R E S T A U R A N T P O L L B A L L O T P . 4 6 - The Austin Chronicle

filmlistingsnewreviewsTHE BLACK WATERS OFECHO’S POND D: Gabriel Bologna; withRobert Patrick, Danielle Harris, Shawn Lawlor, James Duval,Nick Mennell, Mircea Monroe, Electra Avellán, Elise Avellán,Arcadly Golubovich, Richard Tyson. (R, 91 min.)Ever wonder what would happen if cinematicmiscreants Friday the 13th, Evil Dead,and Witchboard all took a course in ErhardSeminars Training together? Yeah, me too.It turns out EST, or “letting it all hang out,”as they said back in the day, provides zeroprotection from the forces of darkness andmay even spur them on (presumably thesame goes for the current Erhardian spinoff,Landmark Education). In the case ofthe awkwardly titled The Black Waters ofEcho’s Pond – which positively shambles offthe tongue like one of H.P. Lovecraft’s earlystory fragments – what ends up hanging outare teenage entrails and Arthur Machen’sGreat God Pan, or a horned and hairy variancethereof. Black Waters is the second inwhat appears to be an ongoing trend, thatof the exhumation of the Eighties-style horrorfilm. Ti West recently knocked one outof the boneyard with his eerie The Houseof the Devil scoring raves from genre fansand generally positive reviews from the fewremaining mainstream critics. Surprisingly,the latter camp included film criticism’s permanentlast-man-standing Roger Ebert, whoremains notorious among Eighties-horrorfans for having devoted an entire episode of76 T H E A U S T I N C H R O N I C L E APRIL 9, 2010 a u s t i n c h r o n i c l e . c o mDate Nighthis television show Sneak Previews (with thelate Gene Siskel) to eviscerating the originalFriday the 13th and “the dead teenagergenre” in general. I can’t guess what Ebertwill say about Bologna’s Black Waters ofEcho’s Pond, which is a solid, intermittentlyexcellent, and extremely exsanguinatory takeon what Stephen King famously referred toas the “Spam in a cabin” genre. Bolognakicks things off with an intentionally campyscene set at a Turkish archaeological dig in1927. The discovery of the lost temple ofPan – yes, it is rather labyrinthian – leads tothe construction of a supernaturally infusedboard game, which, in turn, results in horribledeaths for all involved, which then brings usup to the present and a grizzled, shotgun-totingPete (Patrick), the caretaker of the largeVictorian manse situated on a tiny island offthe coast of Maine. The house was previouslyowned by one of the doomed archaeologists,and when the teens (among themGrindhouse’s crazy Babysitter Twins, Electraand Elise Avellán, nieces of Austin producerElizabeth Avellán) arrive, it’s only a matter oftime before the power goes out, cell phonesare useless, and a vodka-swilling Pete isregaling them and us with candlelit spookstories, something like John Houseman inthe prologue to John Carpenter’s The Fogand something more like Robert Shaw’sboozy recounting of the fate of the U.S.S.Indianapolis. After that, of course, the youthfulvacationers discover the aforementionedboard game literally boarded up in thehouse’s basement, and, against everybody’sbetter judgment, play it. Suffice it to saythat this devilish game is more John Miltonthan Milton Bradley; Pan arrives, all hoovesand horns, and soon enough characters aresuffering from wet-tar eyeball syndrome andvisiting ocular, dental, and chainsaw horrorsupon one another. There’s nothing whollyoriginal, not really, in Black Waters – even thescore was composed by original Friday the13th-whisperer Harry Manfredini – and thefilm never quite hits the hysterical heightsof Adam Green’s superior Hatchet, but thereis comfort in familiarity here. The old-schoolgore effects (no CGI here, thank Jason) byPatrick Magee, are splendidly moist, especiallythe rake scene. Far better (and, freakishly,more subtle) at recalling the tone andspirit of Eighties teen moviegoing than thefaux-dopey slapstick of Hot Tub Time Machine,Bologna’s homage to exsanguinations past isa bloody good updating of past arterial spurters.Like Jumanji on bad acid, it’s pretty muchgame for anything.