Children's Needs â Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...
Children's Needs â Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ... Children's Needs â Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...
174 Children’s Needs – Parenting CapacityWhen my mum is using drugs it just makes me feel as if I am here myself – notgot anyone else here.(Jenny 15 years, quoted in Barnard 2007, p.88)Parents’ behaviour may also affect the relationship with their children becausechildren feel let down, angry and embarrassed.It annoys me and it makes me feel dead hurt, I feel as if I just want to batter her... The way she just sits about and all that, when she’s full of it and she just annoysme and she ... like a pure idiot man ... I pure hate it when she does it and then shetried to deny it and that’s one of the worst things I hate about her...(Jane 14 years, child of problem drug-using parent, quoted in Barnard2007, p.89)Witnessing domestic violence can have devastating effects on children’s relationshipwith both their parents. In most cases adolescents express strong disapproval ofthe behaviour of the abuser. But feelings of anger may be directed at both abuserand abused. For example, children may react angrily towards their abusive father.‘Sometimes, y’know, I get really angry with my father ... I just want him to go and nevercome back’ (quoted in Joseph et al. 2006, p.36). But they may also feel anger towardstheir mother for accepting the behaviour. ‘I don’t know why she stays with him ... Idon’t understand why she doesn’t leave him...’ (quoted in Joseph et al. 2006, p.36). Inaddition, most children continue to love their parents regardless of their behaviour,thus they are left with ambivalent and conflicting emotions.Children’s accounts of their lives exemplify the paucity of relationships and theirunreliability (for maternal depression see Aldridge and Becker 2003; for problemdrinking see Velleman and Orford 2001; for drug addiction see Barnard 2007; forlearning disability see Cleaver and Nicholson 2007; for domestic violence see Covelland Howe 2009).Conflict and threats were commonplace, and love or warmth too often given in adrunken haze and felt to be intrusive and unreliable.(ChildLine 1997, p.32)Teenagers’ friendships can be restricted when parents’ unreliable behaviour makesthem cautious of exposing their family life to outside scrutiny. Parents who drinkexcessively, have mental health problems or have a problem with drugs can become asource of embarrassment or shame (Kroll and Taylor 2003; Bancroft et al. 2004). Asa result teenagers feel unable to bring friends home, wanting to keep their situationsecret and fearing the state their parent might be in. This means that friendships arecurtailed or restricted, leading to increasing isolation.
Child development and parents’ responses – adolescence 175Mum gets drunk and she always leaves me to look after my two brothers. I hadfriends round one time and she came downstairs naked. All my friends make funof me at school now.(Jan, aged 11 years, whose mother had a drink problem, quoted inChildLine 1997, p.25)My friends have been there when he’s hit my Mum ... I mean, in front of me it’snot so bad, but he shouldn’t do it in front of my friends.(Child, quoted in NCH Action for Children 1994, p.39)Alternatively, the silence about family difficulties may be self-imposed, or childrenand parents can collude to keep the family secret. In many instances children fearthat if their family problems become known they will be stigmatised and theirsituation will deteriorate (Bancroft et al. 2004). A common fear is that the familywill be broken up or that people will reject them. ‘I didn’t want to tell anyone becauseI was afraid of what social services would do’ (child’s view, reported in Brisby 1997,p.14). Isolation from peers, extended family or outsiders may also be imposed bya parent. ‘He says that if we ever tell anyone he will kill us ... I’m scared ... it’s gettingworse’ (Tracy, aged 12, whose father drank and was violent, quoted in ChildLine1997, p.23).By contrast some teenagers were able to use friends and relatives as confidants andsources of support. Research suggests that positive features in one relationship cancompensate for negative qualities in another, and mutual friendships are associatedwith feelings of self-worth (Stocker 1994). US research has also highlighted theimportance of friends in counteracting the negative impact of domestic violence onyoung people’s mental health. A study