Volume 30 – Malicious Obsessions - The Woody Back to School Unit

Volume 30Malicious ObsessionsR HumphriesWoodettes Publications

Published 2010byWoodettes PublicationsHouston, Texas, USA© Woodettes Publications 2010R Humphries has asserted his right to be identified asthe author of this work with all rights reservedincluding the right of reproduction in whole or in partin any form.The Library of Congress has catalogued this edition asfollows Humphries, R [date]Malicious Obsessions : a novel by R Humphries1st Ed.ISBN [Application Pending]www.woodettes.wordpress.com

Author’s NoteThis is a work of fiction. Names, characters,places and incidents are either the product of theauthor's imagination or are used fictitiously. Anyresemblance to actual events or locales or persons,living or dead, is entirely coincidental.The stories based at the Woody Back to SchoolUnit are works of adult fiction based upon the real-lifefantasy games played by the author, R. Humphriesand his wife, the inimitable Jojo.It is the author’s intent to create the WoodyBack to School Unit as an imaginative world peopledwith a believable cast and set in familiar surroundingswithin which the readers will become comfortable.The vernacular used in the stories is acombination of the phraseology derived from writingsuch as the British penny comics from the nineteenthirties, current language, slang and idioms, and theinvented parlance known as Woody Jargon.As such references to ‘beating’, ‘thrashing’, and‘flogging’ have no context to the use or avocation ofphysical violence, with the exception of controlledcorporal punishment, against the characters of thestories.

DedicatedtoMy Beloved Jojo

ContentsA Pink Derringer .................................. 1Cool Cat .............................................. 5Miss Melons ......................................... 9Armanisuit has a Headache ................. 13Shlorton Shlashed Me! ........................ 17Red Card for the Wart ........................ 21“Please Ma’am, Not Too Hard!” ........... 25Too Much Like Hard Work ................... 29Liars, Cheats and Thieves ................... 33Katie Faces a Dilemma ....................... 37Cassie on a Roll ................................. 41Taking Care of Cassie Business ........... 45Taking Care of Debs ........................... 49Six on the Silks for Deborah ............... 53Inner Spankettes ............................... 57Armanisuit Cough’s Up ....................... 62Ms Angela Sills .................................. 66A Dusting Opportunity ........................ 70A Highly Personal Affair ..................... 74The Imposter Comes Out to Play ......... 78Music Room Misadventures ................. 82The KGB School for Spankers .............. 86Felicity Reconsiders ........................... 91Radical Propositions .......................... 96Toast ............................................... 100Thrashed into the Elite ..................... 104The Weasel ...................................... 108Stand-off ......................................... 112Decommissioning ............................. 116Bend Over Your Desk ........................ 120

1A Pink DerringerCathryn Cassidy reached into her closet andextracted a gymslip, white blouse and striped tie. Inthe apartment next door her best chum, MelanieWhite, was performing the same routine.Cat and Melons were enrolled in the Old Galprogram at the Woody Back to School unit. They hadcompleted their sentences and their probationary yearbut had elected to remain at the campus to continuestudying for their degrees on-line.For the most part they studied privately.Several days a week Cat travelled up to the Smokewhere she interned at her father’s record company.Being an Old Gal at the facility was a relativelycomfortable existence.The Old Gals lived in sumptuous apartmentsthat had been renovated on the campus grounds,wore civvies, and were free to come and go as theypleased, with only very limited restrictions imposed tokeep them safe from the Confederacy of Yoofs.

Malicious ObsessionsThe only minor inconveniences related to theterms of the charter thrashed out at the Old GalWhops and Clobber summit.Pauline Gascoigne was a tolerant soul. She wasa doyen of the minx-friendly element of the Brassknown as the Liberal Left. Nonetheless, her level oftolerance did not extend to members of the Old Galcontingent engaging in a water pistol duel in themiddle of the lecture room.Pauline had lowered the lights so she couldshow a slideshow presentation with regard to thegrowing influence of China and India on traditionalleading international economies.Cathryn was listening intently. Her degree wasin International Business which she hoped to use togood effect as she helped expand her father’ssuccessful record label into new markets. She wasextremely miffed when her concentration wasdistracted when a stream of ice cold water hit her inthe lug-hole.Cathryn squinted through the darkness. Therewere only three other gals attending the lecture andthere was no question that the culprit was Melaniewho was leaning back in her chair with a grin on herface.It was common practice amongst the inmatesof the facility to attend lectures loaded for bear.Attacks with water pistols, pea-shooters and catapultswere commonplace.Melons grinned to herself. Her aim had beenperfect. Cat was wearing her hair tied back in a

3scrunchy so the thin jet of cold water had made directcontact with her exposed ear. It was just the type ofsurprise that could make even a gal as cool as Cat atad tetchy. Cathryn reached into her satchel anddabbed her ear with a Kleenex. She glaredthreateningly at her chum.Melons second salvo was even more annoyingthan the first. It hit Cat on the side of her neck, justabove the collar of her open necked black silk blouse.Melanie had fired off a longer stream and beforeCathryn knew what was happening water wasdripping down the inside of the blouse. Cat was livid.Cat did her best to look attentive and notfidget as the water slipped down her spine. Shereached into her satchel again for some moreKleenex. There wasn’t much she could do to dryherself but she ran the tissue across her neck. Shetook the opportunity to turn quickly and glarethreateningly at her best chum.Melons winked at her, then made a gun out ofher fingers and pointed at Cat, before raising herfingers and blowing. Cat scowled before turning backto face the front of the room.It took perfect timing. Cat watched MsGascoigne’s rhythm as she paused between slides toturn to the room and take questions. If there werenone forthcoming she would click on her mouse andthen turn back to the projector, mind-mapping thenext phase of her seminar before speaking.

Malicious ObsessionsCat surreptitiously reached own into hercowboy boot and extracted an original hot-pink plasticPisrool derringer from her ankle holster. Although itonly held three-quarters of a pint of water and lackedthe range or power of the Star Trek Phaser Specialthat Melons was armed with it was ideally suited forthe clandestine strike she was planning. She palmedthe loaded pistol and crossed her arms so her weaponwas hidden beneath her armpits. She waited until MsGascoigne had turned her back, cast a quick look overher shoulder and squeezed the trigger as hard as shecould, emptying the reservoir. With only three feetseparating them Melons had no time to react and thespray hit her full in the face and hair.Ms Gascoigne turned around. “Oh good grief,”she muttered.“Alright everybody,” she snapped. “Rise toyour feet and place your hands on your heads.”

2Cool CatMelons stood up. Her hair was dripping wet.The Star Trek Phaser Special slid out of her lap andclattered onto the floor.Ms Gascoigne approached Melons desk andleaned down to retrieve the pistol. “A smoking gun Ibelieve Miss White,” she said wryly. “But I don’tbelieve that anybody would be silly enough to shootthemselves in the face, unless of course they were anAmerican vice president.”Cat thought fast. She had no intention ofgiving up the valuable pink derringer. While Paulinewas distracted by Melons she reached down andrummaged in her satchel. She extracted a cheapback-up pistol that had little emotional value andtossed it on the desk with an audible thud. MsGascoigne rolled her eyes.“Alright you two pistol-packing yahoos go andget changed into clobber, I intend to absolutely creamyou,” she told the two Old Gals.

Malicious ObsessionsCathryn sighed as she threaded her red andblack striped tie around her neck. She did not feel theleast bit acrimonious towards Melanie. She had beenannoyed to have her concentration so rudelyinterrupted but she also understood that Melonsmight have been mildly bored by the subject matterof the lecture. Melanie was studying medicine andeconomics was just a minor supplementary courseshe had elected to take. In Cathryn’s opinion relievingboredom by dousing a chum with a lug-full of waterwas a legitimate course of action.Not that she particularly cared for being thevictim of an unprovoked dousing but she accepted itas a consequence of the lifestyle of mega-minxdomthat she had helped to create.She shrugged on her blazer and went nextdoor.“You ready to be creamed?” she askedcheerily.“Sorry about this, sis,” said Melanie ruefully.Cat just winked and slipped her arm throughher best chum’s.Cathryn Cassidy slid her upper torso across thelid of the desk. She was not a particularly tall gal,standing five feet six in her stockinged feet, but shehad exceptionally long legs. She pushed herself uponto the balls of her feet and reached over the deskand gripped the legs on the far side as low as shecould reach. She felt the hem of her skirt beingturned back exposing her compact behind. She sighedand waited to be absolutely creamed.

7Pauline Gascoigne flexed the cane between herhands. She was inordinately fond of Cat and had theutmost respect and admiration for the Old Gal. Foryears she had watched Cathryn rally the spirits of theinmates, many of whose freedom had been snatchedfrom them under the most spurious of circumstances.Cat’s own sentence had been covertly commissionedby the government to distract the Great Unwashedfrom recent acts of fiscal buffoonery and had asparked a nationwide ‘Free Cat’ campaign.Cathryn had refused to be fazed or intimidatedby her untoward circumstances and had respondedby encouraging the inmates to embrace a lifestyle ofmega-minxdom. She had led by example and rankedamongst the highest echelons of the All-Time BigBUTT.Nonetheless Pauline was duty bound to set herfeelings to one side. She tapped the cane down andthen raised her arm in the air.Melons watched with expert eyes. Pauline waslanding each stroke with perfect precision andaccuracy, the sound of the cane rebounding fromCathryn’s bumbags echoed around the room, but Catdidn’t move a muscle.Melanie was not surprised. Her relationshipwith Cat dated back to their days together atDartington Manor where they had schooled together.Cathryn was already displaying her subversive nature;although she did not so much disobey the rules assimply ignore them as if they did not exist.Patty Hodge had secured a position at theinstitution as the Mistress of Discipline and Cathryn

Malicious Obsessionswas her most frequent client. Melons, who was noslacker in the subversion department, often joined Caton her excursions to the office of the cruel martinet.Cathryn’s languid disdain in her dealings with Patriciahad earned Melanie’s lifelong admiration and inspiredher to take even the toughest of lickings with theminimum of fuss.Cat pushed herself up from the desk. Sheseemed completely unperturbed by the fact that shehad just been beaten bandy as she stepped to oneside to allow Melons to take her place. She retrievedher blazer and shrugged it on. Cat reached into herpocket and retrieved a cigarette and lighter.Pauline Gascoigne didn’t say a word as Catcalmly held the flame to the tip.

3Miss MelonsMelanie White took her time getting herselfinto the required position. She was relatively short instature, standing barely five-feet tall in stockingedfeet. She had to rise up onto tip-toes to spreadherself across the desk. Pauline meticulously foldedback her skirt and rearranged the tail of her blouse.In contrast to the mythical proportions of hermammary glands Melanie had a pert, button-likebehind. Ms Gascoigne tapped the cane down andthen unleashed a scorcher.Melons had developed a pragmatic approach tothe cane. Long before her association with Cat shehad already established a respectable reputation as avery, very naughty gal. At preparatory school she haddivided her time between standing in the corner andlying face down, arse up across the Headmistress’sknee having her bottom smacked.Like many of the Woody inmates she camefrom quality bloodstock. Her father was aninternationally renowned heart surgeon and her

Malicious Obsessionsmother was a well-known hostess who hailed from along line of blue bloods.Melanie had inherited her father’s brains andher mother’s beauty. Despite her classroomdelinquency she graduated top her year and wasenrolled at the exclusive Dartington Manor where shewould team up with Cat.In many ways they were opposites. Cat hadbeen brought up surrounded by laid-back jazzmusicians and was already considered by the otherpupils to be the icon of ultra-cool. Melanie, bycontrast, was a wild and rambunctious hellion andwas permanently in trouble with the Dames and theprefects. Despite their personality differences the twogirls were inseparable.In the early days Melanie got the cane moreoften than Cat but that would change with the arrivalof Patty Hodge at the school.According to records held in the Ministry ofEducation Patty had already demonstrated herpenchant for creating mischief and mayhem insidethe bumbags of her wards. Each year since startingher teaching career she had featured amongst the topfive administrators of corporal punishment in thenation, which was an admirable achievementconsidering that her counterparts were invariablyHeadmistresses.At Dartington she saw a window ofopportunity. She noticed that several of the Dame’swere reticent to resort to the cane but wereconstantly complaining in the staff room about thepupil’s errant behavior. Patty offered to help themout. It wasn’t long before she was officially appointed

11as ‘Mistress of Discipline’, and the whop rate atDartington increased at a giddying rate.Patty disliked Cathryn, who she considered asubversive, and Melanie, who she deemed to be adelinquent. Their bumbags were the mostendangered.Cat and Melons defiantly refused to be dauntedby Patty’s vicious regime and perfected the art oftaking their thrashings without flinching. It was a skillthat had stood them in good stead throughout theirsentences at the Woody Back to School unit.Melanie concentrated on keeping her breathingeven and her backside steady. She had considerablerespect for Pauline Gascoigne’s skill with the cane butshe knew that a world class whopping was apartnership. Melons knew that in order for the beatingto go off without any painful mishaps such as lowriders or wraparounds she needed to stay teed upperfectly so the Dame had easy access to the sweetspot.Pauline Gascoigne had tremendous respect forMelanie White’s ability to absorb a world classwhopping without any fuss. Certainly her buttockstwitched as the effects of the cane worked their wayunder the flesh into the nerve endings of her gluteusmaximus but she put it up and kept it upunwaveringly. Pauline sliced the cane through the air.Melanie pushed herself up from the desk andsmoothed down her skirt. She pulled on her blazer

Malicious Obsessionsand reached into her breast pocket to extract herpunishment record book.None of the three women spoke while Paulinepost-processed the beatings. They each understoodthat the punishment’s had been necessary and thatthe matter was now closed.Melanie and Cat sipped wine in a Woodyfriendly bar in town.“Well she certainly laid that on thick,” saidMelons.Cat smiled. “She does good work. I think I’llcall Mark, he’ll want to see the stripes.”Melanie giggled. “I take it you won’t be comingback to the facility tonight.”Cat winked and pulled out her cell-phone.“He wants to meet us in the VIP bar over atMonets for oysters and champagne,” she told herchum. “We’ll drop you off at the facility later. Let’s cutalong, the seats are more comfortable over thereanyway.”Melons swallowed down her drink. “Bottoms upto that, sis,” and slipped her arm in Cats.

4Armanisuit has a HeadacheMelissa Forsham-Smythe scowled at thetelevision. Her daughter, Sarah, was giving evidenceat the trial of Mrs Hayden-White; the disgracedformed Grand Dame of the Ripley Back to School unit.Sarah was explaining how her mother hadinitially used her influence with the System to haveher daughter and her chums charges of grand larcenyreduced to Extreme Ladetting and then had paidconsiderable sums to keep them out of the dreadedBig House.According to Sarah life at Ripley was a cozyaffair. Attendance of lectures and tutorials was rarelyenforced; the inmates passed their days in a haze ofwine and marijuana. Discipline was lax and the Brasslevied a schedule of tariffs to allow the inmates to buytheir way out of trouble.Sarah explained that for a fee she was allowedto leave the compound and use her mother’s privatejet to tour the continent where she indulged herpassion for kleptomania. Sarah explained that shewould steal haute couture to order for Mrs Hayden-

Malicious ObsessionsWhite and her chums and pointed out that the wellcutsuit that the former Grand Dame was wearing incourt had been purloined during one of Sarah’scontinental forays.Armanisuit watched his employer nervously. Hehad been summoned to the Caribbean hideaway for acouncil of war. Melissa was clearly not pleased by herprivate affairs being made public. She had refused toreturn to the Smoke to give evidence at the trial andwarrants for her arrest were useless as her privateisland was outside jurisdictional boundaries.Melissa was muttering darkly about Sarah’sapparent lack of gratitude for her efforts at keepingher out of the Big House.“Millions,” she muttered, “I spent millions onkeeping her arse out of chokey and this is how sherepays me.”Sarah Forsham-Smythe was not having a goodtime of it. Hayden-White’s counsel was relentless.Over and over Sarah was forced to admit that shehad been responsible for shop-lifting, credit-cardfraud and the supply of designer drugs to theinmates. The lawyer constantly insisted that thewrong woman was in the dock and that Sarah shouldbe charged with racketeering.“I don’t think that went very well,” Sarah toldEllen Millar and Bernadette Summers, morosely.Bernadette patted her chum’s hand. “You didfine,” she said reassuringly.