– Marc Savlov★★★ Tinseltown South, WestgateCA$H D: Stephen Milburn Anderson; with Sean Bean,Chris Hemsworth, Victoria Profeta, Mike Starr, Glenn Plummer.(R, 108 min.)Not reviewed at press time. No advancescreenings were held for this movie about asuitcase full of loot that falls into the wrong (ormaybe right?) hands. – Marjorie BaumgartenTinseltown SouthDATE NIGHT D: Shawn Levy; with Steve Carell,Tina Fey, Mark Wahlberg, Jimmi Simpson, Common, TarajiP. Henson, Leighton Meester, James Franco, Mila Kunis, RayLiotta, William Fichtner, Kristen Wiig, Mark Ruffalo.(PG-13, 88 min.)For a date-night outing unburdened by highexpectations, there is no better choice outthere right now than the transparently titledcomedy Date Night. Carell and Fey create atotally believable portrait of a New Jerseyhusband and wife whose jobs, child-rearing,and home-maintenance responsibilitiesdominate their lives and leave little timeand energy left over for romantic pursuitsand time alone as a couple. Despite thesuitability of the casting and the naturalisticperformances of the stars, Date Night neverbreaks out of its dullsville rut. The film isonly mildly amusing, utterly predictable, anda sad spectacle to watch as two of television’scleverest comic personalities (on TheOffice and 30 Rock, respectively) dumb downtheir banter to reach the broader tastes ofthe filmgoing audience. The trouble beginsThe Black Waters of Echo’s Pondfor Phil and Claire Foster (Carell and Fey)when they decide to go into Manhattan fora date-night dinner at a new trendy restaurantand, unable to get a table, pose as acouple called the Tripplehorns, who have notshown up to claim their reservations. Beforefinishing with their meal, Phil and Claire areforced from their table by thugs (Simpsonand Common) who work for a mob boss(Liotta) who apparently has a beef with theTripplehorns, thus beginning a long nightof chase and escape. In episodic fashion,they encounter a sympathetic detective(Henson), a shirtless security operative(Wahlberg), the real Tripplehorns (Francoand Kunis), and a D.A. who is an EliotSpitzer-styled duplicitous moral crusader(Fichtner). In another episodic scene backhome before the commotion starts, Wiigand Ruffalo stop in for what appears to bea one-day shoot as an exemplar marriedcouple about to break up. There is also oneslow boat escape, one fast car chase, and amoderate amount of gunplay that managesto hit nothing – which may be the overridingmetaphor for the movie. Date Night spraysits bouquet far and wide but is shootingmostly blanks. – Marjorie Baumgarten★★ Alamo Drafthouse Lake Creek, AlamoDrafthouse South, Alamo Drafthouse Village,Barton Creek Square, CM Cedar Park, HillCountry Galleria, CM Round Rock, SouthparkMeadows, Highland, Gateway, Lakeline,Metropolitan, Tinseltown North, WestgateLETTERS TO GOD D: David Nixon, PatrickDoughtie; with Lisa Curtis, Christopher Schmidt, LyannaTumaneng, Tanner Maguire, Ralph Waite. (PG, 110 min.)Not reviewed at press time. A young boy withcancer writes letters to God, an action thataffects the lives of others around him. Thefilm was not screened for press, so we don’tknow if God replied. – Marjorie BaumgartenBarton Creek Square, CM Round Rock, Gateway,Tinseltown North, Tinseltown SouthPRINCE D: Kookie V. Gulati; with Vivek Oberoi, ArunaShields, Nandana Sen, Niroo Singh, Sanjay Kapoor.(NR, 135 min., subtitled)Not reviewed at press time. Following aheist in this Bollywood film, one of the savviestthieves in the world remembers nothingabout his life or where he has hiddenthe haul.– Marjorie BaumgartenTinseltown South