Sharp Edge Sewickley Bistro Empire Palace - North Hills - Nightwire ...

Humor by NightwireQ: What kind of bird can write?A: A PENguin.---------------------------------------Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?A: Sandy Claus!---------------------------------------Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?A: Fleece Navidad!---------------------------------------Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?A: North Polish.---------------------------------------Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?A: Crisp Cringle.---------------------------------------Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?A: Okay everyone, sack time!!---------------------------------------Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?A: Snowflakes.---------------------------------------Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?A: He wanted to sleep like a log.---------------------------------------Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?A: Because the angel had said, “No L!”---------------------------------------Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?A: Santa caught in a revolving door!---------------------------------------Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?A: Pour Santa flush on him.---------------------------------------Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works forProctor and Gambel?A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!---------------------------------------Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?A: Because every buck is dear to him.---------------------------------------Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer“Olive” ?A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laughand call him names”---------------------------------------Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all thecredit.---------------------------------------Q: What’s a good holiday tip?A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birdshave gone south for the winter.Ten things to say about gifts you don’tlike10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would’vefit.9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentallytook this from me.8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.7. Well, well, well...6. I really don’t deserve this.5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.3. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protectionprogram.1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts tocharity.Ten worst gifts to buy a woman1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance orsomething that is going to make “housework” easier. Forinstance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of thosemops they advertise on tv that does everything but suckthe life out of you, anything in a infomercial. One allowedchoice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle.(Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can atleast sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the restof the day.)30• December 2012