Letters of Anton Chekhov (Tchekhov) - Penn State University

Anton ChekhovMELIHOVO, April 8, 1892.If Shapiro were to present me with the gigantic photograph ofwhich you write, I should not know what to do with it. A cumbersomepresent. You say that I used to be younger. Yes, imagine! Strangeas it may seem, I have passed thirty some time ago, and I alreadyfeel forty close at hand. I have grown old not in body only, but inspirit. I have become stupidly indifferent to everything in the world,and for some reason or other the beginning of this indifference coincidedwith my tour abroad. I get up and go to bed feeling asthough interest in life had dried up in me. This is either the illnesscalled in the newspapers nervous exhaustion, or some working ofthe spirit not clear to the consciousness, which is called in novels aspiritual revulsion. If it is the latter it is all for the best, I suppose.* * *The artist Levitan is staying with me. Yesterday evening I went outwith him shooting. He shot at a snipe; the bird, shot in the wing,fell into a pool. I picked it up: a long beak, big black eyes, andbeautiful plumage. It looked at me with surprise. What was I to dowith it? Levitan scowled, shut his eyes, and begged me, with a quiverin his voice: “My dear fellow, hit him on the head with the butt-endof your gun.” I said: “I can’t.” He went on nervously, shrugging hisshoulders, twitching his head and begging me to; and the snipewent on looking at me in wonder. I had to obey Levitan and kill it.One beautiful creature in love the less, while two fools went homeand sat down to supper.Jean Shtcheglov, in whose company you were so bored for a wholeevening, is a great opponent of every sort of heresy, and amongstothers of feminine intellect; and yet if one compares him with K.,for instance, beside her he seems like a foolish little monk. By theway, if you see K., give her my greetings, and tell her that we areexpecting her here. She is very interesting in the open air and farmore intelligent than in town ….301