15Ellen nodded. “You did what was required, youtold the truth.”Lord Rufus Lewis watched Melissa pacing upand down, she was clearly aggravated. Despite thecounsels aggressive cross-examination Sarah hadmaintained her story. She freely admitted that shehad been party to a wide variety of nefariousactivities but insisted that the financial beneficiarywas Mrs Hayden-White. “I could have just bought thestuff for her but I liked stealing,” she confessed. “Ijust expected my mother to take care of things if Igot caught. She had all the right connections amongstthe Dark Agents of the System and she just payswhatever it takes to get it done. Mrs Hayden-Whitesaw my mother as a cash cow and exploited it.”“Fool,” muttered Melissa. “Twenty-two hours inlabor and I gave birth to a fool.”Rufus assumed that at some juncture Melissawould inform him of the purpose of his visit. In themeantime he was perfectly happy to laze on thebalcony overlooking the brilliant aqua marine sea,dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts whilea tail-coated butler and liveried footmen tended to hisevery need. He leaned back comfortably in hishammock and sipped a margarita.Armanisuit looked less relaxed. He had workedwith Melissa for many years and he knew that pacingmeant plotting. Melissa’s plotting was not alwaysgood for Armanisuit; particularly of late.In the early days of his employment with thebillionairess his duties had been limited to simpletasks such as tax evasion, money-laundering andacquiring businesses through strong-arm financial

Malicious Obsessionstactics. It had been satisfying work. Later he hadtaken over management of Melissa’s celebrity goonsquadand had enjoyed a lucrative fifteen per-cent ofthe bounty for every celebrity Extreme Ladette hedelivered to the Dark Agents. However, sinceMelissa’s humiliating defeat at the Snobs and Rotterstribunal life had taken a disagreeable turn for theworse.Melissa’s malicious obsession with having theWoody Back to School unit closed had caused him tocome in contact with some unsavory coves. The tripacross to the Caribbean with Rufus, aboardMalicious’s jet, had been an unsociable affair.Armanisuit suspected that Rufus was responsible fordispatching one of his more competent Yoof’s to hispenthouse suite making unreasonable demands formoney. Armanisuit was still trying to pluck up thecourage to bill Melissa for the medical charges andthe damage to Ming vases and valuable crystal thathad resulted from the visit.He had also been forced to receive Mickey thePurveyor, Bernadette Summers boyfriend and astrong-arm enforcer from the Stacks Monroeorganization. Stacks did not take kindly to hisgoddaughter’s security being threatened and had sentMickey to convey the message. Mickey had dangledArmanisuit out of the penthouse office window by hisankles while he was explaining Stacks point of view.It was all most disagreeable. Melissa’s pacing andRufus’s presence was giving Armanisuit a headache.

5Shlorton Shlashed Me!Being forced to endure the humiliation ofacting as Rosemary Booker’s grubby had caused theWart to develop a permanent headache. WhenRosemary didn’t have any duties she personallyneeded performing she would loan the Wart out toother members of the Elite or assign her to the workdetails such as cleaning the latrines.The Wart trudged about the campus dressed infull clobber with a sour look on her puss. Everywhereshe went she could sense the mocking, scornful lookson the faces of the inmates.Despite her many flaws, under normalcircumstances, the Wart was an able educator.However, she seemed to have lost the enthusiasm fordelivering her lectures and set the inmates readingassignments while she sat at the front of the roomwith her head in her hands.Occasionally Robin Wharton would bepersuaded to join Patty Hodge and Katie Beck in thesaloon bar of the Bunch of Grapes.

Malicious ObsessionsDespite the fact that Woody clobber wasfavored by the world’s glitterati the Wart did not feelthe least bit fashionable. Years of hard-drinking,smoking and gluttonous eating had taken its toll onthe Wart and her gymslip hung over her bloated formlike a sack. She would sit on her stool lookingdepressed while she scoffed down tequila slammerswhile Patty and Katie ribbed her mercilessly. By theend of the evening her head would be throbbing evenmore painfully.Katie Beck drummed her fingernails on the topof her desk and contemplated the Wart situation.Recently Katie had pulled a palace coup and emergedas the Commandant of the Radical Right and theSecret Sorority of Serial Spankers. However, hertroops were in disarray.Robin Wharton’s devious and sadistic natureand her addiction to whops had always made her areliable member of the Radical Right. However, sinceher ill-conceived decision to take a Mulligan while shewas whopping Rosemary Booker she appeared to bea spent force.Katie was aware that her elevation to the roleof Commandant was precarious. Patty had beenforced to accept the status quo for fear of her hitlists,dating back to the year of Operation ScorchedArse, falling into the hands of the Grand Master.Nonetheless, Katie was aware that Patty’s apparentacquiescence was nothing more than a sham. PattyHodge was a scheming woman and would be lookingfor any opportunity to usurp Katie’s authority.

19Katie needed the full support of the Wart. Shehad to shake the Dame out of her blue funk. Shedrummed her fingers on the desk and contemplatedways that she could restore her foot-soldiersconfidence.Patty slid onto a barstool next to Katie. Shesummoned a bartender and ordered drinks. RecentlyPatty had taken to actually paying for her roundsinstead of imperiously charging them to Katie or theWart’s tab. She smiled warmly at Katie andenthusiastically regaled her with a tale of thrashingthe Bond Twins with her wye-tipped cane.Katie nodded her approval. In truth there wasnothing Katie liked to hear more than tales of themisfortunes of others. Patty was a colorful storytellerand Katie was certain that Ronnie and Reggie Bondwould still be suffering from considerable residualdiscomfort as a result of Patty’s exertions.Patty ordered more drinks and once again shetendered coin of the realm from her own purse.“I’m worried about the Wart,” said Patty. “I’mnot telling you how to do your job but one of theroles of Commandant is to maintain the morale of thetroops.”Katie looked at Patty suspiciously. “And how doyou suggest I do that? She’s been in a blue funk eversince she was flogged. She’s about as much use tome as tits on a fish.”Patty patted Katie’s hand. “Katie you arewonderfully devious, I’ve always admired that in you,I’m sure that you’ll think of something. And speakingof the Warty-one here she is.”

Malicious ObsessionsKatie and Patty stared at Robin Wharton as sheapproached. Even by the Wart’s miserable standardsshe was a complete mess. Her collar and tie wereunfastened and the blade of the tie hung out over thebib of her ill-fitting gymslip. Her socks had riddendown around her ankles and her hair looked like ithadn’t seen a brush in days. Her eyes were redrimmedand it was clear to even the least observanteye that she had recently been blubbing.“Good grief Wart,” said Patty Hodge. “What’swrong with you? You look like an unmade bed.”“Shlorton shlashed me,” replied the Wart andshe burst into floods of tears.

6Red Card for the WartDeborah stared down at the sheaf of papersthat Rosemary had handed her. They containedperformance reports for each day that Robin Whartonhad been required to grub for Rosemary.“She’s always late,” Rosie informed her bestchum, “and I think she always has a few snortsbefore she comes on duty. It takes her twice as longto do simple chores or run errands as would takeCaroline,” Caroline was Rosemary’s full-time grubby.“I’ve shown her yellow cards on the last two days andwarned her that I would red-card her if she didn’t pullher socks up. She turned up an hour late thisafternoon and told me that she had been delayeddiscussing House Business with you which I know is aright porky because I saw you leave her quarters. Shewas obviously hanging about her lair having a fewslammers. I didn’t feel that I had any choice but toshow her a red.”Debs stared at the documents despondently.“Where is she now?” she asked.

Malicious Obsessions“Standing in the corner in my study,” saidRosemary. “I wasn’t sure of the protocols. If it wasany other grubby they’d just be sent along to you fora dusting, but well, it’s the Wart,” she trailed off.Debs rolled her eyes. Earlier in the year shehad been faced with a similar predicament whenPatty Hodge had been forced to act as her grubby.Patty had failed to live up to Lady Derby’s exactingstandards and had ended up touching her toes in thelibrary while Debs applied six strokes across herbumbags with a senior cane.“Send her up to wait outside the library, I’llneed to inform the Grand Master,” said Debs wearily.“You have full thrashing rights Deborah,” MrHumphries assured her. “She is acting as Rosemary’sgrubby as a punishment and if she refuses to abideby the rules she can either suffer the consequencesor she can tender her resignation. She knows heroptions.”Debs tucked her cane under her arm and setoff towards the library. She felt uncharacteristicallynervous. A week earlier she had been required to flogthe Wart in front of the assembled unit. The Wart hadput up a pathetic performance after Deborah hadcompleted the flogging with a perfectly deliveredbacon slicer.The following morning the Wart had pitched upfor grubbing duties looking disheveled and hung-over.Deborah had put her over her knee for a trainingspanking. It had gone no better than the floggingwith the Wart squirming over her knee like a hooked

23fish and screaming up a blue storm. The Wart was ahefty woman and even the athletic Red-shirt haddifficulty keeping her tucked in over her lap. It hadbeen a most ungracious affair.Ironically after the flogging and the initialspanking Deborah was enjoying a temporary respitefrom the Mistress of the Houses daily dose of vitriolic.Even though when Deborah arrived at the lair for thedaily house briefing the atmosphere would be thickwith latent hostility the meetings were at leastblessedly brief. Trussed up like a Christmas goose inher ill-fitting clobber, the Wart seemed to have lostthe stomach for giving Debs her daily gratuitoustongue lashing or making idle threats to cut herbumbags to tatters. She merely listened moodily toDeborah’s report and then dismissed the HouseCaptain without further ado. Nonetheless, Debsremained an inmate at the facility and she was certainthat the Wart would be plotting her revenge and withpotentially dire consequences for her own bumbags.Debs couldn’t help thinking that the current situationwas not going to improve relations. The size of thetarget on her bumbags just seemed to be gettingbigger and bigger.The Wart was facing the wall outside thelibrary with her hands on her head and her nosepressed against the wood-paneling. Rosemary wasleaning against the wall supervising operations.“She is absolutely useless,” giggled Rosie. “Shekeeps moving and her elbows keep touching the wall.She sniveled and begged and pleaded all the way

Malicious Obsessionshere. I had to warn her that she would get an extrasix if she didn’t shut the fuck up!”“Lower your arms Wharton, and proceed to thepunishment room,” Deborah said authoritatively.“Do you need moral support?” askedRosemary.Debs nodded her head, “A witness might notbe a bad idea,” she told her chum, “just in case she’sfool enough to file a complaint.”As she removed her black blazer andunfastened the collar and cuffs of her red shirt Debsdid her best to ignore the Wart’s conspicuousseething hatred. The Wart was standing with herhands on her head looking daggers at Deborah andvenom seemed to be seeping out of every pore of herskin. Deborah took her time rolling back the sleevesof her shirt and then went over to the side table andretrieved the senior cane.The cane was thirty-six inches long and theshaft had been inserted into a Delrin sheaf. Thehandle had been covered with red and black stripedleather.Debs turned and faced the Wart and flexed thecane between her hands.“Wharton I am going to need you to removeyour blazer and to bend over and touch your toes infront of the fireplace,” she said evenly.

7“Please Ma’am, Not Too Hard!”Ms Wharton slowly lowered her arms andcrossed them across her ample bosom.“I’ll kill you for this Morton,” she snarled. “Ifyou beat me I shall make your life living hell.”Debs stared into the Wart’s beady eyes.“Wharton, in many circumstances you are given theauthority to speak to me in that tone but this is notone of them. In the past you have beaten me onnumerous occasions and I am sure before mysentence is up you will seek opportunities to beat meagain. We will deal with each incident as it arises.However, right now Wharton I must insist that youremove your blazer and bend over in front of thefireplace so that I can thrash you.”The Wart glared back at Deborah. “Call theGrand Master. Tell him I wish to lodge an appeal.”Debs shrugged. She put down her cane andwent over to retrieve her smart-phone from herblazer. “That is your right Wharton and I’m sure thatyou are well aware that the protocols dictate that ifyou are unsuccessful you will receive double the

Malicious Obsessionsnumber of strokes.” She reached into her blazerpocket.“Hold on Morton, don’t be in such a hurry, Ican explain everything and I’m sure that we canreach an agreement,” the Wart said unctuously.Debs turned around. “Explain what? You werered-carded for failure to reach the minimumperformance standards required of a grubby. Youwere red-carded after two formal warnings and underthe protocols of your grubby probation that means amandatory caning.”“I know that Morton but I could be useful toyou,” said the Wart earnestly. “You know that Pattyand Katie are out to get you. I could keep youinformed.”Deborah gaped at Robin Wharton. “You’regoing to rat out Patty and Katie to escape awhopping?”The Wart glared at Debs, her display ofunctuousness evaporating in a heartbeat. “I did notsay that I would rat them out,” she snarled again.Debs shrugged. Sounded like it to me, howabout you sis?”Rosemary was leaning back in the shadows.“Hard not to misinterpret,” she giggled.“Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!” growled the Wart.“Now Wharton, how should we proceed,”asked Debs patiently. “Should I call the Grand Masterand advise him of your appeal or are you going toremove your blazer and bend over so we do notwaste any more of our day?”

27The Wart began to sob as she leaned forward.She was not a healthy or athletic type by anymeasureable standards. It was obvious that reachingdown to touch her toes and maintaining a straightleggedposition was not going to prove a practicaloption.“Alright, Wharton, this is what we’re going todo,” sighed Deborah after the Wart had made severalunsuccessful attempts at assuming the requiredposition. “Move that armchair in front of the fire andbend over the back. At least that way I’ll have a cleanshot at you.”It was several more minutes before the Wartwas finally positioned in a manner that Deborah feltconfident that she could execute the delivery withoutany mishaps. The Dame was blubbing like a muff.Debs stepped in and took the hem of Robin’sskirt between her fingers and neatly turned it backdisplaying a pair of navy blue gossamer bumbags thatwere severely straining against the stress ofcontaining the Dames over-sized sitmedown.Debs maneuvered the tail of the Warts whiteblouse up her back and then took up her stance.The new technology canes with straight runhandles were designed to allow the maximum whipfrom the shaft with the minimum of effort and backswing.Deborah had spent several hours on thepractice range with the full sized mannequin bentover the training bar. She would chalk over the areaknown as the sweet spot and check the tip of thecane after every delivery to ensure that she had hitinside the safe target area. Her reported level of

Malicious Obsessionsaccuracy was an astonishing ninety-eight point eightper-cent.She liked to stand with her left foot plantedslightly forward and to lower her right shoulder as sheswung the cane through the air; it allowed hercomplete control over the crisp wrist-breaking finishthat had made her a legend in the punishment room.No matter her personal acrimony with the evilWart she was determined that the beating would bedelivered completely safely. She took a deep breath,settled into her tried and tested stance and tappedthe cane down.From somewhere deep in the cushion of thearmchair the Wart whimpered, “Please Ma’am, nottoo hard.”Deborah Morton pulled her arm back less thaneighteen inches above the sea of gossamer and sweptit down with her elegant swing, breaking her wrist atthe last moment. When the cane made contact withthe upturned bum it was moving at Mach-2. The Wartopened up her throat and howled.

