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The Big Breach; From Top Secret to Maximum SecurityCompliments of http://www.192.comonce perched on the edge of his bed stared angrily out of the window,still clutching his beard. Ì'm Richard, what's your name?'Stonley made no eye contact but after a short pause, spat out,`Stonley.'`No, I mean what's your first name?'Stonley turned from the window, flashed an angry glare and replied,`Dunno', before returning his anger to the window. I tried again, butgot the same response, this time more angrily. Although Stonley wassitting motionless on the edge of his bed, his stench had wafted overto me and I had to move to the other end of my bed.The door-flap slapped open and Onion-head, who had just been appointeda spur cleaner and was outside collecting the lunch-trays, leered in.Àrright, Rich?' he laughed, gooning his face into an exaggeratedimitation of Stonley. `Wait till he starts playin' his pink oboe!' Igave him the finger and he slapped the flap back with another laugh.I had to find a way of getting out of sharing the cell with Stonley,but my options were limited. The staff were usually reasonable aboutputting compatible cellmates together as it caused them less bother ifthey got along. But they would not let me off the hook with Stonley soeasily; nobody was compatible with him and the screws accuratelyguessed it was not in my nature to start a fight, a tactic his previouscellmate had used to engineer a separation.At unlock for evening association, I made a beeline for Mr Richards.`You've got to get me out of there. Stonley should be in hospital, notin prison. You'll turn me into a fraggle too if I have to share withhim much longer,' I pleaded.Mr Richards laughed, `You're going nowhere, Tomlinson. Doctor's orders.Stonley has to be in a double cell so that he learns to interact withother prisoners.'`Well, if I have to share with him, will you please tell him to washhis clothes and get a shower?' Mr Richards obliged and ordered Stonleyto take a shower and hand in his filthy clothing to the unfortunateTurkish laundryman for washing.Locked back in after association, I found that Stonley had used thetoilet and badly missed. He would never clean it up, so there was nochoice but to do it myself. He was still perched on the edge of hisbed, staring angrily out of the window, twiddling with his beard, as Ifinished and junked my last strip of pot-scrubber in the bin. As therehad been cases of fraggles attacking sleeping cellmates, I didn't darego to sleep before him and stayed up playing chess on my pocket set. Atabout 1 a.m., Stonley briefly went to the toilet, lay down on his bed,pulled a sheet over himself and started masturbating.After a fitful night's sleep, inspiration struck in the morning.`Stonley, do you smoke?' I asked as soon as he was awake.`Dunno,' he replied angrily.page- 191 - To purchase the original limited edition hardback version of this bookplease call 08000 192 192 or go to http://www.192.com
The Big Breach; From Top Secret to Maximum SecurityCompliments of http://www.192.com`You must know the answer to that, surely?' I replied.`Dunno,' he shouted back.As soon as we were unlocked, I grabbed my half-full phone card, twoTwixes, and a tube of custard creams, and dashed over to Onion-head'scell, where he was having a cup of tea with Dobson. Àrright, Rich?' heasked. `How's the fraggle, did he burp his worm last night?'`Shut up, you bastard,' I replied with a smile. Ònion-head, you gotany tobacco?'`What's up, Rich?' jeered Dobson. `You tekkin' up smokin', it's thatbad is it?'I dumped the phone card, Twixes and custard creams on Onion-head's bed.Ì'll swap you all that for an ounce of tobacco and five Rizlas.'Onion-head's eyes lit up - it was a good swap - and he handed me theremains of a pouch of Golden Virginia with a few papers.Back in the cell after breakfast I asked Stonley if he would like asmoke. He glared at me suspiciously. It was perhaps the first timeanybody had offered him anything since coming into prison. I producedthe pouch and papers, and pushed them over to him. `They're yours, Idon't smoke.'He studied them suspiciously for a few seconds, like a stray cat whohas been given a tempting morsel by a stranger, then pounced, expertlycrafting a rollie and lighting up. As soon as the cell was nicely fullof smoke, I got up and pushed the `room service' bell to call a screw.It was supposed only to be used in emergencies and I risked getting aday down the block for its abuse. Mr Richards arrived a few minuteslater to investigate. `Tomlinson, what do you want?' he askedimpatiently through the perspex window.`Mr Richards, you never told me Stonley was a smoker.'Mr Richards looked at me quizzically. `So what?' he asked.`Prison regulation 12a,' I replied, À non-smoking prisoner cannot beforced to share a cell with a smoking prisoner against his wishes.'Mr Richards glared back at me for a moment. `Tomlinson, I'll àve youone day,' he replied, exasperated. But he knew he was beaten. Mostprisoners didn't know about the rule, but my study of the prisonregulation book during associations had paid off. ÒK, get your stuff,cell 8 on the first landing is free.' Mr Richards held the door openwhile I bundled my stuff back together and escorted me up to my newhome, a single cell.Early in January, Belmarsh received a visit from the `Health and Safetyat Work' inspection teams. When we were unlocked to queue for lunch thespur and hotplate area had been plastered with signs warning us ofdangers. By the stairs was a neat sign announcing, `Caution: SteepStairs'. Around the hotplate notices warned us, `Caution: HotSurfaces'. It was absurd to pretend that these presented serioushazards to our wellbeing, when we were cooped up in such confines withpage- 192 - To purchase the original limited edition hardback version of this bookplease call 08000 192 192 or go to http://www.192.com
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