally-based Theatre Limina is puttingon Parallel Lives. Written by comediansMo Gaffney and Kathy Najimy, the playwas originally part of the duoʼs Kathy andMo Show. Using the same skit style ofcomedy used in Saturday Night Live, theplay boldly addresses issues surroundingbeing female in our society. Although theplay encompasses multiple characters andmultiple perspectives, only two actorsmake up the cast. Sarah Cantleberry,one of the theater companyʼs foundingmembers, and Mia Debbins take on thearduous task of performing the play.Debbins notes that one of the definingqualities of the newly emerging companyis its willingness to take on plays writtenby and depicting strong women.According to Cantleberry, theplay is “an exploration of the femaleexperience.” A reoccurring theme linkingtogether the various characters is that offemale sexuality. The characters exploredating, relationships and dealing withbeing gay. One of the most memorableskits within the play is the story of twoconservative, older Jewish women, whoenroll in womenʼs studies classes thinkingthey will be studying ways to improvetheir cooking and sewing techniques.Cantleberry says the play “tackles someheavy issues but is able to take it onin a light easy tone, so the audienceis exposed to all of it without beingweighted down.”You said that the play deals with thefemale experience in a unique way, whatspecific issues does it shed new light on?Cantleberry: The play deals a lot withthe GLBT community. There are issuesabout gay marriage, the general rights ofthe gay and lesbian population and justsocial acceptance of that group. It alsoexplores the important relationships ina womanʼs life and the stereotypes thatDebbins: It alsodeals with selfand being able tobecome who you areand not somethingdifferent.What does it sayabout being femalein America?Cantleberry: I thinkit says that we havea lot of opportunityto express ourselvesand be who we wantto be.Debbins: And it alsoshows that thereis work to be donetoo.Cantleberry: It alsoshows us whatweʼve gone throughand what our sistersbefore us havedone to get us tothis position that weʼre in, and that wecan use that history and that experienceto help others as well. It touches on thefeminist experience and says that we canhelp people, like the GLBT group who arehaving similar struggles.Do you think that women-focused andwomen-written material is becoming morecommon with the existence of shows likethe Vagina Monologues?Debbins: Well, I think it depends. I thinkthat so many people are afraid of theVagina Monlogues because of the titleand because itʼs so feminist. A lot ofcompanies just wonʼt perform it andaudiences are afraid to see it. I think thenice thing about this piece is that itʼsfeminist and allows female actors to be apart of a very strong show, but itʼs veryaudience pleasing, for both genders andfor all people. It appeals to a large groupand I think anybody could leave feelingaffected.How will the play directly affect femaleaudience members?Cantleberry: I think that every woman willtake at least one thing out of the play andreally identify with it.So, then, looking at the reverse, howwill the play affect female audiencemembers?Cantleberry: I think every man thatknows a woman will not only find thishysterical but maybe see a situationthat they havenʼt given a lot of thoughtto. Hopefully it will give them a newperspective on being female.You play multiple characters of bothgenders and all ages, how did you manageto stage this?Photo Courtesy of www.theatrelima.orgCantleberry: We made a lot of use out ofprops, each character has their own propto define who they are. We also use a lotof body movement and expressions todifferentiate the characters.Debbins: At the end they kind ofall reappear together, which makesperforming very challenging.Cantleberry: We each probably haveabout a dozen characters that we play.But the audience is able to see them morethan once and at the end theyʼre all ableto reunite.Theatre Limina is putting on Parallel Livesnow through April 25th at the HennepinCenter for the Arts in downtownMinneapolis.Sound & Vision“Walkmen” from 13Leithauser vocals, drawing comparisonsto early U2. The album spawned “WeʼveBeen Had,” which strangely went onto be featured in a Saturn commercial.Leithauser labled the song “the onethat started it all” before Maroon beganto plod out its waltzy piano intro. Butthis came mid-way through the show.The Walkmen continued through thebeginning of their set with their mostintense musical statements.They moved from one