Download PDF - PhillyFIT Magazine

Now, back to my epiphany. Derek and Darion, while quiteopposite with regard to their general likes (one is a sports nut, theother a artsy-fartsy music nut with a love for cars) and dislikes(one loves head bangin’ old school rock, the other jams to NickiMinaj) fundamentally held the missing puzzle piece for each oneof their emotional deficits. There were so many times that I wastossing around the idea of getting a tutor for Darion, a mentor forDerek, someone, anyone who could build them up, cheer them on,help them duck life’s curveballs, as sometimes good ‘ole Mom,step dad and nanny don’t always fit the bill. I was left scratchingmy head for so long. Who can it be now? Who was going tochampion their sports, or academic accomplishments besides us?Who was going to give them sage advice about girls, money, personalintegrity, etc. In short, I was seeking a confidence builder,someone to lift spirits, create energy and fill in the gaps when Ijust didn’t fit the bill. My kids are surrounded by family membersthat love them, but something, just something, was still “off”.I saw it in his eyes. He had to find the confidence to “dig deep”and start pulling his passion out of his belly, something young athleteshear often. But this had become a true problem for “D”, aswe call him. But traditionally, no matter how loudly Mom yelledin the bleachers, it didn’t do the trick.When Derek now goes to Darion’s games, it’s different. Darion’seyes light up and I catch him looking for his brother in the crowd.Once he spots him, he turns up his game a few notches so as tosay, “Hey, look what I can do!” It’s a heart-felt motivator thatmakes me smile. Derek feeds off of the reward of knowing howimportant he is to his brother, and loves knowing his presencelends to this new layer of confidence.One day I decided to ask both Darion and Derek both the samequestion. I wanted to peel away the layers of the onion and makeeach one think about what life would be like without each other.I learned pretty early on that loved ones aren’tnecessarily forever, but kids are. Seems like asimple idea, but it’s such a profound concept. Soalthough some folks have come, and gone, thereare still many chapters to be written in my sons’books. I can hand them the pen, but they haveto write it themselves.Who can it be? I’ll tell you, each other! Derek is now Darion’sunconditional cheerleader and Darion is now Derek’s dearest andmost loyal friend. So if one is leaning towards sadness, the other isthere to prop him up. If one is slipping into self-doubt, the other isthere to talk turkey, redirect or just have an icy glass of Gatoradetogether.At the core, my sons are quite similar, but on the surface, theyseem to own totally different personality traits and physicalattributes. One is tall with curly hair and totally ripped, the otheris, well, short with straight hair, and jacked. What are the commondenominators? These kids both are deep thinkers, loyal as loyalcan be to their friends, and both have acquired killer bodies. I’mtellin’ ya, they’re FIT! I am working on getting these two in thegym together now too. I have a feeling they’d be each others bestworkout partner! Their motivation is health, not vanity and I’mreally proud of this. They understand that a fit body is related to afit mind and a fit mind makes better decisions, engages easily andwell, is happier. It’s true, a body at rest tends to stay at rest, but abody in motion tends to stay in motion and my boys are alwaysmovin’. This is a good thing especially because we live in a worldriddled with video games and texting. I want to be sure that myboys are working out more than just their thumbs!“I Can See It In Your Eyes”Darion, now fourteen and six feet tall, and wearing a size 14 shoe,is an athlete and quite the basketball player. But, for the longesttime, something just wasn’t quite right. His game was suffering;something wasn’t clicking. Whatever it was, it was holding himback from his true potential—not only as an athlete, but as a man.The question was simple – “What do you think about your brother?”Now, boys don’t really open up too much and I was fresh outof truth serum. I expected one-word answers and at first they werereserved, but I was soon shocked to get full-blown monologues.“Derek, what do you think about Darion?”“What do you mean Mom,” he replied as he tossed a crinkled upball of paper into the trash like a basketball at the final buzzer.“ I mean tell me how you feel. I want to know.”“Ugh! Well, he’s pretty awesome. I like spending time with him.It’s cool because I always have someone to do something with24/7. He’s like a friend that never has to go home. He makes mewant to set a good example. I think I would be different withouthim. I would probably have twenty more tattoos and ridemotorcycles to pass the day by.”His voice trailed off and I could tell he was lost in his own privatethoughts. “Mission accomplished,” I thought. I just wanted to hitpause and make my sons think about the importance of family,friendship and love. And as I said, with boys, that order is tallerthan the Comcast Center.Derek had been through a lot as a teen. His group of friends hadgotten mixed up with another not so good group of friends just outof school, which led to coming-of-age ‘trouble’. This was a shockas he was always the leader of the pack and on top of his game.He had excellent grades, played four instruments and won endlessmusic and art awards. Unfortunately, Derek took a misguided,destructive path littered with vices, mood swings and irreverence.Those were trying times. There was nothing I could do to lassohim back, until “that” day when enough was enough and I put my“tough love” foot down. But Darion was there by his side throughthe ups and the very deep, dark downs. He was loyal and vigilant,knowing that Derek was going through some stuff. Darion wasscared for his brother during those trying times, but his love wasunconditional and never wavering.6 I PhillyFIT July/August I 267-767-4205 I www.phillyfitmagazine.com