20 AFV Winter 2013.pub - Federation of Australian Movie Makers

BACK PAGEThe Crooning BullfrogA man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a freedrink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. Hereaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceedsto play the blues.After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will yougive me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possiblybe better than the first. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to singalong with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him$100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offerto $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he in-sists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases theoffer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?"the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him gofor a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special.You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."Sun or MoonTwo drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night...look at the moon.”The other drunk stops and looked at his drunken friend, “You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s thesun.” They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.“Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that this is up in the sky that’s shining. Is itthe moon or the sun?”The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”From Stoke Cine & VideoSociety NewsletterMoney isn’t everything, butit keeps the kids in touch.Dyslexics have more nuf.Paddy & MickPaddy's racing snail is not winning races anymore. Sohe decided to take it's shell off to reduce it's weightand make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work, ifanything it made him more sluggish.An American tourist asks Mick, “Why do scuba diversalways fall backwards off their boat?” Mick replies,“If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.”From Los Angeles Cinema ClubHonk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself,where the heck is the ceiling?No one is perfect...that’s why pencils have erasers.The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case youthought optimism was dead.We’d love to hearfrom youPage 54 AUSTRALIAN FILM & VIDEO—VOL 20 WINTER 2013