Children's Needs – Parenting Capacity - Digital Education Resource ...

Child development and parents’ responses – children under 5 years 131Pre-school children are at the stage of integrating the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ aspects ofself. Through adults telling them about the way they behave, children can learn thatsometimes their behaviour is good, while at other times it is not. The expectationis that by integrating these two aspects of themselves they will come to believe that‘they are good people who sometimes do “not good” things’ (Fahlberg 1991, p.74).Possible impact on identity and social presentationThe impact of adverse parenting for this age group is more damaging in some areasthan in others. The most likely damage will result from children blaming themselvesfor parents’ problems, taking on too much responsibility, and being emotionally andphysically neglected.As will be shown for older children, even children of this age can learn to actbeyond their years. For example, a 4-year-old may attempt to make a cup of tea fora parent who is drowsy or irritable as a result of drugs or alcohol, or for a parent withlearning disabilities who does not understand that such activity has inherent dangersfor a child of this age.There are also surprising examples of how even very young children see themselvesas responsible for their parents’ behaviour and make attempts to put things right.Reports from mothers who are victims of domestic violence suggest that infants whowitness the violence try to protect their mother.He smashed my head against the wall because (the baby) was making a mess ... Ijust collapsed on the floor. (The baby) was trying to pull me across the floor crying... saying ‘Mummy get up’.(Mother, quoted in NCH Action for Children 1994, p.32)Parents may neglect their own and their children’s physical care because of a lackof knowledge and understanding or as a result of the effects of drugs or alcohol, orbecause they are depressed. In some extreme cases the impact of parents’ problemsmay be such that basic hygiene is neglected and children are unwashed, hair isinfested and clothing dirty and unkempt. At this age few children are sufficientlyskilled to see to their own needs.Children living with a parent who is suffering hallucinations may be vulnerableto physical harm or emotional damage. Quinton and Rutter (1985) have suggestedthat drawing children into parents’ fantasies may place them at risk in all areas ofdevelopment, and in extreme cases this may result in the child’s death (see Falkov1996; Brandon et al. 2008).