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Make the World a Better Place Neva Gould Graceful Aging Worry Is ...

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My Husband Assaulted Me,(Los Angeles - August 5, 2009) - Sheri Ferber wasviolently attacked by her husband. What happened afterwas just as abusive.** Editor’s Note: The following story was brought to our attentionthrough <strong>the</strong> incredible women in our Community, where outreachand support for Sheri Ferber abounds. We attempted to contactSaddleback Church for a comment, but we have yet to hear back.Five years ago, SheriFerber was violentlyattacked by herhusband on <strong>the</strong> wayhome from Sundayservice. Strong in her Christianfaith, she turned to herchurch, Saddleback Churchin Lake Forest, CA, for help.She attempted to confide ina pastor, who refused to hearher story. The pastor evencalled her husband to warnhim that she had been “gossipingabout <strong>the</strong>ir marriage.”As a parishioner for 10 years,Sheri was devastated.Her church, like manyo<strong>the</strong>r Evangelical denominations,believes in traditionalgender roles. These rolescommand a wife to be submissiveto her husband, as heis <strong>the</strong> leader of and providerfor <strong>the</strong> household. Along withthis comes <strong>the</strong> belief that<strong>the</strong>re are very few reasonsfor divorce. Domestic abuse,as unfortunate as it is, is notone of <strong>the</strong>m.Momlogic sat down withSheri Ferber to hear her sideof <strong>the</strong> story and learn moreabout her church’s views ongender, abuse, and marriage.ML: Most Evangelicalchurches teach from <strong>the</strong>point of view of traditionalgender roles, where wivessubmit to husbands’ protectionand leadership. Do youthink this allows abusers tojustify <strong>the</strong>ir actions?Sheri: I believe an abuserwill use any method ormeans to justify <strong>the</strong>ir actions.But on <strong>the</strong> reverse,<strong>the</strong>re are men who love <strong>the</strong>irwives like <strong>the</strong> Bible indicates,and like what I believe wasits true intention, where aman would stop at nothing toprotect his wife and family—providing for <strong>the</strong>m, leading<strong>the</strong>m with a servant’s heart.Men and women need to betaught to love, honor, andprotect one ano<strong>the</strong>r better.Marriage is a partnership,not a dictatorship. There isa humble submission andpreference for one ano<strong>the</strong>r’sneeds, never forcing ourselveson <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>r person.I also believe most churchesteach <strong>the</strong> true meaningof <strong>the</strong> word SUBMIT. EvenSaddleback Church teachesfrom a perspective of mutualsubmission. There are thosewho take <strong>the</strong> submit termout of context and make ita buzzword for feminismtopics.ML: What does your supportgroup consist of now?(Note: Sheri has become veryclose to her former husband’sex-wife, who was also a victimof extreme physical andemotional abuse.)Sheri: I have an amazingset of friends—true friends,some neighbors, some I grewup with or went to collegewith. When I make a friend,I usually keep <strong>the</strong>m for life.The sad reality is, those whowere <strong>the</strong>re for me <strong>the</strong> mostwere friends who were notaffiliated with any church orreligion. It hurt me deeplyto watch my non-Christianfriends see what <strong>the</strong> churchwas and was not doing. When<strong>the</strong> storm hit, my non-Christianfriends were <strong>the</strong> mostChristian in love and deed.They came to my side, madesure my home had what itneeded, made sure my sonhad everything he needed,and more. They brought food,<strong>the</strong>y did my laundry, helpedkeep my shades open, tookwalks with me. I also have avery supportive mo<strong>the</strong>r. Sheloved me through it all.Angela, my former husband’sfirst wife, and I areclose now. We connectedafter <strong>the</strong> incident with Mark.Initially, when I met Mark, I20 Focus on Women Magazine

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