8Too Much Like Hard WorkSince her unexpected promotion to Captain ofthe Red House, followed by becoming first the DeputyRed-shirt and subsequently Red-shirt in her own rightDeborah Morton had delivered nearly a hundredcanings, fifty danglings and spanked more grubbiesthan she cared to recall. She had seen every shape ofbottom imaginable. Whether small, pert, slender,bony, plump, rounded or of the rather over-size thatshe was currently presented with they all had thesame narrow sweet spot. Deborah knew frompersonal experience that as long as the chastiserlanded the cane in the sweet spot no lasting damagewould be done.Robin Wharton seemed to be of a differentopinion. She was kicking up a brouhaha of biblicalproportions. She was howling and kvetching andcussing like a sailor.Between strokes she tried to leap up but shedidn’t have the athleticism and she waved her handshelplessly in the general direction of her rear end.“Pleeasseee!!!! It hurts!!!” howled the Wart.

Malicious ObsessionsDeborah tried to remain patient.“Wharton!” she snapped. “I need you toremain in position and to put it up and keep it upthen we will be finished and go about our business.”“Nooooo!!!” squealed the Wart. “I can’t takeit.”Rosemary stepped out of the shadows.“Do you want me to try and hold her down?”she offered.Debs shook her head. “She’d probably give youa black eye or a thick lip the way she’s waving herarms about. I will give you one last warning Wharton,please settle down and this will be finished quickly.”The Wart gurgled something incomprehensibleand then tried to push herself upwards. Deborahthought fast. She had no possibility of completing thecaning in an efficient manner. She waited until theWart was halfway back to the vertical then droppedher cane on the wooden floor with a clatter. Shemoved fast grabbing the Wart’s arm and yanking herupwards with all her strength.“Wadayadoin’?” squealed the breathless Dame.Debs used the upward thrust and momentumto spin her around and march her swiftly across theroom. Before the Wart knew what was happeningDeborah had sat down on a chair and had yanked theDame across her lap. She pushed her left hand downon the back of the Dame’s neck and pusheddownwards. The Wart was temporarily immobilized.Debs reached down below her blouse andpulled out a key on a neck-chain and slipped it overher head.

31“Fetch my hairbrush,” she told Rosemary.“We’re going to get this finished with whether shelikes it or not.”“Nooooo!!!” squealed the Wart. “Lemmego!!!”Despite her nose being only inches from thefloor and Debs having her neck pinned down the Wartwas beginning to put up a struggle. Her body writhedso wildly that Deborah feared that the chair mighttumble over.“For fawk’s sake’” she muttered and managedto get one of her legs out from underneath the Wart’sbody and swing it over the Dames thigh’s, pressingdown with all her strength.Rosemary hurried back with the hairbrush.“”Get her skirt out of the way,” panted Debs.Deborah didn’t waste any time. There was notime for a long, slow, juicy text-book spanking, theWart was just too hard to handle. She raised her armand started pumping. The punishment room echoedwith the sounds of the hard, unforgiving brushrebounding off the Warts over-sized bumbags. It wasall over in a matter of seconds.Debs did her best to get her leg out of the waybut the Warts ejection strategy was so forceful thatthey both ended up on the floor along with the chair.The Wart was screaming and bawling. “I’ll killya! I’ll kill ya!” she squawked.Debs sat up on the floor and rubbed her head.Rosemary rushed over. “Are you okay?” sheasked.“Just fucking great!” muttered Debsbreathlessly as she inspected her skull for signs of

Malicious Obsessionsdamage. She found none and slowly pushed herselfto her feet.The Wart was continuing her theatrics. Debsand Rosemary exchanged glances and rolled theireyes.“What should we do with her?” askedRosemary.“Leave her here,” grunted Debs. “This isgetting to be too much like hard work.”She picked up her hairbrush and handed it toRosemary. “Lock that up,” she muttered and wentover to retrieve her blazer.“I’ll kill ya! I swear I will!” squealed the Wart.“I’m sure you will but in the meantime Isuggest you take your sorry arse down to the Bunchof Grapes and throw down tequila until it pours out ofyour ears,” said Deborah contemptuously. “Now goodday Ms Wharton,” she said and picked up her caneand slung her blazer over her shoulder before stridingtowards the door.

9Liars, Cheats and Thieves“I have someone on the inside,” Lord Rufustold Malicious. “She’s an ex-rozzer called KateFaulkner. She’s just been sentenced to seven yearsand she’s not happy.”Melissa Forsham-Smythe scowled. “I knowMiss Faulkner; she’s the be-yotch that arrested mydaughter.”“Well what goes around comes around,” saidRufus. “She was after me for years but now she isbegging for my help. She is particularly indisposedtowards Deborah Morton. Apparently Morton has benther over and beaten her bandy on several occasions.She is willing to plant evidence on Morton and haveher arrested.”Melissa continued to scowl. “It’s not justMorton I want. I want the unit closed down and everyone of those scoundrels and degenerates thrown inchokey.”Rufus nodded. “I understand but if we targetsuch a high-profile inmate as Morton the Ministry willbe obliged to open an investigation. According to Kate

Malicious Obsessionsthe Grand Master has relaxed many of the restrictionson the inmates and the place is more like a holidaycamp than a government institution. I very muchdoubt that he would appreciate an audit.”Melissa nodded. “I can see the logic in that;however I have to inform you that I have been lessthan impressed by the performance of theConfederacy so far.”It was Rufus’s turn to scowl. “As you know Iwas recently subjected to unwarranted investigationsinto my private affairs and was forced to temporarilyrelinquish day-to-day direction of our activities. Thesematters have now been resolved and I shallpersonally be overseeing this operation.”“And how much will this cost?” askedMalicious.“I’ll draw up a budget,” Rufus assured her. “I’llcoordinate with Armanisuit if you would prefer.”Armanisuit did not look the least bit enthusedby this proposition but he wisely bit his tongue.“And I’m sure that in the confusion we canarrange for Sarah to be spirited away,” continuedRufus.“I don’t care what happens to that ungratefullittle vixen,” snapped Melissa. “She can go to chokeywith the rest of them as far as I’m concerned. I’vedisinherited her and frozen her trust funds.”Rufus just shrugged.Sarah, Bernadette and Ellen sat in the hotelroom watching Mrs Hayden-White’s cross-examinationon the TV. Predictably the former Grand Dame of theRipley Back to School unit was vehemently denying

35that she was aware of any forms of corruption thatexisted at the facility. She claimed that she had triedto get Sarah and her cronies transferred to the BigHouse on several occasions but her applications werecountermanded by the highest authorities of theSystem. She also claimed to have been shocked whenthe Brass’s get out of trouble fees had been exposedat the Snobs and Rotters tribunal.“She’s such a liar,” groaned Sarah. “How is shegoing to explain the millions she squirreled away inoffshore bank accounts?”“The prosecution will get to that,” Ellenassured her. “They want to catch her in as many liesas possible and then destroy her credibility.”“I know how that goes,” growled the Bounder,referring to her own infamous cross-examination ather father’s fraud trial. “They suck you in and thenblow you out like bubbles.”“If they find her not guilty does that mean theycan charge me with racketeering?” Sarah askednervously.“Let’s not worry about that now,” said Ellencomfortingly.“Who do you think is telling the truth?” Jojoasked the Grand Master.Mr Humphries laughed. “It strikes me thatthey’re all liars, cheats and thieves.”“If they find Hayden-White not guilty what willbecome of Sarah?” asked Jojo.“Well, Sarah certainly wasn’t any kind of angel,we all know that, but she’s come on a long way sinceshe joined the facility and now that her mother has

Malicious Obsessionsabandoned her we’re the only family she has,” theGrand Master told his fiancé, “we will do whatever ittakes to protect her.”“Even if that means going up against theSystem?” asked Jojo.The Grand Master shrugged. “As I say,whatever it takes.”

10Katie Faces a DilemmaYvonne Godfrey glared at Katie furiously. “Ijust need you to turn off my transponder for fifteenminutes so I can contact Rufus,” she ranted.Katie shook her head firmly. “You areforbidden to contact the Confederacy,” she toldGodders. “I will not tolerate the breaches of securitythat Patty allowed. It is against all of our interests toallow external forces to disrupt unit affairs.”“I have no interest in disrupting anything,” saidYvonne hotly. “I just want to get my arse out of here.If you help me escape I’ll make sure the Confederacyrewards you handsomely. I’ll even cut you in for aslice of my personal action and you know howlucrative that can be.”Katie sighed. Years earlier when she had beenthe most senior female officer of the Confederacy ofYoofs she had hundreds of foot-soldiers at herdisposal. Every night her bagwomen pitched up withbriefcases filled with loot. Katie’s cut was ten bob onthe squid plus generous expenses. Yvonne Godfreywas her first Lieutenant.

Malicious ObsessionsUnlike other members of Katie’s crew Yvonnedid not come up through the ranks. She hadappeared one day at a secret summit of the highestechelons of the Yoofs on Lord Rufus’s arm. Katie hadimmediately felt threatened by Yvonne’s presence andobjected strongly when Rufus announced that shewould be joining the Executive Board of Directors.However, she was quickly forced to acknowledgeYvonne’s unique strengths and capabilities.To her surprise Yvonne had seemed satisfied inher role as number two in the organization and hadworked tirelessly to increase profits from theircriminal activities. She was entirely ruthless and anyfoot-soldiers unfortunate enough not to meet theirweekly quotas were delivered to her penthouse suitewhere they would be ruthlessly bound, gagged andthrashed. Although Katie envied Yvonne’s unlimitedaccess to Lord Rufus’s bed they became coconspiratorsand fast friends.Yvonne persuaded Rufus to increase Katie’stake by a full five-per-cent making her the mosthighly rewarded director in the organization.When Katie was finally arrested and sent to theBig House during the System’s first great purge of theExtreme Ladettes Yvonne continued to line heroffshore bank accounts.By the time Yvonne was also captured andsent to the Woody Back to School unit Katie hadfinished her sentence and had returned in the role ofMatron. Katie immediately introduced Yvonne to PattyHodge and they began to plot, plan and connive toestablish Miss Godfrey as the most heinousCommandant of the SS in the unit’s history.

39Now Katie faced a dilemma. On the one handaiding and abetting Yvonne in her escape plans woulddoubtless result in her secret bank accounts beingtopped up liberally. On the other hand a high-profileabscondment would attract untoward attention to theunit. Despite her disappointment at some of the moreunfortunate ramifications of the Woody Glasnostimposed by the Grand Master the unit remained ahaven for a whop junkie like Katie Beck. She did notfeel inclined to jeopardize the opportunity to slipperhundreds of pairs of bumbags each year in thepursuit of mere mullah.“I’m sorry Yvonne, but I can’t help you,” shesaid firmly.Yvonne was seething. Her reducedcircumstances were unthinkable. She had beenallocated as a general skivvy, spending her dayscleaning floors, washing out bathrooms andperforming repairs around the grounds of thecompound. Following her previous attempts at escapeshe was forced to wear an ankle bracelet at all timesand slept locked in a small room that was little betterthan a cell. During furloughs she was transferred to ahigh security prison where her natural autocratictendencies made her unpopular and she had to sleepwith one eye open to avoid being shivved in hersleep. Katie’s refusal to assist her was intolerable.Katie narrowed her eyes. “You have nobusiness communicating directly with Yvonne,” shescolded Patty.

Malicious ObsessionsPatricia Hodge shrugged. “I assumed that asyou have taken over as Commandant I would takeover as Oberstgruppenführer with responsibility forInterface and Communications and deal with the SSon your behalf. I assumed that you would be busywith direction and protocol,” she said airily. “I knowfrom experience that it is inadvisable to over-extendyour roles and responsibilities, you’ll need to learn todelegate.”“Yvonne is motivated solely by self-interest,”snapped Katie. “She needs to be monitored vigilantly.I am instructing you to ensure she has no contactwith the outside world.”Momentarily Patty’s cheeks flushed and hereyes hardened. “Yes Ma’am,” she said coldly.

11Cassie on a RollKatie relieved her frustration by slipperingCassie Cassy. The previous morning Cassie had beenred-carded out of assembly for goofing and hadattracted a second red-card for collar and tie abuse.Katie took the opportunity to subject Cassie toa bib-down, tie-back clobber inspection and hadunearthed a chipped button and a hanging thread.The two additional incidents of abuse of the Politics ofClobber resulted in Cassie receiving an additional sixspanks with the slipper.Under normal circumstances Cassie Cassywould not have given two figs about being slipperedby Katie but she was suffering from a severe case ofthe residuals. She had started the previous day beingcaned by the Grand Master as a result of her beingevicted from the assembly hall. Cassie was a fullypaid up member of the Double Berkeley Society whichmeant that she had received a twelve stroke barebender. She had ended the day bent over the end ofher bed getting six on the silks from Claire Brooks.

Malicious ObsessionsEven for a whop-hardened veteran like Cassie theshort time between being thrashed by the DormRaider and pitching up before brekker at Katie’s officewas insufficient for a full recovery.Although Katie was universally reviled amongstthe Woody community she did garner a certaingrudging respect for her ability with the slipper.Katie Beck procured her leather soled sandalsfrom an artisan located in the Plaka in Athens. Theywere cut from a particularly supple hide and sewntogether in layers until the soles were a quarter of aninch thick. Katie had the artisan customize the heelend of the slipper so it fitted perfectly into the grip ofher palm. They were perfectly designed to allow Katieto bring the slipper down from above her head andland full-blooded cracks across her hapless victim’srear end.Cassie Cassy gritted her teeth. Getting herselfwhopped by Claire the previous evening when shewas already scheduled for a circulation kick-start fromKatie the following morning had been an act of rankfoolishness. Eighteen whaps on the bum with aleather slipper was going to prove to be very toughduty indeed.Katie grinned and settled into her work. It wasdeeply satisfying. The red-card for collar and tieabuse was irrefutable and she had been careful toattach photographs of Cassie’s additional clobbercontraventions to her application to deliver anextended spanking. For once the Grand Master had

43acknowledged that Cassie was bang to rights and hadsigned the paperwork without subjecting the Matronto a disagreeable interrogation. Katie was intent ongiving Cassie a bum-blistering that she wouldn’tforget for some time to come.Cassie concentrated on maintaining a fulldrape. She kept her head down between heroutstretched arms and doggedly refused to allow it torear up as the slipper rebounded off her bumbags.She kept her palms splayed out on the wooden floorand willed her ankles to stay resolutely still. Therewas little she could do about her buttocks respondingto the burning spanks with an occasional involuntarytwitch but otherwise she remained motionless.Katie continued to grin. She knew frompersonal experience that despite Cassie’s stoicperformance the heat in her behind would be raginglike a furnace. She brought the slipper down with allthe force her arm could muster.Cassie giggled as she retrieved her punishmentrecord book from Katie. She stuffed it in the breastpocket of her blazer.“Cya,” she told the unit matron and hurried outof the office.Despite the disagreeable heat in her bumbagsCassie was feeling quite satisfied. Three punishmentsin twenty-four hours had rocketed her ahead of hercompetitors on the Annual Big BUTT. She now had afive whopping buffer between her and her nearest

Malicious Obsessionschallengers and was confident that her lead wasinsurmountable. She could now concentrate onachieving her ambition of surpassing Jojo’smagnificent record of getting beaten fifty-eight timesin a single year. But first she had Cassie Cassybusiness to take care of.

