Cramps

Page 5"The Cramps are making all of u sslightly elder bands experience pangs o ftasteless jealousy as they are enlisted byevery tastemaker as THE COOLEST bandof the hour, but even though we all thin kWE deserve it more (you have to keepyour "sanity") THEY ARE THE COOL -EST, I LOVE THE CRAMPS ." — KristianHoffman (Mumps) (sorry pal — JM )Gee, it's real hard to write about aband like the Cramps (this is the firs ttime I've ever taken more than one sho tat writing about anyone) (true!) . Sound -wise they're somewhere between Rockabillyand psycosis, attitude wise they'r eevery demented Rock'n'Roll maniac whohunts through bargain bins for Seed salbums and buys three copies of everyRamones 45. You know the ones withReg Presley posters on their walls, theones who know that Rock Action was th ecoolest guy in the Stooges. Really th etype of band we (you, me, everybody )needs .Anyway, the first one I spoke to wasMiriam Linna, the drummer . She'sFinnish-Canadian and hates the Clash cu zthey put down the U .S .A . (a real patriot )and has been compared favorably to MoeTucker (pound/pound/pound/crash!) .New Order — Who do you hate ?Miriam Linna — I hate most people.hate a lot of people . I hate Lester Bangs,I really hate him now cuz he ' s got a band .When I was doing that Patti Smith thingfor Cream he was such an asshole askingme if I read this poet and that poet. Iwanted to have fun and he told us wecouldn ' t have fun .NO — Gimme some of your song titles .ML — "Sunglasses Afterdark," "Teen -age Werewolf," "Don't Eat Off the Side -walk," "I'm Cramped," "Love Me," RidKrayola's "Hurricane Fighter Plane," theSonia' "Strychnine ."NO — What are some of your influences?ML — I dunno, what do you mean influences?NO — I dunno, I ask everyone that an dthey start reeling off dames while I thin kof another question . I don't have an ynotes for this . Who made you wanna becomea Rockstar?NO — I gotta question, what kind ofgroupies do you get ?ML — Lux and Bryan get this reall ystrange type of girl . Really normal typ eof girl, disco type girls . Ivy's a crab, sh edoesn't talk to anybody and I'll talk toanybody — I don't care . Most of our fansare just really fun kids . Fun — theyshould be shot . (laughs)NO — Fun, that's a great word .ML — People are afraid to have funanymore .NO — I can't think of a question . I' mgonna ask a question that I asked Patt ilast issue . Ummmmmmm . . . here's agood one . Do you ever hallucinate on -stage ?ML — Ha, ha . Yeah, I keep thinking Iwant all these things to happen to me .(discussion moves to her past, boring)NO — You went to college ?ML — I graduated !NO — Oh god, two college graduatesinterviewed . ( d iscussion moves to Rock's'Roll)ML — Cyril Jordan is the most fashion -able person in the world . (New York ,money, fame )ML — People are always saying "Isn'tit fun to be in a cult band?" Well, w efucking hate it !NO — Are your songs really fiftee nseconds long?ML — No, they're about twentyseconds . We do about ten songs in atwenty minute set. Except "Surfin'Bird," we do almost five minutes of"Surf in' Bird ." When we do "HurricaneFighter Plane" it goes on for a while cuzwe don't know how to end it . Lux'sfavorite term for it is Rave-up . He's aYardbirds fan .(Next victim was Lux Interior — singer .lyricist-Yardbirds fan . He writes shit like"What color panties are you ?And how long have you been wearingthem?" from "Subway and Desire ." )New Order — Describe your music.Lux Interior — It's very violent, ver ysimple, very crude, basic.

Page 6▪▪NO – Is your name short for LuxuryInterior ?LI – I guess so, yeah, I guess it is .NO – What's your message to th eyouth of America ?LI – (long silence) Such a heavy one! Idon't know . I guess it would be to wipeout everything that ' s happened for thelast ten years.NO — Wipe out the Stooges?LI — No, we won't wipe out theStooges, let's wipe out Jethro TuII .NO – Say something funny .LI — (long silence) I can't .NO – Who do you hate ?LI — Here's my chance to get even . Ihate all the people on the New York rockscene who are treating us like we're somekinda shit . They know who they are .NO — What ' s your first hit singlegonna be ?LI — "I Was a Teenage Werewolf,"that ' s autobiographical, that really happenedto me .NO – Say something about (cringe )"Punk Rock . "LI – My favorite Punk-Rock band i sthe Thirteenth Floor Elevators . No the ywere more psycedelic . The Shadows ofNight are my favorite punk group . I als olike the Sonics a lot. If there is such athing as punk rock today then we're it.I wouldn 't call us that . Anything that issimple Rock'n'Roll now gets called pun krock. We're punk in the sense that wenever played instruments before this .NO — How did you choose the instru -ments you were going to play when youformed a band? One-potato-two-potato ?LI – Well, Ivy always knew that sh ewanted to play guitar, Me and Ivy wer ethe first ones to have the idea for th egroup so she got to play guitar . Then wewent to Bryan and he wanted to playguitar too, we tried to talk him intoplaying bass but he wouldn 't do that sowe figured we ' d have two guitars, then weneeded a drummer and Miriam walked byand we said "Hey – she looks cool" andshe said she'd always wanted to be a• drummer . Me, I always wanted to throw• myself around onstage and break mikestands. Originally I was going to pla yguitar but I couldn't dance as much thatway .NO – Anything unusual about youguys we should know?LI – Practically everything . We're avery original band . I'd say we have th eintensity of the Stooges onstage . Withoutbatting an eyelash I'd say that . We' re areally violent band. We don't insinuate ,we do it! We don't talk about Rock'n '~~-- Roll, we do it . The most Stooges-lik ething about this group beyond the inten -sity is Bryan. He's from Detroit and hasseen the Stooges no less than 500 times .He has all of Iggy's moves down pat, he' sbeyond Iggy. He puts his legs in lotusposition and runs around the stage onhis knees . He does one hand stands withhis legs locked like that, he runs aroundon his hands . On extra special occasionshe will jump into the audience and barklike a dog but that's a special treat onc ein a while .NO — Why do people in New Yorkhate you ?LI — Some people in New York hateus because they feel we haven't paid our

Page 7N . – 1 all the new bands died out doou think the Cramps will survive ?LI – Yes, we will survive .(Next came Ivy, a Rock-a-`billy guitar plow and the one who=named the group) .NO – Who do you hate ?1R – I don't think I have the energy t ohate anybody .NO – Who do you like? What bands ?IR – Ramon's, Suicide. I like a lot ofbonds . No, not slot of bands. I like NewYork bands.NO – What are you going to do withyour money when you're a star ?1R – I was just in this store and Iound this rubber raincoat that feels likeskin that I wish I had the money to buy .It's really thin rubber and it feels lik eskin . I always wondered why peopl ehad rubber fetishes .NO – Where are you originally from ?IR – Northern California.NO – What brought you to NewYork ?IR – I wanted to be in a band . Toform a band .one was guitarist Bryan regor ythe one with tatoos and a preference fo rolder women . )New Order – Who do you hate ?Bryan Gregory – (begins growling likean animal) Ha, Ha. Hate is such a strongword . I guess I hate the man who inventedYellow Pages.NO – What would you do if you hadone day left to live ?BG – Find some way of getting a holdof ummmmmmm, Elizabeth Taylor .NO – Who would you like to i.edead ?BG – Dead? (growls) . Joey Bishop) Idon't mean that, that's just the firs tname that came into my head .NO – What do you do when you'rebored ?BG – Probably bite my nails .NO – Say something funny off th etop of your head .BG – Off the top of my head? I can' tremember if it's the top of my head .Hello? (growls), I want to say somethin gfunny . I can't.NO – If an old lady dropped her purs ewith money in it would you keep themoney or give it back?BG – I'd give it beck .NO – Can you read books?BG – Yes, I haven't read a book in awhile, but I enjoy a good book .NO – Okay, we'll wrap it up with thisone . What was the nicest thing anyon ehas ever done for you?BG – I guess my mother, she gav ebirth to me.As I write this, the Cramps are preparingfor the ' Big'Time . I can't tell yaanymore than that except by the tim eyou read this you should start preparin gyourself for a Rock'n'Roll Lobotomy -Cramps style)

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