Mixed Messages of Modesty - Plain Truth Ministries

not be confused with the social ruleof “modesty” (in one sense of thatword: i.e. propriety, or decency). Thesocial rule of propriety lays down howmuch of the human body should bedisplayed and what subjects can bereferred to, and inwhat words, accordingto the customs ofa given social circle.Thus, while the rule ofchastity is the samefor all Christians atall times, the rule ofpropriety changes. A girl in the Pacificislands wearing hardly any clothesand a Victorian lady completely coveredin clothes might both be equally“modest,” proper, and decent, accordingto the standards of their own societies;and both, for all we can tellby their dress, might be equallychaste (or equally unchaste). 1The larger our sense of awarenessof other cultures, the more we understandthat modesty is a culturalinterpretation of chastity. Religiouscommunities often condemn thewhims of culture, but lose sight ofthe fact that the standards they setare also cultural expressions.Women in particular feel pressureto conform to detailed, set requirements,even though these restrictionsare either misappliedis a cultural commentary borne onthe backs of little girls who had nochoice.”For many, church-generated proprietyand modesty standards areless about listening toWhile immodest apparel focuses attention on women as sexual objects,obsessive teaching on dress codes creates the same focus. Preachers andother spiritual leaders reinforce the destructive message thatwomen and girls are so distracting sexually that they mustbe covered up beyond cultural sensibilities.God, and more about followingthe culture within a sub-groupor denomination. Modesty is relativeto culture, yet many groupsuse absolute standards of acceptedfashion to define modesty. Motivatedby concern for relativism,churches often adopt rules for attirethat they enforce as fixed indicatorsfor godliness.For women, the modesty debateis no small matter. Around theworld, women face this issue evento the point that violating modestystandards could cost them theirstanding in a community, theirmarriages—or even their lives. Recently,in Saudi Arabia, one Muslimcleric announced that womenshould wear veils that expose onlyone eye. The reason for a standardthat even impairs their vision? Twoeyes tempt them to be seductivewith the use of eye make-up. 2Even Christian leaders enforceminute modesty rules by referringto extremes in a secular society toquestion the motives of Christianwomen. Note this statement foundInadvertently, the focus on female modesty and guilt labels men asvictims of their own sexual impulses. It tends to absolve men ofresponsibility if they lust after or commit sexual crimes against women.GRACEFUL and EMBARRASSINGTO GODLY MEN EVERYWHERE”(Text format in original). 3Shame and fear often providethe foundation for modesty teachings.Hillary McFarland,author of QuiveringDaughters, shares themessage she receivedgrowing up:Lust was a huge issuetalked about frequently,which is why modesty isimportant because secretly,every man wants to rape awoman (not in thosewords, but the messagewas clear). And as we (I)were scrutinized, that in andof itself became a violation. Iwrote in my journal somethingto the effect of: it seemslike every time my parents lookat me they are examining mecompletely and I just want tobecome invisible! 4While immodest apparel focusesattention on women as sexual objects,obsessive teaching on dresscodes creates the same focus.Preachers and other spiritual leadersreinforce the destructive messagethat women and girls are sodistracting sexually that they mustbe covered up beyond cultural sensibilities.The deeper qualities of women—intelligence, gifts, skills, creativityand contribution to society—takea back seat to the idea that they aresexual stumbling blocks to men.This concept implies that allwomen are dangerous, and it is nottoo far removed from the wearingof the scarlet letter “A,” despite theabsence of the accompanying sinScripture or not found in Scriptureat all. Rick Presley, co-founder ofwww.ill-legalism.com, watched hislittle sister struggle with a theologythat forbade females from wearingslacks even in the frigid winters ofNorthern Michigan. He stated, “Iton The Elijah Projectwebsite: “Women today,even Church women,are absolutely OB-SESSED with DISPLAY-ING THEMSELVES... ITIS SHAMEFUL and DIS-20 THE PLAIN TRUTH

