Diary 1963 - Murshid Sam's Living Stream

Diaries 1963April 2, 1963, eveningMy Dear Aramdarya:My position at this time is again a testing ground, whether I can hold out at all. Perhaps a wiseGod has provided me with some setbacks, for I am utterly unable to carry on, and am going awaynext week to get a new view of life. Even that will not be a sinecure. Everybody expects things of meand only one person is really helping out at all. That is Bill Hathaway of Santa Barbara, who had oneBayat and who also occasionally lived at Fairfax. We are totally unlike each other in everything, butwe were probably brothers in former lives.Near East Complex. There is nothing but good to come from this direction but the quantity of effortis almost beyond me. The Sufi who is here is from this region, a descendent of Jelal-ud-din Rumi, thegreat poet. We have had two visits. The situation is complex because of my strange relationship withone Yvonne Engel. She is the only daughter of our Senator. When I first met her, I was drawn veryclose and I may have written to you before that our Suns are practically conjunct. She has had muchof the same tragic background, and has been caught in the midst of several complexes which aremost difficult to decipher.Out of a clear sky I learned that some people intend to finance her in a project which I had, foryears, tried to get over here and was rebuffed, then, by the “love, harmony and beauty?” Sufis. All Ican say at the moment is that it concerns the Near East and now she is beginning to understand me,and Sufism.Cross-trailing this has been the request for certain articles which I have written. I know beforehandthat these articles are going to gain me both friends and enemies, unless, as it was in Pakistan,they are presented publicly by someone else, who will then have to stand the gaff. All I can say hereis that the persons whom I am benefitting are all friends of Terry Duce.India Complex. I have gotten three rebuffs and one effort has not yet been answered. To “avenge”myself I have gone to bat for the leading authority on India, who himself has been rebuffed becausehe does not toe the mark of an approach which is impossible for an Indian. He simply does not understandwhat is expected of him; I mean it is something outside Indian consciousness. This, in turn,is making him realize where I stand. But before him I have had the awful experience of seeing twofellow Californians go to India, become spiritually enlightened, and then getting snubbed all over.For there are many conferences going on here on “cosmic consciousness” and the “great awakening”and while we still have to see many ex-madames lead them, we are only a step away fromthat, and I am not talking anything silly. Drunkards, promiscuous men, and whatnot are in charge ofthese affairs, and are being taken seriously by the public.Buddhism. It has taken me about 12 years to get the leading Buddhist here to understand my ownpoint of view. I have also gone to bat for him, although this may mean my total debarment fromcertain groups. I accept that. The type of stuff peddled as Buddhism here, and the types of peopleregarded as “experts” have not only made the rest of the world shudder at America, but the rest ofthe country shudder at California.