12Taking Care of Cassie BusinessMonets was packed to the gills. The news thatthe entire contingent of inmates of the Woody Backto School unit would be attending Cassie Cassy’s firstnight as guest chef at the restaurant had provoked afrenetic bidding war for reservations.Sensibly, Oliver, Cassie’s fiancé had refused toaccept bribes and had allocated tables to his regularswho he could trust not to overly pester the Woodygals. As usual Stacks Monroe had sent a contingent ofhard bodied security guards to encourage thepaparazzi to behave themselves.Cassie Cassy had engaged Michelle Morgan,Lady Derby Huntington, Frankie Reese, and Heidi andthe Lash to assist her. Ms Dotty Hammell hadvolunteered to help coordinate the existing kitchenstaff.Cassie enjoyed a reputation as a completelycertifiably barking ditz and aside from her neverendingquest to become the All-Time Big BUTT theonly thing she cared about was cooking.

Malicious ObsessionsDressed in an electric pink blouson, black cargopants and a chequered beanie she ran her kitchenwith military efficiency.She bustled around the ovens, stoves andgrills, ignoring her flaming rear end, tasting thesoups, terrines and sorbets being prepared.Bernadette Summers Enterprises had recentlysigned an exclusive agreement with Oliver to supplygastronomic delights from the continent that were notusually available to the average restaurateur. StacksMonroe had established a supply chain to provideMonets with the generally inaccessible Arachonoysters from Bordeaux and the winter black trufflesknown as the Diamonds of Perigord.Cassandra Cassidy busied herself withreestablishing her reputation as one of the finestchefs in the world.The seating arrangements in the dining areahad been carefully designed to allow the payingpunters the privilege of rubbing shoulders with theinmates without becoming pests. Old hands like Cat,Vix, Claire and Melons had volunteered to be seatedat strategic tables so they could discretely divert anyoverly enthusiast guests from spoiling the inmate’snight out. Mickey the Purveyor and Suzy Scott satperched on barstools in the VIP bar keeping awatchful eye over the proceedings.The Brass had turned out in force. Even theWart who hated the possibility that she might bephotographed trussed up in clobber couldn’t resist the

47prospect of getting her laughing gear around hugequantities of Cassy’s cooking.Spanky Botts, Christy Cranfield, Karen Mastersand Cathy Cooper had driven up from the Smoke andEllen, Sarah and the Bounder had hitched a lift in thestretch limousine, taking a break from the pressuresof the trial.Mr Humphries shared a table with Jojo, Nix,Penny Ann, Rosemary and Debs. They dunked freshlybaked bread into the nectar of Belgian musselscooked with white wine, shallots and fennel; theplump Bordeaux oysters baked on the grill and servedwith lemon and Tabasco; and grilled king crab fromAlaska served with garlic and pepper dipping butter.“Well the gangs all here,” smiled the GrandMaster.“Is this entirely legal for us to all be out likethis?” asked Jojo.“Absolutely not,” laughed Mr Humphries, “butdo I look like a man who gives a shit?”Salads and sorbets followed, washed downwith King Krug. Cassie and her team had preparedsmall individual helpings of pate de fois gras, lightlyheated and served with sour pickles and baguetteswithout butter. For an entree Cassie had preparedsuckling pig served with rice and black bean dressing,and fried sweet plantains. She complimented thesucculent pork dish with a 2004 Barón de BarbónOak-Aged Rioja.

Malicious ObsessionsTo finish she presented a medley of fruit,berries and cheeses accompanied by glasses of 2005Chryseia port.While the guests scooped up their deserts andenjoyed their port Cassie emerged from the kitchen,greeting the paying punters. Even at twelve hundredand fifty squids a skull to cover the costs of theWoody entourage the patrons clearly thought thatthey had got value for money.Cassie Cassy grinned like a Cheshire Cat.

13Taking Care of DebsChief Inspector Kate Faulkner and DetectiveSergeant Angie Ashurst approached the table.“We’re going to take Deborah out the back,”Kate informed the Grand Master. “Stacks’s men havethe paparazzi backed up outside the parking lot butwe shouldn’t risk her being photographed coming outof a restaurant after curfew.”The Grand Master nodded.“But we do have a problem,” said Kate. “Wethink that two photographers are on the roof of thewarehouse behind the restaurant. Mickey and Suzyare on their way to check it out. We suspect that theyare Frenchmen.”Stacks wandered over. “Frenchmen, what thefuck are frogs doing lurking about on the top of awarehouse in Sussex.”Kate smiled. “I’m sure that Mickey and Suzycan take care of this.”Stacks scowled. “I hope they remembered toput Vaseline on the ends of their lenses this evening,”he growled.

Malicious ObsessionsKate nodded. “In the meantime Debs we’llneed you to put these on,” she handed Deborah ablack hoodie and a pair of dark glasses. “Just to be onthe safe side. One of Mickey’s guys will bring a LandCruiser around the back. Angie and I will cover youbut move as fast as possible.”Nicola Jane Nixon threw her napkin on thetable. “We’re coming too,” she insisted. Jojo, PennyAnn and Rosemary rose to their feet. Mr Humphriesjust nodded.Rufus watched Mickey and Suzy crossing thedarkened car park through 2x24 Yukon night trackerbinoculars. He slipped out of his car and followedthem towards the warehouse. He waited, keeping hisdistance as they padded up the fire escape.The Yoofs on the rooftop were anything butFrenchmen. In fact they would have been deeplywounded to have been wrongly associated with theirneighbors from across the channel. They wereGeordie thugs that Rufus had hired for hisexperiment. He had equipped them with Nikon digitalcameras equipped with 51-point auto focusing and 3Dtracking to make them feel important. He planned oncharging the cameras to Melissa Forsham-Smythe’saccount at cost plus fifteen percent.Mickey quietly opened the door to the roof.The two cameramen were leaning over and watchingthe back door of Monets. Mickey nodded at Suzy andthey started off. The Yoofs reacted quickly and roseto their feet. Mickey lunged forward; one of the Yoofs

51squared off at him. Suzy gaped at the second Yoof;he had to be six foot six and was approaching hercracking his fingers.Suzy began to back off. The first Yoof andMickey were engaged, there was no question thatMickey’s assailant was a pro and had her partnersattention.“Suzy get the fuck out of here,” was all Mickeyhad time to say before the Yoof swung a crowbar athim.Rufus grinned in the darkness. Mickey wasbeing forced back, trying to avoid being beaned withthe lethal metal weapon. Suzy was cornered. Helaughed. Suzy Scott stood four feet ten inches tall andlooked as if she might weigh eighty five pounds witha house brick in her pocket. The Geordie goon lookedas if he was prepared to unscrew her head.Suzy Scott did her best not to panic. Duringher martial arts career she had faced many opponentsthat outweighed her but she had never faced a giantof this scale. She was stuck in a corner with nowhereto run. She felt a shiver run down her spine as shesaw the gigantic hand reach for her throat.Mickey ducked and weaved as the Yoof tried tonail him with the crowbar. Out of the corner of hiseye he could see poor Suzy about to be strangled. Hesaw the metal object crashing down and went underit, slamming his fist into the Yoofs ribs and thengrabbing his arm and yanking it clean out of itssocket. Just for shits and giggles he kicked the Yoof

Malicious Obsessionsunder the chin as his knees buckled beneath him. Hesped across the roof to save Suzy.Suzy Scott leaped in the air and grabbed ontoan overhanging metal rail praying it would hold herweight. With all her strength she swung her bodythrough the air. She only had one chance.“Holy fuck,” squealed the giant as his noseexploded from the impact of the heel of Suzy’s foot.Mickey came in behind him, moving fast, he nailedthe giant with a kidney punch and then crashed hiselbow down on the top of his cranium as the hugeYoof tottered downwards.“Hey,” yelled Suzy indignantly. “He was mine.”Rufus grinned in the darkness. “Wankers,” hemuttered and slipped into the stairwell.“Nothing French about them,” reported Mickey.“I doubt they’ve ever eaten a clove of garlic betweenthem. They were definitely Yoofs.”“This is getting very scary,” said Debs.Kate Faulkner slipped her hand into Deborah’s.“Don’t you worry we’ll take care of you.”

14Six on the Silks for DeborahDeborah put her head in her hands. “Oh no,”she groaned. “Not again. Jesus Kate is that what youcall taking care of me? My arse is sizzling.”“You might have had one or two too manyglasses of bubbles, Ma’am,” smiled Kate. “You werevery insistent. I think that you were just caught up inthe moment. It was a very intense evening.”Deborah reached under the duvet and ran herfingers over her buttocks. She shook her head inbewilderment. Since returning from Christmasfurlough she had been a paragon of virtue and shehad gone almost a fortnight without getting the cane.Now for some unknown reason she had voluntarilybent over the end of her bed and allowed ChristyCranfield to give her six on the silks.She felt a little woozy. Her recollection of theprevious night was a trifle blurry. After the excitementat the restaurant the Woody gals had been restless.Mr Humphries had allowed Penny Ann and Nix to setup a bar in the Great Hall and had announced thatthe following day they would be allowed an extended

Malicious Obsessionslie-in and that a loose tie and minimum whops policywould be in force.As usual, Spanky and her gang had prevailedupon Deborah to accompany them to the back roomof the library. When Spanky and Christy had firstbegun to pitch up at Woodys as paid residents Debshad been a reluctant participant in their late nighttrysts in the library, but as time had elapsed she hadbecome increasingly comfortable in her role in theirintimate and eclectic theatrical productions.Spanky Botts and Christy had been joined byKaren Masters, Cathy Cooper and Lady DerbyHuntington. To Debs great surprise DetectiveInspector Kate Faulkner had asked if she could tagalong.The normally austere and forbiddingatmosphere in the backroom of the library had beenwarm and gay. The six women had taken it in turnsto bend over the arm of a leather chesterfield soDeborah could give them each a thrashing. Debs hadtaken her time, after each woman was in positionwith her skirt turned back Deborah allowed a fullminute to elapse before starting.Debs knew from experience that this waitingperiod was a critical factor in any caning. Once a galwas finally actually bent over with her skirt turnedback sixty seconds could seem like eternity.She delivered the strokes at thirty secondintervals to allow the full cycle of effects to ripplethrough their central nervous systems. Although thebeatings were recreational in nature she knew thatthe die-hard spankettes did not want her to hold

55back. She swung the cane with her trademark powerand precision and the hushed silence of the backroomof the library echoed with the ominous swishes andthwacks of the whippy stick rebounding from herchums’ tautened bumbags.One by one the women removed their handsfrom their heads and took their turn to bend of thesofa. Deborah couldn’t help from observing that shehad a wide variety of bottoms to deal with.When Ms Lawton had pronounced women tobe broad of beam and ideally designed to absorb sixof the best she did not have Miss Cathy Cooper inmind. The waiflike Cathy’s rear end was miniscule.Christy on the other hand possessed a full andpatrician rear end that complimented her tall, elegantform.No matter what the size and shape Deborahcarefully landed every stroke in the safe zone knownas the sweet spot. Thirty-six strokes delivered withawesome accuracy, without a single wraparound,high or low rider.Once they were finished the women celebratedwith rueful giggles and hugs and kisses.Later they had repaired to the gymnasiumwhere the party was still in full flow. Deborah was nota big drinker but Team Morton had given herdispensation to have a few gargles and she hadgrown a tad tipsy.She couldn’t quite remember at what point inthe proceedings that she had begun to insist that itonly seemed fair that they finished the evening byreturning to her study so Christy could give her six on

Malicious Obsessionsthe silks before she turned in. It had seemed anentirely reasonable proposition at the time.Debs slipped her legs out from under the duvetand padded over to the bathroom. She rolled downthe trews of her striped silk jimjams and inspectedthe damage.Christy did quality work, even after severalhours the stripes were still prominent, and perfectlyformed into a five bar gate. She hadn’t beenexaggerating when she had said her bottom wassizzling. In some ways getting caught up in themoment was understandable but the notion that shehad actually volunteered again for six on the silks wasmost unsettling. She sighed and turned on theshower.

15Inner SpankettesKate handed Debs a cup of coffee.“I should really put you over my knee andspank you for letting me get squiffy,” giggled Debs asshe allowed her grubby to knot her tie for her.Kate smiled enigmatically, “I don’t know but Ithink I might enjoy being spanked by you MissMorton,” she chuckled. “After all I did rather enjoylast night,” she said with twinkle in her eye.Debs rolled her eyes. “Good grief Kate, don’ttell me that you’ve discovered your inner spankette.Are we all slowly going bonkers in here? And talkingof bonkers where is Derby?”“She volunteered to help Cassie Cassy set upbrunch. I think they’ll be a lot of sore heads thismorning so she’s probably busy mixing Bloody Mary’sfor the walking wounded,” Kate informed her.Kate’s prediction that the inmate’s might besuffering from sore heads was unerringly accurate.Black coffee, Bloody Marys and mimosa’s were in highdemand as the inmates and their guests slowly

Malicious Obsessionsdragged themselves out of their scratches and beganto congregate in the cafeteria.Karen Masters and Cathy Cooper wereamongst the first to arrive. Although Spanky andChristy were semi-permanent weekend residents atthe facility a trip to Woodys was a special treat forKaren and Cathy.Karen Masters was the respected web-mistressof www.woodettes.com and with thousands of guestsfrom every corner of the earth to tend to she rarelyslept let alone had time for away-days.Most weekends Cathy Cooper pursued herlucrative career as an international spankette. Shehad contracts with spanking associations in a dozennations and racked up hundreds of thousands of airmilesas she jetted from continent to continent to actas the hostess of private spanking happenings.They weren’t going to let the minor matter of asore head interfere with their enjoyment of theWoody experience.Karen greeted Deborah with a hug and amimosa. “Jeepers Debs, you whop hard,” she saidcheerily.Cathy Cooper grinned. “You do good work,”she enthused.Deborah smiled sheepishly. “Well if it’s anyconsolation my bum is also rather tender. Christy ain’tno slouch with a cane.”Karen winked. “I had no idea that you had aninner spankette,” she teased Debs.Deborah grimaced. “To the best of myknowledge I’m don’t,” she said emphatically. “But

59somehow I seem to get caught up in the spirit ofthese gatherings, it’s very disturbing.”Rosemary Booker bustled over. “Was Idreaming or did I hear you getting six on the silks lastnight?” she asked her best chum.Deborah blushed slightly. “It’s kind of a longstory,” she told Rosemary. “Somehow I got myselfconfused with someone who actually likes getting thecane and I volunteered for a bedtime beating.”Rosemary looked at her chum curiously. “Wellconsidering the amount of times you’ve done stuffthat you knew would mean getting the cane, perhapsyou do secretly like it. Maybe you’ve got an innerspankette.”“I do not have an inner spankette,” saidDeborah rather abruptly.“What are you doing, Ma’am?” asked Kate insurprise.“Thinking,” said Deborah.Kate had returned to the upstairs study to findDebs standing facing the wall with her hands on herhead.When Deborah had returned to her study shehad fully intended to change out of her clobber andgo for a run, which always helped her think. However,inexplicably she had turned and faced the wall,pressed her nose to the paintwork and put her handson her head. She was surprised how relaxed she felt.Over the years Debs had spent countless hoursperforming nose and toes. It was never relaxing; noseand toes were invariably the precursor to being

Malicious Obsessionscaned. It was impossible for even the most whophardenedveteran not to feel an unpleasant sensationof mounting trepidation as the second ticked awaytowards the inevitable conclusion.Deborah considered the previous evening’sevents. It was not the first time she had insisted onsix on the silks. Admittedly it always occurred whenshe was a tad squiffy, nonetheless it concerned her.Deborah had never doubted that she had ahighly active naughty gene. At preparatory school shehad regularly been sent to stand in the corner andshe admits that during her final year her behavior wasso bad that it no longer became a question ofwhether she would be put in time out but a case ofwhen. At Queensgate she had established the schoolrecord for being ‘Put on the Menu’ and the nationalrecord for being caned. At Woodys she had beenwhopped into the number two position on the All-Time Big BUTT Hall of Shame.Over the years she had been caned, spanked,slippered, strapped, whapped with riding crops,hairbrushes, violin bows and a variety of kitchenutensils. She had bent over chairs, desks, tables,beds, piano stools, had been put over sundry knees,and once been slippered bent over the fountain in thecenter of the recreation area.She had always jokingly blamed her alter-ego,who she referred to as the Imposter, for hermisfortunes. Now, standing facing the wall, she beganto wonder whether Rosemary was right. Maybe shedid have an inner spankette that had never revealeditself. It was all very alarming.

