November (26.0 MB) - Senior Connector

Page 14Senior Connector www.seniorconnector.comNovember 2011Technology and Modern Day MannersBy Eileen WackerThis summer we dined out with myextended family in Boston. In the middle ofthe meal, my mother remarked, “I’m sorry, Ijust have to say something. Ethan is wearinghis hat to dinner and I find it disrespectful.”I was quite surprised but asked my 8 yearold to take off his new Patriots cap. Thenshe sighed and went on to say about myniece, “and Kate is doing that email thing.Kids today just do not have manners.” Shemeant texting but you get the point. Sincethen I have been polling people abouttechnology and the potential demise ofmanners.The technology revolution has beenraging for some time but today’s accelerationis toward electronic devices used byindividuals. Every child, teenager andyoung adult has some electronic device andlikely has more than one. Are we raising adisaffected generation with no manners?After some research, we may need to shiftour expectations and assumptions and adopta more modern approach to “manners.”Along with the “electronics” technologyrevolution, is a cultural revolution. Here areseven observations:This is a common scenario in ourminivan. My youngest two children arewatching a Scooby Doo video, listeningwith headsets. My ‘tween is playing a loudgame on his iTouch and my 13-year-old islistening to music with earphones on heriPhone. I feel like an unpaid taxi driver andthey do not even make an attempt at politeconversation. Do my children have badmanners? Actually, they are being typicalkids that have more options for passing thecar ride than we had when we were kids.But I have to shed my feeling that my kidsare being rude – times have changed andthis is not rude behavior as long as they sayhello and thank you.Kids text a lot and probably more thanyou are aware. And their words look likeold-fashioned shorthand – no one taughtthem specifically, but they all know thesymbols and jargon (“b4, lol, r u” forexample). One surprising thing they text isbad news. They cancel, break up and givebad news in truncated sentences via text.Most adults consider this very rude. Butto them it is not rude because they texteverything, good and bad. As many adultsdid not grow up texting, sometimes textingis used as an avoiding tactic, so we put thismotive on kids. But the motive simply isnot there and it is not bad manners on theirpart.In the past, the only people walkingdown the street, talking out loud to no onein particular were assumed to be “crazy.”Now, this much more common sight issomeone talking on the phone, using theirheadset. They do not consider it rude towalk in a store, coffee shop or office elevatorcontinuing their call. This is simply not rudeto them. Kids sleep with their cell phonesand carry them, every waking moment,even to the bathroom. The beeping soundsand vibrations are part of their culture.They exchange texts, pictures and news thisway, and, news they care about spreads likewildfire. This is not bad manners to them;this is how they communicate. If you reallywant them to turn off their cell phone for aclass or other reason, ask them specificallyand they will oblige. Of course, they will stillRe-ELECTMARG SPINACITY COUNCILLORwatch for texts.This next one will be hard for people toaccept - hand written thank you notes onstore bought stationary are a thing of thepast unless your child wants to do this. Theimportant thing is they acknowledge receiptof the gift. This can be done via phone call,email, youtube video, facetime, etc. Stopmaking your kids hand write notes becauseit makes you feel better; it’s a legacy of guiltyour parents put on you. I asked a group ofkids about mailing thank you letters fromthe post office -- they said the post officewas a good field trip; other than that theyhad never been!Teenagers and young adults do not listento voice mails. In fact, many young peopleare annoyed by them. Their peer-to-peerbehavior is to call and hang up if no oneanswers. They can see the number on theirphone and will call back if they want tospeak to that person. Or, you can text themsomething important you want them tosee. They find it funny that we continue todisplay bad manners and annoy them withlong, boring voicemails.With access to technology comes contentwith lots of “bad language.” You can limityour child’s exposure to the worst of it, butyou can’t stop all of it. It is just too prevalent.So we need to modify our definition of goodmanners. Instead of asking them to “neverswear,” we need request each child become“a smarter swearer” and understand thedegrees of bad language. They need to bemature enough to know when NOT to useinappropriate language. I tell them I knowchildren say, “something sucks” every secondon the playground, but I do not allow it inthe house, around teachers, or in front ofyounger children. We also have taboo wordsthat should never be uttered and we don’tuse bad language in front of an older person,whom I define as over 60; otherwise theyassumer “older person” means someone over30.Another formally important goodmanners issue is how you address someone.For today’s 18-25 year-old crowd, how toaddress older adults when they becomeyoung adults is truly a dilemma for them.This is an evolving issue as I write this. Doyou really want them to address you as Mrs.Henslow forever? And email and technologymakes it harder so they will often write “Hi!”or “hello” with no title, just the salutation.They are not trying to be rude or overlyfamiliar, they honestly do not know whatyou want to be called.Given everything, I still hold some “goodmanner” habits dear and want to keep themgoing for as long as possible:Eye contactFamily meals unplugged at least twice aweekBoys with manners (hold the door, etc.)Being able to have a polite conversationBut be sure to leverage this knowledge– let them know you know they have thatcellphone with them every second andthere is never an excuse not to respond...immediately! But you have to learn to textto use this advantage.We created the technology; they are justusing it in ways they determine withoutchecking with us. Because we do not get tochoose the norms of their generation or theetiquette of their peer-to-peer interactions.Yes, we can lament the demise of someaspects of a less-wired generation; we caneven set limits but we cannot halt theculture change they are driving.Eileen Wacker lives in Honolulu, Hawaii, withher husband and four children. She is the authorof the new children’s book, Pink Hamster andthe Birthday Surprise, the fourth installment ofthe award winning Fujimini Adventure Series.Two confirmedbachelors sat talking,their conversationdrifted from politicsto cooking.“I got a cookbookonce,” said one, “butI could never doanything with it.”“Too much fancywork in it, eh?” asked the other.“You said it. Every one of the recipesbegan the sameway - ‘Take a clean dish.”I believe in Kamloops- a strong, diverse economy, and a safe,welcoming and inclusive community✔✔✔✔✔✔IntegrityHold the line on taxesHardworkingPositiveThoughtful decisionsAdvocate for seniors, women & childrenand people with disabilities250 372-0440 • mspina@kamloops.caLansdowne VillagePhone 250-374-4187Fax 250-374-5178200 – 450 Lansdowne StreetEnter to Win a Cooper’s Foods*$25 Gift Certificate!Drop off this entry form in the store for your chance to win!Hours: Mon.–Sat. 8 am to 9 pmSunday & Holidays 9 am to 6 pmLicensed to OperateLocally Owned & OperatedEspecially for Seniors: Free DeLiVery in the downtown area Wed. & Fri.Congratulations toMary aikensof Kamloopsour October winner!Prize drawn monthly. Gift certificate valid for in-store purchases, excluding tobacco & lottery.*Offer available at Lansdowne Village location only. *Original entry form only — no facsimiles accepted.*One entry per address per month. Must agree to photo and name being used in the Senior Connector Newspaper.Name: ______________________________ Phone: __________________Address: _____________________________________________________