Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

132 Children’s Needs – Parenting CapacityFamily and social relationshipsExpected relationshipsBetween the ages of 3 and 4 years, the fear of strangers gradually diminishes and theneed to be physically near a parent is no longer so urgent. After the age of 3 yearschildren begin to more easily understand why a parent or carer has to leave themand are less distressed by short separations. The child no longer requires the constantpresence of their parent and understands that the parent continues to exist whenabsent, as does their relationship (Bee 2000). This enables the child and parentto plan for separation (such as attending nursery school), agree on when and howthey will be reunited, what the child should do if frightened and who to turn to forcomfort.It is generally accepted that children can cope well with having more than oneadult look after them, provided that they are the same care givers over time and thatchild and carers have a secure attachment relationship (Aldgate and Jones 2006).However, this is a fearful age: the greatest of which is a fear that parents will abandonthem (Fahlberg 1991).Pre-school children start to establish relationships with peers and develop socialskills. By the age of 3 or 4, over half of children have at least one mutual friendship,more often than not with a child of the same sex (Bee 2000). Research has shownthat children of this age show pro-social behaviour such as sharing, helping orcomforting. The development of pro-social behaviour is thought to be influenced byparental reinforcement or punishment for not being helpful, modelling of altruisticbehaviour, and moral exhortation (Smith and Cowie 1993).Possible impact on relationshipsThe impact of parental mental illness, learning disability, problem alcohol or druguse or domestic violence on children of this age results from inconsistent parenting,emotional unavailability, fear of violence and parental conflict, unexpected andunplanned for separations, exposure to unsafe carers, and learning to imitateinappropriate behaviour.Young children living in families where at least one parent has a mood disorder,learning disability, a problem with drink or drugs, or where there is domestic violence,are more likely to experience inconsistent parenting, which can be frightening. As aresult, children never know what will happen or whether their needs will be met. Insuch situations children may become fearful and unnaturally vigilant believing theyare in continual danger (Stallard et al. 2004).A problem already discussed in relation to younger infants is that parents maybecome unavailable emotionally, causing children to develop insecure attachments.Children of 3 and 4 years may respond by showing apathy and disinterest in their