Dateline - Hospice Buffalo

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Dateline
BENEFITS WESTERN
NEW YORK PERINATAL
BEREAVEMENT NETWORK
Walk to Remember
Raises $13,000
More than 600 individuals and families
gathered for this year’s Walk to Remember.
We couldn’t have asked for a more
beautiful day to memorialize our babies
lost to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy,
stillbirth, or early infant death. Some
would say our sunny warm weather
was a result of “Mother Nature” but we
know better: it was all of our angels
making sure the day was perfect. Over
600 family members and friends walked
to pay tribute to our babies.
We would like to thank the
dedication of several walk committee
members whose time, talent and
dedication made this day possible:
Lisa & Peter Jerebko, Phil, Thomas
& Mandy Scott, Mark Kim, Lisa Roy,
Lucy Smith, Lisa Wolff, Michelle
Morgan, Nina Leskiw, Lisa Capage,
Lesley Jordans, Martha Rothkopf,
Frank Enders, Karen Schneider,
Fran & Tom Kane, Sarah Noonan,
Debi Zmuda (and Geri!), Vicky M,
Margaret Depowski, Jan Walkden
and Sara Montz. We also would like
to send a warm thank you for our
“day of ” volunteers and corporate
sponsors. Our walk brought in over
$13,000 that will benefit the programs
of the WNYPBN.
From the bottom of our hearts, we
thank you!
Sincerely,
Christine Scott & Dawn Both-Kim,
Co-chairs
The following is a letter we received from a parent of one of
Caring Hearts Perinatal patients. The Caring Hearts Perinatal
Program is offered to expectant parents whose baby is diagnosed
with a life-threatening condition before birth. The unique service is a
program of The Center for Hospice & Palliative Care and is supported
through a grant from The Children’s Guild.
Grief can be a heavy burden that leadens every movement, every thought and
every decision. However, grief is also a lens. It clarifies what is most important in
life, magnifies the beauty of someone now lost and sharpens our sense of what has
been found.
When people ask about my daughter my responses most often confuse them.
They are horrified by the story but perplexed by how calmly I tell the details, how I
could cherish such moments. On May 18th of this year at 11:07 pm my first child
was born, a daughter named Isabel. I held her, kissed her, dressed her and told her
I loved her. At 1:05 am she died in the cradle of my arms. I was 34 weeks into my
pregnancy but I knew that my baby was going to die at my 17-week appointment
when she was diagnosed with a congenital kidney condition that was “incompatible
with life.”
Some said that I wasn’t given a choice. However, I did make a choice. I made it
over and over for fifteen weeks. There was never a doubt that I would carry Isabel
for as long as I could. She was safe within me; life outside was dangerous. She was
still our dream come true for we had struggled to conceive her. The choice I could
make was how I was going to carry her. Supported by the counselors of the Caring
Hearts Perinatal Hospice program, we made the choice to carry her without dread
in our hearts. We chose to open ourselves to loving her completely and cherishing
every squirm, not knowing which one would be her last. We chose to live as fully as
we could and leave most of the hard work of grief for later. There was a kernel of
hope that the doctors were wrong but we prepared ourselves for losing her at the
same time.
We created a birth plan detailing our wishes for the day of her delivery and the
hospital was notified in advance. Plans were made with the funeral director.
Decisions were made regarding further testing. At the same time, we continued to
work, meet with friends, pay the bills, grocery shop….all the ordinary tasks of life
during an extraordinary time. We were keenly aware that this was the only time we
would have with our daughter. We counted each moment, not as winding down to
a terrible ending, but counting each moment as a memory to hold onto forever.
The night of her birth was the most joyful moment of our lives for we finally had
a chance to hold our daughter and share her with our families. Two hours seemed
an eternity, a luxury of time we did not dare hope for. The curtain of grief was
drawn when we were told she had passed. At the same time we clearly saw how
much we had lost and how much we had gained in the past few months.
To talk about Isabel is to tell a story of seeming paradoxes. Our experience
strengthened and humbled us. Our lives were shattered and yet made whole. There
is a peaceful center in the eye of grief. It’s only by going through the most turbulent
part of the storm that one can find that place though.
On October 12th I will join others in A Walk to Remember in honor of
the 850,000 babies who die each year from miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant
death. We walk in grief but we are not broken by it. We walk, transformed by
our losses, but all is not lost.
Andrea
Mother of Caring Hearts Perinatal patient