16Armanisuit Cough’s Up“Five thousand squids for cameras, threethousand squids for bail and another ten thousandsquids for airplane tickets,” squealed Armanisuit. “Areyou fucking deranged? You accomplished nothing.”“I’ll be the judge of that,” said Lord Rufuscalmly.Armanisuit liked to consider himself arenaissance man. He quartered in a luxurious servicedapartment located on the Strand, complete with abutler, chef and valet. On Saturday mornings he likedto stroll down across to King James and take aleisurely lunch of champagne and oysters at hisprivate club. He was deeply distressed when LordRufus Lewis casually slid into his booth and madedemands for compensation for the previous night’sfiasco.“How did you get in here?” asked Armanisuit.Rufus smiled. “I’m a peer of the realm, theylike my name in the guest book.”

63Armanisuit snorted. Rufus reached across thetable and forked an oyster into his mouth. “Notenough Tabasco,” he commented and proceeded todouse the oysters in considerable quantities of thehot pepper sauce.“Yesterday was just a reconnaissanceexercise,” the aristocrat continued. “Reconnaissancemissions can be pricy. Besides you mark-up myinvoices by fifteen percent, so what do you care?”The lawyer poked at the oysters dispiritedlyand then set them to one side. “I will take the matterup with Mrs Forsham-Smythe,” he said with as muchconfidence as he could muster.“Your nose looks like it’s healing nicely,”observed Lord Rufus. “It would be a shame if you hadto engage in any further medical procedures whenyou are so close to recovery.”Armanisuit snorted dismally and wrote acheque.“This man Humphries has made impressivesecurity arrangements,” said Rufus. “Stacks Monroe,Ellen Millar, and by the way, who was that fuckingmidget on the roof?”Kate Faulkner smiled. “That fucking midget, asyou so eloquently describe her, is Suzy Scott. She is amartial arts expert employed at the unit. MrHumphries takes threats to the inmates veryseriously.”Lord Rufus shrugged. “Well no harm done.They were just Geordies working for beer money. I’vebailed them out and sent them down to Tenerife to

Malicious Obsessionswork on their suntans. Now I know what I’m upagainst I’ll commission a specialist black ops group.”Kate looked skeptical. “The Yoofs have notperformed very well so far. The only reason StacksMonroe is involved is because you idiots stuck a sackover his god-daughters head when you were trying tokidnap Cat Cassidy. Then you hired the Man fromBerlin and that went pear-shaped, and you couldn’teven plant a simple tainted drug test on Debs Mortonwithout getting your man arrested. I need you to getme out of this hellhole and you’re not inspiring muchconfidence.”Rufus leaned across the table, his eyesnarrowed and body taut. “I was indisposed, possiblydue to your interferences, but we shall not dwell uponthat,” he said irritably. “As I say I will procure theservices of highly trained operators. I have alwaysliked you Kate and would hate to be the one to haveto measure you up for concrete bumbags but, believeyou me, I will if it proves necessary.”“Liked me? I was nothing more than arm-blingto you,” scoffed Kate. “I’m not fooled for a moment; Iknow that your flame burns eternal for Yvonne. WhatI can’t understand is why if you’re so fucking cleverand powerful, you didn’t bust her out years ago?”Rufus retreated and leaned back in his seat. Hepoured Kate Faulkner a glass of Bolly. “Yvonnerefused to marry me,” he said simply. “She neededsome time to reconsider her decision and I believethat she has learned her lesson now.”Kate pouted. “So I guess that puts me out ofthe running as your permanent soul-mate?”

65“Not at all Kate, if I help you I shall expectcertain privileges. I shall, of course, install you insurroundings appropriate to a woman of your graceand beauty,” responded Lord Rufus. “In return I shallexpect you to be at my disposal when Yvonne isotherwise occupied with Confederacy business.”“I’m sure she will love that,” said Katescornfully.“As I say I believe she has learned her lesson,”smiled Rufus. “Now tell me, have you been canedrecently?”Kate Faulkner sipped her drink. “Funny youshould ask,” she said.

17Ms Angela SillsOn Monday morning Jojo got the cane. It wasa routine matter related to persistent goofing aftershe had already been shown a yellow card. Undernormal circumstances six of the best would have beenmerely inconvenient and a tad disagreeable but theeffect of the beating was accentuated by the fact thatJojo was suffering from a touch of the residualsresulting from her weekend activities.It had been a glorious weekend of wining andfine dining. The gastronomic extravaganza of Fridaynight at Monets had been followed by the Saturdaynight feast in the Great Hall. Once again Cassie Cassyhad excelled herself serving up terrines of hand-mademushroom soup, duck breasts with a black cherryglaze, followed by a rich chocolate mousse.On Sunday Jojo had spent a romantic day withher fiancé, Mr Humphries. They had taken a strollacross the Downs and then enjoyed a leisurely lunchat a Woody-friendly boozer overlooking the sea. Theyhad returned to the compound and spent the

67afternoon going over plans for their upcomingnuptials.Before Jojo had returned to her study, MrHumphries had indulged himself by putting her overhis knee and giving her twelve hearty whaps with oneof his favorite two-tailed tawses.Angela Sills was an amiable soul and generallyminx tolerant. She palled around with Dotty Hammelland Pauline Gascoigne and was a card carryingmember of the Liberal Left. She had a reputation forallowing a reasonable degree of goofing, larking andpranking during her lectures. When Jojo had firstinterrupted her dissertation upon the stage of SamuelPepys life after he had been forced to abandon hisdiaries due to failing eyesight, Ms Sills had given heran amiable verbal warning.Ms Sills was an authority on sixteenth centurypolitical history and was a compelling speaker. Bynature Jojo was a studious cove and under normalcircumstances she would have found the EnglishLiterature Dame’s discourse of great interest,however, she was in a mischievous mood and notfeeling in the least bit inclined towards study.A second interruption to the proceedings hadearned Jojo a yellow card. Jojo had awoken aware ofthe residual tenderness in her rear end andconventional wisdom should have dictated that havingreceived a formal warning she would have been bestadvised to hunker down and enjoy the fascinatinglecture. However, Joanna Heyworth was an insatiablemega-minx and when an opportunity arose she wasunable to resist the temptation to interject some

Malicious Obsessionsfurther pith into the proceedings. Consequently shefound herself at the front of the lecture room, bentforward with her fingers balanced on the tips of hertoes.Angela Sills was one of the younger membersof the Brass. She had been recruited by Ms Lawton onthe recommendation of Jane Lummell who hadschooled with her.“I had occasion to swish her a few times andshe was always a very good sport about it,” Jane hadtold the former Grand Dame. “She was a nice gal andincredibly brilliant. She later went on to become theHead Prefect so she’ll know her way around a cane.”Angela Sills credentials were impeccable. Shehad attended the exclusive Dayton Manor boardingschool and a review of her records revealed that JaneLummell had not been the only Head Prefect to haveoccasion to swish her; however swishings werecommonplace at the school and the dozen or socanings that she had received was not considered aparticularly exceptional record. Angela wasconsistently top of her year, captain of the hockeyand netball teams, and rode on the equestrian team.During the year she served as Head Prefect herHeadmistress sent a note to her parentscomplimenting Angela for the exemplary manner thatshe performed her duties and reported that she‘administers the six o’clock swishings with acommendable absence of malice’.Angela had graduated with a first class degreewith honors after reading English Literature atCamford and was planning a career in publishing

69when Ms Lawton approached her. Angela was notcertain that she wished to join the educationprofession but a hefty salary had enticed her to sign aone-year trial contract. She was surprised to findherself well-suited to the role of educator and hadelected to remain on as a full-time member of theWoody Brass.Angela Sills was greatly admired and adored bythe inmates; nonetheless she had also earned theirhealthy respect when it came to the business ofwhops. Although she was by no means the mostprolific practitioner of corporal punishment when shefelt it was required she did not shirk from her duties.

18A Dusting OpportunityJojo gritted her teeth. Ms Sills was not shirkingfrom her duty and was laying it on thick.During her early days as a member of the EliteJojo had made a no-minxing pact with Lady VictoriaBrompton. However, when Debs Morton had takenover as Red-shirt she had encouraged Jojo to getback in the game. For all her quirks Debs was not ahypocrite and acknowledged that her disciplinaryrecord was less than stellar and that it wasunreasonable to expect the other prefects to forgothe joy of minxing while she was constantly up to herlugs in trouble.Jojo had needed little further encouragementand since throwing her hat back in the ring had gonewhop for whop with Debs. On her Debs Diary blog,Deborah acknowledges that, ‘although I appear to bedestined to become the most beaten prefect in historyif Jojo hadn’t taken a hiatus I rather fancy she wouldhave given me a run for my money’.

71Angela Sills was extremely fond of Jojo. Shewas an expert horsewoman and helped Jane Lummelltrain the Woody national championship winningequestrian team on which Joanna was a major star.However, her time as Head Prefect at Dayton Manorhad served her well and taught her to bedispassionate about whops.At Dayton Manor she had been chummy withClaire Brooks as they rode on the same team.Unfortunately her chum had proved to be her mostregular client.In her diaries dated from the time Claire recallsthat, ‘The first time that Angela invited me over for asix o’clock swishing. She was terribly apologetic butthat didn’t stop her from swishing me so hard it mademy teeth chatter. Afterwards she gave me a hug andpoured me a cup of chamomile tea. I drank itstanding up’.Throughout the year Claire’s diaries are litteredwith numerous reports of other swishings that shereceived from the Head Prefect and all share acommon thread. Claire, who was an expert in suchmatters, was exceptionally impressed with Angela’sskill with the cane and equally grateful for thecompassionate atmosphere in which they weredelivered.Jojo braced herself for the closer. The first fivestrokes had been exceptionally tight. Of course, tightwas always good but it also meant that each strokehad landed squarely across the residual tendernessfrom the previous days recreational tawsing. There

Malicious Obsessionswas sometimes a downside to being swished by anexpert and Jojo resigned herself to the fact thatfinding a comfortable position for sitting down wasunlikely for several hours to come. She gritted herteeth as she heard the ominous whistle from behind.“Wow it looks like you and your man werehaving fun yesterday,” Nixdown chuckled as she ranher fingers over Jojo’s stripes. “It probably wouldhave been advisable to have avoided getting yourselfwhopped today.”Jojo grunted. It had been some time since shehad last been beaten by Ms Sills and she hadforgotten what a formidable right arm the Damepossessed when she was provoked into action. Thecloser had been perfectly executed and had beenabsolutely excruciating. Jojo had spent an unpleasanthour wriggling and squirming through two furtherlectures before she had been able to hurry back toher study so Nixdown could conduct a repair mission.Rosemary had provided a prototype mint andaloe-based balm with other secret ingredients. Nixwas rubbing her fingers gently along the stripes. Thebalm had a curious tingling sensation as it seepedinto the weals, but it also had a satisfying coolingeffect.Jojo pushed herself up from Nixdown’s lap andstraightened her clobber. Although the mystical balmhad certainly helped to cool the flesh burns she hadno doubt that the deep under soreness in herglutinous maximus was likely to give her considerablegyp for some time to come. She sighed and slipped

73her arm through Nicola Jane’s and headed backtowards the hard wooden seats of the lecture rooms.“Why don’t you see if you can’t keep out oftrouble for a little while,” smiled Nixdownaffectionately.“That’s always a challenge,” laughed Jojo.Keeping out of trouble had always proved achallenge to Michelle Morgan. At school she hadearned herself the dubious distinction of becomingthe fourth most caned pupil in history. At Woodys shehad been swiftly enrolled into the Beaten Brats cluband was already a high roller on the Hall of Shame.Bernadette Summers was taking bets that Michellemay even become the first Phase 1 inmate to score aBull.The majority of the Brass had abandonedgiving her the customary Brat Drapings and routinelyred-carded her up to the Grand Master’s office.However, Patty Hodge was not in the business ofwasting a perfectly good opportunity to dustMichelle’s bumbags and summoned her to step up tothe front of the room.

19A Highly Personal AffairPatty patted the lap of her skirt and invitedMichelle to drape herself out face downwards. Shetook Michelle’s wrist and guided her over her knee.Gloomily Michelle allowed herself to be lowereddownwards. Patty had preceded the dusting with afull five minute scolding. The tall Dame had forcedMichelle to stand to attention and stare up at herwhile she berated her in a most unsavory manner.Patty took her time arranging Michelle acrossher lap. Patricia Hodge had attended the originalWoody School and during her Brat Year she hadgained considerable experience in the business ofbeing spanked.Patty had had been assigned to grub for aparticularly brutal prefect who had done her utmostto make Patty’s life miserable. Even at a tender agePatricia was widely considered to be imperious,autocratic and condescendingly arrogant. None ofthese traits had ingratiated her to her Personal Draperwho had taken it out on her bumbags with great

75gusto. Many Woody historians have proposed thetheory that it was this experience that helped moldPatty into the tyrant she would later become.Patty’s draper had always taken her timemaneuvering and arranging Patty’s long frame intoposition. It was a practice that Patty had foundintensely annoying. It was bad enough beingsubjected to being put into the somewhat degradingover the knee pose, but the constant rearrangementswere purposefully designed to remind her of herposition of forced subjugation.In typical Patty fashion she had used her ownunpleasant experiences to make things asdisagreeable as possible for her victims of the future.Michelle Morgan gritted her teeth. Shedespised Patty and in many ways Michelle would havefound it preferable to have been shown a red-cardeven though it would have meant a painful six-strokebare bender with the cane. Patty had made it quiteclear how much she was going to enjoy giving her adamn good spanking and Michelle hated the idea thatshe was responsible for giving on opportunity to gether jollies.Patty made her final adjustments; she hadMichelle spread out in a full drape and had pulled hertightly into the crease of her lap. She started tospank.In the early days of the Woody Back to Schoolunit lecture room spankings had been limited to adozen spanks at a single serving but as minxdom had

Malicious Obsessionsescalated Ms Lawton had constantly adjusted therestriction at the request of the Brass. In extremecircumstances errant Brats could be subjected to asmany as sixty spanks. Patty considered that she wasoperating in extreme circumstance mode.An over the knee dusting is a highly personalaffair. Unlike other punishments like the cane wherethe number of strokes is pre-determined a spanking isunpredictable.Patty started slowly; working rhythmically,right buttock, left buttock, right buttock, left buttock,and then launching a blitz on one or the otherupturned orbs. Every now and again she would leavean extended interval leaving Michelle uncertainwhether the spanking was over.Michelle Morgan had earned herself a welldeservedreputation for being as tough as nails. Shewas a slightly-built individual but she was extremelyathletic and worked out regularly in the WellnessCenter. At school many of the other girls had howledand blubbed when they were caned. She hadconsidered them to be muffs and had workedassiduously at improving her pain threshold. Sheprided herself that she could take six with the canewithout too much wriggling and squirming and remaindry-eyed at the end of it.Bending over and waiting to be caned was anerve-wracking and unpleasant experience. However,a damn good spanking was a special kind of animal,particularly when delivered by a specialist like PatriciaHodge.

