Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

Child development and parents’ responses – adolescence 177Possible impact on social presentationThere are two major issues for this age group: the stigma and bullying which mayresult from the consequences of physical neglect, and learnt inappropriate behavioursuch as violence, bullying and sexual abuse.The first problem described is that of physical neglect. For example, when parentshave learning disabilities and care for a child with profound learning and physicaldisabilities, they may not have the resources or capacities to meet the child’s needs.Substance misuse, mental illness and domestic violence may also affect parents’capacity to care for their own and their children’s needs. Although this can havedevastating effects on young children, teenagers are not immune.At one time I went through a depression that went on for about a year where Ididn’t bother do the housework, and I didn’t bother to wash myself ... I didn’t givea shit about who said what about how the children looked ... People must haveknown, people must have seen the way I was looking and the way the childrenwere looking ... but it’s almost like once you get yourself into that, it’s like you justsit and watch it.(Mother, quoted in NCH Action for Children 1994, p.47)Perhaps equally important is the stigma associated with neglect. This may beacutely felt by children of this age because they are self-conscious about theirappearance and sensitive to how others see them. When parental drinking or druguse diverts monies which would ordinarily be used for household essentials andclothes, or mental illness and learning disabilities restrict parenting capacity, childrenmay find it difficult to keep up an acceptable appearance and friendships may bejeopardised.They spend all the money on drink. There’s no soap in the house and all my clothesare too small. I lost my girlfriend because she said I smell. Others call me namesand make fun of me. It hurts.(Paul aged 14, quoted in ChildLine 1997, p.37)Children are acutely aware of the stigma of mental illness, learning disability,problem substance misuse and domestic violence and most believe that it shouldbe kept hidden within the family. Children’s feelings of shame and a wish to keepit secret were clearly illustrated in Somers’ (2007) study of parental mental illness,‘Keep it in the house, if people outside knew you would get a bad name’ (Somers 2007,p.1326).A further problem results from children not learning the accepted social skills ofinteraction with adults outside the family. Growing up in families where violence isan accepted way of dealing with problems can result in some teenagers using violentor aggressive language and behaviour towards peers and adults. When children areunable to deal successfully with teachers, this can result in negative interactions andreinforces learning deficits and feelings of alienation (Gray 1993).