Harleys and Sex - Baker Drivetrain

Baker In GearBERT BAKER, BAKER DRIVETRAINHarleys and SexWhen I travel, I like to mix it up with the locals; nocanned tours for me. A few years ago Lisa and I wereon a city bus in Rome riding through town. The buswas packed and there was standing room only. We had a couplestops to go when Lisa yelled, “Let’s get off the bus, NOW!” Ireplied, “But we have a couple more stops.” She snapped, “No, Imean NOW!” So we got off. It turns out that a short, old, unassumingItalian man was taking advantage of the densely packedbus by rubbing his Italian sausage on her thigh. She was notthrilled. We laugh about it now.People seem to be programmed to have certain interests andbehavioral characteristics, which can be traced back to thousandsof years of ancestry. Take Lisa’s friend, who had a date with herleg on the bus. Italians, and Romans in particular, are a prettyfrisky bunch and it’s been thatway for thousands of years.I’ve been fascinated with themechanical menagerie oftorque multiplication since Iwas five years old. It’s interestingto me and it seems to beprogrammed in my DNA. PerhapsI’m remotely related tothe caveman who figured outthat if you rub a small diameterstick with your hands on acupped rock you can generatea lot of heat and make fire.That caveman intuitively figuredout how to translate linear motioninto rotary motion; drivetrain101.I can’t explain people’s relentlessfascination withHarley-Davidson motorcycles.It confuses me; it’s kind of likesex. People love it and somecan’t get enough. It’s kind of silly if you think about it. You put thisthingy in that thingy. Then you move around like you’re having anepileptic fit and you hoot and holler. Just stand back for a minuteand think about that. Couldn’t there be a more dignified way to procreate?Despite the indignity I suffer every time I get my beansnapped, I’m a big fan of the sport.So I was really trying to define this Harley obsession; I felt likeKwai Chang Caine in the show Kung Fu. A few years ago I had anenlightening conversation with a guy named Hans who owns aHarley franchise in Germany. So I asked him, “Why are Germansfascinated with Harleys?” I followed that question with anotherquestion by asking, “You guys have your own motorcycle brandcalled BMW, and they’re good machines, so why aren’t you guysinfatuated with them?” His reply was quick and required no forethought;“BMWs have no soul, Bert.” Crap. Now he’s dumpingsome Timothy Leary/Dalai Lama junk on me. Time to dig out myBeatles White Album and play it backwards to seek answers.That damn Hans had confused me more than ever. This wholeHarley infatuation is like a fat lady with no arms and legs; it’s hardfor me to grab on to. I’m an engineer and I like to describe thingsaround me with facts, figures, dimensions, and tolerances. If Ican’t describe it with a blueprint then it doesn’t exist. But sex andHarleys definitely cannot be described analytically, and their existenceis bigger than life.So I’ve reached the point where I’m done trying to quantitativelydefine the Harley mystique. I just accept it now. I use the left sideof my brain to design and develop juicy new drivetrains and theright side of my brain to integrate progressive designs with theHarley legacy and heritage. It’s a delicate dance and Harley knowsthat. Like our original 6-speed, our job is to push the technologicalenvelope of the iconic American drivetrain.Here’s a tip for those who just purchased their first Harley andmay be struggling to understand this whole thing. The more knowledgeyou gain about the evolutionary progression of Big Twins beforethe model year of your machine, the more you fall in love withwhat you got. It’s a weird concept, and that’s from personal experience.I got my first Harley in 1993 and knew nothing about a Shovelheador a Knucklehead and frankly didn’t care. But the more Ilearned about the history of the machine, the more I appreciatedwhat I had. And one other tip: If you bump into Lisa inan elevator or crowded public place,don’t get frisky. She has a specialtrick all planned out that will bevery painful. IW18 IronWorks May/June 2011