of their“slow” songs, “Whatʼs In It For Me,” totheir most ferocious, “The Rat,” thefirst single off of Bows. Maroon beganwith the songʼs aggressive down strumattack, only to be matched in intensity byanother percussive onslaught by Barrick,an epic organ line, and finally, the songʼsrapidly built tension was released byLeithauserʼs sneering delivery (“Youuʼvegot a neeerve to be aasking a faavor/Youuʼve got a neerve to be caalling mynumber/ I know/ Weeʼve been throughthis before”).With the measured delivery of“138th Street,” a Lower East Sidelullaby comprised of only guitar, organand vocals by Leithauser and Martin, the400 Bar crowd which had only just beenfeeding off the wild energy of “The Rat”suddenly became silently engrossed withthe tale of a young New Yorker who hasrun out of new bars to attend, and mustre-evaluate their life.As The Walkmen continued to marchthrough material from their two LPs,the bandʼs movements became a showin themselves. Barrick continued to flailhis drumsticks to and fro while Maroon,irrespective of any songʼs rhythm,swiveled his torso back and forth abovehis motionless hips and gazed blanklyabove the heads of the crowd beforehim. Bauerʼs full body twitched as hehammered notes from his bass, backturned to the audience. Leithauser wasa demonstration in kinetics, movingfrom one monitor to another; leaningforward and slinking back again, lookingas if he may pass out with his next heavilydelivered syllable. Sometimes heʼd pausefor a moment on stage, singing with onehand in his pocket, only to rapidly rushback on top of the monitors.The performance was consistentlybrilliant. Each song was a highlight.The Walkmen briefly left the stagebefore returning for an encore. The closer“Rue The Day” is perhaps their most wistfulcomposition. Maroonʼs charged guitarintro led to more impassioned Leithauservocals and urgent Marrick drumming.During a hushed bridge, Leithauser took amoment to acknowledge each member ofthe band, before continuing, “Iʼd be lyingif I said your name never/ Came up as/ Iʼdbe thinking of just hoow Iʼd like to cashmy days in now/ And all I eever do is thinkof yesterday/ God itʼs hard to stand upstraight.” Drums crashed in as the songsteadily built to climax.After his final word was sung,Leithauser unplugged his mic from itscord, laid it on the stage and deliberatelywalked off. The rest were left to poundout a few more intoxicating bars beforejoining their bandmate in exit, leavingbehind them a wholly sincere and entirelyunpretentious performance.THEWakeMarch 31, 2OO417

AthleticsMarch 31 2OO418Tennis Team Stretches For SuccessChris Wettengel, the spirited number two player for the Gophers, stretches for the ball during his singles tennis match against Purdue on March 28 at Ridder Arena.By Alex FockeIn his 15th year as head menʼs tenniscoach at the University of Minnesota, DavidGeatz has proven himself as a premier coachin the Big Ten. He led the Gophers to five BigTen championships, was Big Ten Coach of theYear three timesand helped clinchnumerous birthsin the NCAAtournament. Thisyear is not one of“These kids love to play tennisand have fun doing it.”large successesfor the Gophers,but with Geatzat the helm,Gopher fans can look forward to a teamthat will not give up. Players will continueto work hard and put in their time during theoff-season to prove themselves next year.-Coach David Geatz-By Pat Armitage“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”Ever heard that line? Itʼs the one and onlycommandment in Sin City. Because if HughHefner and Heidi Fleiss had a baby, it would bechristened under one name only…Vegas, baby,Vegas!!! I thought about South Padre Island,considered Cancun and contemplated PanamaCity Beach for Spring Break, but one placealways came up aces in my mind: Las Vegas.Maybe it was the Travel ChannelʼsTop-Ten-Bathrooms-in-Vegas special or TheWorld Poker Tour pulling me and my walletto a Disneyland for adults. Whatever thecase, gambling has captured the interest ofmany and I wanted a piece of the action.Thanks to cameras in the table, PokerThe team is 2-1 in Big Ten conferenceplay. The Gophers lost to Illinois in the Big Ten,but struggled in their non-conference games,posting a .500 record. After 11 straightyears of reaching the NCAA tournament, theybelieve this year will not be the one to breakthat streak. The team is rated in the top 30in the country, butit is down from thesuccess attainedlast season when itwas rated as highas 10th. This teamis not discouraged;instead, theywork harder tohone their skills.