Fall 2001 - The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl

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We’re sorry.It’s almost finals time,you've been jonesin' for the ’Bowlall semester, and we're only NOWputting out our first issue. Until thispoint, the only options for Penn studentsseeking a chuckle have beenthe homoerotic displays of an allmalemusical comedy group and aThursday insert in the DP not fit formaking papier-mache butt plugs.Good God, we’re sorry.But ya gotta understand:Punch Bowl's Old Guard graduatedlast year and left the magazine in the hands of us, anirate Mexican field hand and a cynical, one-armed shepherdboy. They left us with little more than somecrayons, Aaron Short, and a hearty smack on the ass.Actually, it was more like 46 smacks on the ass.And so we did what anyone in our positionwould do. We went out and spent like $400 on hamstersand baseball bats and had the time of our lives in theabandoned Stouffer dining hall. Then we rememberedthe magazine and decided to seek the assistance ofJesse's personal hero: Michael Gerard Tyson. Who betterto help us put a magazine together than everybody'sLetter from the EditorsUs, in our natural environments.Jesse (left) and Tim (right).favorite boxing rapist from Nintendoland?Iron Mike—from his bakery inLincoln, Nebraska—told us he'd beglad to be of service and would cometo campus pronto. He arrived promptly,but unfortunately failed to providemuch help. In retrospect, we shouldhave known better. Rather than assistingus, he pretty much spent most ofthe time groping members of the fieldhockey team and attending NURS042 classes.Nevertheless, we blindly ploddedonwards and knitted a magazine. And so, we present younow Volume 76, Issue One: Mike Tyson's Punch Bowl:Penn's answer to anthrax. Enjoy it, and if you see a 250-pound, scraggle-toothed black man skulking around theNursing Auditorium, that's not Mike, that’s the newNursing Dean, Afaf Ibrahim Meleis. Iron Mike’s stayingin Stouffer Dining.Signed,Jesse Friedman and Tim Pirollihttp://dolphin.upenn.edu/~pbowlpbowl@dolphin.upenn.eduSEE PAST ISSUESSEND US FEEBACKJOIN THE STAFF- NO BULL -
VOLUME 76 FALL 2001 ISSUE ONEEDITORS:MANAGING EDITOR:EXECUTIVE EDITOR:ASSOCIATE EDITORS:DESIGN EDITOR:BUSINESS EDITOR:JESSE FRIEDMANTIM PIROLLIJONATHAN ROSENMIKE TSENGREBECCA BERKOWITZCHAD MURCHISONANDREW HALLALLISON ROTHMANSHOR BOWMANCHRISTOPHER BURTONROBBIE CHENMARK GUTERMANNATE HASHEMJIM HINZSPOONS:COREY KANONJON KOFFMANNJON LOBBMIKE LUPOLINALIN MONIZANDREW MULLINSMAX RAPPAPORTISAAC SAFIERMARISSA SAPEGAAARON SHORTCAMI WALSHFELIX YELINPunch Bowl would like to thank SAC, Smokey Joe’s, Gojjo Cherry Tree Inn, VPUL, the wonderful girls of Alpha Phi,and Mike Tyson for their assistance in making this issue possible. Special acknowledgement is sent to the Kelly WritersHouse, especially Thomas Devaney for putting up with our inability to grapple with the concept of “hours available,”and Hannah Sassaman for her deep concern that this issue's production was as efficient as humanly possible. We wouldalso like to thank William Jennings Bryan for continuing to be a worthless loser and fantastic target after all theseyears. And thanks to Aaron Short for being a sport; may your dating life not suffer.Punch Bowl washes its hands of any distress (mental, physical, sexual, or otherwise) that this issue may cause. It’s notour fault that you don’t have a sense of humor.© Punch Bowl Magazine 2001
Page 4 and 5: y Tim PirolliWe have revised our ap
Page 6 and 7: Nostradamalert!by Jonathan RosenTak
Page 8 and 9: Tour of Huntsman Hallby Tim Pirolli
Page 10 and 11: Street Staff SuperlativesBoliver En
Page 12 and 13: Make Your Own Pop SongDirections: S
Page 14 and 15: Hork Dissolves UA, Declares Self
Page 16: “Ask yourself where to go for an

Fall 2001 - The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl

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