VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY

6 The Back PageVIRGINIA LAW WEEKLYFriday, 06 February 2009Everyone seems to be makinga huge deal about classingup Barristers’ this year. It’s atDoug Bouton ’10Columnistthe Boar’s HeadInn, we hired aworld renownedsymphony orchestra,and it’s a mandatoryblack tie dress code. On top ofall of this, there are whispers allthroughout the Law School: “Ifwe embarrass UVA Law, they’llnever even let firms host eventsat the Boar’s Head.” “This year isa test to see if UVA Law can handlean open bar.” (Spoiler Alert:We can’t.)Now, don’t get me wrong. Whatwe do and how we act at Barristers’reflects directly on the LawSchool community. For instance,if your lady friend is impatientand can’t hold it and so insistson using the guys’ bathroom,and then the bouncer kicks herout as a result, it’s probably notworth it to start a ruckus withthe bouncer and defy the cops’instructions to the point of gettingtased. So, I’m all for no onegetting tased this year. That beingsaid, let’s not act so sophisticatedand cosmopolitan thatthe Boar’s Head mistakes us forHarvard Law.Cleary, the easiest and fastestway to break the bourgeoischaracter of this year’s ball is onthe dance floor. Since we havean orchestra instead of a DJ, wealready have one strike againstus. But, never fear, if you’ve seenTake the Lead, all we need is AntonioBanderas/me to teach ushow to bring a little spice to theelitist world of ballroom dancing.And that is where Beyoncé/SashaFierce comes in. Her doublealbum, I Am . . . Sasha Fierce, notonly cuts straight to the core ofme, but also readily lends itselfto ballroom dance adaptation.The key is that Beyoncé, who justperformed for President Obama,is more than agreeable for theritzy bourgeoisie. Joke’s onthem, though, when she flips toSasha Fierce, her sassy alter egowho doesn’t play by the rules.Slow Waltz to the tune of “IfI Were a Boy.”Barristers’ Beyoncé BallIf I were a transsexual, evenjust for a day, this would be mytheme song, and people wouldn’tstare when I recited this mantrain the hallway. Unfortunately,I’m not, but this song still speaksto me. Gosh, guys are such jerks.Anyways, as a slow song, “If IWere a Boy” pairs nicely withthe slow waltz, one of the fiverecognized dances under the internationalstandard—which isclearly acceptable to the elitesrunning Barristers’ this year. Butget this: the waltz was originallyderived from peasants. HA! Noteven the lowly proletariat, butPEASANTS. Oh, the irony.Further, Beyoncé, and nother sassy sidekick Sasha, actuallyperforms this song, and B’selegance will temporarily appeasethe privileged in charge.I can’t wait to see their faces,though, when they hear the incredibletwist at the end of thesong where we discover thatBeyoncé is actually NOT a boy,and the entire song is actually acommentary on the selfishnessthat pervades our misogynisticculture, an insight which bearsdirectly on the shortcomings ofthe lifestyles of the rich and famous.Wait. What? What justhappened? I blacked out.Lindy Hop to the tune of “Allthe Single Ladies”Composed only from two lines,ignorant critics call it repetitiveat best and redundant at worse.They couldn’t be more wrong.The cyclical nature of the songemphasizes the simple yet elusivetruth that, “If you liked it,then you shoulda put a ring onit.” This empowering phrase isalready being compared to thelikes of Aretha’s “Respect” andGloria Gaynor’s “I will survive”(actually true—see Wikipediaaka God).Since this one is performed bySasha and not B, though, Sasha’sin-your-face personality dominatesthe song, no doubt causingconcern among the stiflingaristocrats. So, even thoughwe’re pushing the envelope here,as long as we get down in theform of a Lindy Hop, we shouldbe able to slip this one by them.Although not officially underthe umbrella of ballroom dance,books on the subject often havean entire chapter dedicated tothe Lindy. And, lucky for us, theLindy is versatile. So, when theadvantaged upper class thinksthey have lulled us into obedience,we can throw in an unrefinedCharleston or Jitterbugjust to stick it to the man onemore time.More importantly, as a derivationof jazz dance, the LindyHop works well with Sasha’s“Single Ladies” ballad. Indeed,the influence and elements ofjazz dance are unmistakable inthe “Single Ladies” video. Littledoes high society know that thisvideo has inspired our choreographedcoup de grace and finalrejection of socialite culture: asSasha chants “all the single ladies”for the 37th time, we allstrip out of our formal attire toreveal sporty, asymmetric leotards,chanting in unison, “Didyou like it?” When the horrifiedelites reluctantly