77Pinned face down, arse up with Patty at libertyto pick her off with impunity was a wretched feeling.Patty was supplementing the spanking with aconstant commentary designed to deflect Michelle’sattention and to divert her from settling in. It wasvery disorientating and caused Michelle to feel like arefugee from the home for the bewildered as theextended bumbag dusting progressed.“I really hate her,” groaned Michelle. “She hadme over her knee for almost ten minutes.”“That’s tough duty,” Jojo consoled her grubby.“Nobody likes being spanked, especially by Patty.”Michelle scowled. “It sounds ridiculous but I’dhave preferred if she’d sent me up for the cane. Atleast being caned is a dignified punishment.”Jojo smiled. “Yes, sometimes the cane isbetter.”

20The Imposter Comes Out to PlayDeborah Morton was contemplating whetherthe cane is sometimes better. Tatyana Kerimov hadher bent over the piano stool and was preparing tobeat her with the lethal ‘Morton Special’ violin bow.Debs heart was pounding uncomfortably. Herlast experience of Tatyana’s handiwork had beenextremely disagreeable and the Red-shirt had noreason to believe that the ex-KGB operative wouldfind any legitimate reason to make this beating anyless unpleasant.Just an hour earlier Deborah had cut throughthe corridors on her way to the Grand Master’s office.Debs was not generally of a nervous disposition butshe had good reason to suspect that the impendinginterview might prove to be a tad uncomfortable.Since returning from Christmas furloughDeborah had been on a campaign to reform. Her firstterm in the Elite had been a disaster. She was alreadythe most beaten Red-shirt in history and was well onher way to over-taking Claire Brooks record as the

79most beaten prefect of all-time. However for fifteenblissful days, with the exception of the unscheduledsix on the silks, she had been sporting a cool arse.With the exception of the Wart maliciouslyshowing her a yellow card her recent record in thelecture halls had been exemplary. However, in thespace of one morning her commendable performancehad experienced a giddying turnaround. In fourconsecutive lectures she had been shown yellowcards and she counted herself fortunate that she hadnot received one, or even two, thrashings.She had not been surprised when she receivedword that the Grand Master had requested her to cutalong sharpish to his study.“I understand the Imposter has come out toplay,” the Grand Master announced cheerfully.Deborah couldn’t help herself but blush brightcrimson.“I’m sorry sir,” she responded. “I’m not tryingto make excuses but I don’t know what comes overme. I just seem to blurt things out or do dumb thingsfor no reason at all.”The Grand Master merely smiled. Debs wasstanding to a respectful attention and lookedgenuinely remorseful and apologetic.“You can stand easy, Deborah,” he told her ina friendly manner. “I have not brought you here tobeat you; I just wondered whether there was anyparticular problem that may have sparked this spateof disorderly conduct.”Debs breathed a heartfelt sigh of relief andallowed her body to relax a little.

Malicious Obsessions“No sir, I have absolutely no defense orexplanation for my behavior,” she told him. “I justseem to have an overly developed naughty gene thatI don’t seem to be able to control.”It was not the first time that they had sharedthis conversation. Mr Humphries had initiallyconsidered Deborah too high maintenance to assumethe role of Red-shirt. However, the manner withwhich she had fulfilled the roles of Captain of the RedHouse and Deputy to Lady Victoria Brompton hadconvinced him to trust her with the unit’s mostresponsible position.She had repaid that trust admirably and was ahighly respected Red-shirt. Even her appearance hadaltered. She looked neat and tidy in her black blazer,red shirt, black tie and flared, pleated skirt, with herhair neatly brushed back beneath a black headband;a far cry from the vaguely scruffy and clobberchallenged individual he had met fifteen monthsearlier.Over the past few months she had been afrequent visitor to his study after being shown redcards in the lecture rooms. They had made anagreement to separate her disciplinary performancefrom her activities as Red-shirt and he treated her likeany other inmate requiring punishment.Considering her academic brilliance DeborahMorton was particularly guiless as a mega-minx. Shealways seemed to be the one that got caught gabbingafter a no gabbing policy had been imposed. Hergoofing, larking and pranking activities rarely seemedto go undetected. Although she always felt dutybound to offer a defense of her activities and was an

81articulate advocate it occurred to the Grand Masterthat she often seemed genuinely bewildered as tohow she had come to find herself in trouble again.“I hear that you volunteered for six on the silkson Friday night,” he said calmly.Deborah went crimson for a second time. “Jojotold you about that?” she spluttered a little irritably.“Rest assured that Joanna did not share thisinformation with me, she was sleeping in my quartersand we find it convenient to not discuss suchmatters,” he assured her. “I think that you will find itcommon knowledge, apparently it was heard all overthe landings. I just wondered whether the events ofFriday night are in any way related to this morning’sactivities.”Deborah continued to blush. “I don’t know sir,truly I don’t. It’s all rather alarming.”

21Music Room MisadventuresDeborah had good reason to feel alarmedwhen Madam Kerimov poked her in the chest with hersilver handled walking stick pushing her back in herchair. The Maestra raised the tip of the stick, placingit under Deborah’s chin and gently tilted her headback so she was forced to look into the shadowy hoodof the Dame’s shroud. In the darkened opening Debscould only make out the two steely grey eyes staringat her.“That was not in the least bit amusing MissMorton,” said the Maestra in her cold gravelly voice. Itsent a shiver up Deborah’s spine.Since her arrival at the unit Debs and TatyanaKerimov had become tight. The Maestra often sat inwhile Deborah was practicing new pieces on herclarinet and encouraged Debs in her efforts to masterthe saxophone. When Deborah had shown an interestin conducting Madam Kerimov had played her privaterecordings from her time as musical director of theRussian Symphony Orchestra and explained her

83arrangements. However, as she stared into the hoodDebs got the distinct impression that this amiablesocial arrangement was not about to help herbumbags.“As it seems that you very much care for six,”said the ex-KGB operative, “I shall oblige you. If youwould be so kind as to remove your blazer and bringme your violin bow I would be most grateful.”With that the Music Dame turned and limpedback towards the front of the room.It had always struck Deborah ironic that shehad suffered so many misadventures in the musicroom. She loved music; her mother was a concertpianist and had taught Debs to play at an early age.Debs had progressed to become a renownedclarinetist in her own right; she possessed areasonable singing voice and had always sung inchoirs. She had arranged the score for Jojo’s WestSide Story production and had been delighted whenshe had received several compliments in the reviews.Nonetheless, the music room had been thevenue for some of her most painful encounters. Infact she had received her first spanking at the unitbent over Ms Whitton’s lap at the front of the room.Her early relationship with Ms Whitton hadbeen amiable and Debs had participated in the choirand orchestra. She had occasionally been required tobend over the piano stool but generally just forroutine gabbing, goofing, larking and prankingoffenses. The cordial relationship would take aradically new direction as a result of the incidentwidely known by Woody historians as the ‘Fabulous

Malicious ObsessionsFart’. The infamous public bare bottom spanking witha conductor’s baton had been far in excess of thelimits of punishment laid down in the protocols.Deborah had been given the right to file a complaintagainst the Wacky Whackster.Since her very public arrest on the center courtof Wimbledon and her subsequent vilification in thesleaze-rags Deborah had sought to keep out of thepublic eye. She spent furloughs either in the seclusionof her parent’s house or at the homes of otherinmates. She had no desire to return to publicattention as a result of an ill-timed gargantuan guff.She brokered a deal that prohibited Ms Whitton frombeating her for a six month period. Deborah hadhoped that this would be a long enough interval forthe Dame to forget the incident.However when she arrived at the music roomon the anniversary of the fabulous fart she wasimmediately shown a yellow card. Moments later shewas required to step up and bend over the pianostool. She was given a ferocious beating thatculminated in four bacon slicers before she couldmanage to remain in position and refrain fromjerking.Unfortunately in the interim period since thefabulous fart she had been denounced as the unitsPublic Enemy Number One and was to be treated as ahostile target.The Wacky Whackster laid siege to Debsbumbags with impunity. She procured the bownicknamed the ‘Morton Special’ and had used itfrequently. She once gave Deborah a double beatingdespite the knowledge that the reason for Debs late

85arrival for an orchestra practice was that she hadbeen detained in Ms Lawton’s study getting a barebender for being chucked out of assembly.The reign of terror was finally ended after Jojo,Nix and Rosemary staged an intervention thatresulted in Ms Whitton being sent to chokey onmultiple charges of assault.When Suzy Scott had taken over as Dame inCharge of Musical Studies Debs had inexplicably feltobliged to test her mettle. It had been a mostdisagreeable experience with Suzy demonstrating herawesome capability to produce a single weal bylanding six strokes of the bow, one on top of theother. Nonetheless, despite the awesome thrashingduring the short period Suzy had stood in as MusicDame Debs had taken three more trips over the pianostool and was the only inmate Suzy had ever feltcompelled to show a red-card.Foolishly Debs had also been unable to resistthe temptation to test out Madam Kerimov and hadlearned that the ex-KGB operative was equallyawesome with the violin bow. She had promisedherself she would not be volunteering for a returnmatch.However, as soon as Deborah had opened hermouth she had known that she was due for whops.As she trudged towards the front of the music roomcarrying the ‘Morton Special’, she wondered what itwas about the room that seemed so attractive to theImposter.

22The KGB School for SpankersDeborah handed Tatyana the ‘Morton Special’and then went and picked up the piano stool. Shecarried it across to the slightly raised plinth at thefront of the room and placed it in the center. Withoutneeding any instruction she bent forward and spreadherself out.Since her arrival at the unit Tatyana Kerimovhad only beaten half a dozen inmates and Deborahwas the first that she had been obliged to thrash for asecond time. The first time she had bent Debs overshe had been unaware that she had established aWoody precedent. She was the first Dame to punish aserving Red-shirt in a lecture room. However, sincethen she had learned that several Dames, including aleading light on the Liberal Left, had caned Debslocally, so she had elected to take care of the matterpersonally without involving the Grand Master.Deborah lay across the stool, her arms andlegs fully stretched out and her head well down. Shefelt the Dame’s fingers turning back the hem of her

87skirt and folding up the tail of her red blouse. Herheart was pounding uncomfortably as she tried tosettle in.It was a critical moment in any beating. Lyingprostrated with her bumbags exposed knowing thatany second Armageddon was scheduled to beunleashed in her bumbags was a nerve-wrackingsensation. Debs felt the butterflies in her tummy andgoose-bumps on her bare legs as the seconds tickedaway while Tatyana completed her preparations.Even after several hundred beatings it was thisbrief prelude before the storm that Debs dreadedmost. She knew that she mustn’t panic and needed toget into the zone. She couldn’t let the feeling ofincreasing trepidation and anxiety overwhelm her.She felt the violin bow tapping down on her tautenedbumbags. She gritted her teeth. “It’s only whops, itsonly whops,” she repeated over and over in her head.She heard the ominous whine of the bow slashingdownwards. Game on!Tatyana Kerimov had trained at the notoriousKGB Dzerzhinsky Academy where she had learned thenecessary trade arts of interrogation, torture andassassination so she had found little difficulty gettingto grips with the concept of whops.As far as she was concerned Deborah Morton’sunnecessarily ribald interjection to the proceedingshad exceeded the boundaries of good taste so sheneeded to be soundly whopped. She raised the violinbow in the air and slashed it down with considerableforce.

Malicious ObsessionsIn some ways Deborah was relieved when theviolin bow ricocheted off her bumbags. The nervewrackingwait was finally over and they had entered anew phase of the process.In her highly acclaimed treatise ‘The art ofbeing beaten’, published on the www.woodettes.comwebsite, Debs writes that ‘once the beating properbegins it is imperative that you keep it up. A skilledpractitioner will allow you a reasonable amount ofwriggling and squirming between strokes and will notcontinue until you have properly presented yourselffor the next delivery.’Deborah could not avoid a reasonable amountof wriggling and squirming. From the perspective ofthe Dame delivering the beating the piano stool wasideally designed. Its construction forced therecipient’s body into an arch once she was correctlypositioned and forced her rear end into the perfectcurve for delivering a safe and accurate beating. Thedisadvantage to the recipient was that the lowelevation of the cushioned top of the stool allowedthe bow several valuable additional inches oftrajectory, increasing the speed of the shaft at thepoint of impact.Debs was not having a good time of it. Herarse was a highly calibrated whopometer and she wasin no doubt that she was engaged in a world-classwhopping. Every stroke was causing havoc in hercentral nervous system causing her muscles toclench, her hands to squeeze into tight fists and herface to contort into a silent howl. It took considerable

89will-power to slowly rearrange her body so that it wasstretched out and her bottom perfectly repositionedfor the next stroke.Deborah’s fellow inmates watched theproceedings with seasoned eyes. The explosive cracksof the bow rebounding off Debs bumbags and theirchums anguished reactions left them in no doubt thatthey were witnessing a world-class whopping. In herlong dark hooded shroud Tatyana Kerimov cut animposing and eerie figure adding considerable dramato the proceedings. They watched as Deborah forcedherself back into a full drape and prepared herself forthe closer.Debs licked her dry lips. She lowered her headand braced herself on the palms of her hands and theballs of her feet, bravely thrusting her buttocks up.She knew that she was perfectly teed up andprepared herself.Tatyana waited while Deborah voluntarilypositioned herself perfectly. She understood that ithad taken considerable courage and she wasdetermined to deliver the closer as safely as possible.She swung the bow with lethal precision.“So is the Imposter satisfied now?” asked theGrand Master cheerily.“I’d string the Imposter up by her bumbags if Iknew where to find her,” groaned Debs. “Does theKGB have a special school for spankers? That womanwhops hard!”