“This is such a great group of guyson this team,” Geatz said. “Thatʼswhat makes it fun. These kids love toplay tennis and have fun doing it. TheSee “Vegas” on pg 19Photo by Brie Cohencamaraderie within the team is great.”The top four players for the U of M areAleksey Zharinov who plays the number onespot, Chris Wettengel who is the numbertwo, Avery Ticer in the three spot followedby Andres Osorio. The team will lose fiveseniors on the twelve-man roster, puttingpressure on the recruiting class. April markssigning day for the recruits, so fans haveto wait until then to see the prospectivestudent-athletes. But Geatz is hopeful, andsaid a strong recruiting class will help theteam rise again and receive a top-20 rating.Illinois is the strongest team in the BigTen, remaining undefeated to this point. Withthe Big Ten tournament coming the last weekof April, the Gophers have time to prepare. Andwith some hard work and a little bit of luck,coach Geatz believes that the Gophers mayhave a chance of dethroning the Fighting Illini.Vegas Uncensored: Adventures in Sin Cityis the hot new spectator sport becauseit allows viewers to see the cards beforetheyʼre played. NBC premiered a Texas Holdʻem tournament before the Super Bowl, FoxSports Net features late night poker andESPN has replayed the 2003 World Seriesof Poker so many times I couldnʼt helpbut get the gambling jitters. Then thereʼssports betting. The “real” reality television.The sports books in Las Vegas grantevery wish a sports enthusiast couldask for. Free drinks, gigantic televisions,leather chairs and the ability to throwsome wood on your favorite sports team,all coming together in one glorious room.The sports book is divided betweenthe horse gamblers on the left and thesports gamblers on the right. The tworarely interact. It was fun to see these oldcodgers smoking cigs, reading horseracingmagazines and sipping on Budweisersas if theyʼve been there for years. Itʼsalmost as if the horserace gamblersloathe the cheering on the sports side.My first experience, however, left alot to be desired. My buddies and I settledinto the Bellagio sports book and missedthe tip-off for the Wisconsin, Illinois BigTen title game. So weʼre chiding Greg,the only Wisconsin Badger amongst us,for screwing up the time. Apparentlythey donʼt teach time zones at Madison.So I figured we couldnʼt wager on thegame. I also forgot we were in Las Vegas andif Vegas can get money from you, it will. So weBy Chris MattPhoto by Jerret RaffetyMeet The GophersJustin SmithMany of us traveled to the sandybeaches of Florida or the scorching sunof Arizona for Spring Break to take inthe beautiful scenery including some ofthe best golf courses in the country.Those states may have the courses,but snowy Minnesota is home to one ofthe nationʼs best golf teams for the lasttwo years. And one of its best players.Justin Smith, a 21-year-old seniorfrom Franklin, Pa., is the No. 7-rankedcollege golfer in the nation. Theintercollege-programs major is takinghalf of his courses in communications,and half in business, but plans toturn professional after he graduates.But before that, he will lead the No. 11-ranked Gophers golf squad into the Big10 and NCAA tournaments coming thissummer. Smith was not highly recruitedby southern schools and came to the“U” knowing the reputation the golfprogram built over the last 10 years. Andsince heʼs been here, both the team andSmithʼs reputations have skyrocketed.Smith jump-started his career and puthis name on the map with a first-placetie in the West-regional tournamentduring his sophomore season. Then ona much grander stage in 2002, Smithfinished fourth in National tournament.Not bad for a player who spends hiswinter months driving golf balls outof a heated trailer in St. Paul with histeammates. While those in Arizonaand Florida play year round andwear themselves out, Smith and histeammates use the snowy wintersto refresh and prepare for thetournaments coming in summer.Smith was considered for the WalkerCup Team where the 10 best amateursfrom the United States are chosen tocompete against Europe. He wasnʼtselected, but it drives him toward hisgoal of being the best player in the world.He trains five days a week during theoffseason to strengthen his lower body,and proof of his hard work resides in hisgolf hat. A worn, weathered and sweatstainedcap, teammates razzed Smithabout the hat until he recently replacedit. But new gear and strict-apparel policiesare just a few things Smith will soonlearn about being a professional golfer.

