Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

Child development and parents’ responses – middle childhood 153time, they are less likely to show the high levels of distress expected from youngerchildren. ‘Nonetheless, if parents’ departure seems capricious, unexplained, unacceptableor frightening in context, separation anxiety will be manifest’ (Rutter and Rutter 1992,p.113).Social presentationExpected presentationChildren of this age generally appear well cared for and are appropriately dressed.Children can make themselves understood by people outside the family andmany of those without verbal ability have begun to use a form of non-verbalcommunication.In general, children have learnt appropriate social skills and can adjust theirbehaviour and conversation to suit an increasingly wide range of situations includingwith peers, teachers and family.Possible impact on social presentationThe main impact of parental problems confronting children of this age group isfeelings of shame, embarrassment, fear of ridicule and social isolation.Mental illness, learning disability, problem drinking or drug use or the effects ofdomestic violence may cause apathy and low self-esteem, which may result in parentsstruggling to exert sufficient authority to ensure that children behave appropriatelyand their appearance is acceptable. ‘Jade’s (aged 10 years) hygiene continues to be poorand in the home bath nights are Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays, but Jade will not cooperate’(social worker’s report, quoted in Cleaver and Nicholson 2007, p.74).Parents’ problems can cause children shame and embarrassment (McGee 2000;Mullender et al. 2002). For example, some caring responsibilities, particularlyundertaking intimate care tasks, can embarrass children.Sometimes I help her to get dressed and undressed to go to bed, if she goes to bedbefore me ... it’s slightly embarrassing helping your mum when she hasn’t exactlygot clothes on.(Dearden and Becker 1996, p.22)Children want to belong to ordinary families. When parents’ problems lead themto behave in unpredictable or embarrassing ways, children want to keep it secret.The description in Deane’s book of his early childhood experiences of living with amentally ill mother offers a touching description of such childhood anxiety.We were all frightened. Also, I was ashamed. When I saw her wandering aroundthe house, touching the walls, tracing out the scrolls of varnish on the sitting-roomdoor with her finger, or climbing wearily up the stairs to gaze out of the window,