Malicious Obsessions

23Felicity ReconsidersThe Woody gals congregated around the TVscreens in the common rooms to watch the latestupdates at the Hayden-White trial.Throughout the day Felicity Robertson hadtaken the stand. To Sarah Forsham-Smythe’sastonishment her old buddy had dispensed with herusual Euro-sleaze chic and dressed in a somber darkblue velvet dress with a lace page-boy collar, pulledher hair back into a puritanical bum, wiped her boatrace clean of make-up and polished her costume offby planting her feet in a pair of uncomfortable lookinglaced up Quaker ankle boots in a style that was lastseen worn by travelers aboard the Mayflower.She was a picture of doe-eyed innocence as hepainted a colorful picture of Sarah as a corrupt andincorrigible larcenist and criminal thrill-seeker. Felicityadamantly maintained that while Mrs Hayden-Whitehad accepted payments to allow the inmates to avoiddiscipline she had no part in Sarah’s more nefariousactivities. For her own part Felicity claimed she was

Malicious Obsessionsan innocent bystander who was intimidated bySarah’s threats that her mother had the power tohave her transferred to the Big House if she didn’tkeep her lip buttoned.“She’s such a fucking liar,” groaned SarahForsham-Smythe. “My mother paid god only knowshow many squids to keep her bumbags out of the BigHouse and this is how she repays me; by serving up aplateful of porkies!”“The prosecution counsel didn’t look toopleased,” commented Ellen. “They were expecting herto nail Hayden-White’s tits to the mast.”“Someone paid her off,” said Sarah bitterly.“She’s always had plenty of dosh but she’s a skinflint.It was always me who paid to get her arse out of acrack. She’s pretty well given Hayden-White a freepass and put me in the frame for a fifteen yearstretch.”“It’s not over yet,” Ellen tried to reassure her.“I’ll call the Grand Master when we get to the hotel,he’ll know what to do.”Sarah continued to look subdued andmiserable. Bernadette slipped her hand into Sarah’sand squeezed it consolingly.“Oh shit!” said the Grand Master as hesnapped his cell phone closed.“What’s wrong?” asked Jojo.“That was Ms Lawton,” the Grand Master toldhis fiancé. “She’s very apologetic. She may haveinadvertently thrown a spanner into the works. She

93caned Felicity Robertson yesterday before she gaveevidence.”“So?” asked Jojo.“As you know, Felicity is suing Hayden-Whiteover the cane being introduced at Ripley. Ms Lawtonsuspects that straight after she was caned Felicity goton the phone and made some kind of settlement withHayden-White’s lawyers.”“So much for honor amongst thieves,” sighedJojo.Susan Lawton welcomed Mr Humphries andStacks Monroe to the Ripley facility. “I have her insolitary confinement,” she told them. “Are you surethat you wouldn’t like me to talk to her?”Mr Humphries shook his head. “You’re riskingenough just by giving us access. Sarah may not be anangel but she’s come on leaps and bounds. We oweher a debt of gratitude for the courage she showedduring the Man from Berlin difficulties. We’ll just be afew minutes and then we’ll disappear. As far as you’reconcerned we were never here.”Susan nodded. “I’ll take you to her.”WEDNESDAY LUNCHTIME EDITIONRobertson Admits She Got CanedThe Hayden-White case took a remarkable turn thismorning. Counsel for the prosecution requested atemporary recess and a conference in judge’s chambers.At ten thirty the proceedings were reconvened and itwas announced that Felicity Robertson would return to the

Malicious Obsessionsstand. She was given permission to read a preparedstatement to the jury.Yesterday Miss Robertson had given evidence thathad caused many pundits to predict that Hayden-White willbe exonerated. Speaking in a hushed tone Robertson statedthat the testimony that she had given the previous day hadbeen fabricated.Felicity Robertson revealed that on the day prior toher trial appearance she had been caned by Ms Lawton, theGrand Dame of the Ripley Back to School unit, on a matterunrelated to the trial. Robertson has previously filed a civilsuit for damages against Mrs Hayden-White with regard tothe introduction of corporal punishment at the facility. Thecase remains pending subject to the outcome of the currenttrial.Miss Robertson admitted that following herpunishment she had contacted Hayden-White’s legalrepresentatives and informed them that she intended tosubstantially increase her damage claim. She stated that shehad been offered an out of court settlement in return foragreeing to give fabricated testimony implicating SarahForsham-Smythe as the sole architect of the RipleyRackets.She produced a certified cheque drawn on a Dubaibank account signed by a senior partner in the legal firmrepresenting Mrs Hayden-White. The cheque was for thesum of half a million squids and Robertson stated she wasdue to receive a second payment in the same amount in theevent that the former Grand Dame was cleared of allcharges.Hayden-Whites legal team was immediately granteda twenty-four hour continuance. The trial will reconvene onFriday. In the meantime Miss Robertson will be transferredinto the custody of the Woody Back to School unit withimmediate effect.

24A Radical Proposition“Is this what you meant by whatever it takes?”Jojo asked her fiancé curiously. “Did you threatenFelicity?”The Grand Master smiled. “There was noreason for threats. I merely outlined options andpossible outcomes. It was all very civilized.”“Don’t you think that taking Stacks Monroealong might have been a tidszy bit intimidating?”asked Jojo.Mr Humphries shrugged. “Stacks didn’t say aword, he was very gentlemanly.”Jojo grinned. “Stacks not saying a word is stillquite intimidating. Poor Felicity, she must have peedin her panties. When is she arriving?”“She’s spending the night under Ms Lawton’spersonal supervision,” said the Grand Master. “She’llbe cross-examined tomorrow and then she’ll behanded over to Ellen sometime over the weekend.”“Jeez,” said Jojo, “she was going to get amillion squids for getting six of the best. If I had adeal like that I’d be on the Forbes richest list.”

97Mr Humphries chuckled and quite casually puther over his knee.Lady Victoria ran over and hugged Sarah.“Welcome home,” she said and surprised everybodyby smiling. “Let’s get you showered and changed, MrHumphries has given you a late curfew dispensation.Cat and I are taking you and Ellen to dinner atMonets.”Sarah beamed back. A friendly welcomingcommittee was a far cry from the hostile receptionshe had experienced when she had first arrived at thefacility in the wake of the tribunal. Vix slipped her arminto Sarah’s and escorted her across the quadrangle.“I can’t thank you guys enough for yoursupport,” said Sarah. “I know I did some terriblethings and that my mother is at war with you. I justwish there was something I could do to stop her butshe won’t even speak to me.”Victoria reached over and squeezed her hand.“You’re done more than enough to prove that you’rea Woody gal. Nobody blames you for your mother’sactions.”“Well it might all be a moot point if they throwmy bumbags in the slammer,” said Sarahdespondently.“We made a major breakthrough today,”predicted Ellen. “Felicity’s retraction was rather usefuland the cheque’s were extremely damning. Hayden-White will have a lot of explaining where she has thatkind of disposable dosh considering all of her bankaccounts were supposed to be frozen.”

Malicious Obsessions“Felicity is definitely coming to Woodys?” askedSarah.Victoria nodded. “She’ll be fitted for clobber assoon as she leaves the courtroom. By the way I had aprivate conversation with Deborah and the GrandMaster before we came out. You have never reallybeen assigned a full-time grubby since you joined theElite. We thought that Felicity would be a perfectcandidate to fulfill the role as your Personal Grubby.”Sarah gaped at Victoria. “Holy shit Victoria, sheis not going to like that.”“I think that’s the idea,” chuckled Cat.Deborah Morton sat in an easy chair in theGrand Master’s office. “I can’t thank you enough, Sir,for sponsoring these dispensations to let me play insome more tournaments. I talked to Victoria andalthough she will fill in when she cane she is hopingto get some extra days on her internship and if I amlucky enough to win a couple of matches we mightboth be away from campus at the same time.”“That would be inconvenient,” heacknowledged, “perhaps we can find a workaroundand ask Claire or Melanie to stand-in.”“I have another suggestion,” said Debs, “of amore permanent nature, but you might think that it isa little radical.”Bernadette gaped at Debs. “Are you fuckingbarking?” she squealed. “I’m the fucking Bounder,what do I know about being a Deputy Red-shirt?”“I think you have more talents than you know,”Deborah told her. “You run a successful business and

99everyone knows that underneath that tough bad galexterior you’re actually a straight shooter.”“Sounds like a lot of work and not much pay,”said Bernadette.“You’re already richer than Croesus,” laughedDebs.Bernadette grunted. “I’ll think about it, but nopromises and don’t hold your breath too long, youmight turn blue.”“Understood,” said Deborah and she reachedover and hugged her chum fondly.“I’m sorry Mr Humphries,” Oliver told theGrand Master over the blower. “We had takenreservations for Lord Rufus and his guests some timeago. We had no idea that any of the Woody galswould be dining with us tonight. I have seatedDeborah and Bernadette at a safe table in the VIParea, if you wish I can ask Rufus to leave.”“Thank you for informing me of the situation,Oliver, I don’t think that evicting Rufus will benecessary. Ellen and Mickey are keeping everythingunder ob’s,” said the Grand Master. “We probablydon’t want to make Monets a no-go area for Rufus.”“I’ll make sure he doesn’t cause any trouble,”promised Oliver.

25ToastLord Rufus Lewis’s eyes gleamed as hewatched Deborah Morton walk into the restaurantarm in arm with Bernadette Summers. Rufus hadbeen planning a quiet non-Woody related eveningwith a bevy of blonde arm-bling and a vicious thugwho he was briefing regarding a gold bullion heist.The arrival of Vix, Cat, Sarah and Ellen hadbeen a surprise, and when Debs and the Bounderpitched up a few minutes later he felt obliged toreconsider his evening’s priorities. He pulled out hiscell-phone.The maitre de stepped over. “I am sorry YourLordship but you know the house rules, we do notallow the use of personal telephones inside thepremises, it disturbs the other customers. You arewelcome to use it outside in the parking lot. There isa covered area.”Rufus scowled. He scanned the room. In thecorner of the bar Mickey the Purveyor was seated ona stool idly sipping a Heineken. Having witnessedMickey’s street-fighting capabilities on the roof of the

101warehouse he did not see much future for his recentlypurchased Apple 3G iPhone if he went outside andstarted making calls. Grumpily he put it back in hispocket and despite none of his party having finishedtheir dinner he called for the bill.“Send those two young ladies a bottle of 1999Dom Perignon and give that blonde bimbo this card,”he said and snapped his fingers at his entourage.“We’re leaving.”Debs turned pale. She handed the card toBernadette. All it said was ‘TOAST’. Bernadette wavedat Mickey. He took one look and strode into the mainroom. The table that Rufus had occupied was empty.Rufus smiled to himself. On the way out of therestaurant he had taken a detour and repaired to thebathroom. On the way he had surreptitiously palmedthe phone and snapped a shot of Debs and theBounder with the bottle of bubbles that had beendelivered to their table. It wasn’t much but it wassatisfyingly mischievous. Just for shits and giggles heemailed the pic to Malicious Forsham-Smythe’s pethack, Gossip E, and to her lawyer, Armanisuit.“Are you fucking barking,” squealed Gossip Eat Armanisuit. “I no longer work for you lunatics. Ifyou think I am publishing provocative pictures ofStacks Monroe’s god-daughter out and about scarfingdown bubbly you are seriously deluded. When histhug threatened to nail my fingers to my keyboard Itook him very seriously.”

Malicious Obsessions“Edit her out,” said Armanisuit. “It’s Mortonwe’re after. Just show the picture of her with thebottle of champagne and make one of your pithyasides about Debbie Fart-pants out on the town. It’llbe enough to have a warrant for her arrest issued.Melissa will reward you handsomely.”“How handsome is handsomely?” demandedGossip E. “Is Malicious going to provide me withtwenty-four hour a day bodyguards and a safehouse?”“Believe you me if you publish the picturethey’ll be too busy covering their arse’s to worryabout you,” Armanisuit assured the hack.Gossip E grunted.Mr Humphries looked down at the card. Hehanded it to Stacks.“This punter Rufus is giving me the pip,” saidStacks. “Toast? I’ll teach him about fucking toast.Why don’t I just send around some nice chaps towhisper in his ear?”“He’s the best opportunity we have for nailingMelissa Forsham-Smythe,” said Ellen gently. “KateFaulkner has his listening ear. She’s convinced thatRufus will take her into his confidence soon enough.She’s working him.”Stacks continued to scowl.“I’m really scared,” said Deborah in a smallvoice.“It will be okay, Deborah,” the Grand Masterreassured her, “we’ll make sure you’re protected.You’re just an easy target.”

103Deborah continued to look nervous. “Theykidnapped Cat and Bernadette and shot Nix,” shepointed out. “They tried to blow the compound upand threatened to kill Sarah. They tried to taint myurine sample and Kate says they are trying to haveme sent to chokey. Forgive me if I’m a little jumpy.”Nixdown went over and put her arm aroundDebs. “You could always take me up to the libraryand give me a running bender to take your mind offthings,” she giggled.“Oh good fucking grief,” said Deborah, but atleast she laughed.

26Thrashed into the EliteDeborah hugged the Bounder. Bernadette wasa notoriously late riser. The only time she ever got upearly was when she was required to report to Katie’sfor a pre-brekker slippering for clobber abuse. Shegenerally cut brekker to catch some extra zeds andon several occasions she had received mandatorycanings for pitching up late for assembly.Nonetheless, when Debs returned from her morningrun she was surprised to find the Bounder helpingDerby make coffee.“I’ve decided to take you up on your offer,”she announced.Deborah was surprised to see that Bernadettelooked slightly teary-eyed. “I don’t know how to thankyou, Debs. Nobody has ever trusted me before. I justhope I don’t let you down.”Deborah hugged Bernadette. “You won’t, sis,”she whispered in the Bounder’s ear.

105Bernadette Summers was a notoriously gruffcove but standing on the stage in the assembly hallshe positively radiated with pride and pleasure.“I am honored to announce that Bernadettehas accepted my invitation to act as my deputy,”announced Deborah. “Following assembly she will beformally thrashed into the Elite and will commenceher new duties with immediate effect.”The Bounder beamed.Patty Hodge and her cohorts on the RadicalRight gaped. The announcement had come quite outof the blue and caught them completely unawares. Itwas unthinkable that the facilities self proclaimed ‘BadGal’ had been elevated to a position of sucheminence. It was bad enough having Debs in virtualcontrol of the unit without the added indignity ofhaving Bernadette suddenly thrust into the GrandMaster’s inner sanctum.The Brass and the Elite were seated in lawnchairs lined up on opposite sides of the gymnasium.Bernadette stood at one end of the gym. At the farend a training beam had been lowered.Bernadette Summers was a curious lookingcove. Her habit of assuming a pugnacious scowldisguised that fact that she was a creature ofconsiderable beauty. She had flawless nutmeg skin,thick coal black hair and matching eyes. Although shescorned the practice of working out she was a naturalathlete and spectacular horsewoman. On the rareoccasions that she smiled she positively radiated her

Malicious Obsessionsinner warmth and affection that she worked soindustriously to hide. As she stepped up to bethrashed Bernadette was beaming.Bernadette shook hands with Mr Humphriesand soberly repeated the Elite pledge. Despite thesevere burning in her rear end resulting from thetwelve strokes of the cane she had recently receivedher eyes were sparkling.She turned around and hugged Deborah. “Iknow this is ridiculous,” she smiled, “but I think I’mabout to blub.”“Blub away, sister,” Debs giggled. “You’reamongst friends.”“Aw shit,” choked Bernadette and burst intotears.Deborah Morton put Bernadette over her kneeand rubbed soothing balms into the swollen, redstripes.“We’ll go into town and have you kitted outwith some personalized Elite clobber,” Debs told theBounder. “We’re going to get you some red shirts anda Posh Coat for the days that I’m going to be awayplaying tournaments. Then we’ll go for lunch and I’llgive you a briefing on your duties.”The Bounder wiggled her bum appreciatively.“I don’t know how to thank you Debs,” she keptsaying, “Nobody has ever actually trusted me before.”“You’re a diamond Bernie,” said Deborah. “Arough diamond sometimes but a diamondnonetheless.”