CenterBy Chris MattThe Skeewaksur Club formed onthe University of Minnesota in November1966 which allowed groups of studentsto gather and go downhill skiing inMinnesota. Though the clubʼs membersmay not have know it back then, theywere laying the groundwork for whatnow is the Center for Outdoor Adventure(COA) on the Twin-Cities campus.Until about a year and a half ago,COA operated solely out of the St. PaulGym where students could plan trips, rentequipment and climb the walls. But nowto better serve the entire student body,COA is constructing a $100,000 office inthe Minneapolis Rec Center that will bethe central hub for adventurous studentslooking to get involved in the varietyof activities the organization offers.The new office is a remodeling ofabout 2,000 square feet of the womenʼslocker room, Assistant DepartmentalDirector Tony Brown said. Pre-tripmeetings, trip planning, an 8 to 10foot bouldering wall and resources likebooks and maps will occupy the space.Along with more space comes moreopportunity for COA to have an expandednumber of trips, and the ability to hiremore studentleaders next fall.Adventures like thebackpacking trip inParia Canyon, Ariz.,over Spring Breakhad long waitinglists and people“Vegas” from pg 18ForOutdoorCOA is constructing a$100,000 office in theMinneapolis Rec Center.were turnedaway. Thoughthe high interestcan be a goodproblem, COA will be able to offermore trips each weekend to servea greater number of students.The Minneapolis location will be themain COA office where the 10 to 15 leadersstage their trips, but the St. Paul Gym willput some money on the second half. I laida measly ten dollars on the over/under,betting on the over at 66.5. Essentially, Iwas gunning for Wisconsin and Illinois toscore more than 66.5 points combined.As the game wore down and Greg andI were trying to add up scores after afew White Russians, I needed two morepoints to cover. With seconds left, Illinoismisses three consecutive baskets within15 feet. Combined score at the end…65.The entire room either cheered or booedas the “overs” ripped up their tickets andthe “unders” went to the cage to collect.Before we left the sports book, westumbled over and made a couple morebets for the road. The New Jersey Netswere giving two points to the Miami Heatand the Dallas Mavericks were givingAdventure Climbs To MinneapolisPhoto by Ryan DionneFrom Left, COA Program Manager Mitch Hoffman and Program Coordinator Sean Morrissey pose for a picture at the construction space for the new COA Minneapolis office.still have the climbing wall and equipmentrentals including kayaks and canoesthat will not be stored in Minneapolis.“Ever as an undergrad, weʼvealways felt that we should be betterserving the studentson both campuses,”Morrissey said.In the fall of2002, Morrisseycoordinated COAand was responsiblefor the trip planning,rentals and any otherissues students hadwith the programs.Meanwhile, ProgramManager Mitch Hoffman managed the wallin the back of the St. Paul Gym. The twostarted talking and thought it would be agreat idea to combine their responsibilitiesto best utilize student dollars.At this time, COA was part offive points to the Clippers. I took theNets and Mavs in a parlay bet. Simplyput, if both teams win, I win morethan if I bet on each team individually.If just one team loses, Iʼm busted.As we hustled over to the NewYork, New York casino, our entiregroup was like a bunch of degenerates.