Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

172 Children’s Needs – Parenting CapacityYou feel like you’re always put on the second shelf. You feel like you’re not numberone in your parents’ life and that makes you feel horrible ... When you see ’em dodrugs long enough you know you’re not number one; you know you’re always putsecond. And the drugs are put first...(Howard Thompson 1998, p.34 – quoted in Kroll and Taylor 2003, p.165)As with younger children, teenagers may blame themselves for their parents’alcohol or drug use, domestic violence or mental illness.Sometimes it is [scary] yeah because you think what is really happening in herhead? And you know, is it my fault that this is, that she is like this you know, haveI done something bad?(Eleven-year-old Leilah, quoted in Aldridge and Becker 2003, p.91)Finally, the problems of being a young carer may affect children’s self-esteem.Those who take on the role of looking after and supporting a relative often feelstigmatised. They believe they get little recognition, praise or respect for theircontribution either from parents or other adults outside the family (Aldridge andBecker 1993). This is supported by research which found that young carers’ viewsrarely informed assessments of their disabled parents (Ofsted 2009) However, manyyoung people who have to care for a parent value the support offered by youngcarers’ projects, particularly the opportunity to share their experiences.When we thought my mum was the only one, we did all that [caring] you knowwe was really, really depressed and everything and then we went to Barnardos[young carers project] and, you know, [caring is] very common isn’t it?(Fifteen-year-old Julia, quoted in Aldridge and Becker 2003, p.91)Family and social relationshipsExpected relationshipsEarly adolescence is a stage when the child starts to gain a degree of autonomy andindependence. Time is increasingly spent with friends and most children have atleast one ‘best friend’. Children of this age have the ability to empathise with othersand friends are valued for their personal characteristics rather than solely for theirphysical attributes.But independence takes time to accomplish and the self-assured young teenagermay quickly dissolve into childish tears and temper tantrums when things don’t goaccording to plan. This see-sawing of emotions can take its toll on relationships withparents. At times these may be turbulent, but regardless of the stage of independence,young teenagers need a caring parent who understands them, offers unqualified loveand allows them to retreat into childhood when necessary.