107“Aw man,” groaned Bernadette, “I’m gonnafucking blub again.”“Sir, I was shaken up and scared last night,”said Debs, “but I can’t hide away. I’m scheduled toplay in at least three tournaments beforeWimbledon.”“I’m still sending Mickey, Ellen and Suzy withyou,” the Grand Master told Debs. “It’s not safe forKate to be seen acting as your bodyguard while she’scozying up to Rufus.”“I’m beginning to really hate Malicious,” saidDebs emphatically. “She was responsible fordestroying my life once; I can’t let her do that again.”

27The WeaselDebs burst into tears. She stared at thepicture in the newspaper that Oliver had handed her.Gossip E’s column showed the photograph of her witha bottle of champagne in front of her.Beneath the picture Gossip E had added thecaption ‘Debbie Guff-pants continued her ExtremeSocial Rehabilitation program with another night outon the razz’.“This is so unfair, we didn’t even open thebottle and we were back way before curfew,” shesobbed.The Grand Master strode into his study.“What’s all this about?” he asked curtly.There was a weaselly looking cove seated inan armchair. He shoved the newspaper across thecoffee table.“We feel that this may be in contravention ofour agreements regarding the status of Miss Morton’ssocial rehabilitation,” the cove said pompously.

109“We?” asked the Grand Master. “And whoexactly would we be?”The weaselly looking cove flashed anidentification card. “I am a Senior Dark Agentrepresenting the highest authorities of the System,”he told the Grand Master. “We have applied for awarrant for Morton’s arrest.”“Applied?” asked Mr Humphries. “That impliesthat the warrant has not been issued.”“I suggest that you don’t make things difficult,Mr Humphries,” warned the Weasel.“I suggest that you shut the fuck up, before Ibox your ears,” said the Grand Master in a calm voice.Tears were rolling down Deborah’s cheeks.“Can they really do this to me?” she asked.Ellen hugged Deborah. “It will be okay. MrHumphries won’t allow anything to happen to you.”Mickey closed his cell phone. “Come on,” hetold them, “I’m taking Deborah and Bernadette to theSmoke.” He grinned at Suzy. “You’re coming with me;you’re always useful when the chips are down. Ellen,the Grand Master needs you back at the campus.Apparently there’s a weasel that needs slappingaround.”Mr Humphries refused to give the Dark Agentof the System information regarding Deborah’swhereabouts. He got Christopher Brooks on thesquawk box.“Everything was completely in accordance withthe units Charter of Operation. We have witnessessaying that the bottle of champagne was sent to her

Malicious Obsessionstable by an admirer and our security cameras showthat she returned to the campus well within curfew,”he told the Minster of Extreme Social Rehabilitation.“I have no intention of handing Deborah over to thisjerkoff.”“I’ve just received the formal application forher arrest,” said Christopher Brooks. “UnfortunatelyI’m duty bound to review the situation. It will takeseveral hours. In the meantime Deborah will remainunder your custody. You are under no obligation tohand her over to the Dark Agent. You didn’t hear thisfrom me but they have mobilized a task force ofagents and they will be at the gates of the compoundshortly. If there is any way that you can keepDeborah off-site until I can resolve this matter itwould work to her advantage.”Mr Humphries hung up the phone. He crossedback to the seating area. “You can wait here,” he toldthe weaselly agent. “I’m putting you under restrictedaccess to the facility. My Head of Security will makesure you’re comfortable. I’ll need your cell phone.You’re not to make contact with the System until Ihave this resolved.”“You have no authority …,” the weaselly onebegan.The Grand Master looked at him very, verycalmly. “Your cell phone sir,” he said softly andextended his hand.“Try and keep calm,” the Grand Master toldDeborah, “you know as well as I do that this is just abogus ploy sponsored by Malicious. Unfortunately

111there are protocols that have to be observed. Claire’sfather is looking after your interests.”Deborah continued to look forlorn. EvenBernadette was looking anxious and unusuallysubdued.“How long do these protocols take?” askedDebs.“A few hours at the most I expect,” the GrandMaster reassured her. “In the meantime I shall let theSystem assume that you are on campus. I don’t careif they send an army of agents; they’re not enteringthe facility.”“I’m so sorry about this, Sir,” said Debs.“This is not of your making,” replied the GrandMaster. “Mickey and Suzy will take good care of you.”The weaselly one was wingeing and whining toEllen Millar.“I refuse to be treated like this,” he told her. “Idemand to have access to the telephone. I’m going toput your name in my report and you’ll be very sorryyou ever messed with me.”“Yeah, rock on Weasel,” she retortedcontemptuously. “Now stop your whining or I’ll beforced to gag you.”The agent of the dark forces of the Systemgaped at the Head of Security.

28Stand-off“There are two SUV’s at the gates,” Nixdownreported. “Some sinister looking dudes in sunglassesare trying to gain access. We’re under completelockdown, they can’t get in.”“Keep the gates closed,” instructed the GrandMaster. “I’ll make contact by phone.”The Grand Master dialed the number thatChristopher Brooks had given him.“Agent X11,” he heard. “We’re here to takeprisoner Morton into custody.”“You’ll have to wait,” said the Grand Master.“I’m only authorized to open the gates under thedirect instruction from the Minister. He appears to becurrently indisposed.”“We have authority to force entry,” said theagent.“I would strongly advise against that course ofaction,” said the Grand Master. “I think it is ineverybody’s interest to remain patient.”“Hmmph,” grunted the agent.

113“How much is she paying you?” asked MrHumphries.“Who?” asked the Weasel innocently.Mr Humphries smiled. He produced a sheaf ofpapers and perused them thoughtfully.“You have only recently joined the System,” hesaid slowly.“What of it?” asked the Weasel.“Nothing,” said the Grand Master, “I was justlooking at the company who employed youpreviously. An offshore holding company in theCaribbean. I’m having a background check run on theowners as we speak.”“What’s that you’re reading,” snapped theWeasel angrily.“Your jacket from the System,” drawled theGrand Master.“That’s confidential,” said Weasel.“Not very,” laughed the Grand Master.“The agents are getting antsy,” reported Nix.“They’re pacing up and down and looking foralternate entrances. I think that they’re planning onbreaching the perimeter.”“Stacks is sending reinforcements,” the GrandMaster reassured her. “The chopper will land on thehockey field in less than five minutes. Meanwhile Ineed you to unlock the orchard gate. Ms Lawton iswaiting outside.”“Roger on that, Sir,” said Nix.The Weasel was not having a good time of it.Ms Lawton had arrived dressed in a white military

Malicious Obsessionssuit, white shirt, dark tie and a cap with a goldbraided band. She had pulled up a chair in front ofthe agent and fixed him with a gimlet gaze.Dark Agents of the System were used toexercising their covert power, unquestioned by thegovernment. The weaselly one was not cut out forwithstanding the pointed questions being directed ather by a major from Military Intelligence. He wassinging like a canary.It was midday before Christopher Brookscalled.“There’s definitely a conspiracy afoot,” he toldthe Grand Master. “There are several senior agentswho have filed an application to revoke theagreements regarding your authority to run thefacility as an independent entity. I have rejected theapplication but they are drafting an appeal.”“What about Deborah?” asked the GrandMaster.“The Dark Agents have secured a warrant forher arrest but I shouldn’t worry, they won’t be servingit any time soon. I’ll have it rescinded within an hour,so just keep her out of the way for a while. Thingsare moving rather quickly. I suggest that you turn onthe news.”Outside the courthouse where the Hayden-White trial was being heard a reporter was revealingthe latest developments.“Lawyers for Mrs Hayden-Whites defense haveannounced that this morning she has reversed herplea and has agreed to serve a custodial sentence,”

115she said. “Although the full details are not yetavailable insider sources tell us that Hayden-Whitewill be given a two-year sentence for ‘Abuse ofPrivilege’. Taking into account time she has spent inremand it is unlikely that she will be required tospend more than thirty days in prison. In return it issuspected that Hayden-White has provided evidenceagainst Melissa Forsham-Smythe and the Director ofPublic Prosecution has announced that warrants forthe billionairess’s arrest have been issued on multiplecharges of corruption and perverting the course ofjustice.”“In a related story,” the reporter continued,“we have learned that the central offices of the covertgovernment organization known as the System havebeen raided and according to reports as many astwenty Dark Agents have been taken into custody.Christopher Brooks, the Minister of Extreme SocialRehabilitation has promised to make a statement laterthis afternoon.”“The Dark Agents are getting back into theirvehicles,” reported Nixdown. “Are they leaving?”“I rather think so,” the Grand Master told her.“Keep watch for a while and then I think we shouldhave a briefing. Things are getting interesting.”

29DecommissioningDebs drummed her fingers on the table.“Maybe it would be better if we let them arrestme,” she said. “If she’s got what she wants maybeMalicious will stop threatening the rest of you guys.After all I spent five years at boarding school, fouryears alone in hotel rooms and I’ve been banged upat the unit for the past seven years. How bad can astint in chokey be?”Bernadette reached over and held Debs hand.“Don’t be such a chump, nothing is going to happento you or anybody else, Mr Humphries and my UncleStacks will take care of that,” she reassured Deborah.“Now here, have a drink of brandy, it will make youfeel better.”Mickey the Purveyor and Suzy had broughtDebs and Bernadette to one of Stacks’s privatedrinking dens. Suzy came over to the table.“Mr Humphries says we should watch thenews,” she told them and clicked the remote control.

117“What do you think this all means?” askedBernadette.Deborah raised her eyebrows. “I don’t knowbut I can’t imagine that this is going to pleaseMalicious. I think I’ll take you up on the brandy now,”she said.“We’ll keep you under wraps for another houror so,” Mr Humphries told Debs. “Then we’ll bring youhome. We’ll wait until you get back before we have afull briefing. We still have some loose ends to tie uphere.”“I’ve met with the agents that we havedetained,” Christopher Brooks reported. “They are abunch of elitist, secretive and manipulativeextremists.”“Sounds like you’ve got your very own OpusDei on your hands,” growled the Grand Master.“Actually no,” replied the Minister. “These arelow-ranking agents working way beyond theirauthority level and still being manipulated by MelissaForsham-Smythe. I have rejected their applicationsand rescinded the warrant for Deborah’s arrest. IsEllen Millar there?”“She’s downstairs chatting with the first agentthat the System sent in, I’ll patch her in.”“Perfect, can you put her on a squawk box?”“You’ve got it.”Seconds later. “Grand Master?”“How’s our boyo doing?” asked Mr Humphries.“He’s very co-operative,” laughed Ellen.

Malicious Obsessions“Good,” interrupted Christopher Brooks,“handcuff him.”“What the fuck are you talking about,”squealed the Weasel.“I’m bringing you in for decommissioning,”growled the Minister of Extreme Social Rehabilitation.“Decommissioning? What the fuck isdecommissioning,” yapped the Weasel.“You’ll find out,” said Christopher abruptly.Ellen Millar pulled out the bracelets. “Handsbehind your back jerkoff,” she ordered.The weaselly one was bombarded with waterbombs and pelted with eggs as he was shovedtowards a waiting SUV by two of Stack’s hard nuts.The minders roughly shoved him in the cargo area ofthe vehicle, making sure he banged his head severaltimes.Ellen Millar and Major Lawton got into thefront, the two hard boys in the back. Nixdownreleased the gates and the car slid out into thecountryside.“We have secured indisputable evidence thatthe agents are being directed by Melissa viaArmanisuit,” Christopher Brooks told Mr Humphries.“Even though she was kicked off the ExecutiveCouncil of the System her money still talks. It maytake a few days to fully decommission these agentsbut hopefully we’ll ferret out a few more of herstooges and put a stop to this once and for all.” Hewent silent for a moment and then told the GrandMaster, “I’d like you to be the first to know. I’ll be

119announcing that I shall be challenging thegovernment and standing for Prime Minister. I’ll makethe announcement at this afternoon’s pressconference when nobody is expecting it.”“That,” said the Grand Master, “is the bestnews I’ve heard all day.”

30Bend Over Your DeskWhile Major Lawton was manacling the Weaselinto an interrogation chair for the purpose ofdecommissioning it was business as usual back at theunit.“Bend over your desk, Cassidy,” said StephaniePowell.It was the best news Cassie Cassy had had allday.Cassie stood up and shrugged off her blazerand hung it over the back of her chair. Without anyfurther encouragement she leaned forward and slidher upper torso across the varnished lid of the desk.She felt positively ebullient at the prospect of scoringsome hard earned whops. She had no doubt that theywould be momentarily disagreeable. Stephanie Powellalways did good work but Cassie felt confident thatthe initial discomfort would quickly subside and shewould have strengthened her lead on the Big BUTT.As a general rule Cassandra Cassidy had littletime for statistics nonetheless every evening she went

121into the databases that Nixdown posted on theGalGab web-site and studied the historic data. Cassiemade no secret of her intention to snatch her heroine,Jojo Heyworth’s, record as the most whopped gal in asingle year.Every night she plotted out graphs thatcorrelated her current performance against Jojo’s inthe comparative period during her record breakingyear. She was deeply concerned that no matter howhard she minxed she was still marginally behindachieving the whop rate that it would require in orderto achieve her objective.As the cane sliced across Cassie’s upturnedbumbags she couldn’t help smiling. She was finally oncourse to accomplish her dream.“Bend over your desk, Sutton,” said PaulineGascoigne.It was the worst news Lisa had heard all day.Ever since the inmates returned from Christmasfurlough Lisa Sutton had been swanking aboutcampus bragging about the success of her latestreform program. Now in the space of just twelveshort hours the program had gone totally pearshaped.The previous evening Lisa had sneaked out ofher study after lockdown so that she could make aprivate phone-call to a stud muffin she had metduring furlough.Unfortunately she was apprehended by ClaireBrooks and escorted back to her study where she wasrequired to bend over the end of her bed for six onthe silks.

Malicious ObsessionsAs usual Claire had landed six scorchers acrossthe tautened trews of Lisa’s jimjam trews causing theunfortunate Minxster to spend an uncomfortable nightsleeping on her tummy. Her backside was still sizzlingthe following morning.Under the circumstances it would seem unwisefor Lisa Sutton to have engaged in an ill-fated peashooterattack in the lecture rooms. In fairness to Lisait was a retaliatory operation in response to anunprovoked sneak attack with a water-pistol by AliStone.Lisa Sutton suffered from chronic ill-timing andthe next thing she knew she was shrugging off herblazer and preparing to bend over her desk in orderthat she could be absolutely creamed by PaulineGascoigne. It was not an appealing prospect for a galalready sporting tender stripes under her bumbags.Jojo listened indulgently as Cassie Cassybreathlessly recounted having her bumbags cut totatters by Stephanie Powell.“I’ve finally matched you whop for whop,”Cassie said excitedly. “I really think I can take the titleif I just up my game a tad.”Jojo grinned. She had long ago got over beingirritated at Cassie Cassy’s claims to her many crowns.“Just keep on mixing, sis,” she told Cassiefondly, “and the whops will come.”Lisa lay across the Bounders lap with her skirtturned back and her bumbags around her ankles. Shewas bemoaning her misfortune.

123“It’s just my bad luck,” she groaned, “not onlydo I get whopped twice in the space of twelve hoursbut I manage to pick two of the hottest shots in theunit to do the whopping.”Bernadette grunted sympathetically as she ranthe tips of her potion covered fingers along the angryred stripes on her best chums bum.“You shouldn’t be such a naughty gal,” sheteased her chum. She chuckled. “I know, I know,before you say it. You may be a naughty gal butyou’re not a bad gal.”Even the unfortunate Minxster was forced tochuckle at that.