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My Church Took His Sidehad heard that she “falsely”accused him, and he waslater arrested for anothercase of domestic violence.His mother invited me to thecourt hearing and asked meto help her pray for justice.The way Angela and Iconnected was rather miraculous.I did not have herphone number, nor did Iknow where she lived. WhileMark and I were married, heblocked any form of communicationbetween us.After that dark Novemberday in 2003, I was compelledto pray and ask God fortruth. That morning, Angela’splace of work popped intomy head. I dialed informationand secured the number; Iasked for her, but she was nolonger there. The person whoanswered the phone relayedthe message that I was calling,and within 45 minutes,Angela and I were speaking.What she said was chilling.She first said, “I have beenexpecting your call,” andthen shared her side of whatshe endured at the hands ofthis man.Now we speak regularly,discussing everything underthe sun. We pray together,laugh together, and are committedto our friendship andremain close for not only ourboys’ sake, but because welove each other as sisters.As far as a church, I havefound a new home just thispast April. I have met withthe pastor; he read about mystory before I would considermaking it my permanenthome. I wanted to know ifthere would be room for methere. He opened his armswide for my children and me,and he assured me that hebelieves physical abuse is aform of abandonment andcan be grounds for divorce.ML: Please explain howyou felt, to be not onlyabused by your spouse, but“abused by your church”?Sheri: Saddleback wasMY church. It was my home.It was MY family. I hadserved there for years. Thiswas NOT my husband’schurch. When we were married,he had me attend HISchurch. But, I continued togo to service in both places.When I went to MY churchfor help—there was none.The church never asked formy story, never asked tosee the police report, neverever asked for facts. I madedozens of calls to the churchfor assistance via prayer andGodly counsel. They allowedmy husband to come in, andbe a part of the two ministriesI had served in. All helpwas cut off.No matter how manytimes I asked for them toreview the facts, I was denied.Because he is giftedin ministry/music, he wasimmediately elevated in theworship. No one was holdinghim accountable but the legalcommunity.For four years after thebirth of our son, he has beengiven more and more leadershipresponsibility. Meanwhile,he has not ever seteyes on this little boy, and noone [at Saddleback] seems tothink it is necessary.ML: Do you think otherwomen in church communitieshave experienced thesame responses from theirchurch pastors?Sheri: Sadly, I do thinkthat many have experiencedsimilar responses. This is thecase of the three monkeys:Hear No Evil, See No Evil,Speak No Evil -- and therebydo nothing to stop the EVILthat abounds.I also know there aremany churches out there thatget it right. They see abusefor what it is and deal with itaccordingly.ML: What can you tellwomen who are either in anabusive relationship or thinkthat they might be in one?Sheri: Abuse hurts morethan your body and your reputation.It hurts the children.It hurts the entire body ofChrist. We cannot cover thewrong and think it will getbetter. We must ask for help.Bring light to it. We have toknow we play a part in it somuch if we stay and do notget assistance. It is like acancer—we cannot heal itby saying it is not there. Theearlier it gets addressed, thebetter the chances of recovery.Cancer untreated cankill. Some women choose tostay. I am not going to judgethat. But if you do, you mustknow you are risking yourlife. There are statistics thatare published that will helpyou to understand you areFor Women, To Women, About Women21