Fall 2001 - The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl

LL Cool J: AuthorAmerica’s Rappers Second CareersSnoop Dogg: The Biotech IndustryOl’ Dirty Bastard:Personally ArrangedFlower Bouquetsby Jesse FriedmanSnow: Panhandlingon the Streetsof Toronto“This is a book of relationshipadvice forurban couples. See, thebiggest problem withrelationships is homeysand shorteez have troublecommunicating --they come from differentplaces. Read thisbook, and pretty soon,you’ll be doin’ it well.”“I used to say biotechs ain’t shit. Asfar as I was concerned, biotechscould lap my nuts and suck mydiock. I mean, in today’s falteringeconomy, if a biotech can’t swim,that biotech’s bound to drizown. Butthen I started using the latest tecnologiesto develop some damn fine indo.Now I got dozens of biotechs allover the country. Shit, I got morebiotechs than I even know what to dowith. My competitors best knizow: ifyour biotech ain’t got no kind ofchronic, yo punk ass has gots to go.”T.P.Look at this shit -- theseflowers is some prettymotherfuckers. I stay myass up late as hell delicatelyhand-picking this shit.But my hard work pays off:have you ever seen finerfucking floral decorations?Shit motherfucker, I know Iain’t. Martha Stewart andall them bitches can kissmy ass. Yeah baby, I like itraw. Wu Tang forever.‘Ey mon, it’s me, Snow. I’msure I don’t have to tell youmy unique brand of caucasian-Canadianraggae-rapand unaccountable Carribeanpatois didn’t exactly havemuch lasting power... so nowI’m back in the Toronto ghettowhere I pretended to gr--Imean, where I grew up, livingon the streets and begging forchange. Speaking of which,can you spare 85 cents for busfare, mon?T.P.