Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

168 Children’s Needs – Parenting Capacityand problems at school, including being suspended, truancy, frequent punishment,being bullied and having few friends. Children want adults to recognise thedifficulties they are experiencing and help them sort things out, as the followingillustration shows.Did go through a time when I was cutting myself when I was about 13 or 14.At the time mum was struggling and getting annoyed with the social worker –someone telling her how to run her life. I helped out more than I should. I wasgetting bullied at school. Had no one to talk to. Was getting really aggressive.Talked to grandma who helped said I must go to school as I was getting muminto trouble. Now I’ve got friends. Best mate also had trouble with social services– we’re now dead close. I now do less around the house Mum does more than sheused to.(Girl aged 16 years living with parents with learning disabilities,unpublished interview Cleaver and Nicholson 2007)A similar experience is reported by Jane (aged 16 years) who lived with her mentallyill father. ‘I felt ashamed ... and when someone who was supposed to be my friend toldothers at school about dad, I then started to get bullied’ (Barnardo’s 2005, p.16). Asthe bullying got worse Jane started to self-harm. An attempt at suicide brought herto the attention of professionals and also introduced her to the Barnardo’s YoungCarers project, which she valued greatly. Since 1995 when the first national surveyof young carers was carried out, the number of young carers’ projects has grownrapidly from 36 in 1995 to more than 200 in 2004 enabling many more youngpeople who are looking after a relative to gain the support they need (Dearden andBecker 2004).Family violence may also result in children exhibiting behavioural problems.Wolfe et al. (1985) found serious behavioural problems were 17 times higher forboys and 10 times higher for girls who witnessed the abuse of their mother thana comparative group who did not. Some children from violent homes may reactto frustration with aggression and force. In school and at home this may take theform of bullying, which the child sees as an effective and acceptable way of solvingproblems.Roger (13 years) and Lucy (6 years) have a poor relationship. His mother explainsthat he was ‘lashing out at her (Lucy), and jumping on top of her, sometimesuntil she can’t breathe, and has to be pulled off’. Mum also said that Lucy is veryvulnerable outside the home as she will approach men in cars and talk to them.(Mother and stepfather both with learning disabilities and four children,quoted in Cleaver and Nicholson 2007, p.93)In addition to findings on bullying, there is evidence from clinical studies of anassociation between young perpetrators of sexual abuse and childhood experiencesof family violence (Monck and New 1996; Bentovim and Williams 1998; Skuse et