admit, “Yes,”we immediately quip back, “Wellthen, you should have put a ringon it. Oh, oh, oh . . .”Nightclub two-step to thetune of “Diva”To add insult to injury, andjust to make sure Boar’s Headrefuses to ever let us return, weend the night with Sasha’s latestanthem, “Diva.” Now, most ofyou neophytes probably haven’theard this one because you, unlikeme, don’t keep your ear tothe street. So, let someone withknowhow (read: me) enlightenyou. In this song, Sasha is infull effect, making it abundantlyclear that innocent B is longgone: Sasha raps the entire song.RAPS! Oh, the audacity. The affluentwill NOT be pleased. Howdare we blare a rap song at theirdebutante ball?!And just because we can, we’lldance a nightclub two-step,commonly referred to in the bizas the NC2S. Not only does anytwo-step work perfectly wellwith any rap song, but the NC2Sis known as the ballroom danceyou can do without lessons. Thecombination of a rap song withadlibbed ballroom dance moveswill surely repulse even the mostliberal of the wealthy.Email: dpb3a@virginia.eduM. Doran: There were twoletters in my mailbox when I returnedfrom Seattle. One a rejectionletter from the firm andone from my father with somenews. The hiring partner hadinterviewed me, written me arejection letter, and went homeand died the next day.C. Sprigman: If any of youever get on the Court and don’tfind a better way to representthis school than McReynolds, Iwill find a way to kill you.J. Harrison: Posner writesthese books . . . and he wrotethis one called “Law and Literature”where in the beginning hetalked about how much he lovedliterature. He then came outwith the book called “Law andSex,” so I looked in the beginning,hoping . . .J. Ryan: We may, on occasion,engage in role-playing. I’ll dressas Spiderman.J. Ryan: I reserve the right topunish you in ways that I won’tarticulate now.J. Mahoney: There is somethingof a cyborg in VannaWhite.M. Doran: Feb Club is a dubiousinstitution at best. You’relawyers, not frat or sorority people.J. Harrison: And then there’sthe unspeakable crime of havingsomeone park in your space afteryou’ve dug your car out [ofsnow]. Under Virginia law, youcan kill someone if they do that.I don’t know that; I hope so, becauseone day I’m going to do it.faculty quotesM. Doran: And in flagrant violationof the Tenth Commandmenthe covets his neighbor’s . .. his neighbor’s . . .Student: His neighbor’s wife?M. Doran: That’s Family Law!This is Property—he covets hisneighbor’s house! You’re one ofthose people looking forward toFeb Club aren’t you?R. Verkerke: I really recommendwaking up about a halfhour before you have to teach.It’s like a shot of adrenaline.Like someone stuck one of thoseepi-pens in your chest. “S--t! It’s7:23! I turned off my alarm!”J. Harrison: As a lay person,if someone asks you a question,do you have an obligation to tellthe truth?Student: Well, you have amoral obligation . . .J. Harrison: That’s not whatI’m talking about. Is this MoralSchool or Law School? Besides,if it weren’t law school, theywouldn’t have me teaching thisclass.T. Nachbar: Did you makethat up?Student: YesT. Nachbar: Practice Tip:When you’re in court and thejudge asks if you’re making stuffup, the answer is no.A. Coughlin: I’m trying to getdrug sniffing dogs to come in. IfI do, I’ll warn you in advance.C. Sprigman: The typicalcongressman is like a child molester.P. Stephan: If your branddoesn’t say “I’m cool,” but insteadsays “I support torture,”that can affect your business.SUMMER RESEARCH FELLOWSHIPJOHN M. OLIN PROGRAM IN LAW AND ECONOMICSUniversity of Virginia School of LawThe John M. Olin Program in Law and Economics at the Law School invites1 st and 2 nd year law students to apply for the 2009 Olin Summer ResearchFellowship in Law and Economics. The Olin Research Fellow is required tospend the summer at the Law School conducting his/her own research in an areaof law and economics with the supervision of a faculty member. The Fellowis expected to submit a first draft to the faculty advisor by August 4 and a finaldraft for approval by August 31. The research paper is then presented at an OlinStudent Lunch Discussion during the fall.The amount of the fellowship will be $12,000. One half of this amount will bepaid to the Fellow in June and the other half upon receipt of a completed paperconsidered satisfactory by the faculty advisor and the Director of the John M.Olin Program.First and second year applicants should submit their resume, undergraduate andlaw school transcripts (naming small section advisor), a brief (no more thanthree pages) research proposal and one letter of recommendation to Joyce Holtin room WB358 by February 26.