page 1 - Mature Living in the Southeast

Helping a Parent After the Loss of a SpouseFew children, even adult children, are ever preparedenough to help their parent deal with the loss of a spouse. Inaddition to coping with their own loss of a parent, many adultsmust find a way to help a parent who just lost the love of theirlife.While it is never easy helping a parent in such a situation,there are ways to help a parent cope with such a significantloss.• Be mindful of your parent's health. Sadly, a commonside effect of losing a spouse is showing less interest in yourown health. Kids must make sure their parent continues toeat regularly. This can be done in a number of ways. Inviteyour parent over for dinner a coupleof nights a week, and go over toyour parent's home for dinner acouple of additional nights. If youhave siblings, share this responsibility.Also, you can cook for yourparent just like he or she used tocook for you.While physical health is important,be sure your parent maintainshis or her mental health as well. Depressionis common among thosewho have lost a loved one, so askthem about their feelings and ifthey're getting enough sleep. If adultchildren have their own kids, bringthe grandkids over whenever possible.Nothing puts a bigger smileon a grandparent's face than thesight of his or her grandchildren.• Allow them some space to bethemselves. While you might wantto stay as close as possible to yourparent, you also need to give themsome space to be themselves. Yourparent just lost his or her spouse, andit's perfectly natural for him or herto want some time alone. Affordthem this opportunity, but be mindfulto check in with them regularlyand not allow them to spend toomuch time alone.• Engage your parent as muchas possible. When both your parentswere still alive, you might not haveinvited them along to the movies orwhen taking your own kids to asporting event. However, engagethem in such activities now, as they might not get a chance todo such things otherwise.Another way to engage parents is to talk to them aboutcurrent events or even books you have been reading. Doingso will help them stay mentally sharp, and you will no doubtbenefit as well from their point of view.• Take a trip with your parent. Initially, your parent mightbe reluctant to travel, especially of he or she had travel plansor dreams with his or her spouse. However, over time yourparent will no doubt enjoy the prospect of traveling with thefamily, and it can be an enjoyable experience for everyoneinvolved.Amy R. Gardner, LUTCF243 East Parker St., Baxley(912) 367-3932agardner@metlife.comMature Living Winter Edition 53