Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

Child development and parents’ responses – middle childhood 151I am mad with my daddy for hurting my mummy and me and my sisters andbrother...(Tara 8 years, quoted in Barron 2007, p.14)Sometimes, y’know, I get really angry with my father ... I just want him to go andnever come back.(Child, quoted in Joseph et al. 2006, p.36)Children, even at this young age, may try to protect or look after the parent. Forexample, they may call the police or doctor, adopt a caring role or mediate betweenwarring parents (Dobash and Dobash 1984; Hamner 1989; Cleaver and Nicholson2007). ‘At the age of eight I became like my daddy’s wife, not in a sexual way but in allthe other things’ (quoted in Brisby et al. 1997, p.14). Children of parents who arehaving problems with mental health, drugs or alcohol use, domestic violence andlearning disability may assume many adult responsibilities and consequently missout on their childhood, neglect school work, have erratic school attendance and beprevented from making friends with children of their own age.Parental mental illness, particularly depression, is also associated with increasedlevels of hostility directed at children. Panaccione and Wahler (1986) found a strongassociation between the mothers’ depressive symptoms and hostile child-directedbehaviour which included shouting and slapping.Siblings can be an enormous support for children when parents have problems.In particular, children identify brothers and sisters as key sources of support andcomfort, the people they could rely on when things are not going well (McGee2000; Velleman and Orford 2001; Maybery et al. 2005).Relatives, particularly grandparents, can also provide children and families withemotional and practical support (McGee 2000). The help and support of theextended family has been identified as an important factor in ensuring the welfare ofchildren, particularly those who live with parents with learning disabilities (Boothand Booth 1997; McGee 2000; Cleaver and Nicholson 2007; Cleaver et al. 2007).The grandmother has a primary role, and with the children of school going age,in a lot of cases they are responsible for the child going to school ... They also makesure that the child has a good meal, that it’s not just a packet of crisps.(Child care worker in a drug treatment clinic, quoted in Hogan andHiggins 2001, p.25)Children value greatly their friends, and play is used as an escape from thepressures of home. ‘...I wouldn’t say anything [about the domestic violence], but whenwe’re playing I forget all of this [the abuse] for a while’ (child, quoted in Joseph et al.2006, p.32). Research has shown the value of same-age friendships for vulnerablechildren; they can play a key supportive role and children with a friend suffer lessloneliness than those without (Cleaver 2000; Dunn 2004).