“Hey, did someone get the Nets, Heatscore? When does the Mavs game start?”Well, the Nets laid an egg inMiami and Dallas covered. Eitherway, I lost. Advantage: Vegas.Before the trip ended, I had myredemption on our last night at TheVenetian. Greg and I saddled up toa crowded craps table. Ten dollarminimum to a $10,000 maximumbet. Greg counted his few remainingdollars and I tell him to play it all asthe dice are being pushed my way.Craps, in its simplest form, involvesrolling a number, letʼs say an eight,and then rolling that same numberagain without rolling a seven (craps).Iʼm rolling dice at the bone yard forover 45 minutes hitting point afterpoint. I was like a pitcher in a no-hitter.Greg didnʼt say a word to me. I shooksome guyʼs hand and gave a woman a highfiveafter I hit my first point. From thenon, it was ritual. Handshake, high-five, rollthe dice. I finish nailing five points. Iʼmup over two hundred dollars. An old guyacross the table who was betting literallythousands on each roll calls me over. Theman hands me $2,000 in chips. I madehim over $56,000 and I get a gratuity.Vegas paid for my flight, my hotel,my drinks and my blown bets at thesportsbook. Iʼm definitely coming back.student unions and was housed in theSt. Paul Student Center. But since theclimbing wall was already in the St. PaulGym, Morrissey and Hoffman thoughtit made sense to be considered part ofthe Rec sports department. So all theoperations were transferred to the St.Paul Gym until the proposal went throughfor the construction in Minneapolis.Now that the plan is in placeand construction is winding down, COAlooks toward its grand opening and openhouse on Wednesday April 7. Outdooradventureequipment vendors will beon hand holding drawings for prizes likehiking boots and backpacks. COA will alsohold its annual gear sale of the equipmentused over the previous year on April 7.Students can get a feel for the tasksand adventures they would endure on atrip when they come to the open housebecause there will be a kayak and rowingclinic, a knitting workshop, outdoorcookinglessons and a bike maintenanceclinic. These activities mirror those thattrip leaders teach their groups on thetrails because many students donʼthave any outdoor-adventure experience.Morrissey and Hoffman hope thestudents who never knew COA evenexisted will pass through the Rec centerdoors and make their way down to the newoffice. Students can utilize the space notonly to plan their trips and rent equipmentbut to form a relationship with studentswith similar, adventurous interests.“Weʼre creating this atmospherewhere weʼre hoping people justcome to hang out, study or justget together,” Morrissey said.The evolution from the Skeewaksurclub to the newly renovated COA is nearlycomplete. But the interest on campuscontinues to flourish and someday COAmay be the groundwork for even biggerand better things than what it is today.Want YourSports TeamCovered In TheWake?If you aspire to achieve fame,contact Chris Matt.cmatt@wakenews.orgAthleticsTHEWakeMarch 31, 2OO419

The Wake CrosswordProvided by the Northeast Xword CollectiveQuestions? Concerns? Loneliness?email: northeastcrosswordcollective@hotmail.comProf. X by Royal CrowneHigh Class with Zach and SeanAcrossWhat’s the best April Fool’s Day prank you’ve everpulled or has been pulled on you?Aeillyne Mae A YburanFreshman - International Business“One of my friends calledand told me they were in thehospital. They did it while theywere in the Philippines.”Emily BuchholtzFreshman - Undecided“My cousin put Kool-Aidin the showerheads sopeople got stained.”Sarah BauerJournalism and Philosophy“My roomates coveredmy walls with pictures ofShakira because I hate her.Her music was playing in theroom when I walked in.”Mat KoehlerEnglish“We used official university letterhead to writea letter that said he (a guy down the hall) waspermanently kicked out of the dorms forcontraband in his room. We got permissionfrom Comstock to put it in his mailbox.”1. Abbr. Special5. A strong wind9. A member of the lowestHindu caste14. One-eyed alien fromFuture-Rama15. Like our wine andcheese16. One who Plies17. Abbr. Quick moment18. Bulk of weight19. Storehouse20. April 1 en Francais23. _____ weensy24. Composer of “Dixie”______ Daniel Decatur27. A fool’s yes28. Buddy30. Feeling in one’s headafter too much drink31. Radiohead hails to it34. A water nymph andmoon of Neptune36. Worn around one’sneck37. A humble request to ourSecretary of Defense40. A high mountain41. Our preferredmouthwash42. Scratchy’s counterpart43. Problems45. Abbr. Unit ofmeasurement46. South American tuber47. Peer from outside49. Qualities making upgood character52. Prank to play on the neighbors56. 