involving 111 adolescents aged 14 to 16 yearswho had experienced family violence found the perceived support of friends was asignificant protective factor (Levendosky et al. 2002).Teenagers may also cope with the stress of parental neglect or violence bydistancing themselves from their parents and home. For example, they may withdrawemotionally by listening to music, reading, playing video games, participating inonline virtual worlds or watching TV. Or withdrawal may take a physical form,staying in their room, spending more and more time away from home or runningaway (Velleman and Orford 2001). The majority of adolescents (approximately70%) who run away from home believe that their parents or carers do not care aboutthem (Rees and Lee 2005). It must also be acknowledged that although some youngpeople run away to escape the difficulties of home life, others are forced to leave byparents or carers (Rees and Siakeu 2004). Many children in these circumstanceshave started the pattern of going missing from home in early adolescence; 30% ofrunaways reported staying away overnight before the age of 13 years and 10% beforetheir 11th birthday. Although the majority stay with friends or relatives, a smallproportion (16%) of young people aged 14–16 reported sleeping rough (Rees and
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- Page 201 and 202: PART III: CONCLUSIONS ANDIMPLICATIO
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- Page 213 and 214: BibliographyAbel, E.L. (1998) ‘Fe
- Page 215 and 216: Bibliography 213Barnardo’s (2005)
- Page 217 and 218: Bibliography 215Brandon, M., Bailey
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- Page 221 and 222: Bibliography 219Davies, C. and Ward
- Page 223 and 224: Bibliography 221Department for Heal
- Page 225 and 226: Bibliography 223Edwards, A. and Smi
- Page 227 and 228: Bibliography 225Flately, J., Kersha
174 Children’s <strong>Needs</strong> – <strong>Parenting</strong> <strong>Capacity</strong>When my mum is using drugs it just makes me feel as if I am here myself – notgot anyone else here.(Jenny 15 years, quoted in Barnard 2007, p.88)Parents’ behaviour may also affect the relationship with their children becausechildren feel let down, angry and embarrassed.It annoys me and it makes me feel dead hurt, I feel as if I just want to batter her... The way she just sits about and all that, when she’s full of it and she just annoysme and she ... like a pure idiot man ... I pure hate it when she does it and then shetried to deny it and that’s one of the worst things I hate about her...(Jane 14 years, child of problem drug-using parent, quoted in Barnard2007, p.89)Witnessing domestic violence can have devastating effects on children’s relationshipwith both their parents. In most cases adolescents express strong disapproval ofthe behaviour of the abuser. But feelings of anger may be directed at both abuserand abused. For example, children may react angrily towards their abusive father.‘Sometimes, y’know, I get really angry with my father ... I just want him to go and nevercome back’ (quoted in Joseph et al. 2006, p.36). But they may also feel anger towardstheir mother for accepting the behaviour. ‘I don’t know why she stays with him ... Idon’t understand why she doesn’t leave him...’ (quoted in Joseph et al. 2006, p.36). Inaddition, most children continue to love their parents regardless of their behaviour,thus they are left with ambivalent and conflicting emotions.Children’s accounts of their lives exemplify the paucity of relationships and theirunreliability (for maternal depression see Aldridge and Becker 2003; for problemdrinking see Velleman and Orford 2001; for drug addiction see Barnard 2007; forlearning disability see Cleaver and Nicholson 2007; for domestic violence see Covelland Howe 2009).Conflict and threats were commonplace, and love or warmth too often given in adrunken haze and felt to be intrusive and unreliable.(ChildLine 1997, p.32)Teenagers’ friendships can be restricted when parents’ unreliable behaviour makesthem cautious of exposing their family life to outside scrutiny. Parents who drinkexcessively, have mental health problems or have a problem with drugs can become asource of embarrassment or shame (Kroll and Taylor 2003; Bancroft et al. 2004). Asa result teenagers feel unable to bring friends home, wanting to keep their situationsecret and fearing the state their parent might be in. This means that friendships arecurtailed or restricted, leading to increasing isolation.