Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

Child development and parents’ responses – middle childhood 149Children may also feel inadequate and guilty when they are unable to prevent orstop their parents’ violence, drinking or drug abuse. ‘One time, I tried to stop himfrom hitting her, and he nearly hit me ... so I never tried after that...’ (child, quoted inJoseph et al. 2006, p.37).The extent to which children blame themselves for their parents’ problems seemsto depend on parents’ ability to help children recognise that the problems lie withthemselves rather than with the child. For example, Christensen (1997) foundthat children were more likely to feel guilty about parents’ problem drinking ifparents denied the problem. But difficulties can arise because parents may find ithard to know how to talk to children and feel too upset themselves to talk abouttheir problems (Gorin 2004). However, not all studies found evidence of childrenblaming themselves for their parents’ problems (Hill et al. 1996; Laybourn et al.1996).The notion that children sometimes feel responsible for their parent’s drinking isnot surprising, as the partners of adults with drink or drug problems often say thesame thing.Many family members, and especially parents, ask themselves if something theyhave done has caused drug/alcohol use, and commonly experience guilt. Manyregret past actions or reactions.(ADFAM 2010)Family and social relationshipsExpected relationshipsChildren in middle childhood enjoy physical closeness and generally have a confidingrelationship with a parent. They may have difficulty talking about their feelings andfind it easier to discuss them in retrospect.Children in this age group have developed the ability to understand time, whichmeans they can cope well with short separations from a parent.Peers are increasingly important and friends are valued for their physical attributes.At this age children develop the ability to put themselves in the shoes of othersand understand the impact their behaviour may have on other people. As a result,children are able to sustain friendships and to function within a group. School-agechildren gradually develop a collection of reciprocal friendships – pairs in whicheach child names the other as a friend (Bee 2000).