80’s rocker known for hisyellow and black shirt58. Prefix: against59. Footwear and crappy comicstrip60. Damned Commie61. Apollo’s harp62. Ancient seaport of Phoenicia63. Predominant teenage emotion64. Old mates65. Citizen Kane’s lost loveDown1. Slide on a Banana peal2. _____ noir or grigio3. Our favorite cow4. Feline’s peepers5. I put one on my shoe in badweather6. Oft contrasted with ecstasyReporting & Pics by Brie CohenZach SnowFreshman - Computer Science“In high school my friends got a copy to a key toall of the locks on the lockers. They snuck intoschool and spent 3 hours changing every singleperson’s lock to a different locker. Everyone keptgoing to the office because they couldn’t get in.Eventually they realized something was afoot.It was on the national news and the FBI had tocome in.”Jeff MerkusSenior - Retail Management“We told our roomate that his cargot stolen and totaled. It was an old1982 Cadillac. He loves it.”For answers visit www.wakenews.orgadjective7. Alchemist’s base metal8. Old Icelandic saga9. Our seed10. Our favorite Nissan11. Hegel’s preferred method ofargument12. Abbr. Associate13. Present plural form of “to be”21. Tobacco products one snorts22. Soft palate on the roof of one’smouth25. Opposite the hammies26. Tiney28. Lobsters’ feelers29. A juice of the lemon variety31. Best computer game ever:“Oregon ______”32. Bilbo’s greeting33. Opposite exploding34. Our least favorite bright dodge35. To have warmed up somethingfrozen38. The added part of the cake39. People who believe in thesovereignty of the state44. Australian lizards that make greatpets46. Large sex parties47. A casting mold for metal48. fr. Other50. Corn alcohol51. 20 years or sex53. Surf legend Dick54. Rap group of “BACDAFUCUP”fame55. Do this to the call56. Sexy bath57. Our favorite material for cans.

Reporting & Pics by Chris Robertsthe return of...Best drink whensomeone else is buying:A hypodermic syringefull of MalibuCoconut RumBiggest dissapointmentof the year:The FeesCommitteeAnton PokhilPost Secondary - Undeclared“It’s a bummer. It’s moreindependant because ithas less big sponsors”Jenny SliwinskiSophomore - Entrepreneurial Science“I think it’s important to have apublication that speaks directlyto the student. I think it wouldbe a shame to have only onepublication on campus.”What do you think of the Wake being deniedfunding by the Student Service Fees Committee?Marie SchittgenSenior - Architecture“I’ve just seen it around,haven’t read it.”Udaya KalluriGrad Student - MLS“I think there should be anotherpublication on campus. If theycut the Wake, they shouldevaluate the funding of theother publication on campus.”The Wake Arbitrary AwardsBest remnant of “CoffmanLate Night”:Wax hand cast formedin a “hang loose” signWorst Season:SpringBest way to combat lonelinessafter seing coupleskissing on the CampusConnector:Carve “Hate” intoa bus seat with apocket knifeOgnjen JovicicSenior - Carlson SOM“I’m all for the Wake, noquestion about it. I wouldpay if it were an option.”Luciano PatinoJunior - MIS“I think it’s rediculous toexpect a student newspaperto get to its full potential intwo years. The Wake madestrong arguments for why theyshould be funded next year.”Fantasmo! Conqueror of Galaxiesby Jake LuckWAKEN.orgEWSThe Bastard PagesTHEWakeMarch 31 2OO423