of adultery—a letter worn by Hesterin The Scarlet Letter while thepastor, equally guilty, bore no publicshame.Inadvertently, the focus on femalemodesty and guilt labels menas victims of their own sexual impulses.It tends to absolve men ofresponsibility if they lust after orcommit sexual crimes againstwomen. This “blame the victim”argument appears in religioustracts claiming that rape and premaritalsex are the result of improperlydressed women. Yetproblems of incest and premaritalsex occur among groups such asthe modestly dressed Amish.In the Image of a Creative GodDistorted teaching about modestyalso advances the subtle messagethat a proper Christian womanshould avoid physical beauty andshun the creative aspects of herpersonality, expressed throughclothing or adornment.I Peter 3:3-4 is the often quotedscripture about female modesty:“Your beauty should not comefrom outward adornment, such asbraided hair and the wearing ofgold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead,it should be that of yourinner self, the unfading beauty of agentle and quiet spirit, which is ofgreat worth in God’s sight.” Legalistsoften interpret this to meanthat women should have little interestin outward beauty—even tothe point that creativity should beabandoned.McFarland explains:I was quite an accomplished seamstressand made children’s clothesthat won grandprizes at local fairs,and I even sold oneitem for $250 at a4-H auction. Mydream was to be a“fashion designer.”Distorted modesty teachings contribute to sexual difficulty inmarriage... This deeply internalized conditioning does not evaporateat the wedding, nor does it leave the female personality unharmed.However, my mother was in despairbecause, “that is just SO WORLD-LY!” I made a case that Jesus lovesthose in the fashion industry andcould use someone who loves him tobe a light to the world. However, myparents felt that it was unnecessary,impractical, worldly, ungodly...etc. 5McFarland then adds insightinto how deep this rejection of creativitycan reach: What follows withthis—and everything like it—joyseeps out and what is left becomes achore or obligation. 6Are not women made in theimage of a creative, beauty-lovingGod? Instead of an either/or approach,Peter addressed priorities.Rather than making outward beautya top priority, women (andmen) should highlight inner qualities.Issues of beauty should not beignored or shunned in order to begodly. Rather, “godliness” embracescreative expression. This isone way we reflect God’s image.Emotional ConfusionHow harmful are the mixed messagesof modesty teachings? Theycreate emotional confusion for females.On the one hand, the churchteaches females to be submissiveand compliant to male authorityand to be highly influenced bymale opinion. On the other hand,the church expects females to opposemale sexual advances—advancesthe women themselvessomehow provoke. Voices of authoritymix this disapproval aboutfemale sexuality with messages ofimbalanced responsibility for sexualsins.Distorted teachings about modestycontribute to sexual difficultyin marriage. Men are ready forsexual activity and expect sexualfreedom within marriage.Women struggle to overcomethe messages of shame and guiltplaced on them simply for beingsexual creatures. This deeply internalizedconditioning does notevaporate at the wedding, nor doesit leave the female personality unharmed.Is modesty an important issuefor the church to address? Mostcertainly. Yet legalistic standards ofmodesty can do more harm thangood. Instead of reacting to theculture around us, we can recognizeculture as a valid componentto Christian expression.What should our standards formodesty be? That depends. Wemust ask ourselves: When do thestandards help and when do theyharm? If they treat women as stumblingblocks, they diminishIs modesty an important issue for the church to address? Most certainly. Yetlegalistic standards of modesty can do more harm than good.women and men alike. If theirrigidity elevates religious legalism,they are misguided.If, on the other hand, standardsallow us to properly prioritize ourlives, with sexuality as a God-givencomponent but not the mainfocus, they are standards thatpromote creative godliness andhealthy relationships. ❑1. Lewis, C.S., Mere Christianity. New York:Macmillan Publishing, 1943, p. 88.2. “Saudi Cleric Favours One-eye Veil” BBCNEWS posted October 3, 2008. http://news.bbc.co.uk/3. Tuberville, T.L., “Modesty: Just HowShould the Church Define it?” The Elijah Project.http://www.elijahproject.net/4. http://www.quiveringdaughters.com/5. ibid6. ibidRachel Ramer is the co-founder ofwww.ill-legalism.com, a website designedto help provide support forrecovering legalists.WINTER 2009 21