Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

60 Children’s Needs – Parenting CapacityIt was physical and mental. It was more mental violence ... (but) it was physicalas well. He’s knocked me unconscious a few times and strangled me. He stabbedme once with a knife, but it was more mental, you know. He was driving memad. I thought I was going crazy...(Mother, quoted in Malos and Hague 1997, p.402)Female victims can be exposed to emotional abuse, constant criticism, underminingand humiliation (Hester and Radford 1995). Consequently, even when the impactis less obvious physically, domestic violence can have profoundly negative effectson women’s mental health. There is considerable evidence that women exposed todomestic violence suffer a loss of confidence, depression, feelings of degradation,problems with sleep and increased isolation, and use medication and alcohol morefrequently (Casanueva et al. 2009). Indeed, the experiences of women living inviolent relationships have been likened to that of hostages and victims of torture(Graham et al. 1988). Holt and colleagues’ (2008) review of the literature identifiedone- to two-thirds of abused women experience post-traumatic stress disorder, lowself-esteem, depression and anxiety.I was a nervous wreck. I was just like a gibbering idiot. I had no confidence, noself esteem. I thought I was the most useless thing ... because when you are beingtold all the time that you are crap, you sort of eventually begin to believe it.(Mother, quoted in NCH Action for Children 1994, p.45)Domestic violence emerges over time, often after the relationship has becomewell established. The initial incident is rarely unambiguous and frequently the maninitially begs forgiveness, offering reassurances and promises to change. In responsemany women blame themselves for the situation, turning their anger and sense offailure upon themselves (Kirkwood 1993; Morely and Mullender 1994). Assaults,however, are rarely isolated incidents and, after the initial attack, domestic violencecan become a recurring problem. A recognised pattern often develops, whichmay include a build-up of tension, an eruption of violence followed by pleas forforgiveness, a brief reunion and a return to former stability. Women’s difficultiesin leaving abusive men are reflected by the NCH report, which found the averageduration of violent relationships to be 7.3 years (NCH Action for Children 1994).Superficially, leaving a partner is an obvious solution for an abused woman.Although some women do take this route out, the decision is rarely easy. Mostwomen feel committed to their relationship and responsible for the children; somefeel emotionally and financially dependent and think they will be unable to surviveon their own, and some believe that they or their children will be hurt or killed ifthey leave, or that their children will be taken into care (Office of the Tanaiste 1997).The decision to leave can place women and children in an increasingly vulnerableposition. For many, the point of departure triggers a violent assault by their malepartner as he tries to exert control and prevent her departure (Kirkwood 1993).