Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

Child development and parents’ responses – adolescence 175Mum gets drunk and she always leaves me to look after my two brothers. I hadfriends round one time and she came downstairs naked. All my friends make funof me at school now.(Jan, aged 11 years, whose mother had a drink problem, quoted inChildLine 1997, p.25)My friends have been there when he’s hit my Mum ... I mean, in front of me it’snot so bad, but he shouldn’t do it in front of my friends.(Child, quoted in NCH Action for Children 1994, p.39)Alternatively, the silence about family difficulties may be self-imposed, or childrenand parents can collude to keep the family secret. In many instances children fearthat if their family problems become known they will be stigmatised and theirsituation will deteriorate (Bancroft et al. 2004). A common fear is that the familywill be broken up or that people will reject them. ‘I didn’t want to tell anyone becauseI was afraid of what social services would do’ (child’s view, reported in Brisby 1997,p.14). Isolation from peers, extended family or outsiders may also be imposed bya parent. ‘He says that if we ever tell anyone he will kill us ... I’m scared ... it’s gettingworse’ (Tracy, aged 12, whose father drank and was violent, quoted in ChildLine1997, p.23).By contrast some teenagers were able to use friends and relatives as confidants andsources of support. Research suggests that positive features in one relationship cancompensate for negative qualities in another, and mutual friendships are associatedwith feelings of self-worth (Stocker 1994). US research has also highlighted theimportance of friends in counteracting the negative impact of domestic violence onyoung people’s mental health. A study involving 111 adolescents aged 14 to 16 yearswho had experienced family violence found the perceived support of friends was asignificant protective factor (Levendosky et al. 2002).Teenagers may also cope with the stress of parental neglect or violence bydistancing themselves from their parents and home. For example, they may withdrawemotionally by listening to music, reading, playing video games, participating inonline virtual worlds or watching TV. Or withdrawal may take a physical form,staying in their room, spending more and more time away from home or runningaway (Velleman and Orford 2001). The majority of adolescents (approximately70%) who run away from home believe that their parents or carers do not care aboutthem (Rees and Lee 2005). It must also be acknowledged that although some youngpeople run away to escape the difficulties of home life, others are forced to leave byparents or carers (Rees and Siakeu 2004). Many children in these circumstanceshave started the pattern of going missing from home in early adolescence; 30% ofrunaways reported staying away overnight before the age of 13 years and 10% beforetheir 11th birthday. Although the majority stay with friends or relatives, a smallproportion (16%) of young people aged 14–16 